"Revan, what are you doing?" Malak demanded.

Revan looked up from the game of pazaak he was clearly playing with one of his men. "Is that a rhetorical question? I feel like that's a rhetorical question."

"Then why would you answer it?" Malak asked.

Revan shrugged. "Ignoring you seemed rude?"

"You're supposed to be on your own ship," Malak said. "You know that the Jedi are coming to ambush you."

"Which is why I'm here," Revan said. "I kind of don't want to get ambushed. It kind of sounds like it would be awful. Why are we even still hanging around and not going somewhere where nobody is trying to ambush us, again?"

Malak sighed. "Because, Revan, Bastila Shan will be with the Jedi."

"Who?" Revan asked blankly.

Malak took a moment to respond to that. "You can't not know who that is. You just can't. I don't believe that."

"Believe whatever you want," Revan said indifferently.

"We are going to bait the trap and take out the Republic's only hope," Malak declared grandly. "It's going to cement our victory."

"That sounds…I don't know, actually," Revan admitted. He glanced over at the woman he was playing cards with. "Devan, would us winning create more work or less work for me?"

"I'm sure I don't know, my lord," she said. "On the one hand the war would be over but on the other you would have to rule and stop everything from falling apart when people get bored and start betraying each other. And didn't you say something about the True Sith?"

"Yeah, they were awful," Revan said. "But how much of that would actually be work I had to do and how much would Malak do while everyone acted like I did it?"

Devan looked carefully at Malak. "I think that depends very much on him and you."

Malak's hands clenched. "One thing you need to do, right now, is get back to your ship and deal with those Jedi."

"I would love to, Malak, I really would except that actually I wouldn't because that sounds terrible," Revan said.

"No one is asking for you to enjoy this, Revan, just to do it!"

"And thank goodness for that but I'm still not really feeling it," Revan said. "Why should I have to go and kill or capture or whatever all those Jedi? I don't even know who this Bastila is and you're the one who put us in this ambush."

Malak's eye twitched. "Because you're the one they really want! They know your power as a symbol and everyone loves you better anyway and they all think that you do all the work even though by the time I've literally annoyed you into doing it it would have just been so much easier to do it myself!"

Revan nodded. "See, that right there is exactly what I've been going for and yet it doesn't seem to actually stop you from making me do things."

"Some things, perhaps," Malak grudgingly admitted. "But it's the principle of the thing at this point."

Revan laughed. "Sith with principles."

Malak glanced at a clock. "I do not know precisely when they will arrive and they will be cloaking their presence but it should be soon and we really do not have time to argue!"

"That's a shame," Revan said. "I have all the time in the world. Or you could always go do it instead."

"You want me to go to your ambush?"

"It's not really my ambush," Revan said persuasively. "You set it all up, you care about it. They may want to go after me but that just means they'll go to my ship. What are they going to do, just turn around and leave when they find you instead of me? Would you really just let them go?"

Malak stared at Revan for a long moment, clearly trying to decide if Revan was anywhere near prepared to actually go over to his own ship. Finally, he turned stiffly. "Fine. I'll do it. But don't think we won't be having words when I get back."

"We're 'having words' right now," Revan pointed out.

"Don't be cute."

"I really can't help that," Revan protested. "I am adorable and everyone knows it."

"Actually, my lord, none of us know it because you won't take off your mask and full-body robes," Devan spoke up.

"Well, I, uh," Revan floundered for a moment. "You'll just have to take my word for it then!"

"You're kind of a Sith," she said.

"And so are you!"

Malak shook his head in disgust and left, his robes swishing melodramatically behind him.

"I don't know if you're aware of this, my lord, but Lord Malak is going to try and kill you," Devan warned him.

"Don't be ridiculous, why would he do that?" Revan asked.

"He's a Sith."

"We're all Sith," Revan said.

"Look, I know you want to be all inclusive or whatever but we're only kind of Sith. Most of us aren't actually evil and none of us have the Force," Devan said. "But aren't the apprentices supposed to betray the masters?"

"Why would Malak do that?" Revan asked, tilting his head quizzically. "I mostly stay out of his way. It's only when he drags me into things that I even contribute."

"We know," Devan said, looking to her fellow crewmembers for support. Several of them nodded. "But given that you get all the credit and Lord Malak really runs things and everyone thinks you do…it would try the patience of a Jedi and Lord Malak is hardly one of those anymore."

"It's not like he didn't know what he was getting into," Revan said defensively. "And it's not like I volunteered for this! He really has no business being annoyed with me."

