Summary: Vincent wants to move on with his life, but is still tethered to his past. Also, Lucrecia's been hiding a secret all these years; will she finally reveal it to Vincent? One-shot, with a hint at Vincent/Rude pairing.
Setting: Post-AC. Slight tweaking to canon here; in the game, Vincent lies to Lucrecia, telling her Sephiroth is dead. I'm omitting this part, and Lucrecia is still under the belief that Sephiroth is alive.
Usual disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy, nor any song lyrics quoted within. This fan fic is written for enjoyment, not profit.
Thought I ought to bare my naked feelings
Thought I ought to tear the curtain down
I held the blade in trembling hands,
Prepared to make it but...just then the phone rang
I never had the nerve to make the final cut.
The Final Cut - Pink Floyd
"Are sins...ever forgiven?"
"I've never tried."
[quote taken from FF: Advent Children]
It was ironic, whenever Vincent thought about it. After being on opposite sides, when the former Turk had joined up with AVALANCHE - in the end, Rude was one of the few people on Gaia that Vincent felt he could confide in. Whenever the rare occasion arose where Vincent did feel like talking about it - "it" being Lucrecia - Rude was the one he'd turn to. He was a good listener, never passed judgement or offered unsolicited advice. Perhaps because Rude was a Turk himself...although it had technically been several decades since Vincent carried a Shinra ID card proclaiming his employer to be the 'Department of Administrative Research', being a Turk was still in his blood. Somewhere in there, amongst the demons and monsters that resided within Vincent, was the heart of a Turk. It was the only thing that made sense to Vincent, when he wondered how he'd become such fast friends with Rude, once their unspoken truce was realized, post-Meteorfall.
It also didn't hurt matters that Vincent found himself attracted to Rude. He suspected that attraction might be mutual, although he wasn't certain, and hadn't questioned Rude on the topic, either. And even if he had, Vincent still felt as part of his soul was still tethered to his past; to Lucrecia.
Lucrecia. The beautiful but flawed scientist, the woman over whom Vincent had spent half of his life in a coffin, punishing himself for his 'failure' to save her. Not a day went by where Vincent didn't torture himself thinking about her; about his own perceived failure to stop her from allowing Hojo to experiment on her unborn child.
"Could I have even stopped her, though, Rude?" Vincent asked one day, over a quiet drink at Seventh Heaven. "Would she have listened to me...I do wonder. I'm convinced that Hojo had brainwashed her, so perhaps my words would have been useless."
"Vincent," Rude said steadily as he sipped his beer. "Enough with the what-ifs. You have suffered more than any one human should ever have to endure-"
"I'm not quite human, you know, Rude," Vincent said with a smirk, interrupting him.
"Whatever," Rude scoffed. "Look. You deserve to have a life now. And don't talk to me about atonement. You've atoned enough already. How many years were you locked away in that basement?"
"It will never be enough," Vincent said, sighing and staring into his wine glass. He held it by the stem, swirling the crimson liquid around. Looking so much like blood, he thought absently. "It was because of my failure to stop her, that Sephiroth became what he became. I could have prevented all of this..."
"No, damn it," Rude retorted angrily. "Not because of you, Vincent. It was because of Hojo." The Turk frowned as he finished his beer, slamming the glass on the table. He abruptly grabbed Vincent by the lapels of his cloak and kissed him roughly.
"Well, then," Rude said hoarsely, as he stood up to leave. "Whenever you decide you're worthy enough to have some semblance of a life, and maybe even some happiness, you know where to find me. Talk to Lucrecia, Vincent; close the door, once and for all."
Vincent stared in silence at the door, as it closed behind Rude. "That was unexpected," he murmured to himself. Vincent finished his wine, and threw some money down on the table to settle his tab.
Maybe he's right, Vincent mused, as he drew his cloak about him, exiting into the warm Midgar night. Maybe...I should go to her. Yet, seeing her in her crystal tomb - it's yet another reminder of my failures.
Lucrecia had been daydreaming; still in crystal stasis, within the confines of the Crystal Cave, she was entombed here forever. Unable to die because of the Jenova cells in her body, the former scientist had exiled herself from all humanity. She constantly prayed for death, even though attempts to take her life by her own hand always resulted in failure, Lucrecia still prayed. Prayed to one day be released from this Hell, this mortal coil, and to be released back into the Lifestream.
Or, just to be released into Nothing, she thought. I do not deserve this gift of immortality. Not after all I've done, to my child, and to Vincent. I wonder what has become of both of them. My child...my son...I cannot feel his presence any longer. Perhaps he is dead.
