Authors Note: This story was written for the 2017 Zenmasters Anthology on Tumblr, with the prompt: one gets a list of his or her soulmate's worst qualities.

So, I'm pretty chuffed with this fic and I hope you lot enjoy it as well. Chapters will be about 2k words long each, and I hope you like them!

An important note – this story is set in an AU where everybody receives a list containing their soulmate's worst qualities, with no other clue as to their identity. In this story, while Hyde helped Jackie much the same way after Kelso cheated on her (2x21-3x07), Jackie never developed any romantic feelings for Hyde.

(May 1978)

"Well? What do you think?"

Jackie clucked her tongue impatiently, trying to hide her nerves. The list had appeared on her bedside table that morning. There'd been no glitter, or gentle breeze carrying it through her window – it was just there. And now Jackie had a problem.

Donna pursed her lips, eyes raking over the piece of paper. "I think it sounds like you're being paired with a huge asshole."

Jackie whacked her on the arm, snatching the paper back. Donna raised her eyebrows.

"Fitting," Donna muttered under her breath. "Why? What's your opinion? Upset because 'too rich' isn't on there?"

Jackie pulled a face, shuffling in her seat. "No. I just thought... well, I guess I thought it sounded like Steven."

She jutted her chin out, daring Donna to laugh at her. Which she did.

"Hyde? You think Hyde is your soulmate?"

Offended - were her and Hyde really that bad of a match? - Jackie folded her arms, squashing the paper in her fist. "Well it sure isn't Michael, is it?"

Donna's cheeks puffed out as she exhaled a breath. "No, I guess it isn't. Is that why it came, d'you reckon? Maybe the universe is trying to tell you to dump him."

"Please, I was doing that anyway," said Jackie, examining her nails. "He's taken to stalking me ever since 'the cheese guy incident'." She made a face and held up quotation fingers. "Even Cosmo's latest quiz told me we weren't right for each other."

Donna patted her hand sympathetically. "Are you gonna tell Kelso why you're breaking up with him?"

Jackie nodded. "I'll have to. Maybe this way he can actually accept it."

Donna gave a tight smile to her friend. "He's gonna be pissed, isn't he? Especially if you suddenly start chasing after Hyde."

She started to laugh, plucking the paper from Jackie's fist as she read it again. "You and Hyde… 'Gotta tell you, Jackie, if it ends up being him the universe made one hell of a mix up!"

She continued to laugh, and Jackie bristled. "Shut up, Donna."

"Stop it!" Cried Jackie again, slapping her leg.

"Oh, my God," Donna's laughter had quelled and she was staring at her. "You actually like him, don't you? You actually like Hyde!"

"No. No, I don't like him. I just think he's one of the coolest, sweetest guys I've ever met."

Donna wrinkled her nose at Jackie's description. "That's not exactly what this list says."

She waved the offending piece of paper between them.

"Oh whatever, Donna. A minute ago you were sure it wasn't Steven anyway. And besides, those are only his worst qualities."

"Jackie, these are Hyde's only qualities."

Jackie frowned, upset. She had known Hyde only a quarter as long as Donna, but from the sounds of it Donna hadn't used those years efficiently. The idea that Hyde was only those qualities which appeared to the world - and on the list - was absurd. She'd seen firsthand what Hyde would do for his friends, without having been asked for it. She'd watched him cave and spend time with Mrs Forman to keep her happy. He'd shared her anger at Laurie and taught her how to defend herself after she and Michael broke up the first time. And, she realised upon reflection, something must have occurred for him to create that self-defence technique.

"Hello? Earth to Jackie?"

She snapped out of it, glaring at Donna. "You don't know Hyde as well as you think, Donna."

"And you do?"

It was an accusation.

"Maybe. He's an emotional person, Donna."

Donna snorted.

"He is!" Jackie crossed her legs to match her arms, breathing deep. "What does he do when he's angry, Donna? Punches someone. When he's happy? Snappy retort. Bad news? He goes speeding down the highway in his Camaro, tearing up people's front lawns. His responses are always emotional."

Donna didn't look like she believed her, so she sighed. "Whatever, Donna. I'll see you later."

