My Two True Loves
A Transformers Prime
Song Fanfic
All rights to the song, My Two True Loves, belong to the Youtube channel: College Humor.
Onboard the Nemesis, Decepticon warship:
Starscream, Knockout, and Breakdown were in the break room together, as Knockout was just finishing telling the other two a hilarious story.
"…and you never even SEE Skyquake's mouth."
Knockout spat out the Energon cube he was sipping on. "No way!"
"Yes way!" Breakdown exclaimed.
Knockout turned to Starscream and saw that instead of laughing, he just sat in his chair with a distant look in his optics.
"Hey, Starscream. Wasn't that tale hilarious?"
Starscream then turned towards Knockout.
"Huh...Oh, I know it was. I've just been having a lot running through my processor unit."
Knockout got suspicious. "Really Starscream?" He said inquisitively. "Like what? You can tell us. I am Megatron's top medical examiner after all."
"Yeah, 'Scream." Breakdown said, as he too was interested.
Starscream then sighed.
"Well…."
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A little tune went off in Starscream's head as he started to obliviously dance a little ditty throughout the ship. His little ditty, went something like this:
"I go through life alone,
No one to hold my hand.
When I showed off my mechly chassis on Cybertron,
The femme bots didn't give a frag.
I'm not much of a believer,
In fate, and destiny.
But I know that somewhere out there,
Are TWO femmes for me…"
Instantly his mind conjured him being snuggled by both Airachnaid and the Autobots' only femme, Arcee.
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Starscream then unknowingly danced out of the breakroom and throughout the Nemisis's halls.
Knockout and Breakdown looked back at each other, and then back towards the door that Starscream literally DANCED through.
"I've got a bad feeling about this Breakdown."
"You're telling me Doc. I know Soundwave travels like a ghost throughout this ship, and he records EVERYTHING!"
"Yeah. But if Megatron sees him…"
They then both bolted out of their seats.
"Uh...Oh!" They both said as they chased after Starscream.
Breakdown hesitated for a second as he thought, Did Starscream say there were TWO femmes destined for him? What in the name of Primus?
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Starscream continued to sing his spark out as he was oblivious to his graceful and unmechly movements as he passed the Vehicon foot soldiers under his command.
"My two true loves…
My two and only.
Two nude souls beneath the covers,
Aren't enough, I need another.
My two true loves…
My two and only.
Together we will be just you and me…and her."
Starscream continued his fantasy daydream as the scenery in his head changed to claiming leadership of the Decipticon's, with Arcee and Airachnaid squished on either side of him in the throne.
"We'll be two in a million,
One in five-hundred thousand if you prefer.
I'll give a hundred percent of myself to She,
The other hundred percent to Her.
(You +Me = Us)
+ Her = EVEN MORE FUN!
But the three of us still have more math to do,
69 +1
I'll only have eyes for both of them,
Whisper sweet nothings in my audio receptor.
And I'll pass them along to the other girl,
If she didn't already hear.
True eternal romance,
Bliss for moments like this.
So pure, sweet, and innocent…"
Dream Starscream then embraced Arcee and Airachnaid, when in reality, he had grabbed Knockout and Breakdown who had finally caught up to him.
"Now you two kiss!"
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One minute, Breakdown realized he had been swept up by Starscream. The next minute, he was tasting Knockout's car wax on his glossia.
As soon as Starscream dropped the two of them, and continued to merrily dance on his way, Knockout and Breakdown pushed away from each other and were both screaming in disgust as they scrapped their glossias clean with their fingers.
"What the Frag Knockout?"
"Hey! One, I am not lusting towards other mechs. Second, as a doctor, I help those type of Cybertronians come out of the closest. That does not mean I was in one, or out of one at any point in time!"
As the two of them continued to bicker, Starscream had danced into the Ship's communications room.
Soundwave turned towards the door as it opened and was puzzled as the usual cold hearted seeker named Starscream danced cheerfully into the com room singing a questionable tune.
The next thing Soundwave knew, he and Lazerbeak were thrashing on the floor, trying to right themselves up as Starscream's servos automatically activated the ships mic and visual projectors as he was still in his happy place.
Soundwave then turned his helm to face Starscream's back as he switched on his visual recorder to save this …performance…to his files for blackmail, while at the same time, he sent a live stream to a second party to add insult to the injury Starscream was inflicting upon himself.
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Airachnaid was in her room oiling the joints of her excess legs as she heard Starscream's voice over the speakers. What in the Pits of Kaon? Has Starscream finally burst his processor unit?
She was going to march over to Megatron as this could have been a sign that Starscream's post was now up for grabs after the Decepticon warlord scrapped him for this insane act.
But when the song mentioned her, she froze and then chuckled to herself with a wicked smile and a dangerous glint in her purple optics.
Well… if Starscream was bold enough to give out a confession… this is beyond a femme's standards. Makes my chassis tingle for him.
