A/N: This is set at some point after 2x08. There's one more chapter for this and I'll probably post on Tuesday or Wednesday. Let me know what you think and check my bio page to see what else I'm working on.
Mike frantically rushed into Paige's hospital room and froze the moment he saw her, awkwardly hovering in the doorway, unsure of his place. Unsure if Paige even wanted to see him, even if she called him.
A few months ago, it wouldn't have been a question. But, things were different now. For the first time in weeks, there were no more secrets between them. But the lies had given them refuge from having to deal with their relationship. Now, with zero lies between them they had to face hard truths and stop running from reality. Even if that meant making hard decisions. Living with the consequences.
"I don't know you anymore," Paige said, pulling away from him.
"I'm the same person. I did something horrible and unforgivable, but I'm the same," Mike insisted. Paige was the strongest woman he knew, but he had been right that she couldn't handle the truth of what really happened with Lina. Lina hadn't escaped and wasn't on the run. She was dead. Murdered by Sulla and he covered it up. Maybe if he had told her sooner instead of protecting the op, she might've been able to handle it then. But she had weeks of false hope built on a lie. A lie he created. But she had to believe him that the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her.
He made countless decisions she hadn't agreed with, but he was doing everything he could to make sure Carlito couldn't bring any more tinker bells into the US. He could've arrested Sulla weeks ago, before Sid had a chance to gun him down. But him keeping the op open longer was about shutting down the corridor just as much as it was about getting Sid. His career was tanking fast, but he persisted so he could save her tinker bells. Why couldn't she see that?
But if he was being honest with himself, truly honest, the main reason he kept this secret from her wasn't because it allowed him to keep that hellhole open. It wasn't because he believed, rightly so, that she couldn't handle the truth. He couldn't look her in the eyes and let her know he failed her. He broke a promise to get Lina out. And he knew when she found out, there was a good chance she would never be able to forgive him. Not because Lina died. But because he lied to her face, again and again.
"No, you changed." Paige moved to face the window.
This was it. This was the end. He heard the finality in her voice. But he couldn't give up on her. "We both changed. I told you the truth. What more do you want from me?"
"I don't want any secrets between us."
"I told you everything," Mike said, sitting on the edge of her bed. He was emotionally spent, they both were. But he had been completely honest with her. Part of him was relieved to have it all out in the open, but he knew she'd never look at him the same again, now that her worst fears about him were confirmed. They had been over for weeks. This just made it official.
"I haven't told you everything." Paige turned and leaned against the dresser so she was facing him. "I had a doctor's appointment earlier today." He sat up straighter, a feeling of dread starting to grow in the pit of his stomach. "I'm pregnant and I - I'm leaning towards having an abortion."
Mike stared at Paige in disbelief, desperately trying to process what Paige told him. She was pregnant and didn't want the baby. How could she do this? How could she tell him she was pregnant and with the same breath tell him she didn't want the baby? He understood that this was her decision, but it affected him too. He couldn't force her to do anything, but she should at least consider what he wanted. Mike stood up and closed the distance between them. He reached for her hand and she pulled away from him, shaking her head as she started crying. "Paige..."
"We'd be disastrous parents. We can't even have a conversation without fighting. I can't be with you, Mike. We've been over for weeks. I don't deserve to be a mom and a baby would slow down your career. I - "
"You're rationalizing." He knew what Paige was doing. Knew she was trying to justify an abortion and while part of him agreed with her reasons, it wasn't what he wanted. "That's not fair. You can't make the assumption that my career is more important than a baby, because it's not." He just found out she was pregnant, but in those few seconds his life changed. HIs priorities shifted. He wasn't any more prepared to be a father now than he was five minutes ago, but would do whatever he needed to do to be one. He'd get a desk job. Read every parenting book that was out there. Take classes. "Listen to me, nothing's more important to me than this baby. I want this baby. It's your decision, I know that, but you need to know that I want this baby. I want to raise this baby with you, but I'll do it alone. I want this baby, no matter what. Even if you're not involved in our child's life, I want this. I promise I won't judge you if decide not to be a part of the baby's life, but Paige, I'm begging you not to have an abortion. I don't have any right to ask and it's asking a lot, maybe it's asking too much, but you need to know how I feel before you make this decision."
