Author's Note: I posted this story on ao3 a while ago and didn't share it here because I was worried it might exceed the mature content rating for ffn. Having been around for a bit longer now I think that it is alright for this site as well, and since I keep most of my work here I decided to add it so that my work could all be found in one place.
I hope you enjoy! Please leave a review if you do.
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Rey stood in the hallway nervously, her fist poised to knock on the door before her. Then she wavered and lowered her hand.
Then she raised it.
And lowered it again.
She had been standing in front of the door for at least five minutes, trying to psych herself up to take the final step…
This is a terrible idea, she mumbled to herself as she stepped back. A really terrible idea.
And it was. Rey had been keenly aware of that fact since it had occurred to her. But it was also the most effective one she'd been able to formulate without running the risk of too many potentially nasty after effects. So she'd slammed back a shot, or maybe four, of Phasma's vodka, steeled herself, and marched across campus to the door of a veritable stranger with the intention of making herself utterly vulnerable to him.
It was a terrible idea.
She was probably over thinking her situation anyway. She shuffled her feet again. Hesitating slightly as she prepared to leave the door undisturbed.
Then, just as she turned away, there was a sudden noise and the door abruptly flew open.
"Dameron, I swear, if you're cling wrapping the top of my door again I will rip you limb from limb-"
Kylo Ren cut his tirade short at the sight of Rey's astonished face.
"Plutt?"
Rey bristled inwardly at the use of her foster name but tried to swallow the irritation. She and Kylo Ren were hardly on first name basis, but even after years away from her first foster home, she roiled at reminders of her time there.
"Rey." She said shortly, correcting him and straightening as she tilted her head back to meet his eyes.
"Rey." Ren parroted, arching his brow as he stared down at her. "Any reason you've been shuffling around outside my door for the past five minutes?"
"Well." Rey stuttered, her brain short circuiting. She hadn't really planned beyond the point where she knocked on the door. "I wanted to talk to you-" She choked slightly on the next words in her throat and turned her eyes downward, studying her feet.
"About..?"
Steeling herself, Rey met his eye again and forced herself to spit out.
"I wanted to ask if you'd sleep with me."
He stared at her, blankly.
Well, that wasn't an immediate 'no.' She pressed on.
"Not because I'm interested in you, or anything." She clarified, not wanting him to think she was that sort of girl...although, thinking further about the oddness of her situation, she wasn't sure that she was entitled to feel any sort of moral superiority. "I just- I need to get rid of my virginity."
There she'd said it. And her cheeks had bloomed scarlet as she did so.
"Isn't that what your boyfriend is for?" Ren inquired coolly. Rey wasn't sure whether she was insulted or relieved that he had been completely expressionless throughout the conversation so far.
"Ah. Um." Rey glanced up and down the hallway to assure herself that there wasn't anyone approaching before reciting the explanation she'd rehearsed earlier. "Hux-- thinks virgins are needy. He, doesn't know that I am one. He said that the whole process of dealing with them and having to teach them everything is a total buzzkill. And he hates blood. So…"
Her voice trailed off uncertainly. Kylo Ren was still expressionless, he'd leaned casually against the doorframe with his arms crossed. Rey pressed on,
"So, I thought that I'd ask if you'd do it. Since you're supposed to be experienced, and I'd rather have it happen with someone who knows what they're doing."
"Don't you have friends?" He asked.
Still not a flicker of emotion on his face. Rey wanted to smack him.
"I-- I just want to get it out of the way. I don't want to do it with someone who would feel like it needed to be meaningful to me."
"So you thought of me."
It was a statement.
She and Kylo Ren were not friends but they weren't exactly mere acquaintances either. The best word to describe their relationship was antagonistic. They weren't enemies, that would require a justifiable cause for their mutual dislike and there wasn't one. Their social circles overlapped enough that they regularly encountered one another but they assiduously avoided each other because any conversation they had rapidly devolved into snark and bickering.
"Yes."
"And what, exactly, do I get out of this?"
Rey would have been annoyed by the question if she hadn't anticipated it.
"You get to sleep with Hux's girlfriend."
Kylo Ren loathed Hux. The feeling between the two was mutual. She supposed it was probably the reason she and Ren didn't get along either. When Kylo Ren wasn't attempting to sleep his way through the female population of the college campus he directed his energy toward undermining or attempting to one-up Hux in whatever Rey's boyfriend was currently occupied with.
"And do I get to tell Hux this?"
"Not immediately. But, once we've broken up you can rub it in his face as much as you want."
Ren actually seemed to be considering it. Which surprised Rey more than she expected. She'd half expected him to immediately say, "Not a chance in hell, but I'll tell Hux you asked." before shutting the door in her face.
"Come back, tonight at ten."
Rey hesitated. She didn't know Kylo Ren, but she knew enough about him to distrust him, especially when it came to anything involving Hux. If she showed up at his dorm six hours later that would give him time to invite an entire fraternity over or install a hidden camera.
"Can we do my dorm instead? My roommate is gone this weekend."
