Twelve Dancing Fruits Baskets, a fruits basket fanfic

Disclaimer: If I owned Fruits Basket, Tohru/Kyo would definitely not be the main couple. Someone else would be, though I'm not sure which one. I don't own the original Twelve Dancing Princesses story either.

A/N: This is a fic I wrote for my friend loonyluna. She asked for this crack pairing, so blame her if you don't like it.

A long, long, long time ago, in the prosperous kingdom of Furuba, the king Katsuya Honda had a problem. He and his queen Kyoko had been married for many happy years, and had had twelve daughters, all different from each other like night and day. There was the ever optimistic Tohru, the darkly mysterious Saki, the tomboyish Arisa, the shy Kisa, the tough Mayuko, the irritable Rin, the cheerful but sometimes prone to violent acts Kagura, the angry Akito, the quiet Machi, the nervous Mitsuru, the flirtatious Kimi, and the fangirlish Motoko. The twelve princesses were the source of the king's problem. Their shoes had been worn away, and were tattered with holes.

Of course you may scoff. What sort of problem is that? Can the king of the kingdom not just order twelve more pairs of shoes? That was what the king had first done, but then those shoes had also been worn away. And the pair after that, and the pair after that, and the pair after that, and the pair after that…the king had lost count of how many pairs of shoes they had gone through. He and Kyoko had tried asking all the princesses why their shoes kept on getting worn out, but the results, although varied, were never satisfactory.

"Oh? Um, um…I'm really sorry! It won't happen again!" Tohru had quickly stuttered out, and fled.

"Ah…such a mystery…" Saki had said quietly, her eyes staring off into the far distance.

"I run a lot," replied Arisa flatly, and when told she couldn't have run that much, she simply repeated what she had said.

Kisa had simply shaken her head quickly and ran away.

Mayuko had barely looked up from the paper she was writing, "I've been kind of busy," was her only vague reply.

"None of your business," snapped Rin irritably, rubbing her eyes tiredly.

"Oh," giggled Kagura, "it was really fun." But when probed for a more detailed answer, her eyes would flash and she'd quickly kick down a door (literally) to get out of the room.

Akito would just glare. That was enough to send most people scurrying out the door, and even the king and queen didn't like to bother their tempestuous daughter.

Machi would simply stare at them and in her monotone way, and say, "It won't happen again."

Mitsuru would run shrieking around the room, begging for forgiveness.

Kimi would pout, "Now…Kimi can't tell you that! It's a secret!"

Motoko would get a slightly dazed look, and begin mumbling something about how princely princes were.

This was getting no where, so Katsuya decided to lock the princess' chamber. It didn't work, the shoes continued to appear the next day full of holes. The next idea had been to put some maids in the locked room with the princesses, but they always fell asleep, and were unable to solve the mystery.

Finally, Katsuya decided to get outside help. He proclaimed that anyone that could solve the mystery of the twelve princess' shoes would be able to marry any one of the princesses that he chose.

Many tried. All failed.

However…this wasn't going to stop a certain trio of people.

"Of course it'll work!" said Ayame confidently, "My plans are never wrong!"

"Except of course, that time with the glass slipper that broke," murmured Hatori, not looking up from his book, "and the time with the squashed pea and mattress, and the time with—"

"Those," interrupted Ayame, "were obviously failures that had nothing to do with me, Tori-san! This is a plan that cannot fail!"

"I don't know," said Shigure, blowing out some smoke, "it's fairly risky to try and solve the Twelve Princesses mystery, after all, don't you remember the Princess Akito?"

"And yet, you still want her," commented Hatori, still engrossed in his book.

"I wouldn't be talking if I were you, Haa-san, you're the one who wants to see Princess Mayuko."

"Enough bickering gentlemen!" admonished Ayame, "we will be able to see the lovely princesses later! First we must finalize our plans!"

Hatori sighed, and snapped his book shut, "I can't believe you were the one who actually said that, Ayame. Alright then," he stood up, and walked towards the board they had set up in the front of the room, "our latest hare-brained plan to try and get the princesses," he began pointing to the writing, "first, we obviously accept the challenge King Katsuya has set up. Second, Ayame will be the one on watch in the princesses' room—"

"I still don't see why one of us couldn't do it," said Shigure balefully.