She left the Pinciotti's, snatching the list – her list – from Donna's hand. She was one to talk about it, anyway. Donna had been a right mess over hers, and Jackie had needed to bring out all the stops over that.

"Stupid Donna," muttered Jackie as she shifted the Lincoln into gear. She debated briefly about whether she wanted to go home or to Michael's and get their break up over with. Was it wrong for her to be so quickly accepting of the idea? It probably was, especially since Michael had been getting so much better at controlling his urge to cheat.

"Urgh!" She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, disappointed in herself for thinking that.

"Okay, no. Michael does not get a gold star for not cheating on me," she cried. "Shape up, Jackie, good boyfriends don't even contemplate that! You'll be doing Michael a favour. Why'd you even get back with him? Hmm? That wasn't a good idea, was it?"

She kept talking to herself for the entire journey to the Kelso house. Someone had once told her talking to yourself was the first sign of madness, but that was ridiculous. People with such pretty, tinkling voices as hers should be encouraged to use it as often as possible, even – no, especially – if the only person around to hear it was themselves.

She pulled to a stop on the road outside the Kelsos, deciding against parking the Lincoln behind the rusty old truck in their garage. She'd never liked Michael's house – she supposed with six kids Mr and Mrs Kelso weren't exactly concerned with keeping up their house's appearance. The lawn was mucky and patchy, and decorated with a broken swing-set and about a zillion busted toys (she spied three deflated basketballs alone). There was also the dented porch roof, from when seven-year-old Simon had fallen off from climbing the TV antennae and broken his collarbone and left arm.

Carefully avoiding the several… presents… that the many neighbourhood dogs had left littered around the yard, Jackie made her way up to the house and knocked. To her dismay, it was Casey who greeted her.

"Hey. Jackie, right?"

He stepped sideways and let her enter. Her coat brushed lightly against him since the hallway was narrow and cramped.

"Yeah," said Jackie, not bothering to force a smile, "Is Michael here?"

Casey shrugged. "Upstairs. Hey, uh, can you tell Donna we'll go out on Monday? Gotta go out of town for the weekend."

She grimaced. "Can't you just tell her yourself?"

Casey grinned at her, "But this is so much easier."

Jackie rolled her eyes. Boys. "I'm sure you'll manage," she said, and started to head upstairs, narrowly avoiding being pelted by one of the younger kids as they shot down at her.

"Thanks, man."

Casey's voice drifted up after her, but she was more concerned with the feminine giggles that were emitting from Michael's room. Two feminine giggles.

Annoyed, but not nearly as angry as she should have been (god, when did she become such a pushover?), Jackie stalked towards his door, already expecting the scene she'd find. He hadn't even bothered to lock it. She shoved, hard, letting it bang loudly as it connected with the wall behind it. She heard a jacket fall and several items be knocked over, but she was too focused on her boyfriend and his TV to really care.

Blonde. Busty. Not her.

"Michael!"

The boy in question was staring up at her with wide eyes, one hand stuffed down his pants.

"Jackie! Baby, I didn't know you were here! Uh –"

Jackie huffed, crossing her arms and fixing him with her deadliest glare. Kelso whimpered, as did the girls on the TV.

Jackie stomped over to it, jamming her finger against the off button. "I'm not even going to ask, Michael. I came here to tell you that we're over, and I'm breaking up with you."

Kelso jumped up, "But Jackie! I was only – I was only watching that because you haven't been giving me any since the cheese guy! Yeah, that's right! Since your affair."

He sounded like a toddler showing off the biggest word they could pronounce.

"Oh, right, I'm sorry. Obviously me kissing a guy, because you ditched me, is the biggest betrayal to take place in this relationship! Never mind sleeping with Eric's slutty sister which – oh wait, was you!"

Michael paused, eyes downcast. "Ok. Cheating with Laurie was wrong. I'm sorry, baby."

Jackie hitched her eyebrow up at him.

He smiled encouragingly, "Now you apologise for kissing that wimp."

"Urgh!" She threw her hands up in the air, disgust curling around her gut. "You're impossible, Michael Kelso!"

