Oneshot fluff! Spoilers up tot the first episode of the third season. Although not really.. I changed everything up *laughs like a maniac*

How this episode should've gone!

I had it all planned out of course, anyone who would've thought about it would've realized that I had. But of course, people were stupid. And luckily, I had that part planned out as well. I knew exactly how stupid people were so I accounted for everything. And if there was ever anything that I knew, than it was the fact that John was just as stupid. Maybe even more so. Dear, sweet John.. He had been a huge part of the plan, the part that made all the pieces of the puzzle stick together. And that was what I wanted people to think. People that knew about the plan of course. People like Mycroft and Holly. They knew that, for the plan to work, John had to believe the story. And maybe some of the people, mainly my brother, had realized that the plan was made for John. Not to tease him of course, that would've gone a bit too far. But to save him. Because somehow he had been the only person to destroy my believes about the uselessness of sentiment. Somehow, he had snuck right in and the thought of him leaving, killed me.

Anyway, the thing I hadn't planned out for was John moving on. And apparently, he had. At least if I were to believe my brother Mycroft. And looking at the planned date, any old fool could've figured out what his plans were. He was going to ask that woman to marry him. And I hated it. A wave of jealousy spread through my body. He was supposed to be grieving me! Not moving on with some everyday wench. So the plan was set.

'I think maybe I'll just.. drop by'

'You now, it is possible that you won't be welcome'

'No it isn't' I say, sneering a bit. 'Now where is it?'

'Where is what?' Mycroft dares ask

'You know what' I say, raising my eyebrow. And of course, there it is. A lady comes walking in with my coat. Oh if there was ever anything that I had missed as much as my coat. I put it on, with a bit of help.

'Welcome back, mister Holmes.' She says smoothly as I pop my collar.

'Thank you, blood' And I walk away, hoping ever so slightly that I looked much cooler than my dear brother.

So there I was, a few hours later, not quite capable of any smart thoughts. Looking into Johns eyes, he drained every bit of intelligence right out of me, well.. at least every bit of intelligence that I had more than the average person. Which was to say, quite a lot. As soon as he had realized that it was me, I saw his heart break. Yes, right through his eyes, I could almost hear it cracking. I was honestly not very good with emotions but this one was so blatantly obvious.

So as every man would, I try cracking a joke. 'Were you really gonna keep that?' I giggle, pointing at my non-existent moustache. And immediately realize that that hadn't been a very good idea. I look over to John's date, who stupidly sucks up some air, as if laughing nervously. Before I slowly take my eyes back to John. But before they reach him, an immense force pushes me back by my collar and throws me to the floor. I try pushing him off me but the ex-marine has an iron grip on my throat, able to cut off all the air to my lungs and I start feeling dizzy. Not even 2 seconds had his grip been there before they pull him off, and I try pulling air back into my lungs.

The first thing John did after having been kicked out of the restaurant was putting that woman in a taxi home, luckily. I really wasn't in the mood to deal with her. I rub my sore throat thinking how I would never be able to swallow normally again.

We were standing right on the middle of the road but I hardly notice, traffic was quiet.

John walks up to me and stops about a meter in front of me, looking me right in the eye.

I open my mouth to say something but before I can, a fist slams against the side of my face, making my teeth rattle. The sheer force of the blow pushes me against the ground again and I can feel the blood seeping out of my nose and lip as I try and push myself up from the ground. I manage to stay standing on my knees when in the corner of my eye; I see the next attack coming. The only thing possible for me to do was close my eyes, ready for impact. But the impact seems softer than I had imagined. It was like a body slam, a disappointingly soft but very comforting body slam. Oh right, it was a hug.

The blood rushes to my face when I realize what's going on. Johns arms are locked tightly around my neck and his face is buried in my neck. I can feel his astoundingly soft breathing against the tender skin on my neck, wondering why it was so calm. If he were to be angry then it should be ragged and fast. A shiver runs up my spine and I try keeping my breathing steady. At the same time, my knees and arms give in and I end up flat on my butt, John falling with me.

I awkwardly pat John on the back, not knowing what to expect now. Was his breath so slow because he had come to terms with killing me? Was this a trick to smother me? Would he actually bite my throat out?!

'John..?' I try

'You bloody bastard' I hear him mumbling up against my skin. 'You ruddy idiot. Do you have any… do you have any idea what you did to me..'

If I were ever to feel sentimental, than now would be the time to say that my heart cracked a little as well. The hand patting John on the back stays still and clutches his coat.

'When I was at your grave.. I asked you for one last miracle.'

I swallow the lump that had been building up in my throat. 'I know John, I know'

I did know, he had asked me to not be dead. Those were his words by the way, not mine. Not being dead was exactly what I was doing so the only logical thing for him to do was be happy about it. But apparently this was one of those ''be careful what you wish for'' things.

John pushes himself from me and after looking me in the eye, starts coming closer again. I half expect a kiss as I see his face getting closer to mine, only then I realize that he's going much too fast for that. I wasn't an experienced kisser but I was pretty sure that that wasn't how you did things.

And indeed, he was going too fast. I feel his head hitting my skull with full force but everything turns black after that. I keep forgetting that even though John is of average intelligence, he is pretty good with physical strength. So I fall away into a dreamless sleep. I wake up a few times but with the world shaking and being upside down and all, it was hard to focus. Hold on, why was the world shaking? It was much too monotone to be an earthquake. It felt much more like walking. Only upside down and without moving my legs. That was new..

The next time I wake up, I feel much warmer and softer. The earth has stopped moving and has now turned to its side. I hadn't yet decided whether it was any better this was… But the warmth was certainly lovely.

I growl as a severe pain in my head comes rushing through. Suddenly all my senses wake up. There is some kind of cotton wool stuffed up my nose and remnants of blood still left on the lower half of my face. There's a throbbing pain in my head, as well as a cut in my lower lip. I really don't want to move but the curiosity wins and I slowly roll over to my stomach. I look up, realizing where I'm at and in what odd position I'm in.

I'm lying with my head on John's stomach, the rest of my body on the couch, comfortable and warm between John's legs.

I furiously push back my blush but then I realize that John himself is sound asleep. Lucky for me, or I'm sure I would've been punched again.

Oh, so the earth hadn't been moving after all. John had carried him home, after having thrown him over his shoulder. That explained a lot. Still, I felt a bit ashamed.

'John..?' I whisper

He softly murmurs in his sleep and turns around, taking me with him on his side. Now I'm breathing against his stomach, still not daring to move. Somehow, my friend scares me much more than anyone ever did. His arms close around me again, leaving me in a comfortable and safe hug.

I can't help but smile to myself.

'I'm back John, I'm home'

Hope you enjoyed! Thank you for reading!