Hurt

It had been another hard day for Leonardo. But then, they were always hard now, ever since that night.

Don't think about it.

The blue-banded leader pushed the memory away and stood, his bad knee aching from the several hours he'd spent in the dojo. His stomach grumbled but he ignored it and walked to the lab instead. He poked his head in to check on Donnie, smiling a little when he found his brother sound asleep at the computer. Quietly, Leo walked in and shook the lanky teen's shoulder. "Donnie," he called gently. "Come on, bro. Let's get you to your room."

The genius must've still been half asleep when he got up, because there was normally no force on Earth that could get Hamato Donatello to leave the lab. Leo chuckled to himself as he tucked him into bed and pulled the covers up. He hesitated a moment, then pressed a kiss to Donnie's forehead. "Sleep well, Otouto."

Next on the list was Michelangelo. Leo had seen his youngest sibling playing video games earlier. He was willing to bet that Mikey was still on the floor. And true to form, the freckled ninja had fallen asleep with a controller in his hand and a small smile on his youthful face. At least he can sleep peacefully, Leo mused.

The memory welled up again and he forced it back down, prying the controller out of Mikey's hand and lifting him up off the cool concrete floor. The orange-banded turtle whined in his sleep. "Five more minutes," he mumbled, burying his face in Leo's shoulder. Leo sighed and put Mikey in bed, then slipped out the door on the way to his next target.

Raphael was always the trickiest. He never slept very deeply, and he could somehow sense when his oldest brother was looking in on him. But tonight seemed to be an exception. The hothead was curled up in his bed already, a half-smile on his lips. Leo smiled a little and left the room, his mind wandering a bit. He wasn't paying attention to where his feet were taking him.

So when he wound up in the room that he had been in too many times to count, it was like a punch to the gut.

Hamato Leonardo had avoided the bedroom for months, keeping the door shut and doing his very best to stay away from it. Too many memories were tied up in that place. Too many painful arose when he looked at the painted rice paper that served as a barrier. But tonight, Leo had done what he had meant to never do again. Tonight, he had entered Master Splinter's bedroom.

And it hurt.

The air still smelled faintly of jasmine and incense, of long-ago-used herbal teas and choji oil. The bed was still neatly made, the pillow resting just-so on the thin mattress. Two half-melted candles sat upon what served as a bedside table. And in between them, a single picture in a plain black frame. Eight smiling faces stared back at Leo behind a thin sheet of glass. Including a face the leader hadn't seen in months.

That awful memory surged up again, stronger than before. And this time, Leo couldn't escape it.

A horror-filled scream, all the warning he could give.

The sickening crunch of steel through flesh and bone.

Running.

Impact.

"NO!" Another scream, torn from his throat. "Father...Father!"

"I have claimed my victory. No more will you haunt me, rat."

Hurting. Begging.

"No! Please!"

Donnie, weeping.

Mikey, holding a lifeless hand. "Papa..."

Raph, frozen in shock.

Cold.

Dirt.

Gone.

"It's not fair!" the leader screamed, forgetting to be silent. Tears rushed down his cheeks, soaking his mask, hitting the floor. "It's not fair, damn it! To come so far, only to lose...to lose..."

Hamato Leonardo fell to his knees, crying for the first time since they buried him. "Why did you have to go?!" he demanded, clutching the picture frame so hard the glass broke. It cut his hand, but he didn't care. "Why didn't you fight?! Why did you leave us?!" His breath hitched in his throat. "Why did you leave me?" he whispered.

Leo's voice shook and his chest heaved. "I can't do this anymore...I can't. I can't."

I can't lead the team. I can't stay strong. I can't be who you want me to be. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm-

And then arms slid around his shoulders, pulling him into an unyielding hug. Leo buried his face in Raph's plastron and sobbed. "Raph-"

"It's okay," the hothead murmured, running a hand down his brother's shell. "I've got you. I've got you and I'm not letting go, alright? It's okay. Everything is gonna be okay."