The first flicker of emotion in their entire conversation finally appeared in Kylo Ren's eyes. Rey wasn't sure exactly what it was. Disappointment that she wasn't going to be that easy to blackmail?
"Fine." He agreed.
Rey started turning to leave.
"Rey."
She turned back to him. Hearing him say her voice felt weirdly intimate for some reason, she almost wished she'd let him keep calling her Plutt.
"Yeah?"
"Take a shower before I get there."
Then he shut the door, leaving her in the hallway ready to explode with indignation.
Gathering herself up she turned on her heel and marched back to her dorm. She had six hours to clean her room and stew over what she'd gotten herself into.
Rey's dorm hadn't required much cleaning. Both she and her roommate Phasma were rather spartan about their living space. After wiping a few wisps of dust from the surfaces and neatening up the line of gadgets and tools on her desk Rey found herself with an entire evening with which to spend dreading what lay ahead.
After trying and failing to make any progress on her reading and homework, she flicked open a browser after surreptitiously glancing over her shoulder around her empty room, used an incognito window to pull up a porn site.
After a few minutes she closed her computer firmly. That was awful and extremely uncomfortable looking. It couldn't possibly always be so abrupt. Or noisy. To each their own kinks, but really, did the men really have to alternate between smacking and choke-holding the women?
Rey understood the mechanics of it. And she had done her fair share of heavy petting in her life. She wasn't really sure why she hadn't gone all the way, it had just always felt too awkward, or drooly, or something… that had made her pause and push away until the moment was ended. She wasn't good at getting lost in moments or sensations; it felt too vulnerable.
It was a long evening. Sitting in the college cafeteria picking at her food, she assiduously avoided any garlic or onions. She doubted Ren was going to be nice. She was bracing herself for that fact that he would probably be awful. But she wasn't going to give him any extra leverage or easy shots. Halfway through her meal she caught sight of him striding in with his posse of friends, "The Knights of Ren." Some literature major had made up the moniker for Kylo Ren's "exclusive" circle and it had stuck. Rey didn't doubt that the lit major had slept with Kylo at least once, why else such a affected title?
He didn't seem to be the slightest bit nonplussed by their conversation and his eyes didn't even pause on her as they swept across the room. Of course he wasn't affected, sleeping with a veritable stranger was something he did frequently if his reputation was anything to go by. Rey turned her attention away from him and focused on picking through her food once more.
When she got back to her dorm she immediately stripped and took what was probably the longest shower she'd ever had in her life. As the water beat down on her she wondered if maybe she should just stay there. It felt warm and cosy and safe ensconced in the spray of the water. She could pretend she wasn't dating Hux, that no one, not even she, gave a damn whether she was virgin or not, and just focus on the joys in life: that she was at university studying engineering and proving everyone in her life wrong, she was going to amount to something.
Finally she shut the water off and reluctantly stepped out of the stall. The room was so filled with steam that she could barely see her outline in the mirror. Not that Rey minded, she had never been inclined toward vanity.
She toweled her hair off thoroughly, she didn't want cold wet strands of it falling on her in the middle of sex, and then twisted it up into a haphazard bun on top of her head.
She didn't have much in the way of appealing underwear. Her bras were functional and didn't show through her t-shirts, that had always been the entire point of them. Her panties were all boyshorts, because that had been what she'd always worn. Poking through the drawer she picked out two black pieces, they weren't sexy but they matched. That was supposed to be important.
Over her underwear she pulled on a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. She would have considered choosing something more flattering or accessible, but a part of her was afraid she'd open the door and find a camera waiting for her. She wanted to look as normal as possible, just in case.
At ten o'clock sharp there was a knock. Rey jumped to her feet but then paused and forced herself to breath evenly and act casual as she cracked open the door and peered out.
Kylo Ren stood there, alone, looking simultaneously impatient and bored in a way that Rey didn't think could be possible.
Pulling the door open she invited him in.
He hadn't bothered to dress up for the occasion either, wearing a hoodie and sweatpants as well. And they were black. Which didn't surprise Rey at all; she had never seen him wear anything besides black. As he sauntered in his eyes glanced around the room, taking in the bare walls and basic furniture. After a few seconds he turned and looked down at her.
"Well. Here I am."
Rey found herself at loss. She wasn't sure how she was supposed to proceed. She just stared up at him mutely trying to formulate where exactly she should lead to conversation-- or evening-- or well, whatever was supposed to happen next.
Kylo Ren, graciously enough, did not seem surprised by her speechlessness. He seated himself on Phasma's bed, sprawling across it a way that wrinkled to covers and would have given Rey's roommate an aneurysm if she saw him.
"Any requests, before we get started?"
"What?" Rey asked, startled as she seated herself on the edge of her own bed.
"Any requests." Ren repeated. "Anything you want me to do, or specifically don't want me to do. Since you started all this, I'll decide whether or not I'll agree to them, but now is the time to ask."
"Oh, um. Don't be rough. And um, no kissing."
"No kissing?" Ren arched his brow at her.
