A/N: There are spoilers all over this story. My female Hawke has no name or description, leaving it to the reader to see their female warrior Hawke in the role. This was my first attempt at fanfiction, so the writing improves later, and may come back and edit as I continue to improve, Thanks for reading. :)
Her palm landed solidly across his left cheek, sending the bright white light of pain shooting through his head. Anders stumbled backwards, reeling from her anger and his own exhaustion, legs threatening to buckle, but he fumbled in the direction of a sturdy tree and was able to lean against it. Taking air in large gulps, and he blinked several times trying to clear his vision, stars swirling in a blurry mass of thickening forest and angry faces. He shook his head roughly and the crowd of faces merged into one. At this moment he may have preferred an angry sea of faces than this one deceivingly dainty woman standing in front of him. Rubbing his jaw, Anders said "I think Justice felt that one," glancing only a split second at her directly before casting his focus back to the forest floor.
"Good, that's who I was aiming for." Hawke glowered at him for a few more moments, they both knew why she had slapped him, it had been brewing since their last night in Kirkwall. Turning on her heel, she stalked off in the opposite direction but not before he caught the glint of tears in her eyes. That hurt worse than any slap, although he was counting himself lucky she had chosen her palm and not a fist wrapped in champion gauntlet. He straightened against the tree, his amber eyes clearly pained she had turned away from him, but he had known this was coming, or at least something was. His gaze shot to Bethany, her sad expression only more heightened by the sorrow in her large brown eyes. She shook her head and turned her gaze to the ground, and Anders was unsure if she was expressing her disapproval of him or warning him to stay away from her sister. Anders continued to lean heavily against the tree, his legs still wobbly from the exertion of running for days but his breathing had started to slow, although still jagged, his own tears had starting to form now.
There had been no real time for emotions, that night's hastily promised words of love only sugar coated the real fear of goodbye. Yet here they were still together after fighting their way out of the Gallows. Only a day had passed before the decisions were being made to split up, Aveline had actually had a few tears when she gave Hawke a quick squeeze, before she left with her husband Donnic. The look the former guard-captain gave him was a mix of rage and you better take care of her. Varric had promised to get Merrill back to Isabela who was busy trying to secure a ship with the money she had saved over the past ten years and they headed back to Kirkwall after a couple of days hoping his connections in the Undercity would keep them safe. Merrill openly wept, and a few of Varric tears couldn't be held back either. Merrill was the only one that hadn't looked like she could kill him at any given moment even after the way he had treated her over the past decade, and Anders felt some shame in that fact. Hawke moved away from the group a short distance, and Varric gave his "Sunshine" a hug, urging her to take care of herself and to keep an eye on her sister for him. Bethany had promised although admitting it would be strange to be the one taking care of her sister when it had always been the other way around. Varric approached Anders and shook his hand and slapping Anders' upper arm with the other, "Let's hope I am wrong about the renegade mage having no future," he jerked his head in the direction of Hawke. When Anders' gaze lingered on her, Varric chuckled, "But I was right about one thing."
"What?" Anders asked looking back to him.
"Hopelessly romantic." He said with a chuckle. There was a moment's pause, each looking at the other unsure of what the future held and if they would ever see each other again. "Take care of yourself, Blondie."
Anders watched as they said their goodbyes to Hawke and although he remained out of earshot he saw them glance at him, but she quickly looked away, and his heart broke every time she couldn't bear to look at him. He was beginning to wish he had died defending the mages to spare her this pain. 'Her or you?' Justice enquired. 'Shut up,' Anders responded, but he knew it was true, he didn't want to go through this either. Merrill was still sobbing through her goodbyes, not really saying anything, only giving hugs. Now the only ones that remained were Bethany, Hawke, himself and of course, the dog.
After the quick goodbyes, they continued running for days, stopping only briefly for sleep and food, not a word spoken since they were uncertain when the Templars would be pursuing them again. The silence only lead to more tension and that night it had to break for all their sakes. Luckily for them she had halted their running and stopped the maddening silence herself for he had no clue of how to go about it.
Bethany looked at Anders and after she studied him a minute she called out to her sister she would take first watch, and as she passed him her eyes told him it was time to talk. Their Mabari followed Bethany, obviously ordered as a body guard. Bethany had been gone for a while, the other two not moving from their perspective spots, but he couldn't take his eyes off her. Her body seemed tense, like she knew he was watching her, but she didn't move. His mind raced, but yet he couldn't figure out what he was supposed to say either. Anders had warned her repeatedly he would only break her heart, but he was also to blame for not staying away. He couldn't, she was the only thing that kept him him, otherwise all that he would be is Anders stuck in a body under Justice's control. That terrified him.
He finally pushed off the tree, and walked slowly to where she was standing. She stiffened as she heard him approach, and he stopped well out of arms reach. He didn't care if she wanted to hit him, he deserved it, but he didn't trust himself not to pull her to him, and Vengeance even less. He watched a few more moments before he looked at the ground and swallowed hard. "I suppose I should also leave." Anders heart was defeated; Justice was joyous to get back to what needed to be done. 'I thought you were supposed to be my friend.'
"That's your answer for everything isn't it, Anders, just run away." A whisper, barely audible, her response came before Justice's. She had finally turned to look at him, but he kept his eyes on the ground, and swallowed again. "Don't you ever get tired of running?" there was a short pause. "I know I am." When she spoke the last part she sounded so disheartened he had to look up. She was still looking at him, but he only held her gaze for an instant before she looked away shaking her head, tears present in both their eyes.
"I have caused you enough trouble..."
She laughed almost manically, looking him directly in the eye again. "You could say that, but maybe you should have thought about that BEFORE you blew up the chantry." Her face contorted in rage, declaring menacingly "I will tell you one thing Anders, had my sister not been in that circle I would have let you go out in the blaze Aveline predicted for you."
Something in her eyes said she wanted it to be the truth, but he also knew her well enough to know she would have never left the circle to fend for itself against Meredith, that decision had nothing to do with him. She had defended mages long before he came along, and nothing he did would change that. Time and again mages had broken her trust, or wronged her in some way, and yet she still defended them. Bethany and her father had been proof enough of the good mages could do. Of all the mages she had trusted and been lied to by, it was Anders who had done the most damage. Not even First Enchanter Orsino's dealings with the murdering blood mage Quentin could have hurt her more. Bethany maybe, but not Hawke. "Run if you must Anders, I believe you have had enough practice at it to actually be good at it by now."
She turned to leave but he desperately called after her, "I don't want to run." There was a slight flash of relief on her face, but she quickly checked her emotions behind a golem's stony mask. "I have cost you everything, I thought you would want me to leave." he reasoned.
"Not everything, Anders. I still have my sister." She continued a few paces away from him, "And you," she whispered to him with hurt in her voice expressing she wished that last part wasn't true before disappearing into the darkening forest.