Ah! My (Pigtailed) Goddess!
By Dora-chan
It was a dimly lit, smoke-filled attic. Spider webs intertwined between the many dusty chests and boxes piled up on the sides. The room would be rather eerie had the inhabitants not been so used to it. We see two figures in the room, one bent over a wooden casket on the ground, the other eyeing the casket curiously.
"What are you looking for, great-grandmother?" the beautiful Amazon warrior asked the frightfully ancient woman hunched over on the floor in her flowing Chinese.
"An herb," the old woman replied, also in Chinese. "I should have thought of it sooner. It would be the solution to all our problems!"
"What does it do?" the young girl queried skeptically.
"It is a love potion. It causes a person to proclaim love to whoever is in his or her sight, even if he or she is not in love. All we need now is to find that it, have Son-in-Law take it, then he would be able to overcome his shyness and—"
"—and declare his love for me," the young girl's eyes gleamed in the dark.
"And we'll have a wedding right away, before he can change his mind." the old woman held out a small porcelain jar. "At last! Here it is!"
The wrinkly old woman turned to her great-granddaughter and smiled slowly, wrinkling her face even more.
"Go put on your wedding dress, Shampoo."
"Hai!"
@~~~~
Ranma walked on the fence, alone. Akane had left for school an hour early, to rehearse for a school play, she said. Ranma had not known that he would miss her that much, and was embarrassed to even admit this fact to himself. It's only a short walk to school, he told himself angrily, why are you being such a dolt about having to walk alone? But nevertheless, he felt Akane's absence keenly and had sulked all morning.
His solitude did not last. Presently, a bike flew toward him and he leapt aside just in time. The bike landed where he stood a millisecond earlier.
"Shampoo!" He said irritably. "Why do I have to risk death every time you appear?"
"Nihao!" She grinned cheerfully. If she had not been so obsessed about him, he would have fallen for her wonderful smile.
"Morning," he replied listlessly as he turned from her and continued his walk.
She was not easily disappointed.
"Ranma noticed anything special today?" She asked cheerily.
Ranma turned and stared at her, though he did not slacken his pace. It was then that he noticed that she was wearing a red Chinese silk dress. Although it did not reveal a whole lot of flesh, it was sexy and bewitching in its own way. It clung so close to her body that Ranma could see every slight curve, and it had a slit all the way up her left thigh.
"Why are you dressed like that?"
Shampoo grinned. "Shampoo always dress up to see husband. Shampoo worried Ranma might not have good breakfast, so she brought Ranma some dumplings."
She whipped out a plate containing three meat dumplings. Kasumi had provided Ranma a sufficient breakfast that morning, but Ranma could never say no to free food, so he took one dumpling gratefully and devoured it in a second. Shampoo's grin widened.
"Does husband have anything to say to his little Shampoo?"
"Thanks, that was delicious." Ranma paused, wiping his mouth with his right sleeve.
"Shampoo, I…"
@~~~~
As much as Akane loved theater, she was not having the greatest time of her life.
She felt cheated. The president of the Theater Club had told her that since she did a brilliant job as Juliet in the previous school play, they have decided to cast her as the main character once again. Delighted, she immediately agreed to play the role, until she found out that she is to be Prince Charming. When she threatened to cripple the president , however, he explained with a nervous smile that she is one of the few students who knew sword fighting, and she can't really be Cinderella because she can't sing. He then tried to convince her that the knight in shining armor is not so bad a role.
As the rehearsal was drawing to an end, the doors to the auditorium were shoved open with a bang and two figures burst through them. All the heads turned in that direction and Akane gaped.
"Daddy! Uncle Saotome!" she exclaimed. "What are you two doing here?"
"You must come now, Akane," Soun said breathlessly. "Your future depends on it!"
"Wha—?" She stuttered.
"No time to explain, you must come now!" her father cried.
Afraid that he would burst into tears if she doesn't comply, Akane quickly excused herself from the staring students and followed her father and Genma out the doors and down the halls.
"What is going on!?" she said, a little frightened. Had someone died? Is the dojo in trouble?
"You are about to lose your fiancé if you don't hurry," Genma said, breathless.
"Oh," said Akane, relieved. "That's all?"