"It's too personal." Rey said defensively.
Ren, stared at her, considering but looking irritated.
"I won't kiss you on the mouth. But kissing you— elsewhere, is part of the experience. It's non-negotiable. Take it or leave it."
"Fine." Rey said shortly.
"Anything else?"
"No…" Rey said slowly. "I don't think so."
"Alright. Moving on. How much experience do you have?"
"Excuse me?"
"You're a virgin, but there's a spectrum to that. How far have you gone? Have you ever seen a cock? Had a man touch you? Had oral sex? Tried anal? Exactly how much unexplored territory is there?"
"Oh. Well, I've made out with guys, so a lot of that kind of touching. And I've done blowjobs, so I've seen cock. No anal. I haven't done anything that's involved much more than losing my shirt."
"Why are you dating Hux?"
Rey bristled. "That isn't part of this conversation. You don't need to know that."
"You're 'cheating' on him with me. You've been dating him since you got here but you clearly don't like him. You've dragged me into this, so I get to know. Why? Tell me or I'm walking out."
Rey glared daggers at him before rolling her eyes.
"Fine. I was in the foster system before I got here, you might already know that. I don't have any family and I didn't go to a halfway decent school. Brendal Hux, Hux's dad, hosted a science fair and I won the engineering competition my last year in high-school, so he recommended me to this university and offered a scholarship. This university isn't the type of place that would even consider me, I got in because there's a Hux building on this campus. But then when I got here last fall, Hux showed up, and said that the scholarship money would disappear unless I agreed to be his girlfriend."
Rey's breath was coming in short angry pants. She had never told anyone about this, not Finn or Poe, she'd just played it off and ignored their confusion. Now, in front of Kylo Ren, the story just poured out of her.
"I spent my whole life scratching away in the hopes of just having a chance to get into a university like this, and then I finally got here and Hux showed up and threatened to take everything away. I said no and Hux just laughed and said I'd changed my mind. I tried applying for student loans but it was late in the year and I didn't even know where to start, and when I applied for other scholarships here they all got rejected. I couldn't get approved for any amount. I had just gotten my final rejection when he showed up again, asking if I was really going to give up all my dreams. So I agreed. It's only for a year, then he'll graduate and it'll be over."
"So that's why you really want to sleep with me."
"Yes." Rey admitted fiercely.
"Anything else I should know before we get started?"
"No. And that was confidential." Rey said, sharply. "I don't want this whole campus to think-- to think I'm a whore."
"A gentleman never tells."
Rey was tempted to point out that Kylo Ren was not a gentleman by almost any stretch of the imagination. But his words comforted her for some reason.
"Thank you." She ground out.
Kylo stood up and flipped off the overhead lights. The room suddenly became very dim and intimate feeling, lit only by the low light of Rey's desk lamp. The mood suddenly shifted and the air felt electric. Kylo Ren's eyes were suddenly dark and hungry looking as he stared down at her.
Rey fidgeted with her hoodie.
"Do I take off my clothes or do you?" She asked nervously.
"I will." Kylo said as he moved toward her.
Rey scooted back on her bed. To give him space, she told herself, she wasn't backing away.
Suddenly he was very close and Rey suddenly realized how absurdly long limbed he was. He placed a large hand on either side of her and his face was very close to her own. Rey almost thought for a moment he was going to kiss her.
"We can go as slowly as you want. If you don't like anything just tell me."
Rey studied his face, his expression seemed open for the first time. Rather than the cold self-assured look she was used to encountering, his eyes were gentle.
Cautiously she reached her hand out toward him. They'd never touched each other before and for some reason she wanted to be the one to do it first. Placing her hand on the side of his throat she ghosted her thumb over his cheek.
His ears were amusingly large, she thought, although he hid them well under his hair. She supposed it was why he wore his hair the way he did, she'd always thought it was rather poncey looking, but it occurred to her now that he might be embarrassed by them.
"I've never had sex with anyone without kissing them." Kylo admitted.
"What?" Asked Rey, dragged from her train of thought.
"I've never had sex with someone without kissing them." He repeated. "It's kind of weird to figure out where to start."
"Oh." She said, suddenly dropped again into the harsh reality of the situation she'd created. It apparently showed on her face because Ren chuckled and drew even closer to her.
"Don't worry." His chuckle sounded deep in his throat. "I'll figure something out. I'm very good at this."
"I'll be the judge of that." Rey retorted, craning back her head in an attempt to see more of his face.
Seizing the opening, Kylo tangled his hand in her hair and pushed her gently the rest of the way onto the bed.
"Alright." He agreed as he started kissing along the column of her neck.
Rey let herself be swept away by the sensation, she was familiar with this part. Bringing her hands up she ran them through his hair, pulling him closer and angling her neck so that his lips would touch the nape right where it always melted her.
His hands were ghosting along her body over her hoodie and then she felt his fingertips find the edge of it and slip under her shirt. They skimmed over her midriff before roaming further up.
