Disclaimer: I own nothing that I speak of in this chapter except for the pile of dirt and the nice mahogany bookcase. Twilight and all its characters are the property of Stephenie Weir.
Chapter 1 – A Case of Mistake Situations and A Pile of Dirt
"Edward! Harder!" Bella shrieked, panting from exertion. She wiped a drop of sweat from her brow and ignored the pain that was shooting up her back.
'I'm trying, I'm trying!' Edward groaned. "It wouldn't kill you to do a bit yourself, you know…" he trailed off.
Little did this happy couple know that Alice, Emmett, and Jasper were huddled right outside the door. They exchanged amused glances. Alice stifled a giggle.
"Are they doing what I think they're doing?" she asked, trying hard to suppress her laughter. The banging about coming from Carlisle's office had quickly attracted their attention about 5 minutes ago, and it didn't take long for them to figure out that Edward and Bella were its sole occupants.
"I have no clue. This is slightly sick, yet sadly amusing" said Emmett, grinning at Alice and Jasper. "Our baby brother is finally growing up. Man, this situation is gonna give me loads of mileage when we're in a fight…total ammo! I remember giving him 'the talk' and discussing…" He stopped short, and pressed his ear once more to the door straining to hear what Bella was saying. Enraptured, Alice and Emmett too pressed their ears to the door in an effort to listen in.
Inside Carlisle's office, Bella smiled up at Edward. "Come on, just a little more," she said in what she considered to be a seductive-yet-pleading tone. 'Please? I'm getting really tired, and I don't want to overexert myself, I'm already sore all over…' She gazed up at his handsome face, biting her lip suggestively.
At this revelation, Emmett let out a terrific snort of laughter outside the door and was sharply reprimanded by Alice with a glare that clearly said 'One more noise, and we'll throw you in there!' He quickly swallowed his laughter and was glad that the noise they were making in the room didn't give him away.
In the room, Edward sighed. How was he supposed to resist that puppy dog look spreading over Bella's face? He smiled. "Come on, not that much longer. We can do it."
Bella sighed. She knew she was going to give in. Edward could be so persuasive at times. She looked into his eyes, a smile playing on her lips. "OK, but not too much longer. Someone's going to hear us."
Outside, Jasper couldn't help doubling over with silent laughter at the irony of this statement.
Edward laughed. "Don't worry about the others. I got the family out for another 15 minutes at least, so that it would just be you and me," he whispered in her ear.
She laughed. This was her usual Edward, always planning ahead for things like this. She hoped Alice didn't have a vision showing what was going on right now. Little did she know Alice was standing right outside the door, listening to her and Edward's every word.
"OK, on the count of three, I'm going to push. Hard. You do the same too, and maybe it'll fit into place. Got it?" asked Edward.
Bella nodded. "But this is the last time. If it won't fit, then it won't fit. That's all there is to it. No more, I'm already aching!"
"One..Two..Three!" Edward grunted with exertion as he shoved and everything finally locked into place.
Outside the door; Alice, Jasper, and Emmett were literally shaking with suppressed laughter.
"AUGH!" Bella shrieked. "Edward! My foot! You ran that stupid bookcase over my foot!"
The trio outside snorted a few more times, but quickly exchanged confused looks.
"Bookcase? What bookcase?" said Alice, a little too loudly. "Wait...I'm confused!"
Just then the door flew open and a fully clothed, sweaty, and enraged Edward stormed outside.
"What the hell are you doing out here! This was supposed to be a surprise!" Edward bellowed.
This just made the three start laughing again. "You 'doing dirty things' with Bella was supposed to be a surprise? GOOD one, Eddie boy!" howled Jasper, rolling on the floor clutching his stomach.
"Wait...what…?" Edward quickly scanned the minds of his three siblings who were lying incapacitated with laughter on the floor. His handsome features quickly stormed over with fury. "You sickos! You PERVERTS!" he screamed.
Bella walked to the doorway, looked confused. "What? What happened? Why are they out there?" she asked, confounded. "Edward, this was supposed to be a surprise! Where's Carlisle?"
