Rating: PG13-for yaoi, Shoen Ai, BoyxBoy, whatever...
Summery: Yuki can't remember the last time he had been touched by someone other than Kyo. So when he gets in a fight with him and hurtful things are said, how willl he react when the one that touches him isn't there?
AN: Okay, first off, if BoyxBoy doesn' tickle your fancey don't flame me for it. Reviews are LOVED! Flames ignored. And suggestions will be taken into consideration. I'm always looking for improvement!! Except for spelling errors, I know I am NOT a walking Dictionary, I can't, and will never be able to, spell. I've known this since the second grade when I couldn't spell "ground"to save my life. So please don't comment on my spelling. Whatever you tell me has already been gone over by every teacher I have had. This is in first person veiw out of Yuki's eyes.Anywayzzz enjoy!!!
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I can't remember the last time I was touched by someone other than him. Sure, when I was a little kid I came into contact with others when playing and such. Then it just sort of stopped. It think it happened around thirteen. It was as if a wall was thrown up between me and the world. Even Haru was usually a good arms length away. I don't know exactly why it happened, but soon, it turned me colder than usual. I think thats when my politle nature kicked in. Whoever said you had to act how you felt? People started to love me more than usual. Mothers wanted me to be there son.(besides my own mother apparently)The more I was loved, the more distant I became. I remember one day watching couples walking hand in hand and enving them so. I had bitter feelings that needed a desperate realise. I walked aimlessly around when I remembered about him.
Kyo.
I could vent my anger a little on him. He was always up for a fight, and he didn't need any reason. It was perfect.
I raced until I saw vibrant orange hair in the distance. He was alone, perfect. I doubbled back and ran around until I was in front of him. I started to walk towards him, my head turned so he wouldn't suspect anything. I kept going until I heard it,
"Oi,what are you doing over here stupid?"
I acted casual, he needed little provoking. Soon he had swung a fist at me. I blocked it eaisly with my hand. Then I realised it,
"I'm being touched!"
The realisation hit me hard. I gad to go, think this over. I needed to end it with Kyo quickly. I kicked him eaisly into a tree, then ran. This was followed by strong swear words from Kyo. Even back then at thirteen he could of cussed out a sailor till' they cried.
I found a weeping willow and hid behind it's perfect curtain of leaves. My thoughts steamed together so fast I could barley register what I was thinking.
"Hetouchedme.Humancontact.Skin.Breifbutthere.Haven'tbeentoucheninforeveritseems.Wantmore,wantmore,needmore,Ineed
more,NEEDIT!!!" 1
The desire to have contact again was screaming inside of me. That need was burning so strongly it made my head throb. Thats the day I figured out the solution to my delima. My contact would be through him. Sure, it was selfish, I knew this, yet I didn't care. It would always be breif. Through fists and the occasional foot. I didn't (and still don't) care though, because it was still the thing that otherwise would be yanked away from me permently.
Then latter I became sixteen. After many months into this year the person I fed my addiction off of was gone. I became cold again. Then came her. Torhu. I wondered if she could serve in Kyo's spot. Only I wouldn't fight her(duh). But he came back. Which filled my heart with so much releif I had trouble holding back my smile. It came out as a smirk type thing. I got closer to him than I ever had before in a fight. I suppressed a smile then to. So once again came a deformed smirk. I freaked him out then, it's a little funny as I think back on it now. I relized that day in school that Kyo wouldn't ALWAYS be there. I had to find something or someone else before it was to late and I became permently lost.
Torhu touched me little. Yet I decided to try to replace Kyo with her. She did spend time with me. In the garden, at school, just hanging out. Although our contact was still limited by an occasional bump then me in a rat form. Or even sometimes a hand on the shoulder. But my main source was still Kyo. Through punches, kicks, slaps, ect.. I decided to experement with her a little. Mabey she could take over, but needed a little push.
Kisa came into her life. Scared, broken Kisa. Torhu had managed to crack her and the young girl had wept into her arms till' sleep over whelmed her. The small tiger was sleeping on her lap. Me next to Torhu. I decided this was a chance. I laid my head on the brunett's shoulder and asked to take over. I could feel her tense and could sence her loss for breath. Then I relized she could never take his job. No one could replace that firey red head. Besides, I'm pretty sure he will always be there anyway. I'm being paraniod.2
Fastforward to three days ago. I am now seventeen. Kyo has been acting twicher lately. More agravated (if possible), and more distant. He still continued to fight me which left me in a content sate. I had to know what was wrong. The least I could do was seceretly try to help. I owed him for every time he kept me from being lost. Besides, if he broke all the sudden, who would I have then? So I asked. Not in a nice way mind you. In a 'in your face' kinda way. It lead to a verbal fight. That was the last thing I had in mind. I said something. It must of been hurtful because he just turned away and ran. I don't even remember what I said. Yet I know it was definatly not helping.