Kylo Ren was very good at this, she realized. He was moving in slowly, exploring her, noting where she liked to be touched and where she stiffened or pulled away. Previous make-out sessions had been mostly oriented toward the boy getting what he wanted, going straight for her breasts and touching her the way he wanted to. Kylo was focused on determining what she liked.
The realization bolstered her confidence that this wasn't as awful an idea as she'd thought initially. He knew what he was doing, he would make this experience good for her. She hadn't thought it would matter much to her, but in the midst of it, she was grateful.
It also made her want to return the favour insofar as she could. Kylo might just be sleeping with her out of loathing for Hux, but she was determined to have him find the experience pleasurable too.
Pulling away from him slightly she looked in his eyes,
"I changed my mind." She said.
He immediately removed his hands from her and started drawing away, and she realized belatedly that he thought she meant she'd changed her mind about sleeping with him.
"Oh, not about that." She said, grabbing him before he was out of reach.
"I meant about this." And she twined her arms around his neck and pulled his lips against her own.
Because fuck Hux. If she had to kiss Hux she would kiss Kylo Ren because she wanted to, and sleep with him, and enjoy every minute of it.
The moment their lips touched, Kylo Ren practically enveloped her under his body. She had never felt so tiny and it was all the more pronounced as she lay beneath him. He was resting over her, his forearms on either side of her head, and as he returned her kiss she felt it spin.
He was like fire.
Every time their lips brushed against each other it was like electricity was flowing through her. The kisses were soft and slow and gentle at first. Initially almost chaste. Like the kisses of a first date.
Slowly they warmed. Kylo leading, nipping gently on her lower lip and swiping his tongue lightly across it. His fingers tangled in her hair and hers in his, pulling each other closer.
He drew away from her mouth and nuzzled her face, dropping small, open mouthed kisses along her jaw to her ear. It made her arch against him, her mouth falling open. He kissed her again, deeply and pulled her against him.
She could feel the sculpted planes of his body through his clothes. And feel him hardening against her.
His hands were roaming over her body again and she wanted-- she wanted to touch him. Impetuously she wiggled slightly under him until she found the edge of his hoodie and seizing it she pulled it up over his head.
Loosening his hold on her to get his shirt off Kylo sat up and she followed as she dropped the clothing on the floor. She wondered, absently, if her eyes were as hungry looking as his as they both sat across from each other, panting. Then her eyes moved downward and traced along his torso, taking in every inch of him.
His skin was pale, so pale and the freckles that scattered across it stood out starkly. He was more muscular than she would have thought someone so thin could be. She scooted closer to him, reaching out and running her fingers along his shoulder.
He was still, letting her explore him. When she followed her fingers with her lips she heard his quiet intake of breath.
Drawing herself even closer and resting her hands on his wrists so that he wouldn't move she traced her lips along the sinew of muscle in his shoulders.
"You're a lot hotter than I realized." She admitted in a murmur against his throat.
He chuckled thickly before breaking off with a hiss as she nipped his neck. His hands wrapped around her hips and he pulled her against him.
Rey had never found male arousal to be a turn on, quite the oppposite in fact; it had always felt like an inevitability that she just happened to be present for. When boys had grabbed her hands and shoved them against their groin she always felt like a prop, a pretty source of friction. In her opinion they'd be horny and get off whether she was there or not. With Kylo it felt different, as if she were drawing the reaction out of him. It made her feel powerful.
She ground her hips against him and licked her way up his neck before nipping on his ear. He made a strangled sound and pushed her back onto the bed. She locked her ankles behind his waist and pressed against him again, she could feel how hard he was.
He pushed her hoodie up and pulled it over her head. The playing field was leveled again.
His hands traced along her body and she squirmed with impatience. She wanted-- she wanted something-- something more than this. She wasn't sure what, she just knew she needed it. But in spite of her squirming Kylo kept his deliberate, taunting pace as he dragged his fingers over each rib.
Then he followed the path his fingers had taken with the tip of his tongue. Just the barest touch. Teasing. His large hands ghosted over her bra. Hardly touching her, maybe not even-- and she felt her body grow taut. His hands ran along just under the edge of her bra and then lightly up between her breasts. He followed the path with his lips. She bit back a whimper and it turned into a breathy moan as he teased along top of her breasts. He was still just barely touching her. She could feel her nipples hardening so much they ached.
"Please touch me." She urged, her voice thick with want.
She could feel his lips curving into a smile against her breasts. His hand slid under her back and she arched to give him better access. With a flick her bra loosened. Damn, he was good.
Plucking the bra off of her he sat back and stared.
Rey felt an instinctive desire of fold up on herself, to cross her arms across her chest. She fought it, but it grew as he kept looking. The pause stretched until Rey couldn't help herself, she twitched slightly. Her movement seemed to rouse Kylo, his mouth curved into his self-satisfied smirk as he bent over her.
"You're even hotter than I realized." He breathed against her nipple before closing his lips around it.
Rey only partially processed his words before her focus melted away and all that remained was the sensation of his laving tongue. Her other breast was teased by his fingers, rolling and stroking.