"What do you mean 'that's all'?" Soun said in horror. "Do you know how much is at stake? Think of yourself, think of Daddy, think of the dojo!"
"What did Ranma do this time?" Akane scoffed.
"It is not his doing, he is the victim!" Soun said. "I cannot explain it in words. You must go in person and see him yourself. Only you can cure him now!"
"First let me go change—"
"There is no time!"
"Dad! I'm wearing 17th century tights!"
"17th century clothing would not affect Ranma's love for you, my dear, now hurry!"
Akane rolled her eyes.
@~~~~
"You get away from my Ran-chan!" Ukyo yelled as she swung her giant spatula viciously at Shampoo.
"Say you love me!" Shampoo neatly avoided Ukyo's spatula by jumping into the air…and landing right in front of a running Ranma.
Ranma screeched to a halt as he starred at Shampoo. He held her by her shoulders and gazed deeply into her eyes. "I have never seen someone so loving and pure…there can be no one else for me Shampoo, I love y—"
"Oh, no you don't!" Ukyo leapt between them and shielded Shampoo from Ranma's sight. The two ladies glared at each other menacingly and Ranma took this opportunity to run for it.
"What's happening to me!?" he cried aloud as he ran blindly forward. "I start to speak like Kuno to whoever is in front of me!!!"
Ukyo happened by just as Ranma was about to involuntarily mumble some pathetic confession of love to Shampoo, and the three had been in this ridiculous brawl ever since. Whenever he would say "I love you" to one of the ladies, the other would always interfere just in time, which, in a way, made Ranma glad.
Suddenly a ribbon wrapped around Ranma's ankle and he fell flat on his face. Two long arms immediately wrapped themselves around him and his face was buried in someone's breasts.
"Oh, my poor darling! Whoever made you fall? It must be those despicable vixens. Come here and let Kodachi make you all better."
"Get off of me…!" Ranma pushed her away, for he was suffocating (After all, Kodachi's boobs were rather huge). However…
"Just gazing upon you fills one's soul with warmth and delight," he said, holding Kodachi by her shoulders. "You must be tired of hearing this now, but your embrace is a man's fondest dreams, and I—"
A giant spatula landed on his head and stopped his romantic words.
"Ran-chan, you two-timing jackass!"
"Ranma no look at her, look at Shampoo!"
"How dare you interrupt him in his sacred speech! Do go on, Ranma-sama."
Ranma, however, could take it no more. Shutting his eyes tight, he tore off a piece of his shirt and quickly blindfolded himself before pushing all three ladies aside—none too gently—and ran like hell.
"Ranma!!" they yelled in unison. He paid no attention to them and kept running as if his life depended on it.
He did not get far, however. Presently, he ran full speed into a stop sign and fell to the ground, unconscious for a moment. He was rendered conscious again when someone slapped him across the face continuously.
"What the hell are you doing!?" He yelled angrily, taking his blindfold off. It was Soun.
"Are you okay, son?" Soun said.
Ranma sighed, relieved. At least it's not a girl, he thought. However…
"Have I ever told you how stunningly sexy you look with your flowing mullet hair and your soft raven-black mustache?" Ranma, to his horror, held Soun by his shoulders. "The sight of you would excite any young man, and there is nothing in the world I desire more but your soul and your flesh, my Soun. I have longed to tell you that I love—"
Genma, now a panda, whacked Ranma across the head with a sign that read: That's enough now, or I'm going to barf.
"I know I am desirable," Soun said quietly. "But I'm sorry, my lad, I have promised you to my daughter...you will learn to adjust your silly fantasies for me to pure love for Akane in time, Ranma." Soun took out a white handkerchief and dabbed away a tear.
Ranma lay stiffly on the ground with his face downward. "Thanks, pop, I was about to barf, too," Ranma muttered at last, as he tried to push himself up with shaky arms.
"This is all Shampoo's doing, I suppose?" said a voice behind him.
Ranma froze. The voice belonged to Akane.
"What's the matter, boy?" Soun urged. "Get up and look at Akane! I believe you have something you want to say to her?"
