Author's note – It's been a while since I've written anything, because, very sadly, I have had a horrible thing known as writer's block. A video made by rainexkariki (known as x wolfie x here) on YouTube regarding Jr.xShion changed all of that. The video is called "Apologize", and it's all thanks to her I've finally found the ability to write again. She's given me permission to write out the story the video possesses, so I'm going to attempt to do it justice. Bear with me, as I might be a little rusty! XD
Shion Uzuki smiled to herself as she watched him approach. While there were times they could drive one another crazy with how stubborn each could be, she knew how solid their relationship was. "Why, hello there, sir," she greeted breezily, stretching out her hand. "And what have you been up to?"
Gaignun Kukai, Jr. grinned at her and took the proffered hand in his. "You know me, sweetheart. I've been keeping everybody busy and making sure everything's taken care of for the party tonight. Who's gonna stay on top of it all if I don't?" He winked at her, causing her to laugh.
"I have all of the faith in the world that tonight will be a night to be remembered. With you in charge and running after everyone to do their jobs, it wouldn't be anything but," she teased.
They shared a kiss, and then he sighed regretfully. "Well, I gotta get going. There's still a lot to be done, so I'll see you later, okay? How about we meet at the party, since I don't know that I'll be able to get away in time to pick you up?" When she nodded with an understanding smile, he gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "Love you, and see you soon!"
He rushed off, and she stood there for a minute, shaking her head at the amount of energy he always seemed to have. "It's amazing that he slows down enough to sleep at night…" she mused before heading off herself to decide upon what she'd be wearing to the party.
Later on that evening, Shion made her way toward the park the Durandal contained. She'd decided upon wearing the form-fitting, spaghetti-strapped black dress she'd been saving for a special occasion. She'd also put her hair up in an elegant chignon and taken care with her makeup. While she wasn't looking to sound arrogant, she knew how good she looked as she stepped through the left doorway leading into the park. She and Jr. hadn't discussed a meeting place, so her eyes moved over the crowd, searching for his telltale red hair. Unable to spot him immediately, she made her way toward the Godwin sisters.
Mary beamed at her when she stopped before them. "Heya, Shion! Bet you're lookin' for the Little Mastah, huh? He was headed off in that there direction, last I saw him." She pointed toward the rear of the park, and Shion gave her a grateful smile.
"Thanks, Mary. I'll see if I can manage to catch up to him then," she said with a rueful laugh. "By the way, you and Shelley both look really nice tonight. Did Gaignun notice?" Seeing the man in question striding toward their little group, she nodded to the Godwins and told them, "Tell Gaignun I said hi, and that I'll see him once I've got hold of his brother." She hurried away, having finally spotted Jr. through a small rift in the crowd.
She lost track of him briefly when a small group of people began dancing to the music that was playing. When her gaze landed upon him again, she made her way toward him quickly. Seeing he was with MOMO Mizrahi, she opened her mouth to call out a greeting to them both. The greeting died when she saw Jr. draw the pink-haired Realian close. What…? she thought to herself an instant before her heart was broken. Jr. tipped MOMO's chin up, and he kissed her softly, sending Shion's emotions into a frenzied whirlwind. Hurt because he could kiss another when she'd thought their relationship was nearly perfect, anger because it was a close friend of theirs he was kissing, and despair because it looked as though she was losing him warred within her.
"Jr.…" she whispered, her voice barely carrying over the din of the party.
However quiet, it was enough for him to pick up on. He released MOMO, who brought her hands to her mouth in horror. Jr. glanced at Shion, bringing his eyebrows together questioningly. "Shion, I didn't think you'd be here yet," he said with a shrug. Unable to form any kind of response, Shion simply fled, attempting to push through the crowd with her eyes blinded by tears. Jr. made no effort to follow after her.
Once she'd managed to return to her cabin, she sat down heavily upon the bed. Her mind was frantically trying to understand what she had just witnessed and make sense of it. "How could he do something like that?" she asked herself quietly. "Is it me? Did I do something wrong? Did I not do something? I don't understand!" she cried. "How can I face him after this? It's got to be my fault that he turned to MOMO…right?" Lacking the energy to get to her feet to change out of her party dress, she could only kick off her heels and curl up in the bed, wishing to find solace in sleep.
It took her until the following evening to find the strength and courage she needed to attempt a discussion with Jr. Feeling ill-at-ease, she stood before his cabin door and had to force herself to raise her trembling hand to press the button that would let him know he had a visitor. It seemed to take forever before the door slid open. Jr. stood there, his face unreadable to her. "What's up, Shion?" he said impassively.
