A/N: Hi people! This is an idea me and Revengent came up with while talking about how Foreman so obviously loves Chase. It's VERY crack-y, be warned.
St. Paul Roman Catholic Church, 214 Nassau St. Princeton, New Jersey was packed. The bride and groom stood at the altar, waiting while the priest went through the whole song and dance required to marry them. The bride was gorgeous, her long blonde hair curled, her make-up done perfectly, her simple white dress hugging her in all the right places. Yes she was gorgeous, but she was also incredibly bored. She had been raised Agnostic and couldn't really stand anything to do with religion, but her soon to be husband had always been religious, and therefore she had agreed to a wedding in the church. She knew her parents hated it. They were sitting on the left side of the church with the rest of her family. Her father was teary. Her mother was drunk. Not drunk enough to cause a commotion, but drunk enough to get through the day.
The groom on the other hand was listening intently to what the priest was saying. He wasn't interested of course, after all it was incredibly boring, but it was the only thing taking his mind off of the fact that the entire church was staring at him in that moment. He hated being in the spotlight, even with his fabulous hair and handsome tux. He had wanted a small wedding, but his soon to be wife had always wanted a big wedding, and therefore he had agreed to a big wedding. After all, she had taken confirmation classes and gotten confirmed so that they could be married in the church like he wanted. She said they were horrible. He believed her.
And so they stood, two beautiful people getting married at a beautiful wedding, both miserable. Just as it should be. And truthfully, their guests weren't too happy either. The bride's family all seemed disgruntled, and wondered why they hadn't met the groom before. The groom's family was made up of aunts and uncles and cousins that hadn't seen him in years, but still felt they should be present at a wedding to a woman they had never met.
But most of the crowd filling the church was from the couple's workplace, Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. There were the E.R. nurses and doctors, the surgery team and nurses, and of course, House and co.
House himself sat towards the back, donning a tuxedo and dark sunglasses, his bad leg stretched slightly into the aisle. He had every intention of trying to trip the groom as he left. Next to him was Wilson, also donning dark sunglasses and a tuxedo. Although his glasses were not to "look cool" like House's were, but had more to do with the hangover that he felt was consuming him at that moment.
Cuddy and Thirteen both served as bridesmaids, and while Cuddy maintained a professional look, Thirteen couldn't have looked more bored. It was amazing really, since she had drank more than any of the guys the night before and didn't so much as have a headache. Anyways, both women looked lovely in the bridesmaid dresses they hated so very much.
Kutner was also in the wedding party, serving as a groomsman. He looked hung over. He was hung over. But the groom had refused to let him wear the sunglasses he had donned to the church, and so he was in a large amount of pain, due to the overly bright lights.
Taub and Foreman sat a few rows back on the bride's side. Foreman had an odd look on his face. He was not hung over, no one had invited him to go out drinking with them. Taub sat between him and the flower girl, who was the bride's five year old niece. Because the bride's brother was busy taping the wedding, he had been given the task of watching the little girl to make sure she didn't misbehave. If she did misbehave, he was to take her outside of the church until she was ready to behave again. He was also supposed to do this for Foreman. He was more worried about Foreman than the little girl, who had been quiet and attentive the entire time.
Finally, after a long time, the service seemed to be winding down. Everyone was obviously excited. Suddenly, Foreman seemed more attentive. Taub didn't notice. He had fallen asleep.
"If anyone has reason," the priest began to say, "for these two not to wed, speak now or forever hold your peace."
"I object!"
Everyone in the church turned to look at Foreman, who had sprung to his feet. The priest looked annoyed, that part was only a formality really, he had never had someone actually object.
"I told you we shouldn't have invited him!" the bride hissed to the groom. The groom was gaping at Foreman.
"On what grounds do you object?" the priest asked, breaking the awkward silence that had filled the church.
"I love Chase!" Foreman announced. Chase dropped his head. His face was pale. Cameron looked horrified. House was grinning. Wilson was shaking his head. Kutner had passed out when no one was paying attention. Cuddy looked confused. Thirteen had mysteriously disappeared. Taub kept sleeping. Foreman stepped into the aisle.
"Chase, from the moment I saw you and your floppy locks of gorgeous hair, I knew I loved you. I've just been too afraid. But now that you're going to marry her I knew I needed to say something."
At this point the flower girl had nudged Taub awake. He looked around and realized quickly what was going on. Blushing, he jumped to his feet, taking the flower girl's hand and grabbing Foreman by the arm,
"Sorry about this everybody," he called as he dragged his charges out of the building, "You can just continue with your wedding now."
Once outside, Taub led Foreman and the flower girl over to a bench and let go of them. They sat down.
"Why do I have to come out here? I didn't do anything wrong! I want to see Auntie Ally's wedding." The flower girl complained, pouting.
"I know sweetie, you can thank Dr. Foreman for that. He's the reason we're out here." Taub explained. The flower girl stood up and kicked Foreman in the shin. Hard. REALLY hard. Foreman began to cry.
"You're a loser!" she said, storming off onto the lawn. When Taub saw her sit down on the grass he turned back to Foreman, crossing his arms across his chest angrily.
"Foreman, we talked about this."
Foreman sniffled, looking sheepishly at the ground,
"Remember, you promised you weren't going to make a scene at the wedding."
"I never promised" Foreman argued.
"Yes you did, remember I said that if you were good I would buy you an ice cream later? I said the same thing to Lucy too." He gestured to where the flower girl had been sitting a moment earlier. She wasn't there any more. She had gotten into a car with a stranger who had offered her candy.
"Now I'm going to buy Lucy two ice creams, because you made her come out here, and you don't get any."
Foreman started crying again,
"But I do love Chase, and I had to tell him before it was too late! That's not fair, it's not fair, it's NOT FAIR!!!" Foreman cried, throwing himself on the ground and banging his fists in the grass. Taub sighed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a gun. Then he shot Foreman. Cameron had given him the gun at the rehearsal dinner,
"Only use it in an emergency, okay?" she had said, and Taub had given her a strange look at the time.
"Define emergency." He had said.
"Like say if Foreman objects when the priest says 'If anyone has reason for these two not to wed, speak now or forever hold your peace' and professes his love for Chase and you take him outside and he starts throwing a fit, then you can shoot him. Just drag his body out back when you're done. The priest will take care of it."
Now Taub remembered the conversation and grabbed Foreman's arm, dragging the lifeless body behind the church. He returned just as everyone was exiting the church and was grabbed by Wilson and House, who he had driven to the wedding.
"Come on Mr. taxi man, to the reception!" Wilson announced, pulling him off towards the parking lot. Taub gave him a strange look,
"Have you been drinking…again?"
House grinned, pulling a flask from a secret pocket in his tuxedo and holding it out to Taub, who took a generous sip of the mysterious liquid inside. He was going to need it to finish this day.
A/N: Yay! So it's not exactly how I imagined it, but anyways, review?