Title: Sorted Right
Fandom: Harry Potter
Length: 2,900 + words approx. (First written December 31st, 2005)
Pairing: SS/LP
Rating: PG 13 +
Setting: AU, the beginning of Harry's first year at Hogwarts (Harry is about two years younger than he would have been in Canon, due to the complex circumstances of his birth). Harry has the same father (who died in the same incident as he did so in Canon), two 'mothers' (Lily, who is still alive, and the … other one, who is dead), things are also very cordial between Harry and Snape … after all, if one has been fancying someone's mother for the past decade or so, the last thing one should do is piss off her child …
Warnings: Crack!Fic.
Author's Note: Written for an Alternate Parentage challenge; in this case, the Alternate Parent is an extra … 'mother' for Harry.
Disclaimer: J. is the creator and true owner of the characters of Hogwarts and the wizarding world, and no infringement of copyright is intended. I'm just messing around with them for my own amusement; no money is being made out of this.
Beta: morganlefay1958
SORTED RIGHT
The Hogwarts professors watched from the head table as the young witches and wizards who'd arrived here for their first year as students, organised themselves before a stool, upon which sat a patched and battered hat with a rip near it's rim. As Professor McGonagall, Head of Gryffindor House, began her introductory speech before the sorting, Professor Snape, the head of Slytherin, quickly scanned the group, until he recognised the boy he was looking for. Tallish for his age, Harry caught Snape's gaze, and returned it with a slight smile. Some would describe such an expression from the boy as conniving, though Snape knew better. The professor nodded coolly in acknowledgement, before sitting back in his chair, to survey the rest of the proceedings.
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Harry's first mother, Professor Potter, as she watched the sorting progress from her own place at the table. She taught Care of Magical Creatures, and had been doing so for the past ten years or, since Professor Kettleburn had retired, deciding that one limb lost was one too many. She had been regularly applying for the Divination job, much as Snape had been doing for Defence Against The Dark Arts. Each year, though, the Headmaster had turned them both down, having his own mysterious reasons for keeping Professor Trelawney in the job that Lily wanted … and Professor Snape out of the one that he likewise desired.
Things had been cool between her and Snape since the night of her husband James Potter's death, even more so since the day that he'd rather forget, when they had broken up at school. Not that he could rationally blame her for either … she did seem to have been genuinely attached to James, insufferable prat though the man had always been. After all, she had very nearly died herself that night … and Harry too. Had it not been for Snape's talent in subterfuge, and his skill in the manipulation of the Healing Arts, the boy would have been as dead as his father, instead of standing here in Hogwarts tonight, awaiting his turn to be sorted.
Griffindor, like Lily, or Slytherin, like the other one?, he thought. He wondered if Lily had ever guessed who it was that had revealed Trelawney's prophecy to the Dark Lord, back when she had been expecting Harry. That had been one of the biggest blunders of his life, and a closely-kept secret between him and the Headmaster since rejoining his side in the war. There was another incident, though, that he had been equally ashamed of, which was no secret to anyone. Looking at Harry standing before the Sorting Hat, Snape knew that, if he ever was to truly redeem himself for the cowardice he'd shown that night … and reconcile himself with Lily … then he would somehow have to make a crack fighting Wizard out of that boy, and, if possible, stand at his side when he vanquished the Dark Lord upon his eventual return. Even if that same Dark Lord was also, in a way, Harry's … Snape's mind wandered back to that night more than eleven years ago…
Snape could still clearly remember how it had all happened. How he had overheard the location of the Potter's hideout from the traitor Pettigrew. How he had taken a broomstick, and flown ahead to Godric's Hollow, praying fervently to whatever powers he knew of that he would get there before the Dark Lord did. How he had tried to convince the Potters to leave, and James had scoffed at him, before going to answer the door … and how, when the Dark Lord had reached Harry's bedroom, Snape, overcome by terror, had transfigured into his animagus form, scuttling under the wardrobe for safety.