She tangled her fingers tightly into his hair, holding him. Finally the sensations were just too much, they just kept building and building until she felt ready to scream. Tightening her hold on his hair she pulled him up and mashed her mouth against his, relishing the sensation on his body pressed against her own. Relishing the heat of him. The strength of him. The fire he was igniting deep within her core.
"Please fuck me." She begged.
"Enjoy the process." He murmured against her lips. His hands were sliding up her arms and then suddenly she found herself pinned with her wrists over her head while he teasingly stroked and kissed his way down her body again.
Rey wriggled against his hold impatiently.
She had asked him here to fuck her. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am. Goodbye virginity, sorry Hux not for you and your grabby entitled inbred self, she'd given it to Kylo Fucking Ren. So Hux could learn that anywhere he went Kylo had been first. It had been the tiny shred of agency she still felt she possessed.
But, she realized, even in the midst of her growing arousal, Kylo was messing it up. Awakening a monster inside her that she hadn't known was there. Making it much more than just a quick fuck. She hadn't minded at first, it wasn't like she wanted it to be unpleasant. But, this— heat between them was was quickly moving beyond her control. She wasn't sure if it was just her or if he felt it too.
But it was becoming clear to her that this night would not be the clinical transaction she had planned, it would stay with her for the rest of her life. She would never be touched by another man without thinking about it, without comparing him to Kylo. And the idea that it could feel so— profound for her while for him she was just another uni student to notch his bedpost with made something inside of Rey twist painfully.
"Rey." Kylo murmured in her ear. "Relax. Stop thinking."
She bit her lip. It was easy for him to say. She willed herself not to cry. Everything in her life was already falling apart and she didn't want to add the humiliation of crying in front of Kylo Ren in the middle of sex.
Suddenly her hands weren't pinned anymore. He was pulling her up off the bed and into his lap and— hugging her?
"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked quietly.
She dropped her head against his chest. Breathing in the scent of him. Willing herself to relax. Why was he being so nice? She'd specifically chosen him because he was an asshole. It had never occurred to her that he would be a considerate lover.
"Yes." she said firmly. "I just- I didn't realize that it would be like this. I'm not used to losing control. The intensity caught me off guard."
Kylo's long fingers came up and began stroking up and down her bare back, it wasn't done to be arousing but just relaxing and calming.
"It's alright to feel things, Rey." He said, tracing circles and shapes along her spine that made her shiver and press herself closer to him. "You don't need to be afraid of letting yourself experience passion. If you're always holding yourself back you'll never know what it feels like to be truly free. You're allowed give in."
He chuckled lightly against her ear and it made her neck tingle.
"Come over to the dark side." he coaxed. Rey snorted.Lifting her head up from his chest she kissed him softly on the shoulder and then looked up and kissed him deeply on the mouth.
He kissed her back, slowly and then with increasing heat but his hands didn't stray from her back as he allowed her to set the pace.
Her fingers slid down his torso, tweaking his nipples and making him jerk. Her hands slid back up, feeling the smoothness and softness of his skin and the taut muscles rippling underneath. She pressed herself against him closely, still kissing him deeply.
Reaching back she pulled his hands away from his back and up to her breasts. He palmed them gently and she hummed against him. He dragged his thumbs across her nipples and she arched. He peppered soft kisses over the tops of them while he gently squeezed and kneaded them. His hands were so large, they made her breasts look small, she wondered if-
He seemed to sense that her mind was wandering.
"You're fucking hot, Rey." he whispered against her neck as he came up and kissed her. "Stop thinking. Close your eyes and just feel."
She shut her eyes with a shiver and he laid her on the bed again. Her mind became awhirl in sensations as he gently teased and kissed and nipped her back to a peak of burning arousal once more. Then she felt him hook his fingers around her pants and underwear and slide them off her with one go.
She wiggled under him, somewhere her brain was trying to point out that she was naked and maybe should be self-conscious about it, but her body was screaming in readiness for him to touch her. She was so tensed and primed and needy that she was sure if he didn't touch her soon she would go mad.
His fingers slid up her thighs, parting them as he pressed a knee between them.
She moaned, low and long. She needed any contact there.
"Please. Please touch me." She whimpered.
He stroked lightly and gently around her, coming so agonizingly close before moving away again. She arched, lifting, trying to get him to touch her, going wild from the want that was forming like a black hole inside her.
"Please." she keened.
Then a long, slender finger sank into her soaking depths and she clenched around him like a vise. His thumb pressed lightly against her center and she writhed and then suddenly his mouth descended on her and she gasped, arching and feeling ready to explode from the heady sensation. His tongue laved gently against the bundle of nerves and then swirled around it, teasing and licking and dipping down to plunge into her depths. He suckled against it and added a second finger inside of her, sliding in gently.
Rey's mind was lost on the sea of pleasure. She couldn't think but at the same time, all she could do was obsess over the coiling, tightening sensation in her lower abdomen that was pulling her body more and more taut as she was drawn inexorably to a final peak.