"You're too perverted. And evidently, I'm too scary so the princesses will probably toss in more tricks to prevent us from solving the mystery. Ayame acts like a fool most of the time, so they should not consider him a threat. Anyway, back to what I was saying before, Ayame will be the one in the room. After he quickly figures it out, he'll report to us, who will be disguised as servants during that time. Remember to grab any proof," said Hatori, ending his speech with a sharp rap to the board.

"Question, Tori-san!" Ayame sang out, raising his hand, "How are we going to make sure the princesses don't recognize me?"

Hatori smiled an uncharacteristically evil smile, "Oh, that. You're going to dress as a beggar."

Silence. Then….

"WHAT?!" screamed Ayame, as Shigure doubled over in a fit of laughter.

The Mabudachi Trio was comprised of three distantly related cousins of the Sohma clan, and was a singularly most unlucky trio. The Sohma clan had at one point been a very rich family, until through a series of gambling debts, had lost all their money. Unfortunately for the Mabudachi Trio, they by then had become fascinated by three specific princesses. Namely, Mayuko, Akito, and Saki.

A more strange love could not be found. To know why, you had to understand the members of the trio.

First, there was the responsible Hatori. Through all their schemes of winning back glory, Hatori was the only practical one, and was often forced to somehow talk sense into his more flamboyant cousins. Through some mishaps with a particularly unruly dragon (Furuba had the occasional problem of a rogue dragon, but not too many), he had met Mayuko. He was not so romantic to say that it had been love at first sight, but he would admit that something had sparked his interest in this tall and outspoken woman.

Next, there was the deceptive Shigure. On the surface, he seemed to be nothing more than a perverted joker, but the trio knew better. He put up the front to throw everyone off his real personality as a schemer who was always ready to sacrifice a few pawns to get to his goal. Perhaps that was why he was attracted to Akito. She had sent more than one suitor packing with scathing words, but Shigure wasn't about to be deterred like that. After all, he had met Akito when she had been a small child with a bad temper and slightly violent tantrums. He had personally found her amusing and not at all scary from then on.

Last was the strangest couple of all. Ayame was a flamboyant drama king (although he did sometimes act like a queen) and proud of it. It was common to mistake him for an idiot, and although he was sometimes, he did have rare moments of enlightenment. A more different person than Ayame besides the darkly mysterious Saki could not be found. He had met her through an incident with her want for a black dress and the fact that no tailor wanted to make one for the princess. Ayame found the denpa princess fascinating, despite her usual talk about "waves".

So, for the sole purpose of reuniting with their princesses, and obtaining a suitable status so it wouldn't turn into a scandal, the Mabudachi Trio had done many odd jobs. This had included many botched attempts with broken glass slippers, long hair that wasn't very strong, and thorns that just wouldn't grow around a castle. Obviously the declaration by King Katsuya had been a god-send for the trio. Now the only problem was to solve the mystery. However, with twelve princesses intent on keeping it a secret, this was going to get complicated.

"So," said Katsuya, examining the new challenger, "you wish to try to solve the mystery?"

"Of course!" exclaimed Ayame, dramatically sweeping his arms covered with rags wide, "It is a mystery that must be solved for the sake of the lovely princesses' shoes! It is—"

Katsuya held up a hand, "I see. It is a certainly unusual thing but—"

Kyoko cut in, "The princes have been doing a shitty job of trying to solve this, so you might as well try."

Ayame bowed with a flourish, "Thank you, your majesties! I will not disappoint you!"

Katsuya looked at Kyoko, "Are you sure about this, Ms. No-Eyebrows?"

Kyoko laughed, as she sat back in the throne, "I have eyebrows! Yeah, I'm sure. After all, as I said before, the princes are useless. If the beggar can do something then by all means he can have my blessings."

Katsuya nodded, "True…although, I must wonder which of our daughters he would pick as his bride."

"Who knows?" said Kyoko, shrugging.

"Someone is coming," Saki stated calmly, sipping her tea.

"Really? What new idiot is it this time?" asked Arisa, polishing her sword.

