This is my first fan fiction everyone. Give me feedback on this first
chapter
A long thirty years had passed since the defeat of Zeon. King Granseal passed away five years after Elis's reawakening, and Bowie had taken over the throne, bringing in prosperity that had never been known to the people of Granseal and New Granseal. Astral had also passed on after the king, and Kazin had taken over Astral's school. Many of the centaurs had returned to Pacalon, while several others journeyed of in search of new homes. Several members of the 'Force settled down in Granseal to raise their children. Little did they know, a new evil was brewing in the remains of Arc Valley.
Morning sunlight streamed in through the open window as the young man slept on. Twice his eyelids closed tighter as the sun hit them with its blinding early morning glare. The third time his eyes opened, his form stirred under the covers, and the future Hero of Granseal awoke from a peaceful sleep.
The young man folded the blankets back and swung his thin, but powerful legs over the side of the disheveled bed. Ruffling his dark, unkempt hair between his fingers, he squinted out the window to try to make out the village clock.
He muttered a curse under his breath, knowing he had slept in again. His teacher and mentor Kazin was really going to let him have it this time, not to mention what his mother would say. And then there was his father-
He winced inwardly, remembering how his father was a man he had never even been punished by, never even heard a story from, never even seen, never even known-
Rob shook his head and turned his thoughts from his father and prepared for school.
After many side trips through the Granseal's alleys and side streets, Rob finally arrived at school. Sitting in the front row was the priest-in- training, Ashley. Her long blond hair cascaded over her shoulders onto her simple blue priestess's robe. Every time Rob saw her, his heart leapt into his throat, and he acted up even more to try to impress her. If she only knew his true feelings…
Ashley, the epitome of teacher's pet, sat in her seat perfectly straight, book open, and a smirk on her face.
"Sir Kazin is pretty pissed, Bush. You're late again"
"Since when do you call me Bush? Who told you my other name?" Rob's temper inwardly burned, while his face turned ten shades of crimson, knowing full well how she had found out.
"Since you found that secret keg of ale in the basement of the inn last night and ran around Granseal, drunk as hell, proclaiming yourself to be the new hero of Grans and replace King Bowie."
"So? You know I am in training to be at least a swordsman, if not Grans Island's greatest Hero."
"Then what about your drunken collapse into the watering trough?"
"Alright! I get the idea!"
Just then Jason, a Centaur, a half-man, half-horse, already a genius in combat, but in little else, broke in with his personal reflections of Rob's drunken binge.
"Poor human. Barely sixteen and he's already made a rather large fool of himself. Now if I remember correctly, you had a stein in one hand, broom in the other, claiming you were going to take on every monster on Grans Island and win."
"I wasn't the only one with a few drinks under my belt. You were right there with me."
Now it was Jason's turn to blush uncontrollably. The humiliated centaur hurried to his seat to hide his scarlet visage.
The door to Kazin's inner chamber opened, and the master Sorcerer stepped out, the very air seemed to crackle around him. His immense magical prowess was almost tangible. Kazin surveyed his students one by one, until he came to the two empty desks.
"Jold and Horatio are missing. Does anyone know where they are?"
Jason nudged Rob's elbow.
"Guess we weren't the only ones to find that ale."
Kazin had only started the day's instruction when a border guard threw the door open. His massively fat frame nearly filling the doorway, the overweight sentinel leaned upon the doorframe, desperately trying to deliver his message between huge gasps for fresh air.
"Sir Kazin…huff, huff… Devils have attacked…at the Ancient Shrine… the jewels are missing. Cough, hack…they wiped out the guards within minutes…barely got out alive. "
"Are you sure they weren't just the normal monsters?" Kazin inquired, secretly hoping, praying the guard had been mistaken.
"No. They were too strong…for us"
"This is very serious. Has King Bowie been informed?"
"Not yet." With that final statement, the exhausted sentry collapsed.