"That…won't save your life," Devan said awkwardly.

"Malak can't defeat me," Revan said confidently. "If he could and I was still the nominal leader it might be the final insult. But he can't and he knows he can't and so I'll be fine. But even if he could, why would any of you care? Things wouldn't change all that much without me. Except maybe Malak's blood pressure would go down. Honestly, I'm getting really concerned about him."

"He's trying to kill you," she repeated.

He shrugged. "So maybe I'm a better person than him. Actually, just looking at the things he's done and the things I've done I probably have him beat by default. But why are you even concerned anyway?"

"You're less likely to murder us," another crew member offered.

"And we all like you better," Saul Karath said. "I mean, Lord Malak may have recruited me and he's a strong leader but come on."

"Does everyone in this room like me better than him?" Revan asked incredulously.

Everyone raised their hands.

"Try the whole ship," Devan said. "And probably the whole army."

"Maybe there is some sort of reason he might want me dead after all," Revan said thoughtfully.

Hours passed and Revan kept himself amused as best he could until finally the Jedi showed up.

"This should be good," Revan said. "Oh wait, no it won't be. Because I can't see anything. Actually, this is really lame."

"You can at least sense it through the Force," the man Revan had just finished beating at Pazaak said.

"That only tells me who is alive or wounded or whatever, Bryen," Revan said. "And keeping track of all that, while it would technically tell me what was going on, is rather dull and can sometimes give you a headache if you're looking at that while your eyes are open."

"Then…why don't you close them, my lord?" Bryen suggested awkwardly.

"Because I don't feel like it," Revan said, crossing his arms.

"You never feel like anything," Bryen said.

"That's not true," Revan said. "I felt like playing pazaak and now I feel like showing off."

"That's rather out of character," Bryen said.

"Not if I'm doing it it's not," Revan said. "Anything that I do, as Revan, is automatically in character no matter how inconsistent it may be from my usual behavior."

Bryen waved a hand. "By all means, then."

Revan took a coin out of his robes and held it up for everyone to see. He switched on his lightsaber. "So watch this." He tossed the coin in the air and batted it with the lightsaber.

"How did that not destroy your coin?" Bryen asked curiously, watching the coin bounce around the room.

"Safety regulations," Revan explained. "Without them, merely touching a lightsaber is enough to cauterize your flesh. Kind of a drag."

"Why do Sith adhere to safety regulations?" Bryen wondered.

"Because I am in charge and I am not that reckless," Revan said.

The coin chose precisely that moment to land on the firing controls and launched an attack on Revan's ship.

There was a stunned silence as the ship was hit hard.

"Is…what happened?" Bryen asked finally.

Revan was staring open-mouthed in horror, not that anyone could tell. "R4!"

Alek Squinquargesimus was not having a great day.

He hadn't been having a great couple of days, actually, ever since the Endar Spire had crashed onto Sith-occupied Taris. This day was a little less bleak than the ones before it because Bastila was back, even if she didn't trust him and she and Carth wouldn't stop bickering. Carth also didn't trust him but Carth didn't trust anybody and it was just him that Bastila seemed to have some sort of issue with. A way off of this miserable little rock had even been presented to him but that was what led to this being not such a great day.

Apparently he needed to break into a heavily armed Sith base and steal the launch codes so he wouldn't get blown out of the sky trying to leave the planet. He only had himself, a Jedi, a wookie, a fourteen-year-old girl, and a Republic soldier on his side and the task was so daunting no one else was willing to do it even though they had far more firepower on their side. Wookies could be intimidating and he'd never want to mess with a Jedi but surely waves of mercenaries would be more of a threat. At least he'd be getting a protocol droid (that he'd have to pay for with his very limited funds) that hopefully had some sort of weaponry to help out.

Canderous had left half an hour ago but Alek hadn't been able to bring himself to go just yet and had ordered a drink to help him endure the sheer impossibility of his situation. He really couldn't afford to waste time, though, because the Sith were looking for Bastila even now and the longer they delayed the better the odds were that they would be caught.

He was almost to the door when an incredulous voice rang out behind him.

"Malak?"

He automatically turned around even though that wasn't exactly his name and he had no reason to believe whoever it was was even talking to him.

But sure enough, the man near the pazaak games was staring straight at him. He was also wearing most of a Sith uniform (just not the helmet) so this was definitely not good.

"I'm sorry," Alek said. "My name isn't Malak. It's Alek."

The man gave him a deeply unimpressed look and stalked over to him. "Alek… Squinquargesimus?"