"Do you know what you're asking me? If I can't raise our baby, you still want me to have the baby and give the baby to you? Is that what you want? Do you not want me involved at all?"
"No! I want to do this with you. I want to raise this baby with you. But if you can't, I'll do it alone."
Paige stared at him for what seemed like an eternity. He kept quiet, trying to gather his thoughts. Trying to figure out what to say to convince her that they could do this. And if she felt she couldn't, then he would.
"I need space, space away from you," Paige tearfully whispered.
"I know this is your decision," Mike said, desperate to get her to stay. He needed her to talk to him. Not push him away. He had given her every reason in the world to doubt him, but he needed her to trust him. Trust he wouldn't pressure her. Trust he could do this if she couldn't. Trust he believed she could. Because one wrong word would send her running out that door so fast, he might never see her again. "I won't pressure you, but you need to know that I'm prepared to raise this baby."
"I need to get out of here. I need time to think. I have to be alone." Paige quickly walked to her closet and grabbed an overnight bag. She started shoving clothes in the bag and he was helpless to do anything but stand by and watch.
He knew if he pushed her too hard, there was a chance she'd shut him out completely and he couldn't risk that. "Paige..."
"I'll call you in a few days. Just - Mike, please, just give me some space."
"I meant what I said. Even if I don't agree with your decision, I'll respect it. I promise I won't judge you, no matter what."
"If I do this, there's no going back, I know this. But it's not fair to have a baby to try to fix us. I won't use a baby to try and hold onto you and you can't use this baby to hold onto me."
"I know." He wondered if she would have an abortion just to cut him out of her life. Wondered if she hated him that much. He was ashamed of thinking the worst of her, but he had given her every reason to think the worst of him. "Promise me one thing," Mike begged, reaching for her hands.
Paige sobbed as she pulled away from him, "Don't, Mike, don't."
"Not that," Mike said, brushing away her tears. Although if he thought making her promise to not have an abortion would work, he'd do it in a heartbeat. "Just, if that's what you decide, don't do it alone. If - if you do this, don't tell me after it's done. You have every reason to doubt me, to doubt my word, but I promise you, I'm telling you the truth. I won't pressure you or try to change your mind." He was rambling, but if this was the one chance he to talk to her and plead his case, he had to try. "Believe me when I say I care about you. No matter what, I care about you. That's not a lie. I'm not saying that to manipulate you. If you believe one thing, believe that. I know you, Paige. You're strong. And you're stubborn and you're fearless. But don't do this alone. Let me be there for you."
By now they were both crying and Paige cupped his face in her hand, "I never wanted us to be like this. I need you to know that I'm not trying to hurt you, that's not what this is about. My decision, whatever it is, it's not about punishing you."
Mike leaned into her hand for a few seconds before resting his forehead against hers. He brushed her hair back from her face, relieved she hadn't pushed him away. It had been too long since he held her. Too long since she welcomed his touch or comfort. This moment couldn't last forever, but he wanted it to. "I know." He lightly brushed his lips over hers and she hugged him tightly as she cried in his arms.
He hadn't spoken to her since that night. She had sent him a text, letting him know what hotel she was staying at and promising to call him in a few days to talk. Since then he had been on edge. Ready to drop everything at a moment's notice the second he heard from her. Even if it screwed up this case.
"Mike?"
"What's wrong?" MIke asked, hearing the fear in her voice. He grabbed his keys and was halfway out the door before she answered him.
"I was driving back to the hotel from my parents and this car came out of nowhere. I didn't do this on purpose. I swear, I didn't. I wouldn't."
"I believe you. Tell me where you are."