With straining arms, Rob and Jason sat the unconscious man in a chair while Ashley and Kazin started off for the castle. Ashley looked up at Kazin with a questioning, but frightened look on her face.
"Sir Kazin?"
"Yes, Ashley?"
"Why are you so worried over a monster attack? The normal creatures are usually easy to defeat."
"Because the monsters are becoming stronger every time and now the Jewels of Light and Evil are missing. There is only one explanation for this. The seal that holds the Devil Kings must have been broken. All of our available soldiers are either going to or from New Granseal for training or on guard duty. Jason, Rob, come here."
Rob and Jason, sprinting to catch up with their teacher and fellow student, joined Ashley in front of Kazin.
Kazin looked into Ashley's eyes and saw fear, but also determination. He looked at Jason and saw the eagerness and stubbornness of an untested centaur warrior. Finally, his eyes settled on Rob. The dark-haired youth seemed to sense that battle with the Forces of Evil was on the horizon and that his destiny was to be fulfilled.
"King Bowie has lost his edge in battle, as most of the Second Shining Force. Zeon, or another powerful devil has been freed from their dimensional prison. We do not have the 'Force to stop the advances of the Devil Army again. We must see the King immediately."
____________________________________________________________________________ _________
The castle, made of time-worn granite, dominated the entire town of Granseal. Rob stared in wonder at its towering spires, and massive drawbridge. His eyes took in the throne room, with its expansive blue carpet, ancient suits of armor and Queen Elis in all her grandeur, and finally, King Bowie.
The leader of the Second Shining Force had gained the fainted of wrinkles on his battle-worn face. His sky blue eyes, not dimmed with the passage of time, swept over all three of them. Bowie then directed his attention to his most trusted Advisor and most powerful Sorcerer.
"Kazin! What brings you to the throne room with your students?"
"The seal has been broken, Your Highness."
"What did you just say?"
Kazin closed his eyes, breathed deeply and explained the situation to Bowie. After hearing the situation fully, Bowie removed his crown and ran his fingers through his dark blond hair, deep in thought.
"There is no time to waste then. Rob, come forward."
The obviously nervous swordsman stepped forward and genuflected before his ruler. Bowie then bade him to stand in front of him.
"Rob, you are well aware of the facts that a Devil King is arising and the second Shining Force has become too old or weak to fight even a Greater Devil again. You must lead a new force into battle to stop-"
Just then a stocky dwarf and winded mage burst into the throne room.
"What did we miss?" the dwarf blurted.
"JOLD!" Kazin roared at his disheveled student with a magically enhanced voice used just for scolding his students.
"You were late for class and now you've interrupted the king. Keep your mouth-"
"Kazin, leave the boy alone," Queen Elis said, "You're obviously upset."
"Well, my students are out of line, an unspeakable evil is about to be unleashed, and GRAAAAAAUUUGH!!!"
Kazin's frustrations manifested themselves into a raging fireball which hurtled out a window and luckily fizzled out quickly. The furious sorcerer stormed out of the throne room ranting and practically foaming at the mouth.
Bowie shuddered at the sudden outburst of fury and rage. Replacing his crown, his eye turned to Rob. He saw some of himself in Rob, an untested leader about to be sent into battle against the forces of Evil.
"He hasn't been this hot-tempered since right after Hawel was murdered. Oh, well."
The king directed his full attention to Rob
"Rob, you and your friends are Granseal's only hope. The rest of the army will not arrive until next month. You must lead a force to the Ancient Shrine to see if the seal has been broken. Are you up to this task?"
"Yes. With all my heart and soul, my liege."
"Excellent. Gather your force and leave for the Ancient Shrine."
____________________________________________________________________________ _________
The trek to the home of the Force Sword proved to be longer than expected. All of the Force, even the more stalwart members of the team, Jold and Jason, began after the hour's trip to the shrine. Finally, the weary group reached the temple—to find Gizmos and Oozes awaiting them!
"Aw damn it!"
"We're too late!"
"Let me at 'em!"
