A/N: This story popped into my head one day and refused to leave until I wrote it down. There's not a plot and I think everybody's slightly OC. It's just a goofy little one-shot. I enjoyed writing it and my beta, Luna Longbottom, seemed to find it funny. Thanks to Luna for putting up with my commas!

Snape's Worst Nightmare

The class was working silently on their potions until Neville sneezed. Neville cringed, waiting to be yelled at by Professor Snape. Instead the professor, who had been acting oddly all class, jumped and knocked a stack of papers off his desk. Then, he glanced nervously towards the door, and went back to toying distractedly with a quill. He didn't say a word to Neville. Harry, Ron, and Hermione exchanged glances. It wasn't like Snape to miss an opportunity to berate Neville.

"What's with him?" Harry wondered quietly.

"I don't know," said Hermione even more softly. "I hope it doesn't have to do with the Order."

"Maybe he's finally gone round the bend," Ron suggested hopefully.

All three stared at their potions master who was still jumping at even the smallest of sounds.

"Well, he's certainly acting like it," said Hermione.

Suddenly, they heard a voice from the hall. "SEVERUS SNAPE!"

"Eeep!" Snape yelped as he jumped up and looked around frantically.

Ron looked at the door curiously. "Is that…?"

"Professor McGonagall?" finished Harry.

"I think it is," said Hermione.

The door burst open to reveal a wild-looking Minerva McGonagall. She was out of breath, and her robes were disheveled as though she had been running. Some of her hair had escaped its bun and stuck out at odd angles. There was a manic glint in her eyes.

"Where is it?" she screeched. "Severus Tobias Snape! I know you have it! Where is it?" She looked around the classroom and, not seeing Snape, she ran at Draco Malfoy who looked like a deer in headlights. McGonagall grabbed Malfoy by the front of his robes. "Where is he?" she demanded. "Draco Malfoy, you tell me where he is! NOW!"

Malfoy pointed a shaking finger at Snape's desk, still staring at his Transfiguration teacher in fear. None of the class moved as McGonagall charged towards the desk. She dropped to her stomach and peered under it. Snape jumped up, knocking over his chair. McGonagall jumped up just as quickly and blocked Snape as he tried to circle the desk to get away from her. "You have it!" she panted. "I know you do! Give it to me!"

"H-have w-what?" Snape stuttered, his face ten times paler than usual.

"You know very well what! Now give it here!" McGonagall launched herself over the desk and tackled Snape to the floor. The class watched silently, to shocked to move, as their Transfiguration professor held her wand to their Potions professor's throat while sitting on his stomach. "You have it," she said in a dangerously low voice. "Admit it."

Snape was trembling. "I have it," he whispered.

"Where?"

"In – in my office."

"Get it. Now." McGonagall's voice was still deadly while Snape's shook in fear. McGonagall slowly got off Snape and glared threateningly as he stood up. Snape tried to make a mad dash for his office and shut McGonagall out, but she somehow managed to get into the office before the door closed. The students stared at the door as the listened to the sound coming from behind it. There was a huge crash and then a clang of metal. There was the sound of breaking glass and then a very high-pitch scream from the Potions professor. There was a thud, and all was silent. Nobody moved. Then, the door creaked open and Professor McGonagall walked calmly out, hugging a large teddy bear to her chest. Hermione slowly raised a shaking hand.

"Yes, Miss Granger?" McGonagall acted as if nothing had happened.

"Professor? Um…what is that?"

"Oh, this?" asked McGonagall, glancing down at the bear. "It's my catnip bear." And she walked out of the room.

Dean, who was sitting closest to Snape's office, stood and looked in. "It looks like a tornado's gone through there," he reported. "The desk's on its side; the mirror's shattered. The filing cabinets are knocked over, and Snape's out cold."

A/N: Review replies for anonymous readers will be on my bio page. I'm going to try to send replies to register readers individually if I can figure out how. If not, they'll be on my bio page as well. You know you want to review…