Author Notes:
Fandomimaginerequests prompted me on tumblr with Lance Hunter and the line "We need to get her to the hospital."
Super un-beta'd and a little cracked out.
An 084 to Remember
"This can't be good." Hunter stood at the foot of a large, metal examination table, nervously shifting his weight back and forth between his feet as he warily observed the writhing form below him.
It's body was an improbable shade of forrest green. It's shape, a wrinkled, amorphous blob with skin covered in tiny scales. "We need to get her to a hospital. Or wherever the hell things like this go to for medical treatment."
"What?" Jemma's eyes flicked up as she finished taking a skin culture from their newest 084. "Whatever for?"
Fitz released the animal's spindly arms from where he had been gently restraining her, then casually rubbed a gloved thumb between her four eyes. "Are you in pain, baby girl?"
"I was extremely thorough the first time I examined her, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to check her over again." Jemma flipped the animal onto her side, looking the alien over for injuries a second time before carefully dropping her down onto her hind legs. "She looks completely normal, Hunter."
"I know what normal looks like, and it's definitely not fucking that. That, looks like a Shar Pei mated with a lizard."
Jemma's brows bunched wth obvious irritation as she set down her stethoscope. "She's a perfectly healthy example of average specimen for her species."
"Don't listen to her," Fitz said to the alien, voice soft as he scratched his fingertips behind what Hunter could only guess was one of her ear holes. "You're not average. She's just jealous of your lovely color."
"She seems to have taken to you." Jemma reached toward the animal's head and scratched behind her other ear.
"Well, isn't this a precious sight, you two playing 'happy families' with something that belongs in a containment unit." The corners of Hunters mouth turned down, like he'd just bitten into a bad nut. "Is that a slime trail?"
Pointedly ignoring Hunter's question, Jemma's gaze lifted toward her partner, who was nearly cooing at the strange creature. "Don't tell me your obsession with monkeys has finally begun to wane, Fitz?"
"As if I'd be fickle like that. You know how much I hate almost everything, Simmons. When I find something I do like, it's for keeps." Fitz's hand accidentally brushed up against hers, causing him to retract it quickly into a balled fist, which he protectively held to his chest.
Jemma blushed and began to busy herself with the unnecessary task of straightening her contaminated tools.
Hunter rolled his eyes at their painful attempt at flirting. "You're including this Lizard-Pei on the short list of things you like?"
"Why not?" Fitz raised an eyebrow at him in challenge.
"Well, for one, it looks like something I ate once in an Edinburgh dive bar during Hogmanay?" Hunter shrugged, obnoxious grin firmly back in place.
"Are you slagging off Scottish food or this adorable little creature? I'm not sure which offends me more, to be honest."
Hunter deliberated for a moment. "Both?"
The gears in Fitz's brain began to turn so quickly that Hunter could practically hear them whir. Deep down, he knew no good could come of Fitz's scheming. It never had in the past.
Fitz folded his arms across his chest and smiled at Jemma. "I think we should name her, Dr. Simmons. What do you think?"
A look passed between them, sending them both into a fit of laughter.
Clearly, this was going to be worse than Hunter thought.
What could only be classified as a groan gurgled out of the animal's mouth as it drooled onto it's celadon-hued belly. Hunter choked back a dry heave.
"Oh yes, I absolutely agree. Have any creative suggestions, Dr. Fitzy?" Simmons asked, though it was clear she already knew what Fitz was about to say and was just passing the ball to set up the goal.
The confident smirk Hunter had been wearing started to fade.
Fitz's knees bent until he reached the right height to look the 084 squarely in her numerous eyes. "I think I have the perfect name for you, darling…"
Hunter's eyes widened in fear. "No, don't do it, mate. I take it all back…"
Jemma tickled the alien's belly, forcing her to release a wet-sounding laugh that was uncomfortably similar to the noise a human with bronchitis makes when they're on a coughing jag. "Hello, Huntress."
A/N - hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading :)