Vulnerable
by: smartcheer917
Alright, so this is going to be darker than my usual fiction is. I got my inspiration for this story on Wendessday, when we were informed that a bus driver at our school had been stabbed to death (on the bus) and left on the side of the road (still in the bus) and then we were infromed of a hit list at my friends school. It really got me thinking, and I wanted to do a memorial-ish peice. For the dead bus driver, and for the kids who were on that hit list. They must feel scared to death. I feel bad that I laughed.
Alas, I couldn't even do that right. It turned into a people who don't show their true colors type peice.
This is also a songfic. It is placed the autum about 3 years after the war has ended. Katara is dealing with a hidden depression that she hids from everyone else. Any of you who don't think thats possible, think again. I know some people that are depressed, but mask it with the exact same things that Katara does. So save the snapping for the turtles. Anything is possible.
Italics are flashbacks.
Bold Sections
Like This
Are Songs
I sat on a hilltop watching the moon and the stars, watching as some of the consolations made their descents across the sky. It was a chilly autumn night outside, but at least I can think clearly. There is no more death. No more cries. No more orphaned children. No more widowed lovers. No more broken hearts. No more broken families.
The war is over.
It's finally over.
When it happened, it didn't feel over. A part of me was still empty and not fulfilled like I thought it would be. When it happened, and Zuko, not Aang, struck his father down by finally bending lighting at the mans chest I felt nothing. No joy. No happiness. No tears.
No nothing.
I still felt like the same old Katara. I still do. I'm a little bit less optimistic now, though, then I was then. I think having to see one kill his own father for the good of others is what pushed me over the edge to depression that I always had been on.
You see, after my mother died my optimism was pushed way father down than any natural human being's should be. I believed that the gods hated me, and that my life was now ruined. I felt cold, empty and alone. When my father left to fight in the war, something snapped inside my brain and I decided that everything happened for a reason. I was determined, determined, to feel normal again. I perked up and focused myself on becoming the best Katara I could be. Sure, I still argued with my brother but I always looked at the bright side of things and adopted a caring nature.
But the feeling never left me. I just hid it better than I used to.
I soon became an expert at hiding my depressed emotions. I would get random thoughts of suicide that would come from just looking at the simplest of gadgets. I would scold myself and tuck these thoughts deep away into my brain. I would, all of a sudden, feel all-alone in the world and it would bring out the leader in me. I would feel an irreplaceable cold in the world and it would bring out the fire in me.
And it worked for years. Sokka thought that I got over it, and Aang never knew. I knew Toph suspected something after a while (when she stopped calling me Sugar Queen). There was only one who knew the depths of my problems, for he had the same ones. And then, I remember.
I tossed the icicle up and down in my hand. It was mid-summer, but the tips of the mountains in the Fire Nation were oddly chilled and had icicles hanging from the ceilings of the indoor caves. Up, down, up, down. It had such a nice pattern that it followed.
I had been feeling especially lonesome and cold today. Sokka and I fought all morning, then I blew up at Aang and Iroh when they tried to smooth things over between Sokka and I. Lately I've been feeling so used, so unwanted that I just couldn't hide it anymore. I had turned and ran deep into the caves. The caves lit themselves with a glowing stone that was only found in dormant volcanoes. I went deep into the cave until I found a clearing with snow inside of it from a small, underground river and a hole in the side of the dormant volcano. No one followed me, or so I thought.
I continued to toss the icicle up and down in my hands. 'I cold put everyone out of their misery now.' I thought, 'I could kill myself and just give into this feeling of darkness.' I think.
It was a rash decision, I know it was, but I didn't care. I flipped the icicle around so that then end of I was against my bare neck. The cold was almost unbearable. I took a deep breath and started to press the tip against my neck, closing my eyes as I went. I could feel it melt and slid though my fingers as I attempted to press the ice into my flesh. I didn't call it back. I slowly opened my eyes to see Zuko, standing there, looking at me with sad eyes. I don't fight him. I don't feel it in me right now.
"Its not the answer." He said, gripping the base of the icicle near my fingertips. I looked into the deep pools of gold that was his eye as the rest of the icicle melted.
"Katara," He said, moving his grip to my wrist, "Why didn't you tell your brother?" I instantly feel my arm warm from his touch and the rest of me begs to be pressed up against him, just to feel this wonderful warm feeling.
"He thinks I'm over it." I say, blinking a few times as my vice starts to break. I can feel them coming, real, heart wrenching sobs. Sobs that I haven't cried since that night.
"Your mother?" I remember that I told him in the crystal catacombs that she was killed. I can't believe he remembers.
Its coming now, I can feel them. Heart wrenching sobs that rack though my body like when Toph splits a boulder. So I nod. My earlier wish is grated and he puts his arms around me and holds me. And I begin to cry.
After a few minutes I look up at him, stroking my back ever so gently. I manage to croak out "Why?"