Lucrecia stiffened and her ears perked, as she suddenly felt the presence of another within the Crystal Cave. "Who goes there!" she called out, feeling slightly annoyed that someone might be there, intruding upon her solitude. Lucrecia did not feel fear; there was no need. Nothing out there could harm her or kill her, even with as much as she wished for death. Her heart leapt as she saw a crimson-cloaked figure approach.
"Vincent," she cried out, smiling, though it was a smile edged with sadness. "It's good to see you...you're looking well." It was true, Vincent was looking much improved since the last time Lucrecia had seen him. Gone were the dark circles under his eyes, his sallow expression. He looked healthier, more robust.
And as handsome as ever, she thought wistfully. Her mind quickly flashed back to their first kiss, when Vincent had been a young Turk. I suppose we are both still 'young', technically, Lucrecia mused. Neither of us are capable of dying...that is our punishment. The very thing which others might perceive as a gift, it is a curse on us both.
"Good to see you as well, Lucrecia," Vincent said in a low voice, coming closer as he approached. "I...I'm not really sure why I came, now that I'm here," he confessed. "Although, I do like checking on you from time to time, as you know."
"That's too good of you, Vincent," Lucrecia replied, smiling. She tilted her head to the side, studying Vincent curiously. Something was on his mind, and he was not telling her what it was. "Was there something you wanted to talk about, perhaps?"
"Maybe," Vincent said, sighing. "I feel foolish, and a bit ashamed, asking this...but I'd like to ask you for your forgiveness."
"Forgiveness...for what?" Lucrecia asked, frowning in confusion. "Vincent...you've done nothing that needs to be forgiven. I, on the other hand..." Oh Vincent, if you only knew. The things I never told you...never can tell you...
"For not stepping in sooner," Vincent replied, surprised. "For not preventing Hojo from doing...what he did to your child, and taking him away from you." Would Sephiroth have become what he became, nearly destroying the planet, if he'd had a real mother raising him...instead of living his childhood in the Shinra labs as Hojo's prize specimen? Hojo treated him as an experiment, always...never as a human being. It was a question Vincent knew he'd never have an answer to, of course, but still, it plagued him constantly.
"Vincent, please," Lucrecia said pleadingly. "We've been over this in the past, you know. I went to Hojo willingly. I allowed him to experiment upon my child in utero."
"But...it made you so sick," Vincent recalled, his eyes downcast. "I tried to get him to stop administering the injections, it was only making things worse, as your pregnacy progressed..."
"Please don't blame yourself," Lucrecia whispered, her eyes flooding with tears. "If anything, blame me. I did this. Hojo did this. Hojo tried to kill you...and then, I made things worse."
"You saved my life," Vincent murmured, a faint smile lighting his face. "How can I be angry with the one who brought me back from the dead."
"And subjected you to eternal damnation, it seems," Lucrecia said bitterly. "Please, don't. You have a second chance at life...I would have hoped you'd persue happiness, instead of tormenting yourself - "
"That is why I've come," Vincent interrupted. "I suppose what I'm seeking...is closure. I've met someone, Lucrecia," he said softly. "I don't know where it will lead, if anywhere, but...he's the one who suggested that I come here."
"I'm happy for you, Vincent," Lucrecia said sincerely. "I really am."
"I loved you once, Lucrecia," Vincent continued, looking at her sadly. "And being in love - it was the most thrilling and terrifying thing I'd ever felt. I just don't know if I'm capable of that emotion anymore. Or, of feeling anything."
"Of course you are," Lucrecia said stubbornly. She studied the former Turk, still as handsome as the day she'd met him at Shinra, and smiled fondly at him. "Oh, Vincent. How I loved you..."
"Is that why you turned to Hojo, then?" Vincent snapped, his suppressed rage suddenly finding an outlet. "Because you loved me?" He regretted the words as soon as they were uttered, but there was no taking them back. "I'm...sorry, I - "
"No, I deserve that," Lucrecia replied sadly. "And probably far worse than that."
"It seems we are going in circles here," Vincent said dryly. "I am sorry. I'm afraid I still harbor some bitterness over...everything."
"It would be impossible not to, don't you think?" Lucrecia quipped, with an amused look. Pursing her lips, she appeared to be lost in thought for a few moments before she spoke again.
"Vincent?" she asked softly. "Whatever became of him, of my boy? Did he grow up and become a great man? I wish...I wish I could see him. Other than those horrifying visions I had of him...I hope they were false."
