You're Perfect To Me
by EMPG22HoPe
When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath
But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight
Grief was a word often overused in the manor. Or rather, a word that's often felt as its residences moved about the space like ghosts lost from their destinations. That was the case of Draco and Astoria Malfoy as they went about their everyday lives.
Though it was not to say there was little love in their marriage. Astoria loved Draco deeply, and she was certain he loved her just as much. But every time they talked, it always feels as though something is missing, and either of them knew what it was.
Ever since Pansy Parkinson's death, they hardly spoke of her since.
But as they rarely spoke of her, Astoria feels Draco grow more and more distant every day.
She supposed that was difficult for him, losing another person he loved deeply. Astoria found it difficult, too, for she loved Pansy just as fiercely as Draco did. The mere memory of her, despite their feelings for each other, draws a wedge between them Astoria couldn't quite place.
So they tried to have a child. Not because Astoria wanted the Malfoy line to continue, but because she didn't want Draco to feel lonely. Even though he denied her reason for having a child constantly, she knew how he felt even as they make love or simply speak to each other. There is something missing.
And Astoria wished she knew how to fill it without having to resort to necromancy.
They dined in the dining hall of the manor that evening. Draco sat at the head of the table, and Astoria took the place to his right. The empty seat to his left felt like the rush of cold one would get from encountering a dementor. She quite hated it.
Once the food arrived, they spoke of their days at work. Astoria had done about two surgeries on witches that day as a Healer at St. Mungo's. Draco spent the day riffling through paperwork on some more Death Eaters that escaped the Ministry's grasp many years ago. It was the usual conversation that evening, and for a moment, Astoria thought she saw a flicker of something change within Draco as he enjoyed her little stories about what she saw in the muggle parts of London that day.
That change, however, shifted into his usual melancholic state.
Astoria had triggered something that reminded them of Pansy once again.
"Draco, we can't keep living like this," Astoria said bravely, months of depriving themselves of talk of Pansy has now consumed her and she could no longer take much of it. "Please talk to me."
"Astoria…" Draco sighed as he set his cutlery down. "I told you that there's no point in opening up old wounds. Pansy… Pansy wouldn't want us to mourn her still after so many months."
"I know she was your first love…" Astoria voiced her insecurity at last, something that has not left her even when she first fell in love with Draco and Pansy. "And I know I can never compare, but we have to… we have to talk about it… please."
Draco blinked at her before he massaged his temples. "Astoria, you need to stop that."
Her bottom lip trembled before she pushed herself away from the table to stand up. "I can't give you a child… I can't give you what Pansy used to… I've…"
Suddenly, she heard the scrape of a chair against marble floor, and she then felt Draco's hand take a hold of her arm. He looked at her seriously this time. "Please don't say it."
"I've nothing to offer you." She said it anyway.
"You know that's not true." Draco said roughly, despite trying to sound empathetic. "I love you, Astoria. You are enough to me. You are more than I could have ever asked for."
"Then why is it every time you look at me, you wish it was just her?" Astoria snapped at last. Their eyes locked heatedly. She could feel the threat of tears sting her eyes now as she watched Draco's demeanor turn into shock. She yanked her arm away from Draco a little too harshly than she intended. "I wish you would stop doing that."
"I didn't realize…" Draco started, looking very at war with himself.
Astoria licked her dry lips before she took a step back. "I need a moment."
Draco simply watched her, shock and confusion still etched on his face as Astoria made her way towards the nearest bathroom.
The smell of cinnamon and sandalwood consumed her as she entered the loo. It made her choke before she soon released her tears. Every inch of the scent reminded her so much about Pansy.
If only she were here.
10 months ago
Astoria wished she were prettier. It was such a trivial thing to wish for, especially when people kept on perceiving her to be beautiful in her own way. But she wished she was, well, prettier than what most people see. She wished very hard that she was as pretty as Pansy.
The last hour of work finally came, and soon, Healers were dispersing from St. Mungo's. Astoria had just finished giving the last of the patients' potions on her shift when her friend, Hannah Abbott, walks up to her.
"You've been looking down very recently." Hannah noticed.
"It's nothing." Astoria waved a dismissive hand.
"I know what this is about." Hannah crossed her arms on her chest. "It's Draco and Pansy again, is it?"
Astoria pursed her lips, revealing nothing.
"So it is." Hannah discerned before sighing. "I've said it once and I'll say it again. They love you very much. In fact, they love you so much it's almost annoyingly disgusting the way you three dote on each other."
