The Easy Way Out
A flash fic I wrote after I finished my play through as a warrior Hawke rivalmancing Anders. I unfortunately had a bug where he thought we were friends, not rivals, so this fic is my take on what happened in my head. Though I'll have to replay it one day, next time with a patch. Spoilers for Dragon Age II.
"I'll make you see," he had said to her once, "if I can convince only one person of our plight, it'll be you." Now that he saw Theresa Hawke standing in a circle of dead Templars, Anders couldn't quite muster the strength to feel proud of himself. Justice… Vengeance was quiet for the first time in years, but he had never been so at war with himself. He turned his back to the group, trying to block out the sounds of the voices behind him. "I'll leave your companion to you, Champion," Orsino growled. Anders could feel his eyes burning into the back of his skull.
"Thank you, First Enchanter," she said. Then there was silence, a heavy silence as she stood just out of his sight. He began to wonder if she would leave without another word, until a charred piece of rubbed was kicked to his feet. "So…" she began, her shadow fell upon him. "This is Justice?"
"Vengeance." Anders muttered, shutting his eyes. "Justice is gone, he may have been gone since… my anger…"
She didn't respond immediately, Hawke never did. Her sentences were filled with pregnant pauses. Finally, he heard a small, shaken breath, and then, "You do realise what this means, don't you? You're a murderer."
"I know." It still stung him to hear those words on her lips. Hawke had never given up on him. When he had tricked her into helping gather ingredients, the smile on her face could have lit up the world. He had almost wished he were telling the truth, if only so she could keep smiling.
"You should have told me."
To his surprise, Anders laughed. He choked on it, trying to keep himself from crying. "You would never have understood."
"I know." He heard Hawke tense behind him; he could almost see her with her arms folded protectively across her chest. It was what she did when she was mad, or hurt. She never cried, never shouted, the more life threw at her, the more determined she was to hold herself back. Anders had never been an expert on that approach. "I could have done something. I could have stopped you."
"I—"
"Hawke." Aveline called. "We need to be moving on soon. The First Enchanter is waiting." Anders shut his mouth, he had nearly forgotten that there were other people who could hear him. A small voice in the back of his head wondered what they were thinking, if they hated him. Like it or not they had been his family for these past ten years. He might not have always agreed with them, but he had stuck by them. He could hardly see them looking past this.
"Kill me," he said. As soon as he spoke the words aloud he knew it could be the only way. It was justice. True justice. "Kill me, and maybe you can make… this… right again." He tried to make himself look at her, but stopped just short of it. "I failed to control Vengeance. I deserve no less."
He saw Hawke shaking from the corner of his eye. "You can't make me do this. You can't."
"I'm sorry, my love. I tried."
"I'm sorry, too, Anders," she said hoarsely. He tensed, and shut his eyes as Hawke drew her sword. If you had told him six years ago he would have gladly died for this woman, he might have laughed. Oh how little he had known. The moment stretched before him into eternity, until he thought he would go mad with anticipation. Something clattered to the floor, and when he opened his eyes Hawke had pulled him against her. "I can't let you end this. Not this way." His throat closed, he couldn't speak, couldn't breathe, he could only let out a strangled sob as she clutched him tightly. "I swear by the Maker, Anders, you will make this right. I won't let you take the easy way out. Not this time."
He nuzzled into her neck, his heartbeat slowly returned to normal. "You never have, my love. You never have…"
Critique is welcome.