What followed Ralph's death and the team's failure to fight DeVoe was a long period of numbness. None of the members seemed to be able to find themselves again, to return to the old dynamics, every single one of them being thrown off track, living in a strange kind of stupor. Added to that, losing Killer Frost only depressed them more.
It was then that Joe paid Harry a visit in his lab, relieved that he didn't have to look for the man in the Thawne's time vault, but still worried nevertheless. The team didn't seem to notice the odd behavior of the doctor and that was understandable, truly as they lost one of their own, but Joe wouldn't just let it go. He needed to make sure Harry got help, no matter what they were all currently going through.
"Detective," Harry said on seeing the man entering the room, "did you need something?"
Joe looked around before answering, happy that the cap was nowhere to be seen.
"Just making sure, but I can see the cap is gone."
"I took your advice to heart," Wells assured him when standing up from his chair to face West. "I'm not longer… using the cap," he said with a clear break in the middle of the sentence and Joe squinted his eyes, wondering whether Wells wanted to say something else or maybe he was lying. The man did look kind of off.
"Harry, you still have a problem," he finally settled for saying. "Just because you're saying you're done now doesn't mean you will be able to hold on for long. Especially after what happened…" his voice trailed off significantly and Harry nodded, running a rather shaky hand through his hair.
"I mean it, Joe. I don't… I don't need it anymore," he rephrased.
Still, West wasn't convinced, though knowing he and Harry were never really close friends, he chose a different approach, "Listen, I know I'm probably the last person you'd turn to if you needed help, Harry, but you still need it. Please, take my advice and turn to someone. It must be someone you really care about, ok? Only this way you can be truly free."
Harry was silent for a moment before he nodded.
"All right," he eventually agreed. "Is that all? Are we done here?"
"Harry…"
"Joe, I… I promise, ok? I will. I actually… I actually think you're right about this one."
Detective nodded and finally, he left, relieved because for the first time since he'd talked to Harry about the cap, the man seemed genuine about his assurance.
"Snow," his voice sounded low, hoarse and very, very unsure.
She was surprised to see him walking into her lab. In fact, she'd missed him dearly those past few weeks during which he'd alienated himself because of the cap. And she let him. She let him because she knew it was important at the time, that defeating DeVoe was their priority. Still, it didn't mean she liked it. She actually hated that ever since that coffee they'd grabbed at Jitters and got interrupted again, they hadn't had any real moment. And now that Ralph was gone she might've actually been able to convince Harry to let it go for a bit so they could talk, maybe relax, unload, but she also lost something or maybe rather someone, so it was hard for her, too. Truth be told, she couldn't seem to get up from her chair by her private computer. She couldn't seem to stop studying her brain, paradoxically wishing for her powers to come back. If this wasn't so tragic, she would truly laugh. A year ago if someone had asked her if this was what she wanted, she would say yes with a huge smile on her face, but things were different now. Ever since Harry had pulled away, she had somehow become closer with Killer Frost. Yes, the hard part was that she couldn't actually talk to her face to face, but they'd managed somehow.
And now Killer Frost was just... gone. Dead. And Snow was grieving.
"Harry," she welcomed him in her lab, glad for the distraction, standing up from her chair and facing him with a sweet smile on her face. A smile that soon faded away because she just now took a closer look at him and truth be told, he seemed a mess. Added to that, he was all jittery. More so than she'd ever remembered him being.
"I… Snow… I…" he couldn't seem to get the words out and she was immediately worried. "Caitlin, I did something terrible," he eventually confessed, but that didn't make her feel any better. If so, she was petrified as she waited for him to tell her more, her eyes opened widely, a sick feeling already settling in her stomach. "And I know you have your problems with… with Killer Frost… with her being… gone," he then tangled himself, avoiding her eyes and just scratching his head in the end.
"No," she interrupted him quickly, scared that he might leave. She was actually scared for him and she desperately wanted to help. She even managed to start working herself up over the moment where she must've missed something about Harry. He'd been so happy when he'd made the cap and he had promised Cisco not to use dark matter. Ok, he'd been a little weird recently, but he was also always awkward and antisocial, so she just thought he was happy. Happy that they might win. And they hadn't. "Harry, I'm here for you," she assured him when making a few steps closer and arriving right in front of him, looking him in the eye. "I'm always here for you, ok? Whatever it is, lay it all on me. I'm listening," she encouraged and when he actually looked back at her, her heart sunk. Because she already knew what he was going to say. "Oh, God," she whispered, her hand wandering up to cover her mouth. "Please, tell me you haven't…"
He nodded, his expression full of guilt. "I have. I used the dark matter."