This leaves me here,now. Thinking over the years and wondering why I let this go so far. I should of never leaned on him so much. Because now I am more hurt than ever. Kyo hasn't so much as looked at me since the fight. It's hurting so badly I want to scream. I drove my addiction to far, so now I'm hopesly lost. I need to find him. Do something, anything. I don't care if he even just glares at me. Right now, even a simple glance would do the trick. I don't know exactly why I feel like this. But either way I know what I want and gosh darnet I'm gonna get it. I spring form my bed, which leaves me a little woozy after being in the exact same position for almost an entire day now. I glance at my clock which says it's around 3 o' clock. My stomach growls intensly but it's no time for food. I need Kyo, and badly. I head towards the ladder to the roof. He's always on the roof. I climb fast, look over, and he isn't there. I force myself to ignore the crashing sensation in my stomach as I scramble back down.
My heart is beating frantically as I search for him. He is nowhere in the house. I can feel myself un-characteristicly growing more and more nervous.
"What if he has run off again?" a voice hisses at me in the corners of my mind.
"No he didn't." I try to convince myself " Kyo will always be there...always"
I'm runnung now. So fast, and my head feels elswhere. I trip over a chair. My knee seers in pain. It dosen't matter though. Nothing will matter until I know where he is. I run outside. Nothing is on my feet as I clumsly scramble over rocks and roots. My heart is beating to fast to even think about being poise.
I've lost it. This must be how a six yearold girl feels trying to find her dog. Only this is more important then a dog, this is Kyo. My lovely Kyo.
"Oh Kyo! Where are you?"
I feel so gone I can't even begin to wonder why I feel so strongly about this. I could find someone else. But it feels as if thats not even a possibilty. Kyo's always been there, nothing can change that. Not even just another stupid fight. He's to proud for it. Kyo is everything I've ever wanted to be. Confedent, loved for who he really is, and he is touched. Not cheaply like I am, but real affectionate contact. It's not fair that I've always used him the way I am. But I still can't see another way.
" I need him!!!"
The message bursts into my brain just like it did so many years ago. Ever since that day, some part of me knew that if Kyo where to ever go, I would vanish. I needed him so badly I thought I would puke. I push harder with my legs, amplifying my speed.
"IneedhimIwanthimIneedhimIwanthim." that song like phrase echos in my mind until it starts to change.
"Can't go on without him. Always there. Has to be. Need him want him love him." this halts me in my tracks.
"I love him, I do I do." Suprisingly the discovery doesn't shock me as much as it should. Mabey I've always sorta known it. Not sure, but still need to find Kyo.
I notice breifly that my feet are nearly black and my right one has blood coming out from under my toenail. Yet I laugh. My heart seems relived to have finally confermed it. Crazy, but true. I'm still worried, but I stop running. I walk now. Don't know why. I know I shoul be feeling guilt, for using him, or possibly making him run away. I don't though. And strangly, I am okay with it. So I start to walk.
Soon I'm on a road. The road leading back home. Instict tells me to look back. So I do, and in the distance, I see and orange ball of fire that sends my heart into a joyous chours. In his left hand carry's a grocery bag.
"Duh Yuki, You should of known. Nothing to worry about. Just grocerys,nothing to do with me."
He draws nearer to me. My cool compouser has completly vanished. I must be sight to see. A dirty, sweaty, pale sight. He stops in front of me. Either thinking of which body part he wants to break off of me or wondering why I look like such a moron.
"Probably both" I decide.
Before Kyo can think of what to do I throw my arms around his neck. He stammers, I smile. Before he can react much farther I whisper into his ear,
"Thank you Kyo,thanks for always being there."
I relise myself from him and jog towards home, leaving my love behind. I don't want to know how he reacted yet. I don't quite care if he thinks I'm on drugs either. My arms tingle with the lingering sensation of touch. I go faster, not really caring what the future may hold. Whther it being long term, or within the next five minutes. I'm just simply happier than I've been in my life.
"Thank you Kyo. Youv'e done a great job."
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Okayyyyyyyyyyy, I'm not very happy with how I ended it. sigh oh well. I know Yuki seemed a little Ooc in here. But I kind of wanted it to be that way. No, I don't hate Yuki, so I didn't make him look like a selfish bastard out of spite. I love them both!! And NOOOO! I'm not trying to make Yuki into some pervert. He just needs a little love. Everyone does. :3
1: In case you can't comprehend what this phrase is saying it's : "He touched me. Human contact. Skin. Breif but there.Haven't been touched in forever it seems. Want more. Want more. Need more. I need it. NEED IT!!!" There ya go.
2: This is a scene in the manga for those who have only watched the anime and are toatly confused.
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