Yume no Naka
夢の中
⁂
Sunlight streamed in through the window, lighting the tiny kitchen in soft white. Rem smiled, enjoying the warmth against her skin. Closing her eyes, she took a breath, the scent of wood and morning and last night's rain around her. Home.
出会いに色はなくてモノクロ吹き抜ける
痛みごと君委ねましょう
The house was small, but she loved the window here in the kitchen. It was wide, almost half the wall. Outside, the young sun shone bright upon the faraway village. Off to the left, a ways from their house, started the woods – old, strong trunks and with a dense canopy, the dappled sunlight falling down upon the ground among the underbush and a few fallen leaves, as much as she could see from here. The puddles from last night's shower shone in the light like diamonds set in white gold. The tree leaves swayed gently in the slight breeze, the whole scene lulling, beautiful. The young demon girl sighed in contentment, before turning her attention to the vegetables on the counter before her.
溶けた後のやっかいな氷みたいな私を
優しくすくって上唇で遊ぶ
A yawn shook her from her thoughts. She turned around to see Subaru, his eyes closed, his hand over his mouth, stumbling into the kitchen, his clothes ruffled from when they'd cast them away in last night's frenzy. Rem's cheeks heated, thinking of last night.
"Subaru-kun, ohayou," she said.
He finished yawning. "Ohayou, Rem," he said, smiling at her. He crossed the kitchen to his beloved demon wife, scooping her into his arms and kissing her softly. "You look beautiful today."
She turned away from him to hide her furious blush, but she was pleased. "You say that every day," she said, slightly embarrassed but glowing in joy.
Taking in her scent, he dipped down to brush his lips against back of her neck. Rem shivered. "That's because you look beautiful every day," he said.
"Aw, hush, you," she said.
Grinning, stepped up to the counter beside her. "Soooo, Rem-san!" he said, eager as a little boy about to hold his first sword. "What would you like me to do? Don't start preparing breakfast without me!" he chided.
Rem shook her head fondly, pointing to her left, past where he stood. "Slice those carrots for me."
He snapped to attention. "Hai, Rem-sensei!"
Yes, Rem-sensei!
"I'm sensei now?" she asked.
He looked to her, the adorable grin still on his face. "Would shishou be better?"
She rolled her eyes. He pulled the carrots to him, beginning to chop them clumsily up into misshapen slices, nothing like her own, elegant result of years of practice.
"Aw, you're so good at this, Rem!"
She looked over at him again. He sliced the carrots acceptably, but they were nowhere near perfect.
"How they look doesn't matter," she said. "The food has to taste good."
He grinned again, giving her a thumbs up. "I might suck right now, but I'll keep working until I'm an expert too! Rem-sensei, yoroshiku onegaishimasu~!"
Rem-sensei, I am in your hands!
Rem set the knife down upon the counter, and stepped closer to him. Slowly, she raised her right hand, and he brought his left to it, entwined their fingers together.
"I'll always be here for you," Rem said softly.
With his left arm, he pulled her into him.
He kissed her, his mouth deliciously upon hers, his tongue dancing a breathless waltz with hers. She closed her eyes, melting into him and his strong arms held her, nowhere in the world she'd rather be. They separated out of breath and painting, gazing into each other's eyes. Her heart felt so good it seemed as if it was going to fly out of her chest.
"Subaru-kun…"
Subaru paused for a second. "I love you, Rem," he whispered earnestly.
Rem's lip trembled, before she bit it and her eyes moistened, threatening to spill tears. "I love you too," she said, raising a hand to cup the side of his face.
xXx
Suddenly she felt as though she were falling through water down a great height for an instant, and her eyes opened, darkness flooding into her vision. The image of Subaru's smiling face seemed seared on the back of her eyelids, and she had a hand extended toward the darkness. She breathed heavily. Her fingers grasped for something in the dark, but she found only air. She blinked slight blurriness from her eyes, and a dark room formed around her.
一人にしないでもう察して彩めて
Of course… She was back in her quarters in Roswaal's castle… Yes… She was a maid in Roswaal's employ. She didn't live somewhere far away with Subaru. Subaru was not her husband. He was not hers. He would never be hers. He loved Emilia. Rem drew a shaky breath, her heart pounding in her chest. She lowered her trembling hand – it hadn't been cupping Subaru's face, because, despite the physical proximity, he was far away in a place she could never reach in a million millennia. She brought her hand down to her face, and her fingers found her cheeks. With a start she found that she was crying, silent tears running down her face, and the breath she drew seemed as if it were balanced on the tip of a needle. Beside her on the nightstand, the candle had burned out.
Rem let her hand fall limply to her side.
涼しい指手招くままに
Subaru was not her husband, and they didn't live together in a small romantic village hut somewhere far away… He loved Emilia. She remembered her confession to him, played it in her mind like a traveling troupe's act… She'd had people dear to her before… Her parents, Nee-sama, but she'd never loved anyone as much as she loved Subaru. Rem bit her lip. She would burn the world down for him, spill the blood of everyone she'd ever known and loved if he but asked… He would never love her back. She knew. He loved Emilia. She'd known this before confessing, known what he'd say all along, but that didn't keep it from hurting. She could not bear to see him in pain, couldn't bear to see him hate himself while she loved him so much. She wanted him to see himself like she saw him, strong, brave, perfect. And although she longed to half his arms around her, she knew it would never happen, but she could not resent him for loving Emilia. She could not resent him for breaking her heart so much it hurt to draw breath. She could not do anything but love him. Logically, she should be hating herself for falling in love with a man who'd never love her back, but she couldn't. She didn't regret falling in love with him. Even though he loved Emilia, even though he would never see her like she wanted him to, she could not fault herself for loving him. The pain was bad, yes. Worse than anything she'd ever experienced. Worse than the time her entire village was massacred, her parents, everyone she'd ever known… The pain of rejection at Subaru's hand was worse. But still she'd never want to not love him. She'd rather bear this pain – this unbearable pain, somehow – than never have fallen in love with him.
He loved Emilia. Her hands clenched into fists, Rem brought them to her chest, the ache making it impossible to draw a steady breath. She gritted her teeth, hot, burning tears running down her cheeks, searing her skin. Her nails dug into her palms, her knees pulled to her chest, and she turned on her side, breath raspy. Against her will and efforts, the agony in her heart forced her jaws apart, her mouth opening in a silent scream she could not release. Please… Please… Her heart begged in silence. The pain of not having his arms around her made her shake in silent sobs. Her heart cried out for help, screaming to the heavens until she felt everyone would hear… But of course he wouldn't… She loved him so much. She'd always be there for him. She'd always love him.
できればこのまま包まれて終わりたい
She'd always love him, but he would never love her.
その願いは夜は虚しく朝を連れてくる
Alone in the dark, with no arms to hold her against the cold, Rem wept.
優しくて熱くて卑怯なキスで
彩ってよ最後の夜月が照らしてる
Please forgive me for typos. I haven't edited/proofread it yet. I usually do that after I've posted a fic because I have terrible attention that simply does not allow me to edit something as soon as I've finished writing. Meh, maybe it does, but it's boring. I'll do it later. I just really, really wanted to write some Subaru/Rem after last Sunday's episode (episode 18, if you're reading this at a later date). It just broke my heart. I don't read the novels, so the anime is all I know.
Anyway, if you liked this, please leave a favorite and a review! There's nothing I love more than reviews. :3 Seriously, even the smallest heartfelt review can make my day.
読んでくれてありがとう～