"I love you!" Izuku exclaimed beaming up at Katsuki as he tackled him into a hug.
"I love you too Izuku!" Katsuki shouted back. "We should get married!"
Izuku nodded rapidly and they performed a little ceremony on the spot, toothily grinning at their awing mothers when they showed them the rings crafted from grass and flowers.
"I like you." Katsuki muttered, blushing angrily as he looked down at the trembling Izuku.
"W-what." Izuku stuttered as he cowered below Katsuki's threatening gaze.
"I said I fucking like you, fucking Deku!" Katsuki was shouting again, explosions involuntarily setting off.
A lot had changed since they were four years old. Katsuki had woken up to little puffs that resembled explosions the day after their 'wedding' while Izuku remained quirkless, even after years and years of trying to breath fire and pulling objects towards himself. Years passed and the relationship between the two young boys took a turn for the worse. Izuku was soon known as Deku, and he would limp home with new burns and bruises from his once called best friend.
While Izuku tried to accept his fate, burying his head into countless notes of heroes, Katsuki grew in strength every passing day. Those horror filled school years seemed to fly by for Izuku, and at the same time go agonizingly slow for him. He kept his head down and stayed out of trouble (trouble mainly consisting of a certain blonde haired boy with a bad temper). That was until the last couple of days of middle school.
By some miraculous string of events Izuku had met All Might, setting his life into a spiral of miracles (or disasters as some would call them). Izuku wished he could say he remembered that day clearly, but if he was going to be honest he was so overwhelmed the day was a blur. But he could remember something so clearly, almost as if it was burned into his very being. He didn't know why Katsuki's eyes from that day were burned into his memory.
The eyes that held so many emotions. Maybe it was because it was the first time Izuku had seen fear displayed in Katsuki. Or maybe it was the overwhelming grief Izuku had felt in that split moment before he took off running toward the sludge moment which had held Izuku only moments ago. The grief had come from the thought that that moment could have been the last time he would ever see those eyes.
A lot of things scared Izuku; Spiders, heights, clowns. But at that moment Izuku realized what his biggest fear was. He always thought he was scared of Katsuki. But it hit him then, although Katsuki shoved him and called him names on a daily basis, it wasn't him he was afraid of. It was losing Katsuki that scared him the most. Scared of never seeing the stunning crimson eyes again, eyes that bore into him day after day. Scared of never hearing Katsuki shooting off at the mouth. Scared of a world without Katsuki in it.
The fact was almost humorous, in love with his school bully.
The world really wasn't fair.
Izuku lived with the knowledge of his stupid, impossible crush. He trained under All Might's tutoring, the weight of his newfound knowledge seemingly heavier on his shoulders then the trash he carried every day. The days truly flew by those last couple of months, and Izuku was glad of the distraction that All Might's training gave him.
Then by another miracle, Izuku and Katsuki found themselves in the same class in Yueii Academy. Izuzku's dreams were finally coming together. He made new friends, he was training to become a hero, he had a powerful quirk that enabled him to help people, he was happy.
It was a couple days after the U.A sports festival, when Katsuki had called Izuku's name as they walked down the entrance pathway to Yueii. Declaring his supposed feelings for Izuku.
I like you
Not I love, not I hate, but like. Izuku was embarrassed to say that those small three words made him completely and utterly speechless. Izuku would have never even begun to dream of this. Sure he had thought about confessions with Katsuki, like every school crush, but he had always imagined he would make the first move. Why would Katsuki choose today to inform Izuku about this? Nothing had changed since middle school. Well except for the fact he had- oh.
Was it even possible for someone to be sexually attracted to quirks? Quirksexual?
Izuku could feel his face heating up, his hands shaking as he thought of his next words and his eyes trained on the floor in front of him.
"I," Izuku started, drawing out each word slowly, "c-can't accept your feeling Kacchan."
Idiot, Izuku cursed himself. Why hadn't he taken this opportunity he had spent many nights thinking about?
Exactly because he wasn't an idiot. Years of physical and emotional abuse was enough to tell Izuku something about this situation didn't add up. At the moment Izuku and Katsuki were barely considered friends, they were frenemies at the best of times.
Izuku heard Katsuki swear slightly under his breath and he chanced a quick glance. Katsuki was also looking at the ground. Eyes downcast and his shoulders tense, Izuku couldn't remember the last time Katsuki looked like this.
Completely and utterly defeated.
And then as if Katsuki could feel Izuku's curious gaze he turned on his heel quickly and started walking away. Hands stuffed into his baggy jeans.
Izuku watched him go, and as he left he could only think of the other time Izuku stood in the exact same spot, watching Katsuki walk away.
I'm going to be number one!
Then the pieces fell into place. He wasn't out for Izuku, he was out for his power. Maybe he thought he could get Izuku under his control again.
"KACCHAN!" Izuku felt himself shout. "My quirk and I aren't a prize to be won!"