Alek automatically tensed.

The man rolled his eyes. "Really? Really? Just…really?"

"I…don't know what you mean," Alek said carefully. "Is my name funny or something?"

"Maybe not funny," the man told him. "I just can't even believe that they would do that."

"Who would do what?"

"The Jedi," the man said. "I can't believe they'd call you that or that you'd even be here. You must have been on the Endar Spire but I can't even begin to understand why."

Alek swallowed. "Look, I don't know who you are or why you think the Jedi named me because, I assure you, like most of the galaxy I was not named by them but I-"

"Yes you were," the man interrupted. "Well, sort of. My name is Revan."

Alek stared at him. "So…you're Revan and you think I'm Malak? Okay then…"

Revan, or whoever he really was, laughed. "Yes, I can understand how that might make me seem like a crazy person. But I never said I was that Revan. It's a big universe, you know. Plenty of Revans. Probably. Maybe less so being born now but the guy's not exactly universally reviled. Probably a few more Revans out there after certain people got the credit for ending the Mandalorian Wars. Far more credit than certain people deserved or wanted but they did have the brilliant idea to fight Mandalore in a one-on-one winner-take-all duel to just finally end the damn thing and stop having to be at war and stuff."

Alek stared at him cautiously. "Are you one of those conspiracy nuts?"

Revan laughed again. "Oh, yes. I am especially a believer in the conspiracy that the Force has it out for me and is conspiring with pretty much everyone to make me actually do things."

"I'm…just going to go," Alek said, backing away slightly.

"Oh, don't do that," Revan said. "Come on, I'll buy you a drink."

Alek considered that. This guy was clearly either unbalanced or playing a really weird joke but he did hate to turn down free things. Though this was a Sith. But maybe if he made sure not to do anything suspicious he wouldn't report him for anything and get them all caught. And he did kind of still need a drink after the bad news from Canderous.

"Okay," he agreed hesitantly.

Revan stepped up to the bar, placed an order, and followed Alek to a table with two glasses in his hands.

Alek took a cautious sip of his drink. "Corellian brandy. How did you know I'd like that?"

Revan made a face. "How about we just be glad that you do?"

That reminded him. "So you're saying that your name is Revan but you just happen to be a different Revan than that Revan?"

"I am not saying anything of the sort but do you really think that the nominal leader of the Sith Revan-"

"Nominal?"

"Would just happen to be hanging out at this bar?" Revan asked, ignoring the interruption. "And yes, my name is Revan. It's actually kind of a title, too, but that just made it all weird, you know? Like what if your name were Alek-"

"Which it is," Alek interrupted.

"And then one day you met this guy and he's all 'From now on you will be the Alek. You will be the Alekchist.' Although I suppose that is slightly more likely to happen if your name is Revan. I mean, seriously, what do you do? Because I kind of think that certain people would just nod, smile, and despair about the general stupidity of the galaxy and how bothersome it all is," Revan said.

"More conspiracy theories?" Alek asked. "Do all of your theories involve mass stupidity and ridiculous behavior?"

"You forgot about troublesome people," Revan said. "And yes."

"You don't seem offended I said your theories were ridiculous," Alek noted.

Revan shrugged. "It's not my fault everyone's acting like that. Why should I be offended?"

"So you say you're not really Revan."

Revan opened his mouth.

"Sorry, you are really Revan but not that Revan. No, wait, you won't even confirm you're not that Revan but we both know that you're not. Why call me Malak then? Am I that Malak? How do you explain my fully attached – and rather striking if you ask me – jaw?" Alek demanded.

"Well obviously the Jedi healed it somehow," Revan said, unconcerned.

"The Jedi can just regrow body parts like that?" Alek asked skeptically.

Revan shrugged again. "I'm sure I don't know but somebody must have and they seem like the safest bet. But I didn't actually say I thought you were that Malak."

"So you are – probably – not that Revan and you called out to me thinking I was a Malak but not that Malak?"

Revan sighed. "When you put it like that it sounds a little bit ridiculous."

"In my experience, when something sounds ridiculous it's usually because it is," Alek said.

"And in my experience, literally anything can be made to sound ridiculous depending on how you phrase it," Revan said. "All that happened was I saw you leaving, thought you looked like someone I know, and suddenly we're here."

"You left out quite a few things including you offering to buy me a drink after I corrected your misunderstanding and was going to leave."

Revan rolled his eyes. "Honestly, Ma-Alek, I figured I didn't literally need to recap everything! You were right there!"

