If I Should Die Before I Wake

Chapter 1: Pretend

…but sometimes it seems like you're trying to say goodbye when you're saying something else.

Pg. 210

Twilight

To die and part is a less evil; but to part and live, there, there is the torment.

George Lansdowne

It was a time of darkness. A time where you realized that you couldn't trust anyone, not even yourself. I had given up hope…given in to what they were saying. It was probably just a bad dream Bella. They don't exist, can't you see that? There are no such things as vampires or werewolves. Well, I trusted them now. Of course, I wasn't that creative. I couldn't invent a whole story in my head. Much less, create a being that I felt so connected to.

But I knew the truth. Deep in my heart, I knew that they existed—that the angel in my dreams was real. Very much real…so real that I could describe to you every feature on his perfect face.

I sighed, facing the man that had caused this in the first place. He laughed at me, knowing that I had given up. I had neither the strength, nor the will to fight. Go ahead. Kill me.

XXX

It never really registered inside my head. Even when I visited the local graveyard and saw the tombstone, I wasn't pained…only empty. I remembered the times he had taken me to the river when I was a little girl. He tried to teach me how to fish—without success. I was horrible. I had no clue how to use the pole things, let alone how to actually put bait on the hook and reel in the fish.

There were times when he brought me down to the station. I remembered how I'd listen to the walkie-talkies blurt things out to him in a code I couldn't even understand. He rarely left the building, and the times he did, he was out at traffic duty, or policing the roads.

When I'd gotten a little older, he'd left me home and went out to work. I could fend for myself pretty easily. I seldom left the house. I hated the rain and everything to do with it. Forcing myself to stay inside, I'd find something to occupy my time, and focus on that, waiting for the summer to be over so I could return to my home in Phoenix.

It had been like that. A routine I'd follow throughout the summer…until the year I was 17…when I decided to live in Forks. Everything had changed. I met Edward, and- to make a long story quite short- fell in love with him in every possible way. I learned about vampires, even werewolves, and fell entangled within the lives of my best friend and boyfriend…boyfriend…the word didn't fit at all. If I could incorporate something like fate, or destiny, I would, but that sounded to outlandish for normal conversations.

Anyway, that was basically my life. I had left off after coming home from Volterra, Italy. So many problems still faced me. Victoria was on the loose, I needed to become a vampire before the Volturi killed me- if I could even manage that with the treaty still there-, and Jacob and Edward were getting more hostile towards each other each day.

Yet, nothing much had happened for a month since I'd returned—nothing much including vampires or werewolves, that is. Something else had happened though…something terrible.

The Crash.

I could have stopped it, or at least, tried to. We had gotten into a fight that morning -one of the few times we even fought. He wanted me to lead a better life. Go to collage, find a new job, and settle down. Unfortunately, it wasn't that easy. He didn't know I'd already committed my life to Edward. It wasn't just "a crush" anymore. He didn't know about my deal with Edward. I was planning on becoming immortal…soon. But, of course, he didn't know anything about that. To him, I was just his deranged daughter who spent her time working at Newton's and really liked the polite kid in Dr. Cullen's family.

So he gave his speech on how he wanted a good life for me and I told him how I already had a good life. He'd stormed out of the house after screaming at me for a few minutes, and left with the cruiser. It had snowed the day before, and he had forgotten to put snow chains on the tires. I left for school in Edward's Volvo – Charlie had allowed him to drive me to school again- and went about in my normal fashion. I remembered being called down to the office. Edward had asked the teacher if he could assist me, and we'd walked down together. The same lady that had given me the map on my first day to school now delivered the news to me. She told me there had been an accident—a very bad accident. The car had slipped on a piece of ice and slammed into a tree. He was badly hurt.

Edward and I had rushed to the hospital…and the next moment, Carlisle had told me he'd died even before coming to the hospital. It was too late…I couldn't have saved him even if I'd tried.

Everything had changed since Charlie died.

I looked down at the tombstone again, remembering it all.

Charlie Swan

Our friend, father, and chief.

1964-2006

My pale hands released the flowers they had been clutching on to tightly. I dusted the dirt and leaves off the cemented surface and gradually placed the purple wildflowers on the grass. I let out the breath I'd been holding in. It had been fifty years since the day he had died. It was now the year 2056. If I was normal, I would have been somewhere in my sixties now …but, as it turns out, I wasn't that normal. I was the complete opposite of normal. I was still 18. Forever immortal. Edward had hated changing me, but he knew it had to be done sooner or later. A deal was a deal. The marriage in exchange for giving up my mortality.

The hardest part was knowing that other people would suffer because of my actions. It was inevitable. I felt compelled to show everyone I didn't just run away from my family for no reason. I wanted them to understand. Someone had to know that I didn't just leave my life behind because I wanted to. Someone had to understand that if he left again, I wouldn't be alive anyway. I knew Jacob would always know the truth. But would he ever really understand?

I had left humanity behind. I'd left everyone to be with Edward. They all thought I had died. I hated hurting Renee like that. She had no one except Phil now. I wished I could spare at least one tear for Charlie or Renee…for everyone I'd deserted. But I was a vampire now…my body was dead. I knew what Edward was telling me for so long now. I knew it hurt to watch everyone age and die, knowing that you will never.