Her thoughts scattered at the lack of emotion, and she had to scramble to grab hold of them again. "Jr.…" she began softly, and he stepped aside to allow her into the room.
"Look, I don't really feel like having some big talk out in the hallway. To be honest, I kinda don't see what you look so damn serious for." He shrugged before leaning back against the table within the room.
"Jr., what happened at the party last night?" Shion ventured to ask, though she was somewhat afraid of the answer.
"What happened?" he repeated. "It was a party, Shion. I think what happened was that everyone had fun." He lifted a perfect, red eyebrow at her.
"So then what I saw…you kissing MOMO… That was for fun?" she choked out, having a difficult time equating the lounging Jr. with the one she loved so much.
"Jesus, Shion, it was a kiss. It's not like I took her to the cabin and had at her or anything. You're making a big deal out of nothing," he stated, irritation beginning to creep into his voice.
"Is it because of me that you kissed her? Did I do something wrong, Jr.? Did I do something to make you unhappy?" she asked desperately.
"I'm not having some big-ass discussion about a freakin' kiss. It's done and over with." Jr. pushed away from the table and strode to the door. "I've got stuff I need to take care of. Maybe I'll catch you later." He left the room without a backward glance, breaking Shion's heart all over again.
Feeling lost and adrift due to Jr.'s seeming rejection, Shion could only sit upon the bed for some time. She had thought them so in love and nearly impervious to the kind of heartbreak she was going through. "It has to be because of me," she told herself softly, bringing her hands to her face. "He wouldn't even look at me, so I know it's my fault. I don't deserve him if I can't be what he wants…"
When Jr. returned to the cabin, an odd feeling stole over him the instant he set foot in the room. The scent of Shion's soft perfume was lingering in the air, and it caused Jr.'s chest to tighten painfully. "Something's wrong," he muttered. "What the hell feels so off about the room, and why does it feel like it's got to do with Shion?" Almost unwillingly, he found himself drawn toward the table, where he found a scrawled note from Shion. His eyes widened at what the note contained, and he took a quick look at the small cabinet contained within the room. His fear confirmed, he bounded from the room.
Upon reaching the park, he skidded to a halt just inside when he saw Shion surrounded by their friends. "Ah, Jesus, she's okay," he said gratefully, heading toward the small group.
Shion's green eyes were full of loving sadness when she caught sight of his approach. "I'm glad you were able to make it, Jr.," she said quietly. "I wanted to be able to see you one last time…"
His heart beginning to thud, Jr. saw Shion raise the Makarov he'd seen was gone from the cabinet to her head. As though from a distance, he heard her say, "I'm sorry." Feeling hideously as though he was moving in slow motion, Jr. rushed toward her, desperate to thwart something he knew he wouldn't be able to. The crack of the pistol sounded, the familiar noise causing him to flinch, and he reached her just as she fell back into Ziggy's arms. "Shion!" Jr. cried out.
The life fading from her eyes, she murmured, "I'm sorry…I wasn't…good enough…" Jr. took her into his arms, only to feel her body slump bonelessly. He could hear MOMO's wails, Ziggy's and Jin's attempts to understand the situation, and KOS-MOS' pronunciation that Shion was dead. They meant nothing to him. The woman he loved was lying in his arms, dead by her own hand. He pressed his forehead to hers and let out a howl of grief, damning his own incompetence at dealing with her emotions regarding his betrayal.
Jr. sleepwalked through the days leading up to Shion's funeral. His guilt at having refused to admit to the mistake he'd made in kissing MOMO and being too stubborn to apologize to Shion was eating him alive. Everyone was terrified of approaching him, because the short fuse he'd always been in possession of was now non-existent. On the day of Shion's funeral, he heard the ding that signaled someone was outside his cabin. "What?!" he growled, crossing the room to the door.
"Little Master, I simply wished to remind you that today is the day of…Shion's funeral." Shelley's voice broke slightly as she spoke, a sign that she couldn't always be as strong and distant as she appeared.
"I know!" he shouted. "I don't need a damn reminder of it, okay?!" He heard Shelley's footsteps as she moved away from the door, and he dashed at his face angrily. "I don't have the right to cry, not when it's my damn fault she's dead. I shouldn't even be going to her funeral, but I…need to say goodbye to her." His eyes welled up again rebelliously, but he shut them tightly to force the tears back before he left the room.
