Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to The Clone Wars; I'm just having some fun with its playground. Also, I do not mean to rip off Toys R' Us in any way; I just thought this would make a cute title for this fan fiction. The line about "Genuine People Personalities" comes from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which I'm not trying to rip off, either.
Droids R' Us
C-3PO walked down a street in the section of Coruscant's Galactic City called Coco Town. He was on a date to see a new business in the district that had sprung up after the surprisingly good ending of the Clone Wars, a business that was being run by his best droid friend in the galaxy. In fact, he was his only droid friend. Apparently, R2-D2 had started a business of designing, building, and selling some sort of machines, and he was having the time of his life making them.
Threepio walked on until he came to a building set apart from the others, one which was just a couple of blocks away from Dex's Diner. He couldn't believe his eyes. The building was a shining silver color, and it had a sign that said, in Aurebesh, "Droids R' Us," above its entrance. It even had a logo that looked like an astromech droid painted with the colors of a rainbow.
"Oh, my goodness!" Threepio exclaimed. "What sort of mischief has Artoo gotten himself into now?"
The air didn't answer him. Neither did any of the passers-by. He shrugged the best way a droid could, and shuffled through the entrance.
Inside, he was even more astounded than before. Everywhere to be seen, there were droids. Droids galore. Threepio could see many different kinds of astromechs, protocol droids, medical droids, probes, cooking droids, watchdog droids, butler droids, power droids, pit droids, and even some battle droids like those the Separatists once used. Every one of them seemed to be in fine working order. And throughout the store, countless customers, old and young alike, were inspecting the droids, examining them, and seemed to be bargaining with other droids about something.
"Is this some sort of shop?" Threepio asked himself incredulously. "I have never seen anything like this before! Oh, where is Artoo? I need somebody to tell me exactly what this is!"
Then, Threepio heard a very familiar trilling and whistling from nearby. He looked around and saw none other than Artoo himself wheeling towards him. Artoo certainly seems chipper today, Threepio thought to himself.
"Artoo-Detoo!" he exclaimed, "You're a sight for short circuits, as usual! But I want to know right now, Artoo. What is this place? Why are all these droids standing around, and why does it look like people are haggling for them?"
R2-D2 whistled some happy notes that C-3PO interpreted as: "WELCOME TO DROIDS R' US, C-3PO!"
Threepio blinked his glowing eyes. "Droids R' Us?" he said disbelievingly. "Well, I can see that there are droids all around us, Artoo, but what is this place? What purpose do these droids have here? And why are some of these people leaving with some of the droids?"
Artoo let out his own disbelieving beep at Threepio's naïveté, and explained it all for him.
"This is a store, and it's selling droids?" Threepio exclaimed. "You mean, you've just started a business of making and selling droids for profit? How can you do that, Artoo? Droids are not just machines. We have personalities, and we can be people's friends. Master Anakin and Mistress Padmé have always said so! And you are making money off of them?"
Artoo informed Threepio that he was well aware of the fact that droids could be sentient beings, and that he wasn't selling them for a fortune for himself, but was endorsing the money to charitable causes and to the cleanup of the long-lasting war effort.
"Well, pardon me," said Threepio, "but you're still spending your time selling droids. And while they're perhaps not as sophisticated as you or I, they might not appreciate being sold like tools. I, myself, have always liked the idea of a droid being completely independent of his owners and his makers."
"E chu ta!" a nearby protocol droid said to Threepio as he and his new owner passed him by. The droid must have heard them talking and didn't like being referred to as unsophisticated. Maybe he thought that he was even more independent than Threepio, too.
"How rude!" Threepio said in alarm as he watched the droid leave.
Artoo whistled and beeped on about how fun it was to work alongside more of his kind at Droids R' Us.
"More of your own kind?" asked Threepio. "You mean, you don't work here alone?"
Artoo beeped curtly, as if to say, "OF COURSE NOT!"
Threepio surveyed the area again. "Well, where are your 'friends' that help you run this place, and what do they do, if you're the manager and owner?"
Artoo twittered for Threepio to follow him around. They ambled through the big store, through customers, products, and droids. In a few moments, they came upon another astromech droid. This one looked similar to Artoo, but had pink markings in place of his blue ones. Artoo introduced it as R2-KT, his best astromech friend in the Republic.
"I thought I was your best friend, Artoo," said Threepio, "Pardon me, but I've been wearing out my joints for you far longer than Katie here has. Wait a minute! Are you two boyfriend and girlfriend? Droids shouldn't do things like that Artoo. Shame on you!"
Katie warbled happily. Artoo explained that Katie was one of his serving ladies who attended the customers. He also pointed out that Katie was wearing a datapad-like screen on one side of her head, which interpreted her beeping language for customers who normally couldn't understand her.
"Well, that's interesting, Artoo," said Threepio, "But you didn't answer my question. Are you, or are you not, in a relationship with this female droid?"