"No… Harry…" her voice almost came out as a sob before she steadied herself again. "Ok, ok… let me think… it may not be that bad… just tell me exactly what you did and we will figure this out. We have to."
"Snow," his voice finally sounded strong and she stopped talking, locking her eyes with his, afraid that she might fall if she didn't hold on to something. "It's not what you think," he then started explaining slowly, though it was clear to her that it was hard on him. "I didn't intend to use dark matter. I promised Cisco and I was to keep that promise, but…" He sighed, placing his hands on his hips as he looked aside briefly. "I used Gideon in the time vault and…"
"You did what?" Snow was horrified, just staring at him with both eyes and mouth opened widely.
"She unleashed a small charge of the dark matter on the cap while I was using it, myself remaining perfectly safe until…"
"Until…?" she prompted.
"Until DeVoe attacked the Labs and everything went to hell. I asked Gideon then for a full charge and… I passed out. I woke up in the time vault. DeVoe was already gone… Ralph was gone… the next thing I knew was Cisco calling me. So I came running. Because you needed me," he said, his voice conveying too much meaning.
"Oh, Harry… You should've told me then…"
"You were still in shock after…"
"Don't you understand?!" she suddenly erupted, tears appearing in her eyes as she met his stunned blues. "I can't lose you, too! I cannot!"
"I'm sorry."
"What happened was that you got addicted to that freaking cap and you thought you were invincible! But you aren't, Harry! You are not!" she kept on screaming at him, by now her index finger poking him in the chest. "How could you do this to me?!" the last word was out her mouth before she could realize what she was saying and she came to a sudden stop.
"I know, ok?!" he said, also raising his voice, now being even more jittery. She turned her back to him, obviously wiping the tears from her face and he couldn't take it anymore. "I know! I screwed up! I'm sorry!" Tears appeared in his own eyes now as he remembered what he'd done. What he'd said. How he'd treated Cisco. Joe saw it when even Harry didn't. He was pushing away everyone and anyone he cared about, especially her and using the cap for everything and everywhere. To solve every single little problem but not the one that was most important. Not the problem of his life and this constant loneliness and pulling away from people every time he started to feel something real for a change.
"Snow, I'm sorry. You… You are the one I truly need… I…" the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them as well. In fact, he was a freaking mess and he couldn't rid of the tears that were in his eyes. He really was a recovering addict. Nothing more. Nothing less. "I don't know…" he sighed when she faced him with that devastated expression on her face. "I don't know how I could just lose the sight of… of that, Snow," he finished awkwardly.
She actually surprised him just then when turning back to him, her hands suddenly cupping his face, her eyes boring into his. "Luckily for you," she said when swallowing over tears and actually forcing herself to bring a small and loving smile to her face, "I have become kind of a brain expert these past few weeks, working on myself. I am going to help you, Harry. We can do this. You will be fine," she assured him, not even aware that she was giving all of her feelings away, her fingers gently stroking the smooth skin of his cheeks.
He could only nod, a lump forming in his throat.
"I'm going to help you, because..." she then came to a stop.
"Because that's what friends do?" he hinted. "Sorry, my brain is infused with dark matter and I can predict what you wanted to say."
She hesitated before taking her hands off of his face as she just now registered that she was still cupping it and then eventually asked in a changed voice, "If that were true… do you really think it's what I wanted to say?"
"No," he answered in a hoarse voice, because he really didn't.
"Then what was it, Harry?"
"Because you care about me, too," he eventually said and then swallowed. "A lot," he added.
"That is just about right," she agreed and this time there was no fighting fate as they simply collided, lips touching lips in their first tentative kiss which soon grew stronger and more meaningful.
"Thank you for still being here. Thank for you… for everything," he whispered into her ear when his arms enveloped her and they were just standing there, hugging. "I don't think I could do this alone."
"You are not alone. You never really were," she assured him. "Now, let me make sure that I am not going to lose you, Harry, because… because I've already…"
"If it makes you feel better, then I don't think so. I seem to be able to think without the cap, so my body chemistry still needs some adjusting, but… I don't think I'm in any danger."
"Let me be the judge of that. Let me run a few more tests, ok?" She pulled away, looking at up him with a sheepish smile. "And don't you dare leave me once you finally kissed me."
"I don't know which to point out to first. The finally or the first, because technically…" He stopped, finally seeing a true smile on her face and he just had to kiss her again.
Yes, they were going to be just fine. He would be all right. With her by his side he could get used to those new and surprising powers of his. He knew he could.