Summary: It felt like drowning. Until it didn't.
Word Count: 1292
Disclaimer: I don't own The Big Bang Theory or the characters. If I did, Sheldon and Amy would have never broken up.
It felt like drowning. At first, it was the lack of oxygen, trying to get some air in the lungs, trying to get oxygen to the brain. Panic starts to rise as the air stops coming and your lungs close. No matter how much you try to get the air in, it just doesn't.
It felt like drowning. There was no water around, no water entering the lungs. But there wasn't water either. There was nothing. There was no pressure building up due to the water entering the lungs – since there was no water. But there was panic. Lots of it. And instead of trying to get to the surface where there would be oxygen, her legs weren't cooperating. No movement from her limbs, but her chest cavity was moving at an abnormal speed, causing her to feel like she was having a panic attack.
It felt like drowning. But she had reached the surface. Her breathing became less shallow, and she could feel the air entering her lungs. She welcomed it, as her mind became confused and dizzy.
It was for the best. She broke her heart, she knew. She broke his heart too. But it was for the best. Breaking up with him might have caused her to feel like drowning but being with him, well that caused another type of suffocation. She loved him, she truly did. But he was... special. High maintenance. He was becoming too difficult for her. She loved him. But just couldn't do that anymore. And that broke her heart.
She got up from her chair, away from her computer. Every time she looked at it she saw his face, so broken and helpless. She just wanted to hug him on the spot. But she couldn't. Because they were no longer together. And that was her fault.
She turned to the TV. Turning it on, Little House on the Praire was on. She tried to watch it, but it only made her think of him watching it with her. He was complaining, of course, and they were only watching it so that he could talk poorly about some aspects of the show just like she had done with Raiders. But he still had watched it with her, and after that moment, she introduced him to the program.
Watching it now, without him, was heartbreaking. She just wanted to call, say she made a mistake, invite him over, make some strawberry quick as they watched that show. She shook her head. She couldn't do that.
She turned to the bathroom to take a bath. There she looks at her tub, the time she pretended to be sick so he would take care of her. He had bathed her in that tub, getting water in her shoulders, slowly rubbing soap in her skin, carefully placing the water down her back to take the foam off. He had taken off the tub carefully, him supporting her whole weight on his broad shoulders... she shakes her head trying to get those thoughts out of her mind. But she can't. All she can remember is the way he dried her after that bath, one of the best she ever had and one of the best experiences of her life.
The way he massaged her scalp with the towel to dry most of the water of her hair. The way he helped in her nightgown once again, him taking her to her bed and tucking her in. Him rubbing Vapo on her chest.
She clutches her hands trying to get those thoughts out of her head. She went to her couch. She just sat there, reading a book, to try to get her mind of Sheldon. She sat there, without turning any device on. Except for her phone, that was vibrating on top of her coffee table. She expected it to be Sheldon.
But it was Penny.
Strange.
It was to ask about Sheldon. Great! And to turn the knife a little more, she's getting married. Without her there.
She's moving on with her love life, getting married to the love of her life. And she was back on square one. Single. Amazing. Once Penny has kids, she'll be the single aunt. That's everyone's dream.
They stopped talking, and somehow Amy felt better. She could hear that Leonard was talking with Sheldon, sometimes catching Leonard's voice over Penny's. Sheldon didn't seem really happy.
A little while later, she finds Sheldon on her door as she leaves her apartment. They walk out together, but as they talk, Amy feels the air being sucked from her lungs, the room is without any air in it. She ran to her car, making the excuse that she needed space. Well, it wasn't exactly an excuse. She really needed space. She couldn't breathe, felt another moment of drowning coming her way. She stood in her car for a few moments, and after cleaning the tears that came out of her eyes, she drove away, to see her friends get married – something that didn't happen, because of Sheldon's appearance on the Wolowitz household.
And as Amy got back home, the drowning repeated itself more than once. Every day she would get home, tired, and her apartment would remind her of him. The one she let go. It was his fault too, but she was the one that ended things between them.
She needed to change her scenery. No matter how many times she showed up at her friend's places, she could only think of Sheldon.
Maybe she needed to move away? Somewhere she wouldn't be reminded of him. But where? And why would she need to move because of him?
Maybe she only needed to move on. She got herself a few dates, nothing much just coffee. One that got to the point of dinner.
She just needed to move on. Not away.
Dave was great. He talked about Sheldon way too much, but he was great. He wanted to introduce him to her friends – but Sheldon couldn't be there, too hard for her to stand.
Every night she would go to bed and she could still feel his scent on the air, the baby powder and cleaning products he always used. It comforted her, in a way that Dave could never. But she couldn't be with Sheldon.
Or so she thought.
When he appeared in the doorway while she was on a date, she almost closed the door in his face. His beautiful, sweet face. But she didn't.
But they did kiss. For a long time. They felt each other's tongues, trying to get as much contact as they could. The last few months away from each other took their toll, and they just needed each other.
Amy realized, then, he wasn't drowning her. She was trying to find a way to end things. She was scared that Sheldon was the one. But she wanted the high maintenance. She wanted the complicated, talks about TV shows during date night Sheldon. At least he wouldn't talk about her ex during date night like Dave. I mean, he probably would, but just because he wouldn't know it was rude until someone told him that.
And as the door was closed, Dave out of their life and there was no oxygen on their lungs anymore, they parted, the lack of heat from the other's body immediately felt.
They silently joined on the couch, cuddling. Amy thought Sheldon wouldn't be comfortable with that, but he was with a small smile playing on his face.
They were content. Neither was drowning. Not anymore.
The oxygen got inside their lungs. The oxygen reached their brains. They were together, safe and sound, secure in each other's arms.
And that was enough. For both.
The End
I felt a Shamy vibe today, so I wrote this. Hope everyone likes it. I know it's kind of small, but it's not my area. I'm more of a Lenny but love Shamy too (can't remember how many times I've watched the Shamy wedding – so cute!)
Tell me what you thought about this story!