Ranma remained on the ground, sweating uncontrollably, looking for a way out without success. Akane looked down at him with half closed lids; after all, his behavior was not at all surprising. Coward, she thought.
"Well?" Akane crossed her arms and smiled. "I'm listening." Watching Ranma squirm can be so fun.
"Ranma, come back here!" Ukyo yelled from a distance. Ukyo, Shampoo, and Kodachi can be seen running down the street, approaching them steadily.
"Hurry up, son, you haven't got much time!" Soun finally lost patience and, grabbing Ranma by the shoulders, picked him up roughly and placed him in front of Akane. The squirming youth, however, anticipated this and quickly blindfolded himself once more before shoving Akane aside and ran away, disappearing around a corner.
"Ran-chan!!" Ukyo yelled angrily. She stomped her foot, frustrated. "Damn that jackass!"
Akane silently agreed.
@~~~~
Ranma thought the dojo would be a safe refuge. Nabiki would be at school, and Kasumi would be at Dr. Tofu's. Once he arrived at the dojo, Ranma quickly splashed himself in ice cold water…somehow, confessing love as a girl seemed less awkward and less serious and perhaps people won't take him/her so seriously then.
How very wrong she was.
At that precise moment, she had to jump aside to avoid colliding with an incoming bike.
"RANMA!!"
"Now what?"
"I have come to battle you to death! This thing with Shampoo cannot go on further…I must defeat you today or—"
Girl Ranma held Mousse's head in a soft yet firm embrace between her shapely bosoms, and bent her head over his, so that her cheek touched the top of his head affectionately. She closed her eyes.
"Mousse, must we always fight like this? It aches my heart so. If it is truly Shampoo that you love I will quietly step aside, but before I do so you must know that I love—"
"What are you playing at?" Mousse said between gritted teeth, as he struggled to free himself of Ranma's arms. But Ranma, girl as she was, was stronger than Mousse had anticipated, and held on to Mousse's head stubbornly. So now she had him in a headlock, which was very awkward and not in the least romantic.
"Leggo of me!" Mousse said. "I prefer women. Real women, not halves, so let go!"
"I will not, not until you hear me out. My heart is too full, you must know how I feel. Oh, Mousse, I love—"
"How dare you seduce my Pigtailed Goddess!" Kuno's sword launched for Mousse's head, and the latter duck hastily, thus freeing himself from Ranma's grasp. Ranma turned around and gasped desperately for air. This thing is sickening.
"I'm not the one doing the seducing here," Mousse scoffed, jumping back.
"Kuno! What are you doing here!?" Ranma gaped.
"What you have done to my dear Pigtailed-Girl is unforgivable," Kuno hissed, ignoring Ranma. Kuno had the tendency to show up at random places. "I will not rest until I have sent you to your grave and have restored the pigtailed lady her honor."
Kuno charged, and Mousse leapt backward nimbly, releasing the weapons inside his vast sleeves. Kuno retracted then stepped forward—putting himself right in front of his beloved's eyes.
"Die!" Kuno said, but his sword stopped in mid-strike.
"Kuno…" Ranma had buried her bright redhead in Kuno's shoulder. "It melts my heart to see you fighting for my honor…you are a maiden's ideal specimen of manhood, my beloved. Oh, be still my heart…I must let you know my heart; dearest, I have always loved—"
"Say no more, my Pigtailed Goddess!" Kuno dropped his sword and embraced Ranma affectionately. He wrapped his strong arms around her thin waist and sank his lips into her fragrant hair. "I know thine heart perfectly. I know of your deep love for me."
They stood for a moment in silence, the portrait of a young samurai finally winning the maiden of his ideals. Mousse stood on the side, his face blue from repugnance.
Cologne's herbs had been known for their strength. But no matter how strong the potion was, Ranma had reached her limit while she was in Kuno's loving arms and could stand it no more. She let out an agonizing squeal.
"Geeaaaagggghhhhhh!!!!"
A mallet landed on Kuno's head at that moment and promptly knocked the young samurai out. Akane had been observing the scene in silence this whole time. Akane walked up and pulled Ranma's pigtail down, so that Ranma leaned over backwards and starred up at her fiancée upside down. Akane's upside down smirk filled her vision.
