Chapter 1: Sympathy

Caring about him is hard. It really is. But I guess that's partially my fault, since this whole thing started off with uncaring, stupid actions.

Our thing first happened about a year ago. He would disagree but whatever. This is my story. Or at least my view of things.

Back track to a year ago. I don't how it happened or why. Our first time was in an alley where the sun couldn't shine into. That's also the reason we did it in the first place, because we couldn't see each other. Not for the thrills of just blind, lustful groping, but we really, really couldn't stand to see the other's face. Yeah, we hated it that much the first time.

It wasn't until our seventh time that sympathy for the man finally came to me. Though the reason was not so great. Heeh. I had been so horny that day, I just popped into Izaya's home and just demanded it. He never put up any objections, mostly because that would start an actual conversation and neither of us wanted that. So I had thought that he would be stretched out enough from the last time we did it. He whined a little when I forcefully shoved it in. Then again I should have known. He likes to mask his emotions to everybody so moaning during sex was unusual.

I didn't notice it until a loud whine could be heard against our lewd sounds of sex. I slowed down a little. Albeit, not a lot to discontinue my pleasure. It was then that I realized he wasn't whining for pleasure but hiccuping. Crying.

Crying because he was in pain.

I stopped immediately because one, putting someone in pain on account of my actions is against all my moral code. And two, Orihara Izaya, the man who everyone knows not to fuck with, is crying.

His breath slowed down uneasily and he turned to glare over his shoulder. It's not like I was afraid of this man enough to stop. Hell no. I stopped because of all the swollen faces and welts I had given him, he had never shed a single tear. He would just smirk that asshole smirk. This was definitely not the Izaya I want to fuck with. Literally.

I didn't know what to do. Just kneeled above him, frozen before I finally pulled out, careful to watch his face for any discomfort. It actually kinda made him more glare-y that I did so. I then made way to shield my dick from his view, scared that he'd shoot laser beams at my dick or grab his stupid knife to dismember my member or something. He looked at me with his red, glossy eyes in excitement. Almost like a look of insanity, if possible.

Then I did something really stupid. It could have been because my heart was racing much too fast to be good for my health or because I had just made his ass bleed and had such blood on my hands and now flaccid dick. It didn't help to sputter out,

"Are you okay?"

Because that initiated this whole thing.

The psycho momentarily wiped his face clean with a look of shock, then straight back to insanity with that stupid ass smirk. God, why didn't I kill him then? He only looked insane because he saw that I was scared for once which made me feel naked. And pitiful. Except I really was naked with my dick out and all.

But that's what made this thing work out so well! Never putting our emotions into playtime. Just riding out that fact we may never have anyone.

As panic consumed me for being utterly stupid, which of course shows on my face because he then giggles, answering my question with a smile.

"Yes." He says breathlessly. Then he giggled some more.

I pull up my pants a little and awkwardly waddled to the bathroom to clean up. I only make two steps before he asks where I'm going and why I'm not man enough to finish.

"Well," I start, "I kinda think bleeding is a turn off. You should probably call Shinra," I try to make it sound like I don't care but I felt traumatized by the sight of his red eyes and anus.

I lingered a little behind the bathroom door contemplating the situation outside. This thing we do is really no different from trying to kill each other. It's the same but a little more... I don't know, insane? No, that's just Izaya. Intimate? I'd like to think so, but that's reserved for couples only. Except we're sort of like a couple aren't we? You hear me callin Izaya's name out in Ikebukuro, you know it's me. You know it's two monsters at work. Or at least that's what Celty told me, excluding the last part. Speaking of Celty, perhaps a second opinion would help. No wait, bad idea. How would I tell her about playtime with Izaya.

I broke out of that train of thought realizing Izaya is probably still in pain. Although he might enjoy it just to get a kick out of me. I zipped up my pants and hastily went back into his living room where we were previously going at it.

He was lounging on his couch with no present worry oh his face.

I growled, "Call Shinra, yet?"

A fake look of shock peeked up at me. "Oh! You're still here?" Tch. Yeah right, he would've known it if I left. Still he plays stupid. We both knew he likes to play god and gods aren't stupid.

I ignore him and stayed silent waiting for his answer.

He apparently mimics me and turns back to the T.V. I grit my teeth and bare it because I then think of his ass. Which may seem like an inappropriate thought at the time but, honestly, that's what started it.

I did what surprised both of us that day. I dug out my phone from my pocket and dialed Shinra's number. He quickly answered, knowing me he knew I could be on my deathbed, "Hey, Shizuo."

He tries not to sound perky, hence when I always call him it's never good news.

"Has Izaya called you yet?" I ask, only the slightest hesitation on using Izaya's name. He smirks at this. Damn psycho, he always notices everything.

"Hmmm, no," he draws out, "Wait, why are you asking? Did you finally confess to him?"

My stomach flip-flopped a little which is strange, because I haven't had that feeling in quite a while. I managed a weak no to the phone while averting my gaze from Izaya. He hides his smile behind the couch which gives his eyes a little glow. How I know, I don't know. I swear I wasn't looking at him.

"It's Izaya. He needs help?" I stated this in form of a question. Don't question my question, dammit.

"Ah, where is he?" Knowing the doctor he probably thought I beat him up. My answer confused him even more.

"He's at home," then promptly shut the phone, avoiding a hurricane of questions I knew was to come.

I took a quick glance at Izaya, whose eyes widened since last glance. It made me feel smug which easily shown on my face.

"Thank you," he says.

It was his turn to look smug at the sight of my blush.

"Don't worry about it," I turned toward the door. Waiting to smile until his front door closed behind me.

This was the first fucked up sign of our relationship.