The funeral was a nightmare for him. He was unable to stand seeing the recrimination on Jin's face or the lack of emotion in KOS-MOS for Shion's death. Looking at MOMO brought bile rushing to his throat due to all the kiss with her had cost him. Ziggy appeared even more remote than usual, and the melancholy look chaos' face held finally broke Jr. He ordered everyone out of the park before he took a step toward where Shion's body rested. The look Jin aimed in his direction as he left spoke volumes for how he felt about being forced to leave.
Jr. noticed that some kind of a platform seemed to have been constructed for Shion's body to lay upon. It was all he took note of before he reached her. Her face was calm and tranquil in death, and he could almost convince himself she was merely sleeping but for one fact. No amount of makeup could hide the tiny bullet wound marring her perfect temple, a bullet wound made with one of his own weapons. He hadn't been able to look at any of his guns, nor had he held one, since he'd watched Shion take her own life with the Makarov Gaignun had given him.
Words failed him. How could he tell her he was sorry when she was no longer alive to hear him? How could he apologize when she wouldn't be able to put her arms around him and accept that apology with one of the kisses that had always warmed his very soul? With a cry of despair, Jr. spun around and left the park, hurtling past the people he'd thrown out. He heard someone call out for him, but the tears obscuring his vision made certain he wouldn't turn around. He could only keep going, his destination unknown even to him.
Somehow, he ended up in the Isolation Area of the Durandal. Perhaps it was due to how isolated he was feeling due to the guilt coursing through him. He dropped to his knees, bringing his hands to his face. Memories of his time with Shion were assaulting him, and the pain those memories brought were rending his heart wide-open. "Oh, Jesus, sweetheart, I'm so damn sorry," he whimpered. "I'm so sorry I couldn't tell you that when you were alive to hear me…"
"Jr.…" The soft whisper had him jerking his head up and scanning the area frantically. He was just as alone in the room as he'd been when he first entered. With a miserable sigh, he started to get to his feet when the whisper came again.
"Shion? Am I going crazy…?" he wondered aloud. "Sweetheart, are you here?"
"Close your eyes," came the gentle response, and he did so instantly. His heart leapt at the sight of her, but she held up a hand to stay him when he would have moved toward her. "I came because I could hear how much you were hurting. I didn't want that for you. I'm sorry."
"What the hell are you apologizing for?" he groaned, wishing he could pull her close and lose himself in the vanilla and honey scent her hair always seemed to contain. "You killed yourself because I'm an idiot and couldn't say what you needed me to!"
"I don't have much time," she said softly. "I just couldn't leave things as they were. I acted on impulse, because I loved you and couldn't stand the thought of losing you. And it felt like I had because you wouldn't talk to me about it." The vision of her shimmered slightly, and he saw that she was crying. "I need to know why I wasn't good enough, Jr. What did I do wrong?"
His cerulean eyes met her emerald ones, and his were filled with regret. "You didn't do a single thing wrong. I was wrong to have kissed MOMO. I can't even say why I did it, to tell you the truth. She was hanging onto me, like she usually does, and I guess it just went to my head. By kissing her, I betrayed our love for one another, and I'm so damn sorry for that, sweetheart."
"So it wasn't my fault, Jr.?" she asked, her tone slightly pleading.
"No," he told her fiercely. "I was the only idiot at fault. Because of that, you took your life, when all I had to do was talk to you and apologize for what I'd done. If I could change it, Shion…"
She drifted toward him but remained just out of reach. "I know," she said gently, her soft voice washing over him and causing the emotional havoc within him to quiet. Before he could speak again, she stopped him. "It's all right, Jr. You don't need to ask me for forgiveness, because I already forgive you. Just leave here knowing how much I love you, and that I will always exist within your heart. I want you to open your eyes now. Someday, we'll be together again."
He felt lips brush against his, though Shion never moved. "I love you, too, sweetheart," he whispered before opening his eyes as she'd requested. Bringing his hand to rest above his heart, he felt warmth envelop him. He slowly got to his feet, the guilt lifting from his shoulders as he did so. He walked toward the door to leave the Isolation Area, never turning to look back. Had he done so, he might have caught a fleeting glimpse of something that looked suspiciously like a young woman lifting a hand to her eye to wipe away a stray tear, a tender smile playing upon her lips.
"Live, and be happy enough for the both of us…"
Author's note 2 – Oh, wow, I took longer to write this than I thought! I am so sorry, x wolfie x! It was just really hard to convert your amazingly beautiful video into an actual fanfiction. I hope that I've managed to do it justice with the story. I also hope that everyone will both read this story and watch the video (please, please watch the video. It's a beautiful work of art.) Big thanks to x wolfie x for giving me the permission to write this out! As always, reviews are very much appreciated.