"Was it that obvious?" Astoria asked shyly, feeling the heat surface on her cheeks.
"You were drifting off again, and looking at every mirror that passes you." Hannah rolled her eyes. "Wishing you were just as pretty as Pansy is not going to change how they feel about you."
"It's not just that." Astoria admitted as she shouldered her purse. "I've been working so much lately, and I can't help but blame myself for it. Spending less and less time with them… they must hate me."
"I'm not a stranger to your love of lost causes, dear one." Hannah tatted at her playfully. "But those lost causes would never hate you for being the strong and independent woman you are. You love to work and excel at it. If they can't appreciate that about you, then it's their lost, and not yours."
Astoria sighed tiredly. She was too exhausted to over-think it, but even as Astoria gave Hannah a grateful smile before stepping into the floo network, she couldn't help but continue to dwell on it dreadfully.
When she arrived at Malfoy manor, she found the place to be empty. Save for Draco's house-elf, who had been cleaning the drawing room upon her arrival. While Draco and Pansy were out, she immersed herself in a good muggle book and some hot tea.
Usually, the books distract her from her insecurities and fears. But today, she had simply been weaving through the book's words but never quite understanding their meaning. Before she could get back to rereading the first line of the second chapter for the umpteenth time, she heard the sound of the floo network's fire.
Draco was the first to arrive, stepping out of the fireplace, all covered in soot and dressed in his Auror robes. He grinned widely once he saw Astoria seated on one of the sofas.
"Ah, you're home," Draco announced fondly before he leaned in to press a chaste kiss on her lips. She felt a bit of warmth consume her, though not as much as it had used to when Draco kisses her.
As soon as they pulled apart, Pansy arrived; looking quite scrappy with her dark hair all over the place and her robes a tumbling mess.
"There she is!" Pansy exclaimed happily as she ran up to Astoria to plant generous kisses on her face. Astoria couldn't help but giggle before it was muffled by Pansy's lips. Once Pansy pulled away, she sat next to Astoria; a bit of ash and dust flying everywhere. "How was your day, Tori?"
"Honestly Pansy, show some respect for the furniture." Draco groaned and whipped out his wand. He cast a cleaning charm on himself, ridding away the dirt and soot before casting the same spell on Pansy.
"Honestly, he acts like we don't have house elves for that." Pansy rolled her eyes playfully as she linked her now clean arm around Astoria's. "So? How was work?"
"Busy as usual," Astoria tried to reply as cheerfully as she often would. But something must have betrayed her façade because the looks on Draco and Pansy's faces shifted all of a sudden. Her heart jumped in fear.
There was a moment of silence before Pansy finally broke it. "Why so sad?"
Astoria looked between Draco and Pansy, though her gaze mostly lingered on Pansy, who had always been so meticulous. She could read through Astoria like the back of her hand. It was unnerving.
"What makes you say that?"Astoria asked nervously, shutting the book she'd been trying to read all evening nonchalantly.
"Your voice reached a thousand octaves higher than usual," Draco shook his head before he took the other seat beside Astoria. He held her hand in his. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong!" Astoria tried to say as calmly as possible, but she now saw what Draco meant. She sounded like a high-pitched Cornish pixie. "Or, at least, nothing you two should concern yourselves with."
Draco and Pansy both exchanged worried looks before they directed that anxiousness by staring at her patiently, but expectantly.
Astoria released a sigh. She thought she was hiding her emotions so well ever since she started working at St. Mungo's, but she truly was such an open book.
"I've just been working late so often in the past two months," Astoria explained, her gaze shifting between her two lovers. "And I don't want to say that I'm jealous, but I likely am, whenever you two, well… whenever the two of you go out without me."
Pansy's eyes widened, and Draco pursed his lips, but she gave them no course to say their piece until she ended hers.
"I know I'm only new to our relationship." Astoria bowed her head this time, staring at the leather of the book on her lap. "And I've been trying very hard to spend as much time with both of you as best as I can. But every time I don't, I just feel as though I keep disappointing both of you. That eventually you'll both think it was a mistake letting me in..."
Astoria trailed off, unsure if she should add that slight bit where she felt she wasn't pretty enough. But that was a situation farther down that she would rather keep to herself. One blasted insecurity at a time, she dreadfully thought to herself.
A pregnant silence filled the room until Draco spoke.
"You think we hate you for that?" He asked carefully, his hand now moving to caress her arm. "That we hate you for working so hard?"