Katsuki stopped in his tracks, shoulders tense and explosions burning holes into his pants.
"Not everything's about your stupid fucking quirk fucking Deku!" Katsuki shouted back without turning around. "I don't need it anyways I'm going to become number one by myself."
"Then why!" Izuku called out in desperation, voice cracking slightly. "Why after all this time? After all the pushing and name calling? The abusing!"
Izuku never got an answer as Katsuki rounded the corner quickly, leaving Izuku standing there, helpless and confused.
Then why?
Katsuki almost scoffed at the question. A question with a limitless answer. Yet an answer almost impossible to answer.
Katsuki loved Izuku's stupid freckles, and his dumb eyes that shone like emeralds. Katsuki loved his smile and the way it seemed to light up the room. Katsuki loved Izuku's soft hair that looked like it hadn't been brushed for days. And above all Katsuki loved the way Izuku could make him feel.
Katsuki hated Izuku's smile, the one that he wore before doing something dumb and dangerous. Katsuki hated the way Izuku put others before himself, constantly putting himself in harm way. Katsuki definitely hated the way Izuki looked at him, emerald eyes shining with an obscure mixture of pity and admiration. Katsuki hated the fact that he couldn't save Izuku. Hated the tears that kept spilling from his eyes. Katsuki absolutely hated the way Izuku could make him feel.
Izuku was supposed to be a pebble on the road. So why did he seem to be a crushing weight on Katsuki's heart?
Katsuki thought about this a lot. For how long? Perhaps 7 years, maybe more. He couldn't pin it on an exact moment. The feelings cultivated through a period of time. Anger filled Katsuki when he first faced his feelings. Not only was Izuku a boy, but he was also fucking quirkless. The endless torments Izuku suffered doubled in that time. Katsuki expressing and venting his feelings to Izuku in what seemed like the only way he knew, violence and taunting.
Katsuki didn't accept these feelings for years, focusing solely on training his body and his quirk. He didn't accept his feelings until that day
"What are you doing here?!" Katsuki yelled in rage gulping in air, his lungs burning with indescribable pain. Izuku clawing desperately at the sludge monster, which held Katsuki in his grip.
Get back. His next words were muted as his mouth was covered again. You'll get hurt, stop being so goddamn heroic dammit.
The desperation in Izuku's eyes seemed to slap Katsuki out of his years' long daze. The eyes that seemed so worried for him. Eyes that truly cared for him.
After the sludge monster incident whenever Katsuki looked at Izuku he felt as if the sludge monster had him in his grips again. Constricted and out of breath. Katsuki wished he could say he changed after that. Sure he had been slightly kinder after the incident as a sort of messed up thank you, but he soon reverted to his old ways.
The abuse.
The words Izuku had shouted at him were only a tortuous loop. Pushing, name calling, and bullying sure. But abuse? The word was similar to the others and yet it seemed on a whole other level. The word seemed to scare him. Not much phased Katsuki, he wasn't afraid of anything.
Except, perhaps, for the way Izuku made him feel.
Katsuki felt pathetic, a feeling that was familiar to him, except this time it wasn't covered by the usual narcissism he hid behind. Pathetic for the fact that he had handled his crush so fucking stupidly. Pathetic for not knowing what to do now. Pathetic for hurting Izuku, the person he desperately wanted to protect.
Explosions danced over Katsuki's arm as he shouted in frustration, making several small children across the road scream and scatter and completely wrecking his uniform sleeves.
Katsuki reached his home quickly after that. Slamming the door behind him and quickly kicking off his shoes.
"Welcome ho- WHAT THE HELL KATSUKI WHAT HAVE I SAID ABOUT CLOTHES NOT GROWING ON FUCKING TRE-"Katsuki's mum, Mitsuki Bakugo's voice died down after seeing the state of Katsuki.
She watched in an almost stunned silence as she watched her son, eyes downcast and sad as he trumped up the stairs. Suddenly he stopped in his tracks and stood for a couple of seconds before opening his mouth.
"Am I a bad person?"
Mitsuki was stunned, lost for words at her son's sudden change of character and the utter helplessness he was displaying.
"I've really hurt a person that I really like." Katsuki continued, his head now tilted towards the ceiling. "Only villains hurt people, not heroes, heroes try to save and protect them, right."
Katsuki hated the words that came out his mouth. Hated the way they made him feel. This wasn't him, but yet in a weird sense he desperately wanted it to be.
"I think." Mitsuki started turning Katsuki's chin so that he was looking at her. "That all humans make mistakes, agreed some are bigger than others. But what you do to fix it is what makes you who you are."
"Fix it?" Katsuki's voice was quiet, curious, as if the thought had never crossed his mind. "How?"
His mum gave a small, motherly smirk. "Well that's depends on the person, Katsuki. But make sure they know you are trying."
With a final pat on the head, an act of affection that brought back memories from his childhood, Mitsuki left the boy with is thoughts.