"The blackened cold reminds me, of all the distance we had crossed, and if your darkness blinds me,
I could never be more lost." –Spinshank, "Smothered"

Note: I do not own Trigun, or any of the original characters. Which just sucks. xx

"Come on Meryl! Mr. Vash is already at the shop," Millie called from a good distance, waving at Meryl by a parked car. The villagers, busy with their shopping, took barely any notice of Millie's shout. Meryl however, sighed, looking to the sky, and grumbling over baby-sitting a three-year-old.

"Every time," she muttered, crossing her arms, "we go somewhere.." She trailed off, and then decided to walk over to Millie, still irritated. "He ought to be laying low," she grumbled, storing the keys to the car in the pocket of her jeans.

She was dressed out of her usual work uniform today-light blue t-shirt, and dark blue jeans. Millie too, was dressed simply, and neither them appeared to be on duty. Meryl regretted not seeming to be her usual business self-Vash had seemed to test her nerves even more so lately.

Millie was smiling, eager to find Vash. "Come on Meryl! We have to hurry before Mr. Vash eats everything at the Bakery!"

Again, Meryl sighed, she wasn't too eager to go anywhere in this town. "You go on ahead of me Millie. I'll meet you there." Sure enough, after a few more confirmations, Millie went dashing off to find Vash.

Meryl lagged behind, walking slower, and checking her surroundings. She honestly didn't want to be here-she had asked Vash and Millie multiple times to skip this town. But eventually she gave in, because of Vash's incessant whining, and Millie's hunger. This place was a reminder of things she didn't want to think back on.

The town today, wasn't busy, but then again it wasn't exactly relaxed either. Everyone seemed to have a nervous air carried with them. Passing people on the streets would switch gazes for a moment, revert back, and mutter something, almost as if trying to confirm an identity. Meryl wasn't sure if they were on the edge because some of the people recognized Vash or something else.

She came to a stop in front of a broken down building-the ancient wood which constructed the frame was sinking inward, and the wind would whistle when it passed through the broken windows. For a long time, she stood there, gazing at the lonely building.

Meryl hesitated a few moments, before taking a step up the porch area, careful about the rotting stairs. The wood creaked beneath her feet, and when she made it to the door, she very carefully opened it, making sure not to cause any more damage to the old house. The inner holdings of the structure were scattered and torn, dusty, and moldy. There as an old musty scent coming from the inside, but it did not stop her from walking in.

What were left of the main room-a table and five chairs- were on the floor, torn apart mercilessly. Glass was also scattered around the table, the shards dulled over by dust and time. She felt memories flooding back to her slowly as she stood there.

Flash back-

"What are you saying Meryl? You're giving it up? Everything we've worked so hard to achieve?"

"We've achieved nothing," shot Meryl, glaring into the dark brown eyes of her companion. He was furious, she knew, and he was running a hand through his messy black hair. "We've gained nothing. There was no point from the beginning."

"No point?" He fell silent. And then his voice became dangerously pleasant. He took a step forward. "What are you going to do, Meryl? Forget it? It won't happen." A warning shot through her mind, and she took a step back. Eventually, she was backed into the wall, and he was standing directly in front of her.

"You can never forget the past Meryl. You can try to ignore it..but it will always come back to haunt you. You think you can just, blow everything off? And for what! Some stupid kid off of-"

Meryl slapped him across the face, interrupting him in the middle of his sentence. "It wasn't just some stupid kid, Kent! He was seven years old!" There was a flicker of sadness in the back of her eyes, and her hands were shaking. "How can you say that?"

For a moment, her partner took a moment to put his hand to his face, realizing that she had hit him. And then he moved in closer to her, putting his arms up against the wall to block off her escape. Unable to move or do anything as he lowered his head to her ear level, she felt his hot breath on her neck. "Do I strike you as the kind of person, who wanted to kill the kid?" He was whispering gently, as if speaking to something fragile," You are a part of this Meryl. Whether you want to be or not. We /both/ made that decision long ago."

Meryl was shaking now, partly because he was so close to her, and partly because his voice was barely a whisper. Long ago she had fallen in love with those near silent promises in her ear, but now she feared them. He had such control over her when he was doing that.."Kent..maybe then..but it's wrong now. We can't keep doing this."

She couldn't see it, but he was grinning. His right arm lowered to crawl slowly up her side. "And I imagine Meryl..that you can just get rid of that sign on your arm? That promise? You can't Mer…you can't." She shivered when she felt him kiss her neck, only reassuring his victory in the matter….

End Flash Back-

Meryl shook her head, trying to clear the memory away. It was painful to remember back then. How she had always lost every battle against that man. For years, she tried to clear him away..but he had been right. The past always came back to haunt you, and being in the same town where the actual events had occurred only made things worse.

There were times when she would contemplate with herself over whether or not she was just another cold-hearted monster for the things she had done. Someone without emotion or care..and every day, she constantly thought about how Vash would respond if he knew. What Millie would think of her, if she knew.

