Author's Note: I want to thank my reviewers for reviewing A Bitter Triumph, Lullaby, and Fly Away. Your reviews are greatly appreciated! Hope you enjoy this one and please NO FLAMES!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
I'm pregnant. The words still buzzed in her ears like a mosquito that wouldn't go away. She tried in vain to block out the sound by covering her head with a pillow. Nothing worked. I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant, I'm pregnantThe noise wouldn't stop. Not caring who was listening, she let out a scream that sounded like it was heard around the world. I can't be. I can't! There must be a mistake! she thought. I haven't been touched since Murtagh was…wait. Her mind raced; thinking how she could've conceived her child. She and Morzan hadn't made love in a long time. That would mean that…oh no! Brom!
She fell to her knees and wept. Brom was the father of her baby. They had secretly been in love for a long time and the last time they had made love. She had been in tight situations before, but this was something that she knew would not end well. Morzan…he'll find out! He'll kill me! He'll know it's not his!
After her sobs subsided, she got on the bed trying to think about what to do. She couldn't bear having another child being brought up to serve the Empire; she wouldn't allow it to have Murtagh's fate even if it was the last thing she ever did. Murtagh. She knew it would only be a matter of time before he fought along his father's side. The thought terrorized her everyday. Even though she only saw him a few months at a time, it still wasn't enough. He needed his mother! She was thankful that he at least knew who she was, but someone else was doing all the things that she had been looking forward to ever since he was conceived. Someone else was reading him stories; someone else was tucking him in at night; someone else was singing him to sleep! This was her job, and she was robbed of all the joys of being a mother!
"What can I do, baby? How am I suppose to keep you safe?" she asked not expecting an answer. She laid down, placing her hand on her stomach. It wouldn't be long before her it started to expand; carrying a new life inside. She would have to hide her pregnancy as long as she could; hoping that no one would notice anything. Okay. I can do that. Hopefully, I won't gain a lot of weight.
Morning sickness and fatigue would be something that she would have to get used to again. Cravings would be another problem, but like the rest, she would handle it as best she could.
Her other problem was when she would go into labor. She couldn't possibly give birth at the castle unless she wanted her secret revealed. Her best bet was to flee and head back to Carvahall. There was another problem. There was no way that Morzan would let her go out on her own like that. Unless…he goes out on the king's business. That was her only chance in getting out. Morzan was always going out on some sort of trip. She could only hope that he would leave soon. The sooner she left the better.
What about Murtagh? She wanted take him with her, but she knew that it would be impossible. As much as it pained her, she would have to leave him behind. Since she would obviously be long in the pregnancy, it would be difficult for her to take care of him as well as herself. Not to mention the added stress.
Selena sat up and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. With the same hand, she placed it back on her stomach. "I wish that your father was here. He would make things right. But I can't change what I've done, baby. As of right now, you and your brother are the only things that are keeping me from killing myself. If I didn't have either of you, I would've given up a long time ago."
Selena recalled how when she was pregnant with Murtagh, she had tried to commit suicide. As soon as she lifted the poison to her lips, she felt her son kick for the first time. With that, the cup shattered to the floor, and Selena leaned against the wall, sobbing uncontrollably. She couldn't believe that she had tried to do the unthinkable. Now, she couldn't imagine life without Murtagh, even though she was only allowed to see him a few months at a time.
She brushed aside the memory; not wanting to cry again. She kissed her hand and rubbed the kiss on her womb. "Don't worry baby. Soon, you will be far away from this place and I believe that one day I will be free too." With that, she fell into a deep sleep and dreamt of her two little boys playing together, while their mother watched with tears of joy. Selena savored every moment of the dream for she knew that it was one that would never come true.
Author's Note: Please review and NO FLAMES!