"Because after ones mother dies, sometimes you just need someone who understands, but is neutral. Someone who you don't feel the need to be someone else around." He smiles a sad smiled at me and I remember how his mother died too.
"Was she nice?" I ask
"Yes, she was," He says, looking off into the distance with a small smile, like he finaly had a good memory to go back on. I press my face back into his chest.
The Katara who everyone knows wouldn't do that.
The Katara that is the mother of the group wouldn't do that.
That Katara would encase the Prince in ice instead of letting him touch her.
But I was not that Katara inside, and I realized that when it was just Zuko and I, I could be how I was feeling, because he feels the same way. I don't have to act on strong, false emotions that tell me what to do in situations.
I feel a few stray tears fall form my eyes and onto his dampening shirt, and then I feel something wet land on the back of my neck. He's crying too.
And I feel a little bit less empty than I did before.
I can feel him approaching. He always heats up the air when he's coming, just so I know he's coming. I hear his footsteps crutch the maple leaves that litter the ground up here. I lift up the edge of the blanket and he slides under with me. I smile a small smile and lean my head on his shoulder.
"Tell me a secret." I say.
Share with me the blankets that your wrapped in
Because its cold outside cold outside its cold out side
Share with me the secrets that you kept in
Because its cold inside cold inside its cold inside
He smiles down at me. He only ever smiles around me, no one else knows he can smile. No one else but me. He lifts his thumb up and caresses my check with it. His thumb is shaking slightly, like he's been scared or is nervous. I let it pass. As lord of a nation, he has to be on the lookout for assassins all the time, especially outside of the Fire Nation. "I love you Katara." He says, his usually regal voice cracking slightly "You know that?" I smile."Yes." I say, "Is that your secret?"
"No."
"Then tell me!" I exclaim. He puts his forehead against mine.
"No."
"Why?" I ask, looking into his eyes.
"Because It'd hurt my foolish pride."
"I thought we didn't believe in that kind of stuff."
"Old habit." He says and moves in, trying to kiss me. I turn my check.
"Not until you tell me a secret." His eyes dart around nervously
"There's nobody else here, Zuko" His eyes come back to mine. I feel his hand slink down the side of my body and come to rest on my abdomen.
"I'm scared." He says
And your slowly shaking finger tips
Show that your scared like me so
Let pretend were alone
And I know you may be scared
And I know were unprepared
But I don't care
"We don't know anything about being parents, or how to raise a child in this world, this New World. Or that the child will survive long. Its mixed heritage, and gods above know what will happen when the nobles catch wind of this." I silence him with a kiss and pull back.
"I don't care. You're so concerned about what they think." I say, "You're their lord. They should respect you. You are more honorable than most of them anyway. I can handle them."
"Are you saying I can't? That I'm vulnerable to their opinion?" he demands of me.
"Yes."
Tell me tell me
What makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that your so sure
Please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
Impossible
He shakes his head and turns it to the side, obviously hurt. I turn his chin back toward me. "I'm scared to. They shouldn't keep us apart. Zuko, we need to take responsibility for our actions." He smiles at me again. A few times in one night. I should get a medal.
"Many actions." He says. I shove him a little with a grin of my own. His smile fades and he becomes serious.
"Katara, I love you. I can't live without you. Despite what you sometimes think, you are the most beautiful girl in the world. You can calm my most tempered moments. You are the Ying to my Yang."
"As are you." I say. He shakes him head at me
I was born to tell you I love you
Its that a song already
I get a B in originality
And its true I cant go on without you
Your smile makes me see clear
If you could only see in the mirror what I see
"Katara of the Southern Water Tribe." He says, "Be my bride?" He pulled from behind him a betroal necklace. My fingers shake as I reach for it.
And your slowly shaking finger tips
Show that your scared like me so
Let pretend were alone
And I know you may be scared
And I know were unprepared
But I don't care
I look up into his eyes. "Yes," I say and throw my arms around his neck.
"Now," He says into my neck, "Tell me a secret."
Tell me tell me
What makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that your so sure
Please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
Impossible
"I thought about dying today." I said to him, pulling back,
"How?"
"With a vase."
"How would you manage that?"
"I'd put it on my head and run off a cliff." He pulls me closer.
"I'd never let you." He whispers in my ear. I pull out of his arms and dart away.
"Let me see you try!" I yell into the wind and run.
I can feel him on my tail. He grabs me around my waist and I fly forward and land onto the ground. He rolls me over so I'm underneath him.
"What if I didn't want you to stop me?" I say.
"I can be anything you want me to."
Slow down girl your not going anywhere
Just wait around and see
Maybe I am much more you never no what lies ahead
I promise I can be anyone I can be anything
Just because you were hurt doesn't mean you shouldn't bleed
I can be anyone anything I promise I can be what you need
Tell me tell me
What makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that your so sure
Please don't tell me that I am the only one that's vulnerable
Impossible
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Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender or the song Vunerable by Secondhand Seranade