Saki frowned slightly, and gently set down her cup with a clink, "A flamboyant person. Who seems slightly familiar—"

The door banged open to reveal a slim raggedy man with a large hat on. He posed dramatically for a moment before proclaiming, "Fear not my lovely princesses! I, Okabore Hebi, will solve the mystery for all of you! Now please tell me why all of your shoes have been worn away!"

The twelve princesses stared at him for a while, before Saki finally said, "It's such a mystery…we don't know either."

"I see, I see," Hebi/Ayame said nodding seriously, "Then I must become extremely diligent about solving it!"

"Right. Anyway, would you like anything to drink, Okabore-san?" asked Mayuko, grabbing a pewter goblet.

"Yes, I would definitely like something to drink, begging is a very tiring business, you know!"

Mayuko nodded as she poured from a green decanter, "I see. Here," she said, as she handed the goblet to him.

Ayame smiled broadly, as he drank deeply from the goblet. Wiping his mouth, he commented lightly, "This wine is excellent! I must say, this is has to be one of the best vintage wines I have ever drunk!"

"How were you able to drink vintage wines if you are a beggar?" asked Saki, not bothering to look at him.

Ayame didn't even pause, "Why my dear princess, I wasn't always a beggar! Back when I wasn't, I had so much vintage wine that there wasn't even enough time to drink it all! Of course, I only drank a glass each day since I would not want to become an alcoholic. Wouldn't that be dreadful, after all, all alcoholics do all day is drink and lay about so uglily. And then, they sometimes even throw up, which is even more disgusting and—"

As Ayame continued to spout the evils of being an alcoholic, Arisa whispered to Mayuko, "Hey, shouldn't he be feeling sleepy now?"

Mayuko shrugged slightly as she continued to write, "The way the drug works is dependent on body size. He looks pretty skinny so I didn't give him too much…but maybe a bigger dose should have been better."

As Ayame paused to draw for breath, and then yawned. "Well, well, well. I'm sorry my lovely princesses, but I must go to sleep right now. After all, I need my beauty sleep, so goodnight dear princesses!" saying that, he turned over, and automatically started snoring.

Motoko gave a sigh of relief, and threw down her embroidery, "Finally! I thought he would never shut up!"

Mayuko nodded as she stood up, "It did take awhile, but the drug always prevails over the idiots. Well, then come on, let's hurry."

Some of the princesses giggled as they quickly unwrapped the long dull shawls that had been wrapped around them, to reveal exquisite ball gowns. They all quickly crowded around the few mirrors to check their appearances.

"Tohru, your hair," said Saki, as she tugged the orange ribbons into place.

"Gah, Machi, move it!" yelled Motoko as she shoved past the quiet princess to get a look at the mirror.

Kimi chattered brightly as she combed her black hair, while Rin and Akito argued fiercely over the dark blue silk hair ornaments. Eventually, the princesses became satisfied with their appearances, and Saki knocked three times on the bed post of her bed. Her dark bed sank down to reveal a long staircase leading down into the shadows. The princesses seemed quite used to the strange situation, as they quickly filed down into the gloom.

As soon as the bed rose again and closed over the stairs, Ayame sprang bolt upright. He had, during his long winded speech about alcoholics, managed to pour all the wine into a plant when the princesses hadn't been looking. Now he quickly ran over to the distinctively black bed, and knocked three times on the bedpost. Nothing happened. He tried again, and again, but couldn't manage to get the stupid thing to work for him. Sighing dramatically, he sank into the chair, "Such a tragedy!" he cried to the empty room, "The bed that Saki sleeps in will not allow me into the princesses' domain! Ah well. I will surmount all these troubles tomorrow!" saying that, he rolled over again, and actually fell asleep.

"So let me get this straight," said Shigure, obviously enjoying the situation while Hatori held his head in his hands, "the princesses have some sort of secret passageway below a bed, they go down there every night, but for some reason or another, you couldn't get down. And then you fell asleep."

"Yes," Ayame cheerfully answered, peeling an orange open, and popping a juicy slice into his mouth.

"What part of quickly solving the mystery did you not understand?" asked Hatori, feeling the beginnings of a headache quickly starting.

"But Tori-san," protested Ayame, "how was I supposed to know that I couldn't open up the passageway myself?"