Kylo was gently sucking while his fingers pumped slowly into her. And she clenched around him, tighter and tighter and then suddenly—
It was like free falling as her body suddenly seized and she came apart. She bucked up against him as she spasmed repeatedly around his fingers and then lay limp, panting and staring up at Kylo, his dark eyes boring into her. His irises were blown wide with arousal and he was panting faintly as he looked down over her.
She pulled him down and kissed him deeply, tasting herself on his lips.
"Are you going to fuck me now?" She whispered breathlessly.
"Yes." He growled, pressing his body against hers and kneading her left breast in his hand as he lay between her legs. She could feel his cock through his pants. The hardness of it. The size of it. The thought of it inside her made her tingle with a mixture of anticipation and fear.
She cradled her hips around him and wriggled experimentally, feeling him. He hissed slightly and ground himself against her.
"Are you ready?" He asked carefully, staring into her eyes.
"Yes." She said, she was certain.
He sat up and slide his pants off. He wasn't wearing anything underneath. She wondered if he always went commando, she was going to think about it every time she saw him now.
She stared at his cock like a mesmerized animal in front of snake. It was as large as she had imagined and just slightly darker than his pale white skin, weeping slightly with arousal.
He pulled a condom seemingly out of nowhere and ripping it open, expertly rolled it on.
He knelt between her legs.
"We'll go slow." He assured her. She nodded, eyes wide.
Lifting one of her legs up slightly she felt him prodding against her. He felt huge. Gently he slid the tip into her.
She was soaking from her orgasm and he slipped in easily but as he pressed further in she tensed slightly. He froze.
Leaning forward he kissed her lightly.
"Relax. I'm not going to hurt you. It'll feel better for you if you trust me."
She tried to release the tension. It was easy for him to say. He wasn't dealing with someone else's rigid flesh trying to poke its way into places that couldn't accommodate it.
Breathing deeply she felt herself relax slightly. He slid in further and kissed her languorously as he did so.
She felt, stretched. It didn't hurt the way she thought it was supposed to. It wasn't as though she were afraid of pain, but, it was hard to relax when you knew it was coming.
He slid out of her slightly and then back in a little deeper. It felt, good. She closed her eyes trying to adapt to the sensation of fullness.
"You can go further," she whispered.
He slid in further and she clenched around him. He gave a muffled groan and dropped his head against her shoulder.
Right. She had been so focused on her side of things she hadn't really been thinking about what it must be like for him.
She moved experimentally under him, trying to sense how much further he would have to move before being fully sheathed in her.
He gave a strangled sound.
"Don't move." He rasped.
She wiggled against him again. Canting her hips against his so that he slid further into her. With a groan his hips jerked and he sank fully into her.
She gasped and his head shot up.
"Are you alright?" He asked.
She nodded.
"You can move." she told him. "It doesn't hurt. I just, I didn't know it would feel like this."
He slid out of her and then back in slowly. Agonizingly slowly. Giving her time to adapt. His jaw was locked and his eyes clenched tightly closed. When he slid back into her again he hissed faintly.
As he moved inside of her Rey's body began to awaken again. Her arousal began building again as his body moved over her. She slid her hips up to meet his, relishing the sensation of him deep within her. She studied his face, marveling at the intensity of his expression as he began moving inside her a little quicker.
She moaned and he dropped his head down and began kissing along her neck while one of his hands began teasing her nipples. She slid her hands up over his shoulders and then down his chest. Flicking his nipple so that he jerked slightly as he continued pumping steadily into her.
Balancing himself on one forearm his other hand snaked down between them and began teasing her over-sensitive center. She jerked and clenched around him. His touches were feather light and the familiar tightening sensation began coming over her again as his movement inside of her pulled her up to her peak quickly.
As she seized around his cock he gasped and with several more long, deep thrusts she felt him jerk inside of her as he came, her name torn from his lips in a low moan.
Sinking down on top of her for a moment they lay there, panting, still joined together. Then he slid slightly off of her and pulled her up against his chest. She lay there, dazed, listening to his slowing heart beat as she fell asleep.
When she woke up he was still there in bed with her. She softly slid out of his arms, trying not to wake him. She glanced up at the clock. 5:00am. Pulling on her clothes quickly and grabbing her shoes she slipped out and hurried away.
The cold winter air bit her skin as she stepped outside and she relished its bracing awakening. She felt on edge and off kilter by what she had just done. It had been so much more than she had expected.
It hadn't been what she'd planned but that was ok. The end result was the same. She wasn't a virgin any more. That had been the point. The goal. If Hux ever made her sleep with him he wouldn't get that.
It wasn't that it had been something she'd valued, but that didn't mean she'd let someone like Hux have it. That she'd given it to Kylo had just been a cherry on top. The fact that she'd enjoyed it so much, that was— she wasn't sure. Not really relevant, she determined.
She tied the laces of her shoes tightly and started running around the campus lake. She kept running until she could barely stand, until she couldn't think anymore.
When she returned to her dorm Kylo was gone. Her bed was unmade but Phasma's had been perfectly straightened. It was as if he had never been there.