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Starscream continued to sing his spark out without a care.
"My two true loves…
My two and only."
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It was then a Vehicon had entered the room to bring Soundwave an update. Instead, his optics laid upon seeing the said mech on the floor taping Starscream's episode of love as Starscream sang:
"Every soul has just two mates,
One to hump and one to masturbate."
The vehicon then backed out slowly… knowing he would NEVER be able to clean his optics of what he had witnessed. No matter how many times he erased the data from his memory banks.
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"My two true loves…
My two and only.
There'll be nothing that we can't do
Just me and you…and her.
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Autobot base, Nevada:
The Autobots were stationed around the computer console. Ratchet had announced that they had received an encoded message from Soundwave, and after Optimus rounded all bots and humans, including Agent Fowler, they all were disgusted and questioning the live stream that was now displayed in front of them in 4K definition.
Bulkhead chuckled as he elbowed Arcee.
"Hey 'Cee? Don't tell me that somewhere in your mind you haven't had this lying dormant?"
Arcee then gasped as she heard this, and secretly thought that he could be right.
Arcee then snarled at Bulkhead to hide any sign on her face that the thought had crossed through her mind, as the Wrecker flinched and raised his servos up apologetically.
"Sheez. I was only kidding."
"Shut it, Bulk."
"What's the matter, Arcee?" Miko purred. "You properly were awed by his heroic charm when he saved you from Airachnaid. I bet you wanted to swoon in his arms after he freed you from her webbing."
Arcee jabbed a finger in Miko's direction aggressively.
"Bulkhead's YOUR guardian, Miko. If I tell him to shut his fragging vocals up, that goes for you too."
"Uh, Arcee. We call ours "Mouths."'
"Just shut it!"
"Cut Starscream some slack 'Cee," Jack told her. "Starscream may have killed Cliff- "
Arcee snarled at her partner as her servo shifted only slightly to show one of her blasters.
Jack gulped. "Well, I mean, if he really did harbor feelings for you, AND Airachnaid, …which IS weird by the way, …then he obviously likes you enough that he doesn't care if the 'Cons have any say in it if he's singing it loud and proud."
"Jack does have a point, Arcee." Ralphfael said.
"As people say…love makes people do crazy things. Or in this case…mechs."
Ratchet rolled his optics. "I don't care what and Cybertronian or human had in any say of this. I'm shutting this nonsense off."
"No Ratchet!" Optimus cried as he grabbed the Autobot medic's wrist and flung him.
"What the scrap, Optimus?" Ratchet exclaimed as he picked himself off of the floor.
Optimus Prime turned back towards the screen. "As much as I will admit this is a surprising sight, it is very amusing however."
Fowler chucked. "I couldn't agree more, Prime. I just couldn't agree more."
All conversation stopped as Starscream's humming turned into his next verse.
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Starscream then pictured him and the two infamous femme bots in his majestic berth after he overthrew Megatron in his dream world.
"I wish that there were two of ME - MEEEE - EEEEEEEEE!
So I could watch myself frag BOTH OF YOU!
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Every Cybertronian at the Autobot base and onboard the Nemesis, including Megatron himself, either spat out the Energon they were consuming and/or did a double take upon hearing that line. Except for Arcee and Airachnaid however, as a mist of lust began to swirl in their optics.
Breakdown: I didn't know Starscream wanted to be such a player.
Knockout: If that's the way he wants to go out on, I am not informing the coroner that the cause of death was a Sexually Transmitted Virus that melted his hard drive.
Though silent externally, Airachnaid and Arcee could not help themselves thinking of such…adventurous activities of lust.
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"My two true loves… (My two true loves.)
My two and only. (My two and only.)
Our love will have NO rules. (No rules.)
Except, no other mechs. (No mechs.)
She'll fill both holes in my soul. (Both holes.)
And filling them back is MY goal. (Fill them back.) (Yeah!)
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At this point, every listening human and bot wanted so desperately to vomit their consumed edibles. At this point, it was VERY clear that Starscream was OFF THE CHAIN!
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"An eternal bond of trust,
Just the two of us…and her…"
Starscream sighed as he finished the song by whispering, "Now finger my aft hole."
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Starscream then opened his optics and realized he had danced onto the bridge of the warship, and all available optics were now starting at him.
"Oh…what are all of you doing here?" he asked.
Megatron was in front of him with a questioning look on his face as his optics checked Starscream up and down.
Breakdown and Knockout were off to the side with Soundwave as they watched their leader looking over his second in command.
When Megatron was done. All he could say to Starscream in response was, "Starscream? What the frag is wrong with you?"
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That night, as all Decepticons and Autobots were in recharge, Arcee, Airachnaid, and Starscream all had the same erotic dream of the three of them in an unbreakable bond of love as they all thought to themselves: One day, those two will be mine.