"You should have sneaked in with the princesses," Hatori stated, getting up and opening a large battered suitcase.

"But Tori-san, how would I—" Ayame's protests were interrupted when Hatori threw silvery cloak into his face.

"The invisibility cloak, that's how," Hatori said, as he closed the suitcase, "That witch Ren had some good magical items in her lair. That's one of the items we took, remember?"

"Oh," said Ayame as he examined the cloak, "but it's so dusty…"

Hatori threw up his hands, "Ayame, just hurry up and get back to where you're supposed to be!"

"Right, right," Ayame said as he hurried back to the princesses' chamber.

Shigure patted Hatori on the back, "It'll be fine, let's just watch Ayame do his thing."

Hatori sighed as he lit another cigarette, "I'm just hoping his innate stupidity doesn't screw us all over."

"Hey!" yelled a woman who had just turned the corner of the long hall, "What do you think you're doing? You can't smoke here!"

Hatori turned around, holding his cigarette between two fingers, "Really?"

Mayuko snatched the cigarette out of his hand and ground it on the ground, "Yes, didn't you read the rules? It's bad enough having Rin and Akito in their moods, but the minute they catch you smoking they'll probably start too. I'm not going to have them stinking up the chamber, do you—"

She stopped suddenly, and stared at his face, "….Hatori?" she asked, suddenly confused.

Shigure quickly grabbed Hatori by the collar, and pushed him behind himself, "Well, we will certainly keep in mind that regulation, Mayuko-hime sama! Now we'll be off!"

They quickly ran away, but not before Shigure, who really couldn't resist, looked back and yelled, "Oh, and by the way, Akito already tried cigarettes. She didn't like them much."

Mayuko blinked, but by the time she reacted enough to try and find the two "servants" they were gone.

"I'm telling you," grumbled Mayuko to Saki and Akito after they had drugged Ayame, "that was Hatori, and I was pretty sure the other one was Shigure. So…that idiot over there," she said pointing to the snoring Ayame, "might actually be—"

"I doubt it," said Akito, pulling the black bow on the back of her dress tight, "if it was Shigure he'd be sneakier than that."

Mayuko personally didn't agree since in her opinion Shigure was a sneaky bastard who liked to annoy people but she supposed Akito would know best.

"If you say so Akito," Mayuko replied sighing.

Saki remained silent and just walked over to her bed and knocked three times on the headboard. As the princesses filed down the stairs, Tohru suddenly gave a cry.

Saki turned around, "Is something wrong?"

"Ah, n-no…I just thought…" she trailed off, biting her lip worriedly.

"You just thought?" prompted Arisa.

"I-it felt like someone had just passed me," said Tohru.

"Don't be stupid," said Rin, "There's no one here besides us."

"Alright…" answered Tohru as they stepped down from the steps into a forest that literally gleamed. The reason? All the leaves were strangely made of diamond.

A slight snapping sound made Tohru whirl around, "What was that?"

Arisa shook her head, and pushed Tohru forward, "You're being paranoid. Now hurry up, or else Orangey will be trying to tear Prince apart."

"I suppose you're right Uo-chan…" said Tohru, but she still glanced nervously behind her.

Ayame gave a stifled chuckle from beneath the invisibility cloak as he tucked the diamond leaf into his pocket. This is almost too easy…

"Where have all of you been?" yelled Kyo, "Because I was waiting for all of you I challenged the stupid rat seven—"

Yuki kicked him over, and smiled and bowed, "Hello everyone."

"Hello…" replied Machi stepping to the front, as Tohru attempted to calm Kyo down.

"I'll kill that damn rat!"

"Kyo-kun, please calm down—"

"Not now!"

Arisa sighed as she hit him on the head, "No yelling at Tohru, Orangey."

Clutching his head, Kyo turned around to glare at Arisa, "So the Yankee still hasn't become a woman."

Arisa twitched and was about to throw a table at him, until someone tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around and grinned up at the burgundy haired man, "Kureno! Where have you been?"

He smiled back, "I'm sorry Arisa, there was some troublesome business."

"Oh well. Come on," she said dragging him to the ballroom, "Let's dance!"

