A Kara/Leoben Fanfic

Takes place after Maelstrom and before the season 3 finale

When Kara first awoke she didn't remember the crash. She could barely remember her own name through the pain in her head. A voice, distant and familiar spoke and she felt a touch on the back of her neck.

"Take these," he said.

His hand propped her head up slightly and she felt two pills pressed against her lips. Too out of it to protest, she opened her mouth and used her tongue to fish the meds into her mouth. She swallowed the pills dry and felt the hand release her neck. Her head still swimming with pain and confusion, Kara laid back on the pillow beneath her. As she felt herself losing consciousness once more, one thought managed to pierce the fog inside her head. Leoben. Leoben was here. His voice, his hand. And the world went black.

The next time Kara awoke the pain in her head had lessened giving way to excruciating pain throughout the rest of her body. The moment she regained consciousness her eyes shot open and a moan of pain escaped her lips. She heard foot steps approaching her bedside but the pain was so intense she couldn't care. She felt someone lean over her and quickly press an injector into her left leg. Within four heartbeats the morpha had created a sweet numb sensation all over her body. It was him. Leoben was the one standing over her. She knew it. Her vision was too blurry to make him out completely but she could smell him.

This was wrong. She had been rescued from him. Sam had come for her, let her out. She had gone back to the Galactica. Or had it all been a dream? No, her mind shouted. It hadn't been a dream. She had . . . and she remembered. She remembered everything in one burst. The dreams and visions flooded back over her in a wave leaving her cold. She remembered the words of the oracle. "He'll be coming for you soon." She closed her eyes and remembered her suicide. She remembered punching her viper through the atmosphere on the storm planet. She remembered reaching for the ejection handle. Anger coursed through her. Her own stupidity ate at her. In a half fog of dream induced psychosis she put herself in the one position she had sworn she would never go back to. She was at the mercy of Leoben. Some of the first words he had ever spoken to her came to her, "This has all happened before and will happen again." She cringed and opened her eyes.

The blurriness was gone. She was starring directly into the face of her least favorite cylon. Her mind seemed to be functioning but her body felt like dead weight. She wanted to strike out at him, to hurt him, to escape, but she could barely move.

"Hello Starbuck," said Leoben..

"Get the frak away from me." said Kara. She tried to sit up but she could feel the morpha taking effect on her mind now, pushing her towards narcotic sleep.

"Stop trying to move. You'll hurt yourself. The pressure on that planet was more than your body could bear. You almost didn't live through it." Said Leoben.

"I've died and gone to hell. I knew you'd be here. Always here. . . " Kara's voice drifted off as the morpha took control of her mind as well as her body and sent her into a deep sleep.

Leoben sat at her bedside looking at her face. He stroked the hair away from her face, his fingers lingering at her temples and on her cheeks. He knew in his heart that Kara would never stop fighting. She could never truly allow herself to love him. He was sure she felt something but he was just as sure that she hated herself for it. Her spirit would have to break for her to admit that she felt anything for him except revulsion but Leoben knew that he couldn't let it happen. He didn't want a Kara with her spirit broken. It would kill everything about her that he loved. He leaned over her and kissed her forehead. He allowed his lips to linger there just a moment. He felt his heart aching as he said a small good-bye to the dream of love he'd allowed himself to entertain.

Kara was back in her dream. The one with him. She felt paint oozing through her fingers as she tried to conceal the mandala on her wall. It was wrong. They were wrong. It wasn't her. She wasn't special. She was broken. She moved quickly, furiously, attempting to cover it. It was proof of Leoben's words to her and she had to erase it. Leoben. He was standing behind her. She felt his arms encircle her. She felt his breathe on her neck. She wanted him with a ferocity that shouldn't have been possible. He spun her around and she felt the wall at her back. His body, hot and urgent pressed into hers. His mouth met hers with an animalistic hunger. Something about him made her feel helpless. It made her want to tear his eyes out, tear his clothes off, anything to have control over him.

Leoben sat in a dark corner of the infirmary room aboard the base ship and watched Kara dream. Her skin was flushed, her breathing fast and shallow. He heard her moan and saw her body writhing under her covers. The sight of her obvious arousal evoked emotions Leoben had never experienced. He felt awe at the intensity of her passion but he also felt murderous jealousy that he would never experience from her what she gave so freely to human men. When he couldn't take it anymore he approached her bed.

"Wake up Starbuck. It's time for more medication." he said.

They were on the floor. He was almost inside her. He was whispering that he loved her. He loved her and she was whispering back. I love you. She woke up. Leoben was looking at her with a new emotion in his eyes. Anger, perhaps, or hatred. Kara had never seen him display any emotion aside from calm acceptance. She had tortured him, she had killed him, and never had he looked at her like this. He held out two pills to her.

"What are they?" She asked.

"Blood thinners," said Leoben. "Sorry to wake you but these pills are important."

"I was having a nightmare anyway." Said Kara. She took the proffered pills from Leoben. She didn't trust him to tell her the truth. She didn't trust him to follow through on his promises. She did however trust him to keep her alive. "Can I have some water?" The pain in her body was nearly gone and as Leoben turned to go to a table with a pitcher of water Kara watched him, filled with a new sensation. The dream was still fresh in her mind. She could feel his touch on her skin, the pressure of his body on top of her. She could smell his sweat mingling with hers, hear his voice whispering in her ear. It had been so real.

Leoben turned around with the glass in his hand and nearly dropped it. Kara was looking at him and the expression on her face was new. For just a moment she was looking at him as though he was a man, not a machine.

Kara turned away from him and forced herself not to blush. The shock on Leoben's face when he caught her looking at him told Kara that he knew exactly what she had been thinking. He set the glass on the table next to her bedside and quietly left the room. Frak. She so didn't need this. She took the meds he'd given her and drank the entire glass of water in one breath.