"We admit that we miss you every day," Pansy continued for him. "But that doesn't mean we hate you for being so busy. It's tough work being a Healer, and we both knew that the moment you got the job."
"But it's been a while since…" Astoria's cheeks flushed. It's been a while since she's had sex with both of them together was what she wanted to say. But she divulged a different meaning. "…since we spent some time together. I feel like I grow more distant as I work, and when I'm free on the weekends, one or the other isn't there and…"
"Astoria, that's not your fault," Pansy assured her. "Look, we're adults. We're all busy, but that doesn't mean we love any each other any less for it."
"We love you. You know that, right?" Draco asked her, causing her to lift her head at last to look at him. "I wish you'd told us sooner about this, though. You need to stop keeping these things to yourselves. You nearly had us worried."
"I'm sorry." Astoria squeaked immediately. "I didn't mean to…"
"Stop that," Pansy scolded her, causing Astoria to turn to the dark-haired girl. "Look, we can always make compromises. We just need to schedule our time appropriately, is all. Desperately, I might add. Sex without you is starting to get stale."
"I heard that." Draco sent her a disturbed look before shifting his gaze towards Astoria. "But yes. Sex has been very stale without you."
"Hypocrite," Pansy snarled back at Draco haughtily, causing Astoria to giggle in the slightest. A bright smile graced Pansy's lips. "God, I love that little laugh of yours."
Astoria pursed her lips together to stop her laugh, but couldn't help but smile as she looked between Draco and Pansy.
"I promise I'll try to get a better schedule than working late nights." Astoria declared as she took both of their hands in hers. "And maybe stop working during lunch too. So we can go to that nice restaurant we used to go to together when you both started dating me."
"That," Draco started as he leaned to press a kiss on Astoria's neck. A delightful shiver ran down her spine. "Well, that sounds like a perfect plan."
Pansy hummed in agreement, without words, because she, too, was laying playful kisses on the other side of Astoria's neck.
Astoria held back a moan, only to release what seemed to be a sigh of relief and pleasure.
"You're not going to be called on for work tonight, are you?" Pansy murmured against her skin, her hand trailing towards Astoria's abdomen.
A small gasp escaped her lips when she also sensed Draco's hand move to caress her thigh.
"No, I don't think so." Astoria replied weakly, slowly sinking into the two Slytherins' touch.
"It doesn't matter," Draco said lowly as he nipped at Astoria's ear lobe teasingly. Astoria's breath hitched. "They'll have to drag her away from the bed if they want to steal hear from us."
Astoria laughed brightly, Pansy and Draco dissolving into it as well momentarily before their hands soon covered Astoria's body heatedly. It's been so long… so so long…
She thought little of her insecurities at last as she sank into the blissful oblivion of their touch.
Present
Astoria could never hate Pansy. And she loathed herself for even blaming the memory of her other love for putting a difference between her and Draco. Yes, it was hard for both of them to lose her, but it was not fair to place all such blame on someone who was already dead.
"I'm so sorry, Pansy," Astoria croaked between sobs. If Pansy were there, she would pull Astoria in her arms, shushing her and doing something to make her laugh to stop her tears. But she could only imagine it now, and it never seems to work.
Her green orbs drifted towards the small calendar near the mirror within the loo. It was nearly the end of the month, she noticed. Then, something erupted in caution and surprise. She peered at the calendar again, wondering if she was reading it right. Of course she bloody was.
She had missed her period for nearly two weeks now.
Astoria fumbled for her wand. How had she not bothered to check? All the grieving, worrying, and desperation of having a child has made her forget. Or rather, the simple hope of having one had drifted off so far, she didn't even bother to check until now.
Her hand trembled as she waved her wand in a figure-eight motion before directing the tip of that eight towards her abdomen. A part of her was beginning to dread the sight of a white spark, for that meant there wasn't anything inside her. But when she saw the blue spark burst into what looked like a firework, Astoria nearly fell on her own two feet.
She couldn't believe it.
Astoria stumbled as she sped out of the loo, and nearly rammed into Draco in the middle of the foyer, had he not held onto her arms to slow her.
"Astoria, what is it?" Draco asked worriedly, his grey eyes alert as he searched her face. "What's wrong? Did something happen to you? I thought—"
"No, nothing's wrong. It's the complete opposite of that, actually." Astoria breathed heavily from such a short run. "Draco, I'm… I'm pregnant."
