DISCLAIMER: I don't own J.K. Rowlling's amazing ideas of Hogwarts or any of that. Nor do I own Avril's or Dashboard's Lyrics…I wish I did but I don't okay?

Lemme know what you think its my first story. J

I was confused, tired and lost, but the only thought my mind could register was that I was completely alone. The freezing cold air that numbed my throat seemed to come from within me, like I was making the air that whipped around my robes drop to an even lower temperature, causing the lake to chill over. I couldn't seem to get my mind to focus on much of anything. I was breaking at least ten school rules, but for once I couldn't care less. I started walking into the edges of the forbidden forest and sank down against a maple tree, hidden within the woods shadows, but still able to see the silky black lake and frozen quittich pitch in the distance. The sun would be coming up soon but I felt like it should be dark forever. I felt like crying, screaming, something but I could barely move. There were no tears left, no emotion, nothing. I wished I could sink into the light blanket of snow that was around me, and forget I was human, or that I ever existed. It seemed so much easier that way but the more I struggled to forget and keep the thoughts out of my head, the harder they tried to get in and penetrate my heart. I knew I would never be able to go back inside the castle, and face what had just happened. I was sure by now she had already packed her bags, determined to escape my presence. I knew it disgusted her, I disgusted her, and I hated myself for that. I couldn't stand to think of what she thought of me now.

I had been going to Hogwarts for five years now, and this term had no doubt been the roughest. The school work itself this year was hard enough, and with keeper practice every other day I had a constant headache, but I had other problems too. I had to admit though, up until tonight, it was the best year yet. My four best friends and I took every opportunity we had to get into trouble and have a good time. Late night parties in the common room, sneaking out after midnight, and even during the day we were always together, laughing at our own version of humor. We had become really tight this year, especially with the attacks from this anonymous dark wizard group. Things got pretty intense about three months ago, one of the Slytherin jerks showed his true colors and the stupid traitor tried to blow the castle down. The idiot only managed to collapse a room or two, but his friends joined in with some pretty nasty curses and a few spells were aimed at our group. Most of my friends got out of the way, Karlie and Theresa managed to duck into the girl's bathroom, and Amber dove into a corridor on the left. One of the guys cornered me and my other friend, Brooke and slashed at us. The curse was about to slam Brooke, but just before it could I stepped in and sent the guy flying until he whacked into the wall. It knocked him out pretty good and one of the teachers stepped in just then to round up the rest of the gang. The only bad news was when I stepped in his curse got me square in the chest and I ended up in the hospital wing for a month. It was defiantly worth it though; no one messes with my friends, especially not Brooke. She is a few weeks older than me, with long straight dark hair and matching eyes. Even though she was taller than me I could pick her up with no problem, she was probably the lightest girl I'd ever met. And if all of that isn't enough to knock any guy off his broom and make him grovel, she also has perfect teeth and flawless pale skin. You get the picture, she's better than gorges. I couldn't help how I felt about her, falling for her was impossible to avoid; and it wasn't just the way she looked that got me. It was everything about her that gave me the biggest butterflies, and made my head go blank and my heart stop. She was smart and funny, I loved how she was always reading, and the way she laughed, and never cared what anyone thought. Despite everything, for a moment I smiled at this thought but just as quickly as it came I remembered what had happened and it was gone. The hollow feelings came back and I was forced to recall last nights events.

"I looked away
then I looked back at you,
You tried to say
the things that you can't undo,
If I had my way
I'd never get over you,
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through.
Make it through the fall,

Make it through it all."