Meryl sighed, and walked back through the door, stopping only when she saw Vash holding a box of donuts. He was holding one, and looking past her in a sense, into the room she had just been in. "Who lives here?"

Meryl just stared at him for a moment. He was such an idiot sometimes..and oddly enough, she found herself liking him more and more. "Who do you think lives here Vash?"

Vash shrugged, grinned, and popped a donut in his mouth. "Whoever it is," he said through a full mouth, "they need to clean. Or they could always make it into a bar. It's big enough to house a decent place to drink."

Meryl snorted, walking past him down the porch. "As if you don't get enough to drink in a day's worth of time. Where's Millie?" She glanced up and down the street, but didn't see any sign of her tall friend.

Vash shrugged, taking another donut from the box. " I don't know."

Meryl was about to retort, when she thought against it. There was no use arguing with Vash at this point. He was in happy-go-lucky land with his donuts, and nothing on earth would make him think a straighter if she said or asked anything until he was done.

She decided to wait by the car, and Vash followed happily, guzzling down his late after-noon snack while they walked. He should of known better of course, because once he was out; he couldn't go and get anymore. Meryl and Millie hadn't been doing too well on getting money lately..and Meryl definitely wouldn't allow Vash to start begging for more money to buy donuts from other people.

So, for a good hour and a half, they waited for Millie by the car, Vash moping about like a toddler who couldn't get what he wanted, and Meryl, irritated by Millie's long absence. Vash of course, between periods of time, would nag, "Pretty please?" By the time Millie did arrive, she had been about to hit him.

"Hi Meryl! Sorry I took so long at the store, but I had to get a few..Mr. Vash..why are you crying?"

"Meryl won't get me anymore donuts!" Vash whined, sitting by the car, looking like a little child. Meryl shot him a glare, but before she could say anything, Millie placed the groceries in the back of the trunk. "But you already had some, Mr. Vash!" Good thing Millie had stopped Meryl from speaking. Vash would have regretted opening his mouth at all.

Unfortunately, the sky was slowly darkening. Millie noticed of course, and then suggested they stay in town tonight, at the local inn. It wouldn't be too bad a cost, and Meryl had to admit that going to bed did sound like a good idea. Vash didn't really care, but of course, being his lazy self, he refused to get back in the car so they could go. It left them all with the option of the inn.

Meryl volunteered to move the car closer to the inn. Vash and Millie would walk to get there, because Millie promised that they would stop by the bakery again on the way. Sometimes that girl was just too nice. And then sometimes she turned into a hard cut warrior. That was a major personality shift. And she wasn't that bad with a gun either…

It would take five minutes to get from A to B, so she took her time, watching the desert road for anyone who needed to walk across. She had been about to turn in closer to the inn when a bright light shot in her eyes. She hadn't been going to fast, so she put on the brakes, cursing silently. Her vision was a little wavy when she opened her eyes, so it took her a moment to focus on what had been the cause.

Long ago, Meryl would have been more prepared for such a signal. She knew what it meant, and of course, as natural, her vision shot towards an alley behind the inn. There was an old man there, his long white beard reaching his chest, blue eyes dancing mischievously, and dark brown cloak billowing with the strong breeze. He mouthed what Meryl could translate as "Hello Stryfe."

Meryl looked away and parked the car outside the inn, taking a moment to take the keys out and pocket them. However, she didn't open the car door. She sat there staring at the steering wheel a few moments, before muttering something, and getting out. Except she didn't head for the inn. Instead she went in the direction of the old man.

He wasn't anywhere to be seen, but she knew better. "Alright Al. You can stop hiding..I'm here."

"Hello Stryfe," he responded, coming out from behind the corner of the inn. "I thought my eyes were fooling me when I saw you in town. " He took a moment to turn away and cough, clearing his throat. "I thought you wanted to leave the past? What brings you here..couldn't escape it perhaps?"

"That doesn't strike me as the least bit funny. What did you want?"

Al looked hurt. "Can't an old man get a little respect and a decent hello from an old friend? Or is that too much to ask Stryfe?"

Meryl rolled her eyes at the routine-she knew him very well. He wasn't hurt in the least. "Al, that's the last thing you would want. "

"And to think, Stryfe, I thought you had changed over the years. You've still got that smartass attitude towards me. But don't worry, I forgive you. Will you join me over a cup of coffee? I have my shop out behind the inn."

Meryl had been about to protest when he grabbed her hand. "Come on now. It's nonsense. The least you could grant me would be a decent conversation."

"You're working at an Insurance Company? There's no way that such a job like that would make you happy. Such a hassle." Al took a sip of his coffee, sitting across from Meryl near the stove. "How do you get your action? Must be boring."

Meryl hadn't taken a drink of her coffee. Boring? This man didn't know Vash the Stampede.

"You haven't said much," Al noticed. "What is it, something on your mind Stryfe? Oh, wait. Let me go and get something. " He stopped her before she could say anything, and opened a door to a backroom, seemingly shuffling through materials. "Ah. Here it is."