Paige looked up and burst into tears the second she noticed him. HIs hesitation gone, he rushed to her side, taking note of her injuries. Mostly cuts and bruises. He couldn't stop his eyes from drifting to her stomach for a few seconds before pulling her into his arms. "You're okay," Mike whispered, rubbing his hand over her back. "The doctor said you're gonna be just fine. A little sore, for a few days, but you're gonna be fine." He wanted to reassure her that the baby would be fine too, but was afraid of how she'd react.
"I was so scared," Paige quietly said. She pulled back slightly, wincing as she reached for his hand. She placed it over her stomach and met his gaze.
He looked at her quizzically, afraid to hope. Afraid to ask if this meant what he thought it did.
"I was so scared something happened to the baby. It would've solved everything, you know? I wouldn't have to make a decision, it would've been made for me. I was so scared I lost the baby. Scared of having to tell you."
"Paige..."
"I want this. It took almost losing this baby to realize how much I want this, but you - you've always been sure. The moment I told you, you were sure."
He could see that Paige was doubting herself. Wondering if she could do this. "I'm still sure." Lowering his voice, he added, "But, just between you and me, I'm terrified. My dad, he wasn't the best role model. Far from it actually..." his voice trailed off. Why was he telling her this? He needed to try convince her to trust him. Trust he could do this. Not remind her that his father was a loser.
"You're not like him," Paige insisted. "You won't be like him. You're going to be a better father. Our baby is so lucky to have you."
Mike breathed a sigh of relief and kissed her forehead as he carefully hugged her. "Thank you," he murmured. Paige was doing this for herself just as much as she was doing it for him. But he was still grateful. Mike pulled back and touched her chin. "I promise you, we're gonna figure this out. Together."
Paige nodded and leaned back on the bed, reaching for Mike's hand. "You realize you're going to have to quit your job so you can wait on me 24/7, don't you?"
Mike laughed, knowing she wasn't serious. Paige was nothing if not one of the most stubborn, independent women he'd ever met and he'd probably have to argue with her and get a doctor's note to convince her to slow down. But she was going to love being able to order him around. The rest of her pregnancy would inevitably be filled with late night food runs, mood swings and bickering over nursery colors. It would also force them to reexamine their failed relationship. See if there was anything worth salvaging. See if it was worth the risk now that a baby was involved. "I've been thinking about a career change ever since we robbed a bank the other day."
"Investment banker?"
MIke looked at Paige, offended. "Hey, I'd make a great bank robber! We got three million dollars, which is pretty incredible when you consider we were targeting certain safety deposit boxes."
"Is that the plan? Rob a bank and we disappear on some island without US extradition? You could learn to surf - "
"I can surf!" Mike weakly protested as Paige shook her head, laughing. He would be offended, but she was right. Out of everyone in the house, he was the worst surfer. Paige's laughter slowly turned to quiet sobs and Mike moved so he could slide into bed next to her. Pulling Paige close, she rested her head on his chest as he kissed the top of her head. "It's gonna be okay, we're gonna figure this out."
"What are we going to do?"
"We don't have to decide everything today. First decision, I'll let you teach the baby to surf," Mike said, trying to lighten the mood.
"Well, that's a given. Promise me something."
"Anything."
"These past few days, how we got here..." Paige's voice trailed off as she reached for his hand. "I don't want the baby knowing."
"You have my word."
Paige relaxed in his embrace, and he absentmindedly ran his fingers through her hair as he whispered reassurances to her. It wasn't long before she drifted to sleep. Their lives were going to be turned upside down and they had a lot of things to figure out, but right now, everything felt right. He wasn't sure what the future held for them, other than being parents. They had their fair share of issues to work through in addition to figuring out how to be parents. He needed to wrap up this case so he could focus on Paige and the baby. She hadn't forgiven him for what happened with Lina and he didn't blame her. But she was letting him be here for her now, it was something. Everything else would work itself out.