"Was that a damsel in distress I just heard?" Akane snickered. She was still in her Prince Charming costume.
"I'm currently a damsel, and I was in distress, yes." Ranma muttered, quickly looking away. Too late. She bit her lower lip desperately to keep from talking.
Akane had been watching Ranma has she helpless told Mousse and Kuno of her 'love' for them...as she watched, she could not help but grudgingly admit that female Ranma, with her shapely curves and eternally long legs, was truly a rare beauty. The sun from the window reflected brilliantly on her auburn hair and made her skin look softer. Akane scowled; of all the girls to turn into, why did her fiancé have to turn into a drop-dead gorgeous covergirl chick?
Akane tapped her foot patiently. "Is that all you have to say to the woman who just so gallantly rescued you?"
Ranma bit her lip harder. She stopped breathing altogether. She shut her eyes tight and crossed her fingers. But nothing helped. Something deep within her, something under the influence of Cologne's potion and Shampoo's dumplings, impelled her violently to open up and utter those meaningless words that she had been uttering all morning.
Her lungs were exploding. Her head was spinning. Say it! Her mind told her. Say it, damn you! But her heart told her to do something else, and it was this latter organ that she decided to follow.
"NO!!!" Ranma screamed suddenly, putting her hands tightly over her ears and shaking her head violently. Then she cracked open the nearest wall and fought her way out of the dojo. Soon, she disappeared from sight.
Akane starred after her.
"Hey, come back here! I haven't fought you to death, yet!"
Akane jumped at Mousse's voice; she had forgotten his presence altogether.
"Oh, shut up, Mousse," she muttered.
@~~~~
Nabiki walked blithely on the way home. Actually, she danced rather than walked; her steps were light and she seemed to flow her way through. Spectator who knew her all thought that she must have made a good deal of yens that day.
She headed strait home, which was rare for Ms. Tendo. But although she seemed to stroll with apparent carelessness and merriness, she walked with a purposeful air. It was one of those attitudes which only Nabiki could manage. And stranger still, upon reaching home, Nabiki went strait toward the dojo. And in there she found the exact person she was looking for; Nabiki was seldom wrong in her calculations.
Akane was sitting listlessly in fetal position in the center of the desolate dojo. She did not even notice her sister's presence until Nabiki tapped her lightly on the shoulder.
"Hello, sis, what's up?" Nabiki asked cheerfully.
Akane sighed and turned back from her sister.
"I know what's bothering you," Nabiki grinned, and whipped out a small glass jar from her backpack. "This will end it all."
Akane turned back around, and eyed the jar in her sister's hand questioningly.
"The remedy for Cologne's potion," Nabiki explained knowingly. "I heard what happened. You must be upset that Ranma is telling everyone that he loves them, eh? Hee, even Dad! Boy, I wish I was there when he did it."
Akane sighed again, her face expressionless, as if all the emotions had been drained from it. "I don't suppose you would give it to me for free?"
Nibiki gave a short laugh. "What a stupid question. Of course not."
Akane turned around again, her back to her sister. "How much?"
"80,000 yen."
"I don't know if Ranma is worth that much."
"You can pay make monthly payments. Interest included. Down payment is 10,000 yen. Deal?"
Akane sighed again. "I don't know."
"Oh, come on, sis, do you want your fiancé going around telling every girl he sees that he loves her? You're not that generous a person and I know it."
Silence. Nabiki threw her hands up exasperatedly.
"Oh, all right, be that way. I'll come back a little later. Think about my offer."
Nabiki left.
Akane huddled herself tighter. She did not mind so much of Ranma confessing love to everyone, but the fact that he would confess love to everyone but her. He would even tell her dad or Kuno that they are sexy and are the love of his life, but he just would not tell her that he appreciates her, or that he likes her, at least. Why not? Is she really that repulsive? One would think that this is the ideal opportunity to confess love to a lady. If she rejects you…well, all is well, because you can just shrug it off and say that you were merely under influence. But if she accepts you…well, all is good too. You win either way. This is the perfect opportunity, so why won't he take it!!??
Akane sniffed as a tear rolled slowly down her cheek.
"Ranma you moron…" she said softly.