Artoo beeped curtly again, implying that was none of Threepio's business, but he also said that there were some protocol droids and human replica droids in the store with feminine programming that he might like to meet, if someone didn't buy them first.
"No, thank you, Artoo!" It was Threepio's turn to be curt. "It is enough for me to respect and serve the opposite gender, like I'm already doing with Miss Padmé. I do not need to kiss up to one, as well!"
Artoo decided out loud that it was time to change the subject, and thanked Katie for her time, asking her to let them be for a little while, but then, another female mech droid, with more extensive pink markings than Katie, rolled up to them, making a loud announcement.
Threepio didn't need an interpreter, because he was his own interpreter, but the words on her own translation screen said that a customer was complaining about not being allowed to barter for a lower price for a certain droid, and that she needed some help. Artoo asked Katie to take over for QT-KT, and the first pink droid left.
Qutee, as the latter pink droid was also known, said "Hi," and asked if Artoo would introduce his new friend. Artoo, who seemed to be getting uncomfortable, said that C-3PO was an old friend, not a new one, but that they were very good friends, and had known each other for years.
Qutee whistled something that interpreted as: "YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DUMP ME FOR HIM, TOO, ARE YOU, ARTOO? I THINK R2-KT IS ENOUGH FRIENDLY RIVALRY FOR ME TO HAVE AT ONCE!"
A slightly exasperated Artoo explained to Threepio that Katie and Qutee were two rivals for his best friendship, and they enjoyed dueling each other for his affections. They both worked as serving ladies in Droids R' Us, but they both hoped for Artoo's greatest favor.
"Well, I'll be!" said Threepio. "So you do have something going on, Artoo. I don't believe it! We're doomed! I mean, I'm doomed! I mean, our friendship is doomed!"
Artoo mocked Threepio's usual worrying, trying to reassure him by saying that he wouldn't dump any of his friends for the whole galaxy, unless one of them betrayed him.
"That's easy for you to say," replied Threepio, "You have a whole menagerie of droids for friends, but I only have you as a friend among droids. Tell me, Artoo," he said to change the subject, "What is the point of having this business in the first place? If you're not in it for the money, what is it? Is it for fun, that is, if a droid can have fun? Do you just enjoy seeing more of your own kind around you? Or are you trying to honor something or someone? Or maybe-"
Artoo interrupted him by saying that he started the business in honor of D-Squad, the droid squad he had been part of for one mission in the Clone Wars. He also said that if Threepio had bothered to look, there was a plaque under the store's sign that said, "In memory of M5-BZ, (Beezee), a true hero among droids." Finally, he told his golden counterpart about how Beezee had sacrificed himself to save him, his fellow droids, and Colonel Meebur Gascon from swarms of Separatist buzz droids.
"Am astromech droid sacrificing himself for other droids?" said a surprised Threepio. "Now I've heard everything! You stupid little short circuit! How can any droid, even one with a complete personality, be willing to lose his artificial life for others, even other droids? That is nonsense!"
"No, it isn't, my shiny friend," said another droid voice from nearby. Threepio turned and looked down on what must have been a simple pit droid, like they used for servicing podracers on Tatooine. Artoo introduced him as WAC-47, and asked him what he had to say.
"First of all," said WAC, "all of us witnessed Beezee open that airlock up to suck out the buzz droids. Artoo and I can testify to that, and so can QT-KT, U9-C4, and Colonel Gascon. We had many other adventures, too, including one with a clone commando named Gregor who was missing in action on the Outer Rim world of Abafar, or the Void. I would tell you more, but I am a little pressed for time right now, because of my new career here. Secondly," here he turned to Artoo, "everything is going just fine on the assembly line. We continue to make fine new droids for the younglings as well as the adults who shop here."
Threepio blinked again. "Well, if you say that several droids and an organic can testify to another droid's heroism, then I suppose that Artoo may have been telling the truth after all. But wait. What did you mean, assembly line? Do you mean to tell me that all these droids are made in a factory behind or under the store? How can droids made that way be of any worth as sentient beings? And where's their loyalty? Artoo's loyalty keeps my life from getting boring. I wouldn't want anyone to get bored with their droids, now, would I?"
Qutee, who had been sitting there quietly the whole time, warbled indignantly. So did Artoo. WAC said, "We have special programming machines for the real droids, 'goldie,' and Doctor Gubacher provides them with a wide variety of functions, tools, and personality quirks. Our droids all come with a new GPP feature, meaning, 'Genuine People Personalities.' The assembly line is used more for the toys that we sell to the younglings and those who just can't live without something cute."
"You make toys here, too?" Threepio just couldn't stop blinking. He hadn't blinked this much in a long time.
"That is right," said WAC. "While Katie and Qutee serve the customers who want real droids, and I manage the toy assembly line while Gubacher designs the real droids, Ceefor oversees the distribution of the toys to children and collectors alike on the balcony above."
Artoo asked Threepio if he wanted to see the toys, hinting that they were the most "honorable to D-Squad" of all the items there.
