Chapter 1

It was me and Haymitch now. There were a few others but they lived in the normal part of the district. Only Haymitch and I were in the Victors Village. He actually stopped by once a day, sometimes twice, until today. When he hadn't shown up by sunset I knew there was something wrong.

I went over to his house for once. I hadn't been there since the quell and it hadn't gotten any cleaner. Empty bottles, trash, old food, and stale vomit was all over the floor and counters. There was a clean couch and recliner. That was it.

"Haymitch!" I yelled. "Haymitch are you here?!"

No answer. I cautiously climbed the stairs to the one part of his house I had never been in.

"Haymitch! Are you okay?!"

He didn't respond. I nervously peeked around a door, and found myself looking at Haymitch. He was sprawled on his bed, empty bottles surrounding him, a full one in his hand.

"Worried about me were you sweetheart?" He slurred.

Haymitch never slurred. The man had built up some resistant to the normal side effects of alcohol. No hangovers. No slurring. Nothing. He had to be incredibly drunk.

"Haymitch, how much did you have to drink?" I asked.

He shrugged.

I tried again, "Why are you drinking this much?"

"Nightmares. Really... really... goddamn bad nightmares."

"Okay that's enough of that," I said, trying to pull the bottle from his grasp.

Haymitch snarled shoving me across the room. "If you're getting my drink, I better get something in return."

His body was pressed against mine, pinning me against the wall. For someone who spent the last two decades practically drinking himself to death he was surprisingly strong. He held my arms above my head, my wrists held in one hand as he used his other hand to shove my face upward and push my head to the wall. He smiled cruelly.

"Well Katniss what do you have to say?" He growled.

I couldn't breath. Haymitch leaned in to whisper in my ear.

"You took my drink and since you don't have anything I want well... I'll take you. I think I want that actually, very much." His voice was deep and gravelly. "Very much sweetheart."

It took several moments for the meaning of his words to sink in.

"Oh god! Haymitch!" I cried struggling.

"Go on. Put up a fight. I'll just tie you down and do it that way. Your choice."

"Haymitch you're drunk! You're drunk!" I screamed.

Tears dripped from my eyes. Haymitch leaned forward kissing me roughly, bruising my lips. I felt his rough stubble and soft hair. He tasted of alcohol. I went limp hoping I could get him to a position where I could fight him off. I only gave him more of an advantage.

He straddled me as I lay on my back on his floor. "What's your genius plan now Katniss?"

I kissed him. There, that was my genius plan.

"Nice try," He smiled.

"Haymitch please! Please it's me! Katniss! You're drunk! Please!" I begged.

He grabbed a full bottle and drank half of it in one gulp. It put him over the edge I think. Haymitch collapsed onto me out cold.

I pushed him off and stood shakily, trembling. Haymitch was going to be out for a while. My body couldn't process what had happened. I left Haymitch on the ground and went downstairs to lay on his couch.

My mentor had tried to rape me. It all happened so fast. I had... trusted him. Trusted he'd never become an alcoholic monster.

Trusted. The only people I ever trusted were Prim, Gale, and Peeta. And Haymitch. Gale betrayed me, Peeta was gone, and Prim... oh sweet Prim... was gone in an entirely different way. And Haymitch. Haymitch. I let out a sob. I trusted him even more than anyone else.

Trust was a terrible thing. Look at the people who trusted me. Finnick, Prim, Peeta, Rue. The memories flooded my mind filling it with all the pain I had caused, all the death. I covered myself in a semi-clean blanket and cried.

And when I finally slept I had nightmares of mutts that became Rue, and Finnick, and Annie telling me I should have died not them, or the one they loved. I thrashed around until I lay sprawled on the ground with tears staining my face.

That was the way I was the next morning when Haymitch found me.

When I woke up Haymitch was kneeling over me tears dripping from his eyes.

"Are you trying to drown me?" I asked.

He only cried harder.

"Haymitch? What's wrong?" I whispered softly. My hand stretched out to take his hand but he pulled it away.

"I can't... can't believe I did that! Oh Katniss I'm so sorry! So sorry!" He sobbed. "You should go. I'm obviously not safe to be around. Not safe at all."

I looked up at my mentor and I realized for the first time that he was as broken as I was. Probably more. He'd survived his own games and then watched tributes die for over two decades unable, unwilling to help them because he knew dying in the arena was better than living. He knew that there are worse things than death.

"That wasn't you Haymitch. That was the alcohol. All alcohol." I said.

"Exactly and I am always drunk. Katniss I don't want that to happen again. You need to go. I am always, always drunk!" He yelled.

I flinched and sat up.

"Glad you finally noticed! I noticed the day of my reaping, when you took the tumble off the stage. Remember? And in case you haven't noticed we are the only people in this part of town. You're my only friend here! That is why I'm staying! I am going to make sure that you ease up on the booze Haymitch! If it kills me I will get you dry! What if it had been, I don't know Prim, or my mother, or some random girl. This isn't just about me!"

"Katniss in case you didn't notice your sister is dead! I will hurt you if you stay here!"

"No you won't." I hissed.

"What?"

"You won't. You will never be that drunk again. I am going to stay here, clean up your goddamn house and get you dry if I have to be raped a hundred times to get it done. Despite what you may think Haymitch I want you to live. No one else understands but you! No. One."

He looked at me like I'd just grown wings, wait I already did that, like I'd just asked him to kill me. I stared him straight in the face.

"You'd help me get dry? After what I tried to do to you?" He stopped crying long enough to sniffle and wipe his nose on his sleeve.

"You're my friend. You helped me survive. Now it's my turn to help you."

Any advice would be great! This is the first fanfiction I've written so I'm not sure if I'm doing everything right. Hope you enjoy:)