@~~~~
Dusk was fast approaching. Ranma, still a girl, limped around the streets of Nerima desperately. It had been a horrible day, and she had not eaten anything since Shampoo's dumping this morning.
She had barged into Nekohanten to demand a cure from Cologne. But she ended up proclaiming her undying love to Cologne instead, which deeply amused the watching customers. She fled the restaurant in humiliation.
After that, she passionately declared love to two high school boys (who were delighted), a fat middle-aged housewife (who beat her up), a random fish vendor in the streets (who was bewildered), and a three year old boy (who cried). Ranma finally learned to blindfold herself wherever she went, but by then she was in tatters both physically and mentally.
"Ah, so here's the world renowned Pigtailed Goddess."
Ranma turned. It was the voice of Akane.
Akane was walking on the fence for a change. She found it a little difficult to balance her footing, and could not help but admire Ranma for making it seem so easy. She tumbled a little as she stroll along the fence, and was glad that Ranma was blindfolded.
"Is the damsel still in distress?" Akane asked.
"Very muchly so," Ranma muttered.
"How may I be of service?" Akane bowed mockingly.
"Find a cure, O Knight," Ranma retorted, somewhat sarcastically.
"I have."
Ranma gaped; it was not the reply she expected.
"You have? How? Where?"
"With me."
"Well, what are you waiting for? Give it to me!"
Akane looked at Ranma contemptuously. "Why should I? You have to earn it."
Ranma would have rolled her eyes had they not been blindfolded. "What do you want me to do?" Do her homework? buy her lunch? spar with her? thought Ranma.
"Tell me you love me."
Silence. Akane though Ranma had gone a couple shades paler.
"Wha-whatt?"
"You heard me."
A long pause. "Why?"
"Why not?" Akane replied quietly. "You said it to everyone else, why wouldn't you say it to me?"
"You know I only said it to everyone else because I was under influence."
"I know. I know you didn't mean a word you said. But I just want to know why you can say it to everyone else but not me. You can tell my dad that he's sexy, but you can't face your own fiancée and flatter her a little, even if you don't mean it?"
Ranma turned away from her, and thought deeply before she made her reply.
"I'm only going to say this once," Ranma said finally, carefully. "And if you ask me tomorrow I'm going to deny ever saying it at all.
"Confessing love is no light matter, Akane. Love that is true and pure should not be made so casual…I could care less what the rest of Nerima thinks, but I don't…well, I'm not comfortable to lessen the importance of any show of affection—be in a declaration of love or a simple embrace—by giving them in abundance to random people. That's just not how I do things, Akane."
A long silence followed. Ranma still had her back toward Akane (who was still wearing her Prince Charming costume). It was twilight now, soft stars glowed faintly in the sky. A soft breeze flew by, whirling a few dried leaves and petals about them.
"Here's the counter-potion," Akane said, finally breaking the silence. "I got it from Nabiki at an appalling price. If it doesn't work I'm going to demand a full refund."
Akane jumped down from the fence and onto the sidewalk next to the blindfolded girl-Ranma. Ranma turned around, surprised. Ranma gladly groped for the jar--for she was still blindfolded-- and finding it, emptied the jar in two greedy gulps.
Ranma wiped her mouth carelessly with a sleeve as she took her blindfold off. She stared at Akane dumbly for a moment, anticipating another involuntary confession. But none came, and she smiled gratefully at Akane, who was four whole inches taller than her.
"Thanks," Ranma grinned. "With your generous heart and macho gallantry, you'll make a great Prince Charming."
"Oh, I couldn't leave the helpless damsel in peril, stupid and fragile as she is," Akane said, looking at Ranma down her nose.
"You have done well, my Knight in Shining Armor," Ranma, starting to walk home, procured a handkerchief and tossed it to the ground. "Your brute strength and manly ways will carry you far."
Akane chuckled softly as she followed Ranma home.
"Ah, my Pigtailed Goddess!"
@~~~~
Author's Note:
Hi everyone! I haven't written a Ranma fic in awhile...I hope this one is as good as my other ones. I just love the pun on the title ^_^ Anyways, in the original manga series Akane had been the damsel in distress so many times that I thought it would be fun to turn things around this time, heheh. Please R+R!