She didn't see him that day. Or the next. Or the day after that. Not that she was keeping track, but maybe she was a little, just because she was curious if they could both still act like nothing had happened.
It was a week later that they finally saw each other again. She was sitting in the student lounge next to Hux typing up an essay when Hux suddenly grabbed her by the shoulder and kissed her hard on the mouth. When he let go of her she looked up to see Kylo Ren and his "knights" walking in. He stared at them for a moment before smirking faintly as he continued across the room.
Rey felt herself blush. She wished she hadn't told him why she was with Hux.
She stopped looking for him after that. Begged off on several parties and study groups that she thought he might be at. Then one day when she was in the library she turned around and nearly screamed when she found him behind her.
He was staring at her with the same indecipherable, expressionless look he'd had when she'd asked him to sleep with her.
"What is it?" She forced herself to ask rather than just turning tail and fleeing the way she wanted to.
"You—" he started slowly. "You should break up with Hux."
"I can't." She hissed, glancing over her shoulder to make sure no one else was nearby.
He leaned up against a shelf and continued to stare at her.
"Has Hux ever told you about his job?" He inquired conversationally.
"It's some office job." Rey said warily. Trying to think of anything specific Hux had mentioned. "He's an assistant. He mostly handles paperwork."
"Has he told you where he works?"
"No..." She admitted slowly.
"He works in the university admissions office."
Rey stared and Kylo continued, "He processes mail like, scholarship requests, filing them, and sending out qualifications and rejections. That kind of thing."
Rey could feel the blood draining from her face as the implication of Kylo's words dawned on her. Kylo kept talking.
"Intriguingly enough, there is no record of you ever applying for, much less being rejected for any other scholarships. Another thing you might not know is that the reason Hux has a job at all is because his father is on the verge of disinheriting for being a disgrace to the family."
A strangled sound of horror ripped itself out of Rey's throat and Kylo's expression softened suddenly.
"So," he said gently. "You should break up with Hux."
With a sob she flung herself into his arms. Stumbling back slightly he caught her and she kissed him, pouring all her raging emotions into it. Gathering her in his arms he returned her kiss with equal fervor, dragging her body against his and tangling his fingers through her hair.
"The fuck are you doing Rey?" A voice suddenly interrupted.
Freezing, she turned to find Hux staring at her with undisguised fury. She glared at him as she slid her hands off Kylo.
"I was just learning about your job." She said quietly, her voice nearly vibrating with rage.
Hux turned white and stepped back slightly before looking over at Kylo.
"I suppose this was your interference." he fumed.
Kylo smirked and gave a faint nod of acknowledgment. Hux seemed to be about to say something to him but then turned instead toward Rey.
"And just what do you think that changes? We've been together for what, four months now? Do you expect I'll just let you walk away? I'll tell everyone." He sneered cruelly, "What kind of reputation do you expect to have if if gets out? What will people think when they learn you whored yourself for my family's scholarship?"
Rey breathed sharply.
"I never slept with you." She snarled.
"And you think people will believe that?" Hux sniffed.
"Really Taj," Kylo interrupted. "You'll let your father find out what you've been up to, just so you can ruin Rey?"
"Why do you even care?" Hux snarled at Kylo. "We had a deal! I left your identity alone and you stayed away from things with my father."
"Try ruining Rey and I'll change my mind." Kylo said coolly.
Hux opened his mouth and then snapped it shut.
"Fine." He spat after a moment as he turned to leave. "Keep her. I hope the lay is worth it."
"It was." Kylo called tauntingly after him. Hux froze and shot a final look of pure loathing at Rey.
"You fucking bitch." He spat before he stormed off.
Kylo turned back to Rey who was staring at him curiously.
"Now where were we?" He said moving toward her but she stepped back.
"Who are you?" She asked.
He froze and a look of irritation came across his face.
"Is it too much to ask that you pretend you didn't hear that part?"
Rey gave him a look and he suddenly looked deflated.
"Kylo Ren isn't even your name, is it?" She asked, the realization dawning on her.
He looked abashed.
"I thought it sounded cool when I was freshman." He said defensively.
Rey's mind was awhirl with the possibilities. It had just, never occurred to her that he was anything more than the weird, sarcastic, campus philanderer.
"You don't have to tell me who you are. But you should at least tell me your actual name." Rey cajoled. "I don't like the idea that I slept with someone without knowing that. It makes me feel like you were hooker or something."
Kylo rolled his eyes and sighed.
"Ben." He said. "Ben Solo."
"Ben." She repeated thoughtfully, then her eyes grew wide. "Solo? You mean your father is Han Solo?"
The question came out as a shriek.
"He's my favorite professor." She gushed, "I've signed up for all his classes. His experiences as both a pilot and an engineer are just incredible. I mean, he acts so gruff on the outside but then he tells these incredible stories and when you look in his eyes you can just tell he has a heart of gold."
Kylo— Ben did not appear at all thrilled to hear about how much she loved his father. Another thought occurred to her.