"I feel like I never denied being aboard that one ship you mentioned, the Republic one," Alek said after a moment. "In my defense, I was distracted by all the rest of the very strange things you were saying."

"So…"

"So what?" Alek asked, confused.

"Are you going to deny that now or…?"

"Oh, right. I absolutely deny it. I have no affiliation with the Republic and I'm not just saying that because you're obviously a Sith," Alek said.

"What?" Revan asked, frowning.

Alek gestured to Revan's uniform.

Revan laughed. "Oh that. Well I'm not….that is to say…this uniform isn't exactly mine. Well, I mean, it is and also kind of because…but never mind that, really! This isn't a uniform I wear because it's part of my job or anything! I…don't think I technically have a job because I'm certainly not drawing a salary from it and I don't have a boss or actually anyone I'm accountable to come to think of it. But I make do."

"If you're not a Sith then why are you wearing a Sith uniform?" Alek asked skeptically.

"I didn't say I wasn't a Sith," Revan said.

Alek raised his eyebrows. "So you are one. But it's not your uniform. Except it kind of is."

"I didn't say that either," Revan said. "Well, except for that last part. That's true. In a manner of speaking."

Alek threw his hands in the air. "Force, man, do you have something against giving out anything conclusive about yourself?"

Revan started to answer then stopped and smiled. "Kind of. 'Force'? Isn't that a bit of a strange ejaculation to use? If you aren't a Jedi or a Sith, that is. A proper Force-using Sith."

"Nothing 'proper' about Sith if you ask me," Alek said automatically. He coughed. "I mean, well…"

"I know what you mean," Revan said, looking amused.

"I don't know, it just seemed appropriate," Alek said. "I didn't give it much thought."

"No, I don't imagine you did," Revan said thoughtfully. "Anyway, to answer your question-"

"I very much doubt that," Alek interrupted.

"I am wearing this uniform because it is fabulous and it makes me look fabulous and that's really all the justification I need."

"But won't you get in trouble?" Alek asked. "I mean, the Sith are kind of occupying this planet and they're a military force. You can't just steal their uniforms and wear them because you think you look good in them."

"I know I look good in them," Revan said. "And you'll find that I am absolutely capable of doing whatever I want when I set my mind to it. Which isn't often, admittedly, but I do so love these uniforms."

"Seriously, Revan, the Sith are serious business," Alek told him earnestly. Revan was kind of a weird guy but he seemed harmless and Alek kind of liked him so he'd hate to see anything bad happen to him. "Just because they haven't done much that we can see since the death of Darth Malak doesn't mean that we can underestimate them! Everyone knows they're just trying to lull us into a false sense of security and then they'll be back with something major."

"Do they now," Revan said, a strange look on his face. "And by all means tell me more about Malak's death."

Alek frowned. "That happened months ago. Did you somehow not hear about it?"

Revan sighed and shook his head. "Oh, never mind. I don't actually believe you about not being – sort of – with the Republic, you know. Though I really don't understand why you would and I doubt you're going to tell me given the very valid reasons you have for concealing your Republic connections. But what are you doing here, anyway? You really should try to get off-planet, you know. Technically there's a war going on or something and while I want nothing to do with it, it would probably be best for you if you weren't captured."

"I would like to reiterate once more that I am absolutely not with the Republic," Alek said, raising his voice a little.

Revan rolled his eyes. "Look at me."

Alek met Revan's eyes, wondering what he was going to say.

"Tell me what's going on."

"I need to get off planet but there's this blockade set up and this mercenary offered me a way off this planet but I have to break into the Sith base to get the launch codes so I'm not shot out of the sky," Alek replied.

Revan looked horrified.

"What?" Alek asked defensively. "That's not my idea of a good time either but I don't exactly have a choice here."

"Think of all the mess it will cause!"

"I really need to get off this planet," Alek said.

Revan shook his head and pulled out his datapad. "You know what? Here. Just look at this."

Alek took the datapad and glanced at it. His eyes widened. "Is that…?"

"Yep. The launch codes to getting off this planet."

"Where did you even get these?"

Revan gave him a look. "Don't ask stupid questions. And don't go breaking into Sith bases either! Honestly, that's the last thing anyone needs. Just…go."

"I…guess I should thank you," Alek said awkwardly.

"Don't put yourself out," Revan said. "Anyway, I should go. Make sure to tell me how things went the next time I see you."

Alek blinked. "Next time? Why would we see each other again?"

Revan just laughed and walked off.

"I…what…that was a legitimate question, you know!"