"Sephiroth," Vincent began slowly, carefully weighing how much he wanted to reveal to Lucrecia. He felt that the woman did not deserve to hear that her son had nearly single-handedly obliterated the planet, no matter what atrocities she'd committed in the name of science. No woman, no mother, deserves to hear that.
"Sephiroth became a great SOLDIER," Vincent replied. "Perhaps the greatest SOLDIER Shinra had ever seen."
"Did you ever meet him?" Lucrecia asked, her eyes wide with anticipation.
"I did meet him," Vincent replied simply. "Several times." I cannot, and will not, tell her the circumstances of those meetings, Vincent silently vowed.
"Who...who did he look like?" Lucrecia asked, her heart pounding. Her eyes flitted left to right fearfully, as she waited for Vincent's response.
"He favored his mother," Vincent said, with a sad smile. He looked like Jenova, more than anyone...
"Oh," Lucrecia said, relieved. She smiled gratefully at Vincent. "Thank you. I don't want to ask this, but...I feel I must. I cannot feel Sephiroth's spirit anymore, and I always could...do you know if he still lives?"
Vincent's heart sank; of all the things for Lucrecia to ask, this was one thing he did not want to answer. Yet...it seems as if she might already know the answer, and is simply seeking confirmation, he reasoned.
"I am sorry, Lucrecia," Vincent finally replied. "Sephiroth...was killed in action." By one of my friends, and I helped in the effort.
"I see," Lucrecia said, a tear rolling down her cheek. "I am not surprised, but...I still feel a sadness. At losing the son I never knew, never got to hold." She laughed bitterly as she wiped away her tears. "Ironic, isn't it."
"It's not surprising," Vincent said gently. "Of course you're sad. Damn it, Lucrecia...how I wish I could have brought him to you, when he was a boy. Hojo had hidden him away..."
"And I exiled myself to this cave," Lucrecia said mournfully. "I should have stayed. I should have...fought for my child. What kind of mother am I? Oh, Vincent. How I have wronged him, and you..."
"You haven't wronged me, Lucrecia," Vincent said softly. He sighed, leaning against the cave wall. "I will admit...I've carried some anger with me, all these years, that you chose Hojo over me. But it's in the past now. I know that I should move on, and not let that bitterness consume me for all eternity."
"But Vincent, it's not only that, it's..." Lucrecia's voice faltered. I will never know for certain, she pondered, since Hojo took the test results, but the child was more than likely yours, Vincent. Not Hojo's.
As Vincent stood there, looking expectantly at Lucrecia, the woman froze, suddenly unable to utter the words. I cannot tell him. I cannot! The visions...what if they were real? What if Sephiroth really was a monster? Vincent could be shielding me from the truth, she thought suspiciously. And I cannot blame him for that. I would probably do the same, perhaps, if our positions were reversed.
"I want nothing but your happiness, Vincent," Lucrecia said, trying to steady her voice. "Although I still don't believe there is anything to forgive, I will forgive you, if it will help you to move on."
"Thank you, Lucrecia," Vincent replied, exhaling a relieved sigh. "It feels as if a tremendous load has been lifted, already. I forgive you as well. I think I had, but...never really told you, until now."
With a small wave, he turned to leave, then, frowning turned back to regard Lucrecia. "You know," he said, "you too, can set yourself free, Lucrecia. Break free from that glass prison of yours...come join the land of the living. After all, it's not as if either one of us can die," he quipped, smirking.
"Another thing that is my fault," Lucrecia said sadly, recalling the procedure where she implanted the protomateria within Vincent's chest, to keep Chaos at bay. "I am sorry for that too."
"Enough with the apologies," Vincent said dismissively, waving his hand. "Are you coming with me?"
Lucrecia shook her head. "No," she said quietly. "I cannot. I do not mind this life, Vincent, quiet though it is. I thank you, but I do not wish to rejoin the 'real' world," she continued, smiling sadly.
Vincent returned the smile. "As you wish," he replied. "I won't press it any further. Farewell." He waved at Lucrecia as he left the cave.
"Keep well, Lucrecia," he called back to the crystal-encased woman. "That's all I ask...is for you to keep yourself well."
A/N: That was a LOT nicer than I really wanted Vincent to be. I originally intended for him to rip Lucrecia a new one. XD But, when I thought more about it...Vincent isn't that kind of guy, who's going to be a jerk just because he can.
Hope you enjoyed! Please read and review. :)