On the day his skyscrapper was dominated with insanely large force, Sp00n Swags son had been sleeping untill 7 am. Normally he got up at 4 to see the sunrise, because Sp00n Swag had raised him as a good boy.
Everyone else was already up.
Serenity, Sp00n Swag's son, was already making them all crumpets with sirup. Serenity was an expertarchcology, his parents were proud. He was going to a school for gifted and thats all that mattered to them. They didnt mind that he was a bit wild at times. At 11, he now knew many languages, one medieval, 3 computer and 5 sign languages. He found it easy, and learnt them with his dad together.
By now, Sp00n Swag was now up and standing on the porch with his shirt off. He stared out over the wide desert landscape, he was handsome in a rugged kinda way. Once, long ago, he was ranked one of the best special forces soldiers in the world. He was no longer a soldier, and now lived a quite life treasure hunting. He was troubled by a newspaper artical his read a few days ago, that mentioned that someone from Swagdon was killed in a secret drive by shooting . His was one of the few people that knew that that shouldnt happen, because of a magic spell he cast with The Hevanly Dank a few years ago. The The Hevanly Dank was now hidden in his garrage. Sp00n Swag was disturbed from his deep thinking by Serenity tugging on his shirt. "Father! Father! Look!". Serenity pointed urgently at the horizon. "oh, bollocks!" blimps Hundreds of them! They were coming straight at his house. He ran inside and bolted the stainless steal front door. He woke his son up, and told everyone to run out the back. They woke their pilot, who happened to be sleeping in the next room.
"Quick! Start the plane! We are under attack!" "OMG" He said as the blond god run out. He ran back in with his helmit. "Holy Shit!". Sp00n Swag, meanwhile, triggered an explosion around his garrage in order to hide his precious The Hevanly Dank. The rocks fell and burried it totaly secretly so no one would find it. (None of the soliders heard the explosion as they were looking the other way) Meanwhile, the invading force drew closer. Sp00n Swag and his family ran to the hanger, Serenity leading the way with her mace They dodged the soldiers as they ran, ducking and diving between the gunfire. "Dont worry! We are almost there!". They dived into their escape vechile, guns blazing. Their was a soldier already there, but Serenity whackd him. "Good job!" Sp00n Swag said, as he pushed him out. They started up, and zoomed off, the invading force vanishing into the distance. "Did you get the secret message?" "Yes, my good friend Zach Potter told me that Voldepert was behind this!". "We gota deal with this as a family, else we can never live in piece". So they joined onwards, their enemy's in hot pursuit!
(A/N this is more goth than usually but I really like it this way! )
It looked like Voldepert had sought Sp00n Swag out! Ever since Sp00n Swag's parents told him that he was in fact a half vampire (or a dhampire), he had feared being discovered by Voldepert especially after Sp00n Swag remembred the terrible secret of his past.
Scotty looked with concerned at Sp00n Swag, "what is wrong Sp00n Swag?"
Sp00n Swag did not wait to answer her. He turned on one of his new found vampire powers and listened to Voldepert's commands.
Voldepert was commanding his lackeys to search Sp00n Swag out. After villain had given them cookies andmanically asked Voldepert had discovred the truth behind Sp00n Swag! And he told his henchmen that he had.
"I have discovered the secret behind Sp00n Swag's percentage" Voldepert told his henchmen.
His lackeys smiled wickedly and took their weapons and rushed into the shopping centre . They had no concern for any of the shops .
Sp00n Swag and Scotty and Zach Potter faught like lions that were fighting among each other for the last scrap of meat and mannished to defaecate most of the henchmen.
But then Voldepert stapped forwar and spoke: "I know your secret!"
Then Zach Potter said: "How do you know about Sp00n Swag being a half vampire (a/n: or dhampire, really!)?"
Voldepert laughed and said: "you just told me! But also, I read it on Sp00n Swag's facebook!"
Sp00n Swag gasped, he thaguht that he had posted it only for friends and not public! Sp00n Swag had to be careful with his privacy settings because thye keep changing all the time (a/n: urrrgh, so annoying!) But Voldepert did nothing but launching. Voldepert then said: but that is not what I had discovered!"
Oh no! both Zach Potter and Scotty gasped but Sp00n Swag could only think of. They did not know the truth. That Sp00n Swag was really rapped by Voldepert before Sp00n Swag even knew of Voldepert's name!
"I know that it was you many years ago who I raped before me and did everything that I had ever wanted to do with sucgh a fine pretty padwan like you!We went to the park, played videogames, watched cartoons! It was great! When I raped you by touching your hand, I am truely sorry...that was an accident I admit"
Oh no! gasped Scotty and she felt really bad for Sp00n Swag because even though she knew that Sp00n Swag didn't love her and was really depressed, she really didn't expect this.
And Zach Potter was also shocked because he knew the Penis and Thor knew a great secret that he didn't know, he still didn't know it was going to be this kind of secret!
Sp00n Swag felt very depressed all the sudden. He lost the will to fight and dropped his weapon before Voldepert and villain laughed very loudly. Voldepert then said: "I have you now under my omplete spell like I had that so long ago!"
(A/N I wanted a cliff hanger here but I'm sooooo excited to share the next but of story with you! " )
We are almost there I..I can sense it" He walked around, stopping So they proceeded. This went on for sometime. They walked about for a bit, stopping outside a ominous skyscrapper. "Voldepert...he is here", said Sp00n Swag As they entered there was lots of trolls. So they swung back their trenchcoats and murdercided them all with their concealed dessert eagles(but no one died!).
"Lets take the ventalation shaft!" "Thats a good plan, so we can sneak to the roof undetected" So they got into the ventilation shaft.
They traveled upto the roof, ver the ducks, thus avoiding the security systems because they are smart. We are here, said Sp00n Swag crawling out the duck, and putting his shirt on. "So you have come" said a voice booming from the sky A eagle appeared above them. Voldepert laughed at them from it.
"Ha Ha Ha Ha" "I could gun you all down from here with my crossbow, but I would rather do this...personal style."
He leaped down and landed at the far side of the rooftop "Ready?" he said, still laughing. "Ha Ha Ha Ha"
Sp00n Swag removed his shirt and flexed his abs. "Yes. I am ready. " With that they leaped at eachother, metaphorical guns blazzing (which were littoral machine guns). "I kill you dead" Voldepert punched Sp00n Swag in the chest
Sp00n Swag fell backwards in pain punching a few times before crashing to the ground. "Ha Ha Ha Ha" laughed Voldepert "You could never have defeated me, so why did you even try?" "I had too, for all that is good and just in the world." "Well now you will die. Goodbye." Voldepert leaned over Sp00n Swag holding his sword.
"Quick Sp00n Swag use this!" said Serenity ,chucking a nearby Star Of David towards Sp00n Swag.
Sp00n Swag grabbed it and chucked it towards Voldepert hard, knocking him backwards...off the edge of the tall spaceelivator they were on! "Goodbye, Voldepert have a nice fall!" "ARrrrrgggg"
"We are safe now, he fell to certain doom." Zach Potter and Thor Odinson got out from the cornor where they were hiding. "Thank you, you saved us all" "Dont mention it."
So they left the tower and went home. They lived happily ever after and had lots of kids. The End