Prologue

They say my life is perfect. Well, those leftover capitol people and new ones who don't know what's happened to me. Others, they know my life isn't even close to perfect. My little sister I tried so hard to protect is dead. My mother abandoned me. Even my best friend, Gale, has left me.

They, I think, are just basically seeing my life as perfection because of my husband, Peeta Mellark. He might as well be perfect. He treats me well, he's caring and sweet, and he's mine. Except his brain still has some tracker jacker venom. They've done that to him, and yet they say it's all great. It's not.

Waking up from nightmares screaming is not great. Having to watch my husband clutch the back of a chair until his flashbacks are gone is not great.

I guess there must be only one perfection they're talking about in my life. My children. My 5-years old daughter, Lavinia Prim-Rue Mellark. Lavinia is for the avox that I felt I owed her something, so I named my daughter after her; also it's not as painful. Prim, for my sister, having that as her first name would just give me pain. Same goes for Rue, the little 12-year old from District 11, who I didn't save, who I had to watch get speared. I all owe them something.

Next, my 1-year old son, Finnick Jamie-Rylee Mellark. Finnick for District 4's tribute in the quarter quell and victor for the 65th hunger games. Mostly it's because he saved Peeta and saved me by distracting me while Peeta was being tortured. He helped us and I stood there and watched him get beheaded. He never returned to Annie, his wife, or his new son, Aiden. Jamie is for Peeta's middle brother who died with the rest of District 12 who couldn't escape. Jamie was almost like me, determined to protect his younger sibling. Only difference is he didn't volunteer for him little brother at the first reaping. Rylee died the same way. Rylee was the opposite of Jamie. Well, before the games. Peeta told me Rylee didn't want to love Peeta due to the hunger games, but he couldn't help it. He started to love his little brother. Peeta told me when he came back they started to share a connection real brother would. He also told me when the quarter quell was announced he smashed his fist in the wall and broke down. After that Rylee was back to avoiding his brother. Peeta misses them so I understand why he would give our son his brothers' name as his middle name.

That doesn't sound perfect to me. I try to give them everything I can. Everyone says I give them enough. How wrong they were.

I'm taking care of Finnick when Lavinia comes home with a book, I'm confused. She knows how to read but this book is quite large for a 5-year old. "Here Momma," she says handing me the book. I look at the cover that reads: Holidays.

I open the book and see that these aren't holidays I know. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. the only one I know of is New Year's. I give Lavinia a confused look. She catches on. "Momma, my teacher says that we're going to start these holidays this year. She said they used to do it before but then they weren't celebrated anymore. The president says she would like us to start celebrating happy times with these." Finnick starts clapping and laughing in his bouncer, causing him to bounce too. I get the idea he likes the idea. I look over at Lavinia and see she's smiling hopefully up at me. She likes the idea too. I should like the idea of bringing my children happiness, but something just doesn't feel right about it. I know if I agree with it that I'll most likely mess up somehow, there by making my children miserable. Like me.

I pick up Finnick and tell her, "I'll talk with daddy about it, okay?" she nods and goes to her room where she is probably going to color. She's exactly like her father. The blue eyes and love for baking and art. She only has my hair. Finnick is more like me, only by a little though. He has my eyes but Peeta's hair. I can tell he's going to hunt by the way he looks at me and my bow when I go hunt. There's some kind of desperation there. But, he is sweet just like Peeta. Good.

When Peeta gets home from his bakery he goes over to Finnick and Lavinia and kisses them on the top of their heads. He goes over to me and greets me with a kiss on the lips. Lavinia rushes over to me and says, "Momma, you going to tell daddy now?" Peeta raises an eyebrow and I nod to Lavinia. "Lavinia, watch Finnick for a minute, okay?" I ask and she nods. I take Peeta over to our room and explain to him about the new holidays. When I'm done telling him he's just smiling with a huge grin at me. "So, you think it's a good idea? I mean we don't have to do it. Paylor isn't like that," I tell him. "I know that, but it would be a really good thing for the kids, and maybe for us. We need some happiness. I mean other than the kids," he answers back. He sees the worry in my eyes and goes over to hug me. "Come on, Katniss. It would be good," he tells me.

It would be good. "Okay. We can do it," I say. He caresses my cheek and presses our lips together for a long, lingering kiss. Neither of us breaks apart, it's the creak of the door opening and Lavinia coming in.

Lavinia raises an eyebrow and we nod. She breaks into a huge grin and runs to give us a hug.

Peeta is right, maybe some happiness is just what we need. But I'm still worried of all the imperfection I could cause my children

A/N: okkk I'm gonna try something new... I'm gonna start putting the dates of the days I updated cuz sometimes I like to know when people updated soo I'm gonna do it. Updated day: October 23, 2010 :)