From there, he had looked on in amazement as Lily, instead of trying to run or fight back, calmly put Harry down in his crib, and then proceeded to negotiate with her enemy. Negotiate? One simply did not try to negotiate with the Dark Lord. You either obeyed him, or you died … but then again, try telling that to a Griffindor such as she …
He remembered how the Dark Lord had appeared to go along with her for a while, merely playing with her, as a cat would with a bird it had caught. He had seen him do this before with his targets, and knew that Lily had no chance … unless she let him take her child, and then fought like hell and ran. Snape remembered his many legs twitching with tension, as he watched their bargaining progress into an argument. The Dark Lord was not going to leave until Harry was dead, and Lily would not relent until her son's life was assured. Snape could see how this was going to go, he knew his former master too well …
Shortly before the Dark Lord had begun to grow irritated by Lily's pleas, and contemplate drawing his wand for the kill, something happened. Snape wasn't sure exactly what it was that Harry had thrown … but with all his babyish strength and accuracy, it had flown straight into the Dark Lord's groin, whilst he was mentally preoccupied toying with Lily. It looked like some kind of multicoloured cube-shaped Muggle toy, if his memory served him correctly, one corner of it striking its target in a place that would have made all eight of Snape's eyes water, if they could have.
The Dark Lord had apparently neglected to ward that area of his body against non-magical missiles, as the blow caused him to bend over, reel backwards … and strike the back of his head against the edge of the door. In enough pain to dull his concentration, the Dark Lord had then blindly aimed a volley of Unforgivables at Lily (whilst Snape's many legs twitched in horror, as he longed to come out and protect her, but was too frightened to even be able to move). She successfully dodged them all, until, regaining his composure enough to think straight, he aimed his wand at Harry, instead of her. She intervened to take the massive stunner that he'd fired at the boy …Stupefy after all, took precious fewer seconds to recite than Avada Kedavra. And, unlike Crucio, a Stupefy, if strong enough, could kill …
When Lily fell, Snape remembered how he wished he could throw up through his fangs, while he watched the Dark Lord stagger back to his feet, and pump five more stunners into her body. He kicked her over, noticing that she was probably dead … the Avada Kedavra curse had been known to have an explosive effect on nonliving matter … and then moved purposefully (and gingerly) towards Harry. And the boy had merely looked at his would-be murderer, giggled once, and then pointed his finger at the Dark Lord's groin. How the boy leant such a word at his young age, Snape could barely guess, but he would not have put it past James to be more than a little casual about discussing hexes in front of youngsters.
"Qwucio!" The little child said.
Snape never did find out exactly what the misspoken curse had done to the Dark Lord's already bruised privates, but by the high-pitched scream that followed (at which Harry had giggled), it must have hurt … the next thing he'd heard was a muttered pronouncement from the afflicted wizard; "The Avada Kedavra is far too good for you, you miserable little brat. I know a better way to eliminate you … and maybe punish your mother as well, if by chance, she is still alive. Inverto Natus!"
Snape knew what that spell did, especially when aimed at a child, and his stomach lurched again. Harry immediately began to shrink, and grow younger, as Snape finally gathered the courage to scuttle up from the floor, and inside the wardrobe. The Dark Lord stood oblivious, as he savoured the effect of his curse. By the time Snape had transfigured back into his human form, wand in hand, Harry had reached the age of a newborn infant again. An umbilical cord began to snake it's way out of the shrinking baby's body, reaching tentatively for Lily … but Snape was far quicker, and highly creative with his spells … before the boy had regressed too far into the foetal state to remain alive, he silently aimed his wand …
Lily had been in too bad a way from the stunners to carry him again, and Snape himself was sure as bloody hell not about to take the child into his own body … but, he was most sure that the Dark Lord would provide as safe a place as any for Harry to go, for the nine or so months it would require for him to return … Snape pointed his wand, and silently cast a spell to move the foetus Harry into the Dark Lord's body, as it simultaneously changed to accommodate it's new inhabitant. The magic worked perfectly. All Snape needed to do now was to create the right ruse, something that came naturally to him.