He came back in the room with an item wrapped in red cloth. "This, Meryl. Is my best work yet." He placed the item on the table, slowly unwrapping the cloth. When he was finished, there was a well-polished black gun sitting on the red cloth.

Meryl rose from her chair, backing away from the table. "No. No. No. No. Don't even think about giving that thing to me. Those days are over. No."

Al grinned. "I never said I was giving it to you Meryl. I just want you to see it. It's my latest, and best work. I call it the Leviathan. It's had only one test run..but Meryl..it's as smooth as silk..fires so willingly. It's almost as if the gun itself..can read your mind."

Meryl hesitated a moment before sitting back down, not saying a word. Al reached for the light. "Just hold it Meryl..you won't take it with you. Just tell me if this gun..is worthy of a real gunman. An expert." He held it out for her. She took it carefully, glaring suspiciously at Al. Al switched off the only light in the room, and immediately, the darkness was lit up by the appearance of a white rose on the opposite wall. The gun had lit up in Meryl's hand, the image of a white rose lighting up against the black metal, and casting its light onto the wall.

"I've tested everyone Meryl. My gun..this beauty..is my pride and joy. It isn't a thing..but a creature. I swear..the metal breathes. No ordinary gun can choose its master." Meryl was mesmerized by the white rose on the wall. There was something that told her to take it with her..She immediately dropped it. "No," she said firmly, looking through the darkness at Al, "I will NOT take this. I know what you're trying to do, Al. It's not working." Meryl reached for the keys in her pocket. "I'm leaving."

She made her way through the darkness, barely noticing that the white rose was no longer shining on the wall. Al listened to her leave, and then switched back on the light, grinning. "Uh oh, Stryfe." He fell silent for a few moments, before taking his cup and drinking. "For someone who doesn't want the gun…you sure took off with it in your pocket. My beauty needed a proper master..and I knew that it would be you. Feh. It's time for your derringer Meryl title to shift back into what it used to be." His grin faded for a few moments, and then genuine sadness was seen lurking in his blue eyes. "You're going to need that Meryl. You're going to need that."

Ten minutes later, Meryl was in her hotel room, already booked thanks to Vash and Millie. She had ignored the both of them completely, and shut the door behind her so as to get some time to think. There were two beds in Meryl's room-Millie would be sleeping in the same room with her tonight. She climbed into one, and rolled over, staring at the wall. "He thinks he can just.."

There was a knock on the door, and then Vash walked in. Meryl thought it was Millie. She couldn't see it, but Vash was staring at her seriously. Meryl nearly jumped when she heard his voice, "Something wrong Meryl?"

She sat up briefly, looking at him. "I just needed some rest Vash. That's all."

"You took a long time getting to the inn. Everything okay?"

Meryl was confused. He seemed more worried than usual..a bit too serious by the look on his face. "There's nothing wrong. I just had to do a few things in town first."

Vash fell silent for a moment, still looking at Meryl. "You would tell me, right?"

"What?" Meryl was confused over what he was talking about.

"If something was wrong. You would tell me. Wouldn't you?"

"Vash I..there's nothing wrong."

"If you're sure.."

"Vash..what is this about?"

Vash shrugged, grinning, "Just curious about something." He closed the door before she could respond, agitating her. What was that all about?

Vash stood outside the door, staring across the hall, his face serious again. He didn't move from the door, thinking over what had Meryl had just said, and what he was sure he had seen. There was something telling him it wasn't right, Meryl lying to him. If she wasn't lying, then why would she have that weapon there. In her pocket.

No one else had noticed it, so it seemed. Vash had seen it the moment she walked in. He may not have seemed like the most observant guy in the world, but in reality, he paid attention to everything. The red cloth had blocked off most of the gun, but he could still recognize the frame of the weapon itself.

Meryl never carried such a gun on her. Ever. At least, not to his knowledge. Sure, she had her derringers, but those were for basic protection-she would never use them for much more than that purpose. Why would she have a gun that was made to kill. He could tell it was not ordinary either-there would be no such gun on sale at a local gun shop. It was crafted by an expert- the metal well polished from what he had seen, and too cared for.

For a moment, he thought about going back into the room to ask her about it, but he didn't want her to feel as if he was invading something. She had come inside the inn looking frustrated, even though she was trying to hide it. Something had happened, and he hadn't been watching her closely enough to notice.

Meryl had her own way of dealing with things. He didn't want to betray her, and suddenly distrust her ability to handle this new problem on her own. But he was worried that if he didn't do something, she would end up in a situation she didn't want. "Mr. Vash?"

Millie snapped him from his thoughts, and he looked over to her. "Is Meryl okay? She just came in and went to bed."

"She's fine," he started, grinning, "how about we go and get some more donuts?"

"Mr. Vash, you just ate your second box. You shouldn't eat them so fast."

"Wasn't there groceries from earlier?"

"Um. That's right. But Mr. Vash-"

Too late. Vash was already rushing outside to dig through the groceries out in the car. Millie followed meekly, trying to tell him that there were no more donuts among what she had bought earlier.