I was lying in bed for hours trying to sleep, but couldn't. There was too much in my head, I couldn't believe the year had passed so quickly and in just a few days we would be headed back home. I heard someone next to me shifting under the covers and turned to see Brooke, wide awake and restless. "Hey, want some hot coco?" I offered. She smiled and slid out of the covers and followed me down to the common room. The fire was crackling softly, and I judged by the emptiness, everyone must have been in bed but us. I pulled out a mug and a pack of Magic Instant Coco (no water or microwave needed). I handed her the warm frothy beverage and plopped into the most comfortable couch in the room right in front of the fire and patted the space next to me, signaling for her to sit down. "Rough night?" I asked with concern in my eyes, it wasn't like her to be up this late, she always fell asleep instantly. She sat next to me and started telling me about not wanting to go home yet, I agreed I didn't want it to happen either. We sat there for hours, just talking and for a while she fell asleep. I put a blanket around her and watched her for a minute. I couldn't help but smile. I noticed her fingers slipping from around the mug and reached out to catch it. Her eyes fluttered open. She yawned and stretched, I laughed a little. She got a little closer to me, but I doubt she even realize it with how tired she was. I could feel her breathing, and my heart began to race. Slowly, she came to her senses and looked over at me. I stared into the deep brown eyes of the girl I cared about more than anything in the world. I didn't notice I was moving in closer but before I could fully register what my body was doing my lips were pressed to hers and for a moment everything in my life fell into place. All of my worries melted away as though they were nonexistent, and for a second I knew everything was right. Then, a horrible realization of what I was doing set in and I jumped off the couch and fled from the common room. My legs didn't stop until I made it outside.

"And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you.
I don't wanna talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry in front of you.

I don't wanna talk about it
'Cause I'm in love with you."

Now I could see the sun in the distance, barely making its way into view. I closed my eyes as tight as I could, trying to shut everything out. "Riley?" The sound of my name in the silence would have made me made me jump, but it was a gentle, familiar voice I knew, but it sounded hurt which confused me. I expected an angry, or grossed out look, but there was nothing but concern in her eyes. "What are you doing out here? It's freezing?" Brooke asked.

I was almost too stunned to speak. "You don't hate me?" The words sounded dumb and mixed up, but why wasn't she running?

She looked down at me and sat with her back to the sun, facing me and stared into my face, like she was trying to figure something out. I noticed her eyes were red like she'd been crying, I looked down, ashamed at myself, sure that I had brought her to tears because of what I'd done.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I know you don't think of me in that way, I can't help how I feel though, please don't run away."

I looked up reluctantly, scared of the look of disgust I was expecting but she looked simply confused."Me run away? That's what you did after I….I…I'm sorry.." She turned away, but I put my hand to her face and she looked at me again. My head seriously hurt by this time I was so confused, she couldn't like me, I was just...no where good enough, and she was too amazing, too perfect. She leaned in; I cautiously pressed my lips to hers, and realized she was kissing me back. I became unaware of everything else; time seemed frozen as the snow fell around us and the sun rose. When we broke apart we smiled and I wrapped my arms around her. My smile slipped and she looked into my face, as mine drained in color and everything went blurry. I winced and grabbed my arm. She looked down at the red stained snow, and the blood hidden in the long sleeves of my robes.

"Riley!" Her voice was panic filled "What did you…."

Black.

Light poured in around me and my eyes struggled to take it in. My entire body ached and I heard the same sweet voice. "I think she's waking up Madam Pompfrey."

"Very well, have her drink more of the potion as soon as she is up. I must tell Professor Snape to call her parents; they've been worried sick no doubt."

I noticed there was a small shaking hand in mine and I attempted to sit up to see properly.

"Woah there" Brooke said "Easy now, drink this" She poured an icey liquid down my throat and immediately I began to feel better.

I looked over and her expressions changed from relieved to angry.

"What were you thinking? You nearly scared me to death, I thought I...I thought you…" Her voice trailed off.

"I thought you would hate me" I tried to explain "I thought I ruined everything".

"So you tried to ...ughhhhh" She tried to be mad, but it was always hard for her to stay angry with me, even if I did stab myself, I was alright, that was all that mattered. She didn't hate me, she felt the same. My life did a complete turn around, just when I thought there was no point to live, I found out every reason in the eyes staring back at me.

"I love you Brooke."

She climbed into the hospital bed next to me and wrapped herself around me.

"And I love you" she replied and with that she kissed me lightly and with no difficulty, we both drifted off to sleep.