As the Dark Lord's head rolled one way, then the other, in the agony of his … conception, Snape lowered his wand, and changed back into a small black spider, scuttling quickly past the bodies, and out the bedroom door. A few seconds later, Snape, again in human form, bolted back into the room, to kneel by the Dark Lord's side. "I had overheard Pettigrew, and followed you here out of fear for your safety", he'd said, his face the very image of concern, "But we must leave quickly, my Lord, for I have twice already had to hide from Aurors on the way here … and you appear to be in grave need of healing".
Snape had proven himself to be the perfect healer to his Lord, convincing him of the need to avoid aborting a child whose original mother had died to protect him, in case the ancient magic that sacrifice had invoked, would dangerously rebound … not good for the Dark Lord, in his now less-than-robust condition. Of course, he did not need to inform him that Lily had survived, and was recovering in hiding under the care of a mediwitch. Snape was the one who had, with meticulous spellwork, seen to making every adjustment that his Lord's body had required, to successfully complete it's unnatural task. It was he who had brewed, and administered the necessary potions to maintain his Lord's health and well being as the gestation progressed, and bolstered the increasingly offended dignity of the gravid tyrant. His bedside manner had been impeccably soothing.
When the time had finally come for Harry to be delivered, it was Snape who was the only one in attendance, the Dark Lord unable to bear the presence of any other servant in his quarters during his confinement. Snape was the one whom he let take the responsibility of … temporarily … deconstructing the protective wards that the dark wizard had cast over his body, long ago. In case, as Snape had eloquently convinced him, they should by chance interfere with his enemy's rebirth … and, again, trigger the dangerous love-magic surrounding him. It was Snape who swore and cursed with outraged passion, when the Dark Lord's body began to fail after the birth, in spite of all that Snape had tried to do to save him. There was an obscure but simple spell he knew, of course, that could have done that … but his Lord did not really need to know about that right now.
The Dark Lord's last order, before departing his body, was to have the boy made ready to be destroyed upon his return. Snape said "Yes, my Lord". in answer, holding the limp, pale hand as he watched his Lord's soul snake it's way out of the room's single window, to seek out a Horcrux to wait by. He then walked out of the room with the reborn Harry squalling in his arms. The first order he gave to the hushed Death Eaters waiting outside the Dark Lord's bedchamber, was to help him take the best possible care of the last living heir of Slytherin, the Dark Lord's only son … and help him to achieve the greatness that destiny owed him.
He had sometimes told himself that he had done it all for the cause of the light. More often, though, he preferred to be honest with himself – knowing that he had really done it for her.
It had always amazed Snape afterwards, how easily, and thoroughly, they swallowed his stories. Of course, he had to do some fast-talking when the news of Lily's survival inevitably came out. But they bought his lies on that as well, believing that she was an uncommonly good Inferius under Dumbledore's control. Few of the Dark Lord's servants doubted that the old Headmaster would have had the skill to create such a thing. Lily had agreed to maintain a glamour on herself, giving her the vague appearance of an animated corpse to those whose minds were loyal to the Dark Lord, though he'd included a clause to keep Harry exempt. He had invented the spell himself, modified from an old one his own mother had designed … she probably would have been proud as he was of his invention. One day, though, he'd have to educate Harry more deeply about his 'destiny'.
Moreover, Lily didn't mind going along with the game – it allowed her to be safely seen with the boy who was originally her's, after all. Eventually, though, it was Snape who became his second Godfather, and his legal guardian. Somehow, he managed to steer the boy away from growing excessively arrogant about his heritage (Bellatrix doted on him with almost cloying sentimentality, to Snape's disgust, and Draco; Narcissa and Lucius's son, treated him like a special little brother). Whenever Harry Riddle's head began to swell too much for his Godfather's comfort, which was painfully often, Snape would take him to one side, and quietly remind him of another part of his history … the one that had been, before the Dark Lord had nobly sacrificed his life, to bring Slytherin's latest heir into the world.