Draco's looked stunned; eyes widening for the briefest moment before Astoria felt him lift her off the marble floors of the foyer. She yelped and giggled happily as Draco spun her around, her heart racing at the sound of the same delight in his relieved laugh. When he finally put her down, Draco drew her close to him, their faces merely inches apart.
"Are you really?" Draco asked in disbelief, looking as though he was still reeling from the thought of it.
Astoria nodded excitedly then performed the pregnancy spell she did just earlier. As soon as the blue sparks dispersed, Draco slanted his lips to hers in a passionate kiss. Astoria snaked her arms around Draco's neck, pulling him down to her. Though perhaps she'd pulled too hard, and her balance had gone awry, because in less than a minute, they both fell down on the hard marble floors.
Though her back hurt, they simply laughed it off.
"Salazar's soggy balls, I'm sorry," Draco shook his head with a chuckle over her. "I shouldn't have dropped you. The baby…"
"It's okay," Astoria laughed fondly as she cupped her hands on Draco's face. "Are you happy?"
"I've always been happy being with you, Astoria," Draco answered affectionately before placing a kiss on her forehead. His sleek blonde locks a canopy around them. "This elevates it quite a bit."
Astoria shook her head in amusement. "I'm glad for that."
Draco finally helped her up and led her back into the dining hall.
"What should we name the baby if it's a boy?" Astoria asked curiously, holding Draco's hand as they ate.
"Scorpius," Draco answered after a beat. "My mum would appreciate the continuation of naming Black heirs after constellations."
Astoria nodded. It was an odd name, but a very unique one too. Besides, they can always call the little one Scorp if the name becomes a mouthful.
"And if it's a girl?"
Draco and Astoria locked eyes for the briefest moment. The Slytherin man lifted Astoria's hand to his lips then kissed her knuckles affectionately.
"You're right," Draco drifted off topic for a moment. "We should talk about it."
"Think of it as a good thing." Astoria implored him gently. "I think she'll be happy knowing that we still talk about her from time to time. She is a part of us even when she's gone."
Draco nodded to acknowledge that thought. "You always were more perceptive."
Astoria smiled at him softly. "And you always were wonderful when it comes to cheering me up."
They decided that day that avoiding the topic of Pansy was no longer an option. When they did speak of her, they felt some part of their spread about pieces come together and fill that gap that's been missing all long. Astoria knew now that she shouldn't have to feel guilty or insecure for not being enough. And Draco told her that he was going to try to be better, rid himself of that melancholic stride of his.
At the end of the day, they found themselves making love in their bedroom. When the high of it slowly dissolved, the pair finally chose the name should their baby turn out to be a girl. And no, they would not name her Pansy, because they both knew the pug-faced witch would have loathed it if the very thought arisen.
They would name her Esme, esteemed and beloved. Just like Pansy was.
Fanfiction Writing Month - July: 3,376
Eastern Hogwarts FunFair: Ferris Wheel #13 - (quote) 'If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.' - marilyn monroe
Southern Hogwarts FunFair: Henna Tattoo Booth - 14. Left Ankle - (trait) Meticulous / 7. Swallow: (trait) Gentle / 8. Abstract: (trait) Melancholic
Northern Hogwarts FunFair: Tunnel of Love - Yacht 12 - getting pregnant
Insane House Challenge
132. Pansy/Astoria/Draco
365 Prompts
245. Restriction - Characters from only one era
Writing Club - July
Disney Challenge: Themes - 4. Inner Beauty - Alt, write about someone who wishes they were prettier.
Book Club - Tik Tok: (occupation) Healer, (dialogue) "I'm not a stranger to your love of lost causes, dear one.", (object) book
Showtime - 43. Your Obedient Servant - (trait) Shy
Count Your Buttons: Objects - 3. Book
Count Your Buttons: Dialogues - 5. "Why so sad?"
Count Your Buttons: Words - 2. Scrappy
Hamilton Mania - July
Act Two: 16. Grief - (occupation) Healer
Optional Prompt: 40. (object) book
[Summer] Seasonal Challenge
Days of the Year - Business Women's Day: Write about a career-orientated woman.
Elemental - Fire Element - (word) Dry
AN: There's so very rare fics about a triad/polyamorous relationship between Draco, Pansy and Astoria. It's not a new concept, if I'm being honest. But I thought I would put something of this triad ship out there that's healthy, because I am so sick of reading about toxic triad/polyamorous ships. Love love, people! Anyway, I hope I portrayed much of it, even if majority of the triad only happens to be in the flashback! Please R&R! :')
EMPG22HoPe