"I've had almost ninety years to think about this, and I'm still not sure…my life was over. I wasn't giving anything up."

His words haunted me. He wasn't giving anything up, but I was. I sighed and pushed myself up off the ground, dusting the dirt from my jeans.

I could hear the steady breathing of someone next to me. Stone granite arms locked around my stomach and held me there, cradling. I turned and buried my head by his collarbone, soaking in his presence. He rubbed my back reassuringly. We stood there for a long time. The icy breeze slapped against my cheeks, and a slight drizzle was coming down from the clouds…a reflection of my mood. It was ironic, I thought. After becoming a vampire, I'd had the strength to change the weather at will or according to my mood. That was my gift. Whenever I was unhappy, rain or thunderstorms would rage above the town. When I was all happy-go-lucky, the sun would shine brightly. I liked it. It gave me power I'd never had before.

I could feel him pulling away finally, his arms still wrapped around my waist. I looked up into his eyes. The golden irises filled with understanding knowledge. For now, I would pretend he knew what I was going through. I would pretend.

We left the cemetery behind, our feet barely touching the ground as we flew through the air with incredible speed. The landscape flew past us as we ran, synchronized, or feet moving at the same rhythm. The rain had picked up. The slippery rocks splashed against my face, and I turned my head up toward the clouds, welcoming it.

We arrived at the house in no amount of time.

The mansion rose in front of us. Elegant, yet reserved. The white curtains were pulled open and hung at the sides. It was a weird feeling…almost ethereal…but I guess that's how a vampire's house is supposed to feel like.

Alice greeted us immediately, an unhappy look on her face.

"Oh, come on Bella. Give us a little bit of sunshine here. You're ruining my mood." I hesitated, and concentrated on letting happy thoughts enter my mind. It wasn't working all that well. Alice could tell.

"Wait here," she commanded.

She'd returned in a minute, dragging Emmett behind her. His normally curly hair laid slick and strait, and he was wearing a tight shirt that read MALE MODEL across the chest.

I burst out laughing, forgetting my past mood. The rain dropped down to a drizzle and the clouds were beginning to shift.

Alice beamed. I knew this was all her work.

Edward chuckled, looking at Emmett who remained scowling.

"How did Alice do this to you?" he asked.

"I bet against her," Emmett growled. "And this is what I got when I lost." I gasped.

"You bet against Alice?!?"

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered. "I've learned my lesson."

Rosalie appeared at his shoulder suddenly playing with a strand of his hair.

"I like it. It shows a new side of you." Emmett winced. Edward laughed silently, whispering to me. I followed him up the stairs, leaving the rest of the family to argue whether or not Emmett's makeover looked good or not.

He led me to his room…our room now. We'd decided we liked it better being with everyone than building a separate house elsewhere. Sure, the privacy was nice. But sometimes, it got quite lonely without Alice's mischievous grin, or Emmett's booming laughter.

Edward shut the door, silently, and walked over to the huge music player in the corner of the room. A piano played softly. I could tell it wasn't nearly as good as Edward's melody, but the tune was nice nevertheless.

He took my hand and pulled me onto the couch. I sat on his lap, playing around with the golden band around his left ring finger. A simple stone was inlaid at the center. Topaz. I had a matching ring as well. He sighed, bringing my wrist up to his face and pressing his lips to my skin sweetly.

I was glad he didn't have to strain anymore. There was no more blood inside me for him to worry about. I sighed.

"What's wrong?" he questioned.

"Nothing," I replied. He waited. "It's just…I miss them. I miss everyone. Renee, Charlie, Jacob." He tightened against me.

"I warned you about this," he said. "I told you there would be drawbacks…big ones." I sighed again.

"I know…but I can't help but wonder…" I left my sentence hanging, listening to the musician play the piano in the background. He picked my hand up and squeezed it, gently.

"I'm here for you Bella."

"I know," I replied. And I did know. Edward would always be there for me. Forever.

A sharp pain on my left wrist made me wince and I looked down, surprised. There was nothing there except for the pale, granite skin. The place by my wrist stung a little, and I touched it, tentatively.

"What is it?" Edward asked, curiously.

"Nothing," I answered, still looking down at my wrist. "I thought I felt…never mind." He didn't pry further. I lay against his chest for god knows how long. He shifted me from my sitting position into a more laid back one. He kissed me lightly, and got up, turning for the door.

"Don't worry," he said, as he saw me getting up too. "I'll be right back."

I lay on the couch and shut my eyes, feeling suddenly drowsy. I could feel the darkness closing over me…a sensation I hadn't felt since I was human.

That's strange, I thought, my mind beginning to shut down.

Vampires don't sleep.

A/N: Hey everyone! So I decided to write yet another story. I have no clue why. When an idea pops into your head, you can't ignore it. This is one of those more mysterious stories. You won't be able to figure out the plot within the first few chapters. Oh and for those who were confused, the first part is the preface. I added it in because I thought it would work well with the rest of the chapter better than posting it sepratly.

But I'm warning you ahead of time. I won't be able to update as frequently due to my other two stories. Please be patient with me.

I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter. Constructive Criticism is welcome. If you know a way I can make my story better, please feel free to tell me.

Thanks Much,

--loveatfirstsite2--