Threepio said, "I might as well. I've seen most of the other things this store has to offer. Let's go, Artoo."
"Enjoy yourselves," said WAC, "I've got to get back to work." And with that, WAC-47 returned to wherever he came from.
Astromech droids found it difficult to go up and down stairs, and Threepio was slow on stairs, so they took the long ramp for the droids and the disabled to get to the toys. Up there, they could see U9-C4 demonstrating the antics of the droid toys to a crowd of excited human and alien younglings. Artoo recognized a few of them as being from the Jedi Temple. Beside Ceefor was another of those translation screens, but this one was larger, and attached to the wall instead of his head.
Ceefor was showing a toy that looked very familiar to Threepio. It was Artoo! It came in a size comfortable enough to fit in an average child's two hands, and was complete with all the little details, down to all the compartments and the blue trim. Ceefor demonstrated how a small remote control could make it extend any of Artoo's tools or weapons. It even had enhanced rocket boosters just like those Artoo had while in D-Squad, though the rockets were obviously fake, so as not to burn the skin of the children. Apparently, the toy had another means of flying about.
Artoo beeped cutely. "YOU LOOK SPECIAL!"
Threepio stared agape, or he would have if he had a real mouth. Ceefor went on to show off other toy droids, including Qutee, complete with her high-powered magnet, Ceefor, complete with his laser cutter (again, a fake, for safety reasons), WAC-47, and an expensive deluxe model toy of the late Beezee, complete with his hollowed out cranium and a figure of Colonel Gascon small enough to fit in there, but not small enough for most people to choke on.
Ceefor continued to display more astromech droids including Katie, Arsix, Kit Fisto's droid, Arseven, Ahsoka Tano's droid, and R3-S6, also known as "Goldie," or "Stubby," Artoo's old rival who served the Separatists, plus many more. Next, he delved into battle droid toys that could play mock battles with clone trooper toys also sold at the store (one free clone toy came with each pack of battle droids). Though some children were less enthusiastic about this, there were even some protocol droids on display and for sale. They numbered mainly in the 3PO and 5YQ series, including a toy of Lorn Pavan's friend, I-5YQ, complete with his built-in weapons, but there were other varieties, too. Finally, a familiar figure was brought out, and Threepio knew what it was instantly.
"That's me!" he said, staring at the little gold protocol droid toy. Artoo and Ceefor confirmed this with a few whistles and beeps.
"Artoo," Threepio asked, "Can I get one of these toys of me to give to Miss Padmé? I am certain she will find it just lovely! And perhaps also one of those toys of you, Artoo, to give to Master Anakin and little Ahsoka? I don't want these toys to replace us, but they might serve as good memory of us if Anakin and Padmé ever lose us. Not that Master Anakin has ever said that anything could ever replace us in his heart."
Ceefor trilled that Threepio would need the appropriate amount of credits to get them, but Artoo said it was on the house, saying that he would find a way to pay for them for his friend. Shrugging as only a mech droid would shrug, Ceefor handed out a toy of C-3PO and then one of R2-D2.
Some of the children looked a little jealous of this bargain, but others enthusiastically said that they intended to get every toy they could, especially those of the members of D-Squad, the greatest droid heroes in the galaxy, as they put it.
"I'm gonna get a toy of R2-D2," boasted one human boy. "He's the best there ever was. General Skywalker is very lucky to have a droid like him."
"I'm getting one of both R2-KT and QT-KT," exclaimed a Rodian girl. "Katie works for the best soldiers ever, and Qutee is just adorable with her pink color, magnet, and affiliation with Aayla Secura!"
"I'll get one of you, U9-C4," exclaimed a Nautolan boy. "Your laser cutter is the coolest thing!"
"I'd like to get one of those toys of M5-BZ," said a Tholothian girl. "I think the deceased heroes deserve the best credit."
A Wookiee boy said he wanted one WAC-47, and to Threepio's pleasure, an Ithorian boy pointed to a C-3PO toy, as well as one of I-5YQ.
Ceefor put their acquired purchases each in a bag, including Threepio's, and the kids were on their way, making room for more kids.
"Well, I suppose I'd better be on my way," Threepio said suddenly. "Some of the adult customers are giving me confused, and confusing, looks."
Artoo said that they probably couldn't tell whether he was merchandise or an intruder.
"An intruder!" said Threepio indignantly. "I wish I could show them what I really am!"
Qutee beeped that it probably wasn't much.
"Yes, you're right," replied Threepio. "Well, then, I will see you tonight, Artoo. Shall we meet at Padmé's place or that of Master Anakin, do you think?"
Artoo suggested Padmé's place.
"All right then," said Threepio, "Goodbye, Artoo. Make sure you come home in one piece, though. These businesses can get quite out of hand sometimes."
Artoo, Qutee, Katie, Ceefor, and WAC had all gathered by the entrance and said goodbye, and Threepio said, "May D-Squad live forever in the legends of us droids!"