And so the new Shining Force entered its first battle.
A long thirty years had passed since the defeat of Zeon. King Granseal passed away five years after Elis's reawakening, and Bowie had taken over the throne, bringing in prosperity that had never been known to the people of Granseal and New Granseal. Astral had also passed on after the king, and Kazin had taken over Astral's school. Many of the centaurs had returned to Pacalon, while several others journeyed of in search of new homes. Several members of the 'Force settled down in Granseal to raise their children. Little did they know, a new evil was brewing in the remains of Arc Valley.
Morning sunlight streamed in through the open window as the young man slept on. Twice his eyelids closed tighter as the sun hit them with its blinding early morning glare. The third time his eyes opened, his form stirred under the covers, and the future Hero of Granseal awoke from a peaceful sleep.
The young man folded the blankets back and swung his thin, but powerful legs over the side of the disheveled bed. Ruffling his dark, unkempt hair between his fingers, he squinted out the window to try to make out the village clock.
He muttered a curse under his breath, knowing he had slept in again. His teacher and mentor Kazin was really going to let him have it this time, not to mention what his mother would say. And then there was his father-
He winced inwardly, remembering how his father was a man he had never even been punished by, never even heard a story from, never even seen, never even known-
Rob shook his head and turned his thoughts from his father and prepared for school.
After many side trips through the Granseal's alleys and side streets, Rob finally arrived at school. Sitting in the front row was the priest-in- training, Ashley. Her long blond hair cascaded over her shoulders onto her simple blue priestess's robe. Every time Rob saw her, his heart leapt into his throat, and he acted up even more to try to impress her. If she only knew his true feelings…
Ashley, the epitome of teacher's pet, sat in her seat perfectly straight, book open, and a smirk on her face.
"Sir Kazin is pretty pissed, Bush. You're late again"
"Since when do you call me Bush? Who told you my other name?" Rob's temper inwardly burned, while his face turned ten shades of crimson, knowing full well how she had found out.
"Since you found that secret keg of ale in the basement of the inn last night and ran around Granseal, drunk as hell, proclaiming yourself to be the new hero of Grans and replace King Bowie."
"So? You know I am in training to be at least a swordsman, if not Grans Island's greatest Hero."
"Then what about your drunken collapse into the watering trough?"
"Alright! I get the idea!"
Just then Jason, a Centaur, a half-man, half-horse, already a genius in combat, but in little else, broke in with his personal reflections of Rob's drunken binge.
"Poor human. Barely sixteen and he's already made a rather large fool of himself. Now if I remember correctly, you had a stein in one hand, broom in the other, claiming you were going to take on every monster on Grans Island and win."
"I wasn't the only one with a few drinks under my belt. You were right there with me."
Now it was Jason's turn to blush uncontrollably. The humiliated centaur hurried to his seat to hide his scarlet visage.
The door to Kazin's inner chamber opened, and the master Sorcerer stepped out, the very air seemed to crackle around him. His immense magical prowess was almost tangible. Kazin surveyed his students one by one, until he came to the two empty desks.
"Jold and Horatio are missing. Does anyone know where they are?"
Jason nudged Rob's elbow.
"Guess we weren't the only ones to find that ale."
Kazin had only started the day's instruction when a border guard threw the door open. His massively fat frame nearly filling the doorway, the overweight sentinel leaned upon the doorframe, desperately trying to deliver his message between huge gasps for fresh air.
"Sir Kazin…huff, huff… Devils have attacked…at the Ancient Shrine… the jewels are missing. Cough, hack…they wiped out the guards within minutes…barely got out alive. "
"Are you sure they weren't just the normal monsters?" Kazin inquired, secretly hoping, praying the guard had been mistaken.
"No. They were too strong…for us"
"This is very serious. Has King Bowie been informed?"
"Not yet." With that final statement, the exhausted sentry collapsed.
With straining arms, Rob and Jason sat the unconscious man in a chair while Ashley and Kazin started off for the castle. Ashley looked up at Kazin with a questioning, but frightened look on her face.