"Aw, you don't mean that," he reached for her, and she shrieked.

"Ew! Don't touch me! God, clean that up!"

She tossed a box of tissues at him. Kelso laughed.

"Right. Sorry."

"Michael," sighed Jackie, hands on her hips. "I didn't break up with you because I just caught you… diddlingyourself to girls other than me. Although I am angry about that. I broke up with you because we're not right for each other."

Kelso turned his doe eyes on her, pouting. She'd once thought of his androgynous looks as attractive, likening him to Mick Jagger and David Bowie, but now it just made her stomach curdle.

"But we've been dating for forever. We're soulmates."

Jackie shifted uncomfortably in her heeled boots. Now or never. "We're not, Michael. I got my list. It's not you."

"Oh," muttered Kelso, eyes downcast. She puffed air out of her cheeks, toning down her aggressive stance into something gentler. She shoved her hands in her pockets, tilting forwards on her toes. It wasn't fair how quickly she caved towards him - he was like a petulant child, reaching out for the toy she kept giving and taking away. She pulled a hand over her face, probably smudging her make-up. Just be honest, whispered Donna in her head, you know what Kelso's like.

She did know what Kelso was like, probably better than anyone. Right and wrong only applied when it came to him and his feelings - but hadn't she been like that once, too? Donna's voice told her to forgive and forget, but did Michael really deserve to be forgiven?

Resent and remember,doll.

He'd cheated on her, a lot, and really the only regret he'd shown was that he let himself get caught. He hadn't treasured her until he'd lost her, and hadn't made any real effort once she'd gone back to him, either. Sure, maybe he wasn't still sleeping with Laurie, but if he was jacking off to other girls when she wasn't around, how did she know he wasn't think the same when they were doing it? It made her sick.

Grasshopper's all grown up.

She took three deep breaths, collecting her thoughts. Zen.

"Michael, you can be really, really sweet sometimes," – his eyes lifted in hope – "but you need a girl who you'll love enough so you'll just be sweet to her. And me… you know how Steven's always telling you to be a man and not let me boss you around? He's right. You shouldn't let me, because otherwise I'll get… it's just not good, Michael. Long term, I need someone to challenge me and stick up for themselves once in a while."

"But I thought you liked me being your love-slave."

Jackie fought hard not to cringe. "Well, look, Donna's made me realise that maybe having someone under my total control is not all it's cut out to be. I mean, her and Eric, for all their weirdo problems, really seem to have that partnership thing down. I want that, Michael. I want a partnership.

Michael looked at her confusedly. "When did you get so deep?"

Since I started hanging out with Steven, she thought. "I've always been deep, Michael. I just didn't realise it until now."

She sighed. Throughout the car ride she'd been ready to unleash a fully dot-pointed and annotated seminar on him to explain every reason why they shouldn't be together. It had involved yelling, and crying, and finally making him see the hurt he'd put her through. But now, quite frankly, she couldn't be bothered. It wouldn't change anything, either. She wasn't naive enough to think that. Struck by a sudden idea, she rifled around in her purse (no way would she have left it in her car in this neighbourhood) and pulled out the edition of Cosmo she'd been telling Donna about.

"Look, Michael, read this, okay? You can have it."

"Oh, I already have that issue."

Jackie looked at him in surprise. He rose to defend himself.

"'51 Hair Tips You Need to Know', Jackie! This luscious mane doesn't stay so shiny by itself!"

She rolled her eyes. "Well, read the 'Are you really soulmates?' article, alright? But otherwise we're through forever."

Kelso pouted, looking upset. "Seriously?"

"Yup. Go sleep with a bunch of college sluts, see if I care."

She started to leave.

"Wait, you're telling me I can sleep with people? This isn't a trap?"

She rolled her eyes, ignoring the twinge of pain at how quickly he'd gotten over her. "Ugh, no.We're broken up. Nada. No more. Ix-nay on the elationshipray."

She stalked out of his room and down the stairwell, no longer caring. Kelso called after her, frantically following her.

"Wait! Wait, Jackie!" His head appeared over the bannister. "I don't speak pig latin!"