Actions and Motives
Summary: Can be considered the sequel to So I Need You. Jack gets confronted by the president on his motives to find the person behind Renee's murder.
A/N: I was asked to write this piece of FF. I hope I can continue to do Jack justice and I hope you all enjoy it, as much as can be enjoyed. Also, Bold Italics is Jack's thoughts, Italics are in the present.
I felt almost like a zombie as I picked my way through CTU. I knew who I was moving toward, or at the very least, looking for. The only thing on my mind is Renee. How I couldn't protect her. How I promised to protect her, and I broke that promise. She had saved my life once today, and I was unable to return the favor. I spotted her from a distance, and though Chloe O'Brien wasn't known for giving comfort, without a second thought she was right in front of me, her arms wrapped around my waist as she hugged me tightly to her body. I felt my body sag, and I could feel all the tension drain from me. I just wanted to stand right there and cry. To ask why Renee. Instead, I pulled away from her embrace, and looked at her.
"Any thing new?"
"No, I'm sorry Jack. All priorties are on finding this guy. He just--disappeared."
"I'll find him. If it's the last damn thing I do."
"Jack, please. Renee wouldn't want this."
"I can't not find this guy Chloe."
"I didn't mean that Jack. She wouldn't want you risking your life like that. You know that as well as I do."
"I'm just saying. I'm going to do everything in my power to find this guy. When I do, I'm going to take care of him."
"I'm sorry Jack. I can't allow that."
"You can't--what? It's got nothing to do with you Chloe."
"It does Jack. I'm interim head of CTU Jack."
I know I'm staring at Chloe like she grew a second head, but I can't get past what she's saying. She's the head of CTU? When did that happen, what the hell happened. Did I really care right now? Did it help me find the bastard that killed Renee?
"That's great for you Chloe. You know that I will do what I have to you. If you want to stop me, well then that's what you have to do."
"Jack, I don't want to have to get you in trouble."
"do what you have to Chloe."
With that I walked away from Chloe O'Brien, possibly for the last time in my life. I know I should feel something about that. I know it should hurt me to know that this might be my last chance to say goodbye to someone that has been an amazing friend, and yet I can't. I'm too numb, too dead on the inside to feel anything but anger and hatred. I know that Chloe will do what's best for her, and I'm glad for that. I feel that she's learned a lot working with and beside me. She's grown so much over the years, and I know that I couldn't ask for a better friend, but right now I couldn't careless. I shuffle forward, and meet the stares of a few agents here or there. I see Cole up ahead, and make a quick turn to avoid him. I'm in no mood to talk about losing people. That's something that I've never done and something I'll never do. It's not who I am. I suffer alone, in the peace of my own mind. I look down at my ringing phone. Contemplate not answering it, but upon seeing that it's Chloe, I pray that maybe she's found something. Putting the phone to my ear, I answer in my typical no non-sense voice.
"you find something?"
"No Jack. The president wants to talk to you."
I know instantly that Chloe has talked to her. Why else would the president want to talk to me? I can't deny talking to her though.
"Put me through."
I wait for what seems like an enterity, when she finally comes onto the phone.
"Jack, can you please come see me? I'd really like to talk to you."
"Of course Madam president."
After a quick goodbye I hang up the phone. I wish that Chloe hadn't told her so quickly, all this will do is hinder my job. I've only made myself a handful of promises, and this one I will not break. I will find who did this, and I will kill them with my bare hands. I walk, without seeing out of the hallway I had taken refuge in, and made my way toward the exit.
It seemed like an enterity by the time I made it to the UN. I made my way, as quickly as possible to the room I was told to wait in. Once inside, I sat down. All I can see is Renee, getting shot and dying over and over. I clamp my eyes closed to keep the tears from falling. I jolt to an alert position when the door opens, and the president walks into the room.
"Jack, I'm so sorry about your loss."
"Thank you Madam President."
"I've been informed that your looking to seek revenge. I'm sorry Jack, I simply cannot allow that."
"I beg to differ Madam President, it's not revenge I'm seeking. It is simply Justice. I'm simply tired of these terrorist finding ways to attack us, either as a whole, or singlely. I simply will not stand for it anymore. I'm going to do what needs to be done, and I'm sorry Ma'am, but if rules, laws have to be broken to get the job done, then I'm willing to do it."
"I can't allow that Jack. I know that your in mourning. I know that your in pain, but sometimes sacrifices must be made."
It takes everything in me to not yell at her. How dare her talk to ME about sacrifices. If anyone knows about sacrifices, it's me. What the hell has she had to sacrifice? What has she lost, besides her marriage? I've lost my wife, and for more years than I care to count my daughter. I've lost friends, collegues. More people that I love than I care to remember.
"I'm sorry Madam President, but what do you know about sacrifice? What do you do besides sit in your little office, making decisions on things you couldn't possibly begin to understand. You don't understand how difficult it is out there, trying to locate a few terrorists in a city of millions. Sometimes things turn ugly and you simply have no choice but to break a few rules. If anyone here knows about sacrifice, it's me. I've given everything that I have to protect this country. I've nearly given my life on more occasions than I can count, but you know what? That's okay. When I die, that's how I want to die. I want to die for something. I want to die protecting something I believe in. What's not okay is how everyone I love, everyone I care about gets taken from me in such violent ways. It makes me afraid Madam President, to even want to get close to my daughter. That Madam President is sacrifice, and excuse me for saying this, but you don't know a damn thing about it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a sniper to find, and if he happens to get banged up along the way, well I guess that is a sacrfice I'll just have to learn to live with."
I gave her my best impression of a smile, which to be honest, I wasn't sure I knew what that was, or how to do it anymore. I walked, my head raised, from the room, and eventually from the building. I would face the consequences of my actions, as long as I made sure that I avenged Renee's death first.