"Riddle, Harry" Professor McGonagall's voice rang out, and Harry stepped up to have the Sorting Hat placed on his head. Snape kept his features carefully composed, though he could sense Lily's tension as the Hat deliberated. Glancing discreetly over at the Slytherin table, he could see Draco also looking more than a little on edge … it would be a great honour to that House, if Harry was sorted into it …
"Griffindor!" shouted the Hat, and as Lily's shoulders visibly relaxed, Snape watched Harry carefully as the boy removed the hat, and got down from the stool. He looked a little confused, but relieved as well. Snape didn't mind, though he had fancied the idea of having the boy in his House. Maybe it was for the best to have someone else in charge of him sometimes, another kind of influence than the ever-doting Death-Eaters, and their too-admiring children. At least it made Lily happy as well, and whatever pleased Lily, tended to also please him. One day maybe, he too might please her again … a man and a Wizard like him could only hope.
Idly, he wondered how the Dark Lord was doing, and whether he was having any fun waiting alone next to a Horcrux these past eleven years. He allowed himself a small grin at that thought, though he, Lily and Dumbledore all knew that the time would come when he would inevitably find someone who would help him return, and he would need to be prepared for that day. He looked to the Slytherin table again, and saw Draco's disappointment. He would need to talk to him, and Harry as well, to make sure that the sorting would not be the cause of a rift between the two.
His chance for that came when he spotted Harry in the corridor the next day. The boy seemed almost apologetic in his greeting; "I hope you didn't mind me being sorted into another House, sir", he said, "The hat almost put me in Slytherin, but then suddenly, for no reason, it yelled out Griffindor". "Please tell that to Draco, the next time that you see him". Snape replied, "It will help him to feel a good deal better about it. How have the other Gryffindors been treating you?" "All right, I suppose". Harry answered, "Some of the Weasleys are interesting, though I thought that the boy, Ron, that Hermione Granger hangs around with, seems a little bit thick". "Do not let appearances deceive you, Harry," Snape said to that comment, "Be careful about making judgements. It would not be wise to make enemies in your own house".
"Sir", said Harry, "Why do you think the Hat put me in Griffindor, when I'm supposed to be the heir of Slytherin". "I do not know everything about your destiny, Harry Riddle," Snape said, "but one day, the reason for that will make itself clear". "Yes Sir". Harry said, turning to go to the dungeons, as Snape started on his way to his office. Then he remembered something …
"Harry", he said. The boy looked over his shoulder, "Yes Sir?" "You will have your first Potions lesson today. I will expect you to do both your aunt Lily … and me proud in that class". Harry nodded. "I will try to do my best, Sir" Then he turned, and headed down the hall to catch up with the other Gryffindors.
Footnotes:
There is a discussion on the idea of Snape possibly being a spider animagus is on Mugglenet
The Rubik's cube was released in 1980 (Source: Wikipedia), and the Potters were murdered in 1981 (Source: The Harry Potter Lexicon)
There has been a recent (to this time of writing) discussion on the idea of Snape being at Godric's Hollow with the Potters on the night of their murder, in versions 5-6 of the 'Development of Snape's Character, post-HBP' on Mugglenet forum
The Avada Kedavra curse, though it leaves no physical mark on those killed directly by it (14), nevertheless appears to have an explosive effect on non-living objects it hits (OoP, Ch.36)
The Stunner, or "Stupefy" spell, if delivered with enough power (i.e from multiple sources) can cause enough side-damage to require hospitalisation (OoP. Ch.31). It is therefore possible that repeated & aggressively delivered stunners from a powerful (and sadistic) Witch or Wizard could do more serious damage.
ETA: Not excatly what I had in mind for my first fic post for Lord Voldemort's Birthday the new year, but it'll do.