"Wait." She gasped. "If your father is Han Solo, that means your mother is the president of the university, Leia Organa."
"See?" Ben grumbled. "This, is why I hate telling people who I am."
Rey composed herself. Well tried.
"I'm sorry." She said, "I just— your parents are my heroes. They're why I dreamed of coming to this university. I had no idea you were related. It's just such a surprise. I can't imagine why you don't want to tell anyone."
"Most people don't." Ben said, his expression suddenly closed. "My parents certainly don't. But it's probably especially hard for someone without parents to understand. It gets wearing to have people constantly expecting me to be everything my parents are, and seeing the disappointment when they realize that I'm not brilliant or charismatic or adventurous like Han and Leia. Every time I succeed at anything it's treated as a given that I would, but every time I fail it's like I did it on purpose and betrayed my family legacy. I want to forge my own path. I don't want to be constantly defined by a standard I know I'll always fall short of."
His tone was bitter as he finished and then he lapsed into an angry silence.
Rey stared at him. It was hard to imagine someone wanting to be seen as apart from their parents, when she had spent her whole life wishing she had some sort of tie to— anyone. She stood there awkwardly.
"I'm sorry." She offered hesitantly. "I didn't know. I—" Her voice faded away. She felt like she'd somehow ruined something between them. Like the revelation of his identity had created a chasm that she didn't know how to bridge. He was looking stonily at the ground, not even acknowledging her.
"Thanks for helping me with Hux. I don't know how I'll ever repay you. But if you ever need anything, just know you can ask." She said quietly as she turned to go.
"Rey." He said quietly. "Can you help me with something?"
She froze and turned.
"What do you need?"
The cloud of anger that had been hanging over him had seemingly vanished and he had a faint smile on his face.
"You probably know, I have a bit of a reputation as tomcat."
Obviously she knew. He's slept with her, while she was 'dating' someone else. And been so good at it that it was frankly ridiculous.
"But," he continued, "I'm beginning to think I should reform before I graduate."
Rey stared at him in confusion.
"So, I think I need a girlfriend." He concluded.
"You want me to help you find a girlfriend?" She asked bewildered.
He smirked faintly and she could feel her defensiveness rising.
"No. I'd like you to be my girlfriend."
She looked at him in silence, feeling stunned and slightly hurt. Was she wearing a sign somewhere that said "fake girlfriend material"?
"Is-" her voice failed her. "Is that why you stopped Hux?"
He looked her in the eye as he nodded and she suddenly felt faint.
"I see." Her voice was flat, she felt like she had died inside. "What- what exactly are you thinking it would entail?"
"Well, you'd probably would meet my parents. Unless you don't want to..." his voice faded away as he studied her expression and suddenly the smile vanished from his face and he became cold. "You obviously aren't interested. I'm sorry, I misinterpreted what was between us."
He straightened and started walking rapidly away.
"Wait!" Rey almost screamed, staring at him in apprehension. He turned back and looked back at her, his eyes guarded.
"Wait." She said again. "D— did you mean as your real girlfriend?"
He stared at her in confusion.
"Of course."
Rey gave a small gasp and clapped her hands over her mouth as tears welled up in her eyes. Understanding suddenly seemed to dawn on him.
"You didn't think I was trying to use you the way Hux did?" He asked with irritation. "What kind of person do you think I am? I didn't help you in order to make you feel like you owed me anything. I just wanted you to be free. And I wanted to see if there was any chance that what we have is more than just some one night stand."
"But-" Rey's voice quivered slightly, and she still couldn't quite believe him. "You don't date. You never date."
"True." He said, his expression softening as he looked down at her, "But I also don't generally have sex with anyone unless we're both quite drunk. Certainly not for hours. Definitely not with virgins. Especially not girls dating someone else. So, I've been doing a lot of stuff I never do."
"Then, why did you sleep with me?" Rey asked bewildered.
"I noticed you the day you walked on campus." He said simply. "I don't date. But, something about you just- I couldn't look away. So I came up with this whole plan, but then, Hux got to you first. And I didn't know why, so I thought if I waited things would end soon enough. But then you kept dating him and it was so frustrating I could barely stand to look at you. And I was just about to do something drastic and try stealing you from him when you showed up at my door..."
His voiced trailed off and his eyes suddenly very intense.
"Will you go out with me?"
Rey stared at him, she was in shock. Her staring seemed to unnerve him because he started rambling.
"I will probably be very bad at it. But I will try not to be a moody asshole. And if I get out of line you can smack me. And I'll introduce you to my parents. My mother will be thrilled to meet you, she'll probably like you better than she likes me. And my father will probably—"
Rey cut him off by pulling him down and kissing him hard. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed their bodies together, kissing her deeply until they had to break away, gasping for breath.
When Rey was breathing somewhat evenly again she asked, "So, how long are you thinking we'll need to date in order for you to seem reformed?"
He appeared to think about it for a moment before dropping a kiss on her head and replying. "Years, probably. Maybe longer. I have a very bad reputation."
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The End
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