"He's still outside, I'm pretty sure," said Edward. "But that doesn't explain why these jokers are sitting here rolling around on the floor," he said, looking disgustedly at the trio who weren't quite over their laughing fit.
"We thought…we thought…" spluttered Emmett.
"We thought you guys were, you know, um, er, well, we thought you were doing it!" shrieked Alice, falling back again into spurts of maniacal laughter.
Bella looked horrified at the prospect. "What?!" she cried. "You are disgusting! We had just put in a new bookcase for Carlisle, and we wanted it to be a surprise. Wait," she said, her eyes narrowing. "How long have you been here, outside, listening in?"
"Umm, about 10 minutes?" said Alice, trying to look innocent.
Edward looked slightly calmer. "Well, maybe that's why you thought we were doing certain…things," he said, struggling to keep his voice calm. "But did it ever occur to you that maybe the bookshelf didn't fit all too well? And that maybe it needed some shoving to get into place?"
Alice wiped several tears of laughter away from her eyes. "Sorry, Edward, really. It just didn't occur to me that there possibly was a bookcase involved with your, uh, love-ish sounding noises that we heard. That's really nice of you, though. Carlisle's gonna love it; he's been meaning to get a new bookshelf for a while. But – it's just, I don't know, only getting an audio version of that tale is just...so…hilarious!" She began quaking with laughter again.
Edward looked disgusted at his siblings. "Please. Do you people have any decency? Honestly," he muttered, giving a filthy look to the three laying splayed across the floor once again, in howls of derisive laughter.
Bella stood watching this spectacle, a smile crossing her face. "You know, Edward, if I just got to hear what was going on and was left to decide what was actually happening, I think it would be pretty funny too…" she said slowly, grinning.
A slow smile crept across Edward's face. "Yeah, I guess…in a way… but that still doesn't explain why you guys were sitting out here," he said, directing the comment towards Alice, Jasper, and Emmett.
"Well, we heard some funny noises coming from down here…something banging against the wall. Presumably the bookshelf. But…we didn't exactly, erm, figure that out at the time," said Jasper, looking slightly embarrassed.
Edward sighed. What a family he was blessed with. Making crude carnal jokes about him and his girlfriend; whom he wouldn't dream of doing anything of the implied nature for fear of hurting her or losing control. "Whatever. Let's go outside; maybe we can find Carlisle and take him to see his bookcase if he's home from the hospital."
Jasper heaved himself off the floor, where he had taken residence during his laughing fit, and then helped Alice up too. Emmett grabbed the wall for support and the five of them walked outside.
Alice took the lead, and was about 10 paces ahead of the rest. Jasper and Emmett were continuing to laugh about the encounter in the office. Edward quietly snaked his arm around Bella's waist and pulled her close to him, and Bella smelt the sweet spring air and felt elated inside. It was a beautiful day, and so far nothing seemed to be going wrong, other than the little incident with the mistake situation. She and Edward had installed a lovely mahogany bookcase in Carlisle's office, where there used to be a gaping white space of wall. He was going to be thrilled. Then, Edward was going to take her out to dinner that night, and maybe a movie. She was looking forward to the evening.
Suddenly Alice stopped in her tracks. "Oh my God," she whispered.
"Alice? What's wrong?" asked Jasper, quickly catching up with her. He too stopped right in his tracks, staring at the same thing she was. "Good grief."
Emmett, Edward, and Bella hurried to join Alice and Jasper, who were huddling over a small piece of ground.
"What? Why are we staring at the grass?" asked Edward. "It's not that fascinating."
"No. Just look. Wait a moment, and watch," said Alice quietly, pointing at a small mound of dirt. Suddenly, the dirt began to tremble, as though there was something in the earth, trying to get out.
"OhmyGod!" shrieked Bella, jumping backwards. "What is it?!"
"I don't know. Hush, let's see if it happens again," said Emmett.
The ground trembled a few more times, and suddenly the dirt shifted altogether. There was a gaping hole in the ground, and slowly a pale arm extended out of the dark abyss…