As the princesses randomly (or not so randomly) paired up, Ayame quickly sat down by the banquet table and grabbed a golden goblet. Tori-san said to grab evidence, so that's what I'm doing!

Ayame then sat back to watch the intricate display of royalty dancing. Strangely enough, although almost all the princesses were always dancing with just one person, there were three exceptions. Mayuko danced every once in awhile with Hiro, embarrassing him to no end. Akito sat in a corner, occasionally getting up to pace around. Saki danced quietly by herself. Ayame hummed happily to himself, and also managed to sneak himself some food.

"So," said Hatori standing with Shigure and the now un-disguised Ayame in front of the king and queen, "do you understand?"

Katsuya rubbed his head, "You're saying that there's some sort of ballroom hideout beneath the palace, and my daughters sneak down there every night to dance, so that's why their shoes are all worn out. You have to admit it is a bit of a….ludicrous story. What proof do you have?"

Ayame handed over the sparkling diamond leaf and golden goblet to Hatori, who handed it to Katsuya. Katsuya's eyes widened as he stared at the leaf, and wordlessly passed it to Kyoko. The two rulers sat in silence for a few moments until Kyoko abruptly stood, and motioned to one of the attendants, "Bring the princesses here."

The princesses were brought in, looking nervously around.

Katsuya glared at them, and then boomed, "These three gentlemen," he waved toward the Mabudachi Trio, "have informed me that there is some sort of strange hideout beneath the palace that all of you go to during the night, and you dance. Unchaperoned, and with other princes. Tell me right now, is that true or not?"

Arisa managed a bark of laughter, "What the hell? An underground ballroom? Of course it's not—"

"We're so sorry!" shrieked Mitsuru, her nerves finally getting the better of her, "We didn't mean to do anything bad, we just found it and—"

Mayuko slapped a hand over Mitsuru's mouth, "Enough," she turned to look at Hatori, and frowned, "It really was you then…. Anyway, since Mitsuru let the cat out of the bag, yes, they got it right."

Katsuya massaged his temples, "And would you care to explain, Mayuko, why all of you would sneak out?"

"They," she motioned to most of the princesses, "wanted to see their beloved princes. You can't always have a ball going here, so when we found that place, they wanted to turn it into a ballroom. Well, Saki, Akito, and I didn't like the idea much, but we had to keep an eye on them, so we went with them."

Kyoko sighed, as she motioned for her husband to not blow up, "So these princes….do we know them?"

Mayuko nodded, as she began to list them on her fingers, "There's Kyo, Kureno, Hiro, Hatsuharu, Momiji, Yuki, Ritsu, Kakeru, and Naohito. We…made sure they didn't do anything inappropriate."

Katsuya took a deep breath, "Alright. As soon as possible, we're going to marry all of you off to the prince you danced with. Except Kisa," he hurriedly said, seeing their stricken reaction, "she's too young of course. We'll just engage her. The rest of you…well, it was around time anyway."

Shigure coughed, "What about our reward, Ou-sama?"

"Oh that's right," Katsuya said, and waved Akito and Saki forward, "since the other princesses are now engaged…you'll have to pick between the last three."

Mayuko rolled her eyes, "Dad that sounded really insulting."

"It did," said Hatori quietly as he grabbed her by the hand, "sorry about the cigarette."

"No problem," Mayuko said, "So anyway…"

Akito glared as Shigure stepped in front of her and gave a cheeky grin, "Hello Akito!"

"You—"

He tilted her chin up, and lightly kissed her, "Now, now Akito…don't be mad."

As Akito furiously blushed and began yelling at Shigure, Ayame slipped in behind Saki, "I have a question."

"Yes?" Saki asked calmly.

"You can see waves. Why didn't you reveal our scheme in the first place?"

Saki smiled, "Let's just say I had a feeling that if I didn't say anything, things would go fine anyway."

Ayame smiled as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, "I'm glad you didn't tell."

And they all lived happily ever after.

"You should stop smoking."

"Heh."

"You stupid idiot!"

"Now, now, Akito, stop throwing vases around…."

"My dear! I have created some more marvelous dresses for you!"

"Oh good, they're black…"

"You're going down rat, do you hear me?"

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry—"

Well….more or less anyway.

A/N: Well….it was fun to write anyway. Please review!