"Sir Kazin?"
"Yes, Ashley?"
"Why are you so worried over a monster attack? The normal creatures are usually easy to defeat."
"Because the monsters are becoming stronger every time and now the Jewels of Light and Evil are missing. There is only one explanation for this. The seal that holds the Devil Kings must have been broken. All of our available soldiers are either going to or from New Granseal for training or on guard duty. Jason, Rob, come here."
Rob and Jason, sprinting to catch up with their teacher and fellow student, joined Ashley in front of Kazin.
Kazin looked into Ashley's eyes and saw fear, but also determination. He looked at Jason and saw the eagerness and stubbornness of an untested centaur warrior. Finally, his eyes settled on Rob. The dark-haired youth seemed to sense that battle with the Forces of Evil was on the horizon and that his destiny was to be fulfilled.
"King Bowie has lost his edge in battle, as most of the Second Shining Force. Zeon, or another powerful devil has been freed from their dimensional prison. We do not have the 'Force to stop the advances of the Devil Army again. We must see the King immediately."
____________________________________________________________________________ _________
The castle, made of time-worn granite, dominated the entire town of Granseal. Rob stared in wonder at its towering spires, and massive drawbridge. His eyes took in the throne room, with its expansive blue carpet, ancient suits of armor and Queen Elis in all her grandeur, and finally, King Bowie.
The leader of the Second Shining Force had gained the fainted of wrinkles on his battle-worn face. His sky blue eyes, not dimmed with the passage of time, swept over all three of them. Bowie then directed his attention to his most trusted Advisor and most powerful Sorcerer.
"Kazin! What brings you to the throne room with your students?"
"The seal has been broken, Your Highness."
"What did you just say?"
Kazin closed his eyes, breathed deeply and explained the situation to Bowie. After hearing the situation fully, Bowie removed his crown and ran his fingers through his dark blond hair, deep in thought.
"There is no time to waste then. Rob, come forward."
The obviously nervous swordsman stepped forward and genuflected before his ruler. Bowie then bade him to stand in front of him.
"Rob, you are well aware of the facts that a Devil King is arising and the second Shining Force has become too old or weak to fight even a Greater Devil again. You must lead a new force into battle to stop-"
Just then a stocky dwarf and winded mage burst into the throne room.
"What did we miss?" the dwarf blurted.
"JOLD!" Kazin roared at his disheveled student with a magically enhanced voice used just for scolding his students.
"You were late for class and now you've interrupted the king. Keep your mouth-"
"Kazin, leave the boy alone," Queen Elis said, "You're obviously upset."
"Well, my students are out of line, an unspeakable evil is about to be unleashed, and GRAAAAAAUUUGH!!!"
Kazin's frustrations manifested themselves into a raging fireball which hurtled out a window and luckily fizzled out quickly. The furious sorcerer stormed out of the throne room ranting and practically foaming at the mouth.
Bowie shuddered at the sudden outburst of fury and rage. Replacing his crown, his eye turned to Rob. He saw some of himself in Rob, an untested leader about to be sent into battle against the forces of Evil.
"He hasn't been this hot-tempered since right after Hawel was murdered. Oh, well."
The king directed his full attention to Rob
"Rob, you and your friends are Granseal's only hope. The rest of the army will not arrive until next month. You must lead a force to the Ancient Shrine to see if the seal has been broken. Are you up to this task?"
"Yes. With all my heart and soul, my liege."
"Excellent. Gather your force and leave for the Ancient Shrine."
____________________________________________________________________________ _________
The trek to the home of the Force Sword proved to be longer than expected. All of the Force, even the more stalwart members of the team, Jold and Jason, began after the hour's trip to the shrine. Finally, the weary group reached the temple—to find Gizmos and Oozes awaiting them!
"Aw damn it!"
"We're too late!"
"Let me at 'em!"
And so the new Shining Force entered its first battle.