You don't look right there.

It's not because your glasses are off or your hair is down. It's not even because I can see so much of your skin – that you practically glow against the dead wood of the restaurant.

You're scared, and I never wanted to see that.

If I'd had one more drink, I wouldn't even believe it was you, I'd walk my ass out of the doorway, stop pissing off the other customers trying to come in or out, and not look twice. Best time to be low on cash.

I think this is what they call morbid curiosity- I'm staring at your face, your fists, the way your back is shaking and it makes me sick.

How could that shadow with his hands on your wrists leave those little red welts and those little yellow spots (and the big blue ones too)?

Gods, how long ago did you leave the table – did he get you right off?

Have you been out here all this time, too fucking scared to scream?

I don't want to see anymore. I've been against the wall. But I can tell it's new for you, you're still fighting to keep yourself under control because you don't know yet that being quiet while it happens still won't leave you with a scrap of honor, like I don't know yet that watching is going to screw me over good.

You're losing control, so I'm losing you.

My Jin is never scared.

So who are you and why am I walking down the alley with my hand around the hilt of my sword? Why am I drawing the –

to bring you back I slide it in between his ribs and see his blood drip from his chest along your spine.

Just a shadow, now it's gone, I'm right behind you. I guide your arms down.

"Turn around."

You still can't move. I push your shoulder back so you remember how to turn. You won't look at me. I wish I couldn't see these eyes, too wide, too ready to break.

"Sit down."

You try your damned hardest, but you just fall forward, and I catch you, which is better anyway because now I don't have to look at your face.

Your clothes are messy, and that should tick you off bad. The blood should make you sneer. And you should curse the fact I'm daring to hold your body this way, but you're not right here, so nothing happens.

I lean against the wall behind me and inch us to the ground, pushing the shadow man away from your legs.

"Jin…" why didn't you fight? why didn't you shout? why didn't you run? "everyone cries the first time…"

I never thought I'd see you give the upper hand, I knew there must be sometime, not even you can call yourself perfect, but you come so damn close. I thought I could keep you constant because you'd rather die than waiver, but I saw you scared and now I'll always know.

I watched you broken.

Someone's mouth was on this neck. I can't feel the spit though. I can't feel my heel in the blood, I can't feel my palm on the swelling flesh.

I just feel the tears, warm on my skin.