Blind to Attraction

Chapter 1

The morning sun never failed to wake him early every morning, and as he rolled over, yup, that was there, too.

He lifted the sheet covering him and stared down his naked body. Ever since he'd reached adolescence, at least four out of seven days of the week, he was greeted by a throbbing, enlarged thing.

His throbbing, enlarged thing.

When it had first started happening, he'd thought maybe he had a disease as the pain that occurred after the throbbing was intense. The more it happened, though, the more he realized there were no other symptoms.

He still was not entirely unconvinced, but now saw it as more of a nuisance.

He glared down at his appendage and thought, why couldn't it be smaller.

It would be less noticeable and easier to move out of the way.

Really, he wanted nothing to do with it until he had to use the bathroom. It was the only thing it was good for, anyway.

Sure, he knew that it was meant to be used for reproduction, too, but he had no intentions of doing such a thing. Ever.

The very thought made him shiver and he was glad to feel the throbbing ebb away. Today, he was spared any pain.

Thanking the gods, whichever ones were out there, he got out of bed and got dressed. He ran his hand quickly through his hair once and then headed for downstairs.

At the top of the steps, he froze. Great. They were here. Heavenly joy.

More eager for breakfast than he was in avoiding them, he descended to the living room silently in hopes of not being seen.

"Oi, Hiei! Morning, sunshine."

Damn.

Hiei froze in place on the landing and shot Yusuke a glare, who chuckled.

Kurama exited the kitchen at that moment carrying a tray laden with hot food for them all.

Hiei followed the smell, still glaring at Yusuke.

Kurama rolled his eyes, "Yusuke, leave him alone. Hiei's not a morning person and I really don't feel like replacing the recliner again."

Yusuke's eyes widened, "He set it on fire?"

Kurama sighed, "I wish that were the case."

Hiei smirked cruelly as Yusuke's face dropped in shock.

"Okay, I don't wanna know."

"Where's the moron? I know he's here, his stench is everywhere."

"I'm right here, shorty, and I showered this morning. Thank you very much!" Kuwabara came in the room and parked it next to Yusuke.

Hiei sneered, "So, he does know how to bathe."

Kuwabara shot up, "Hey, that's more than you can say! You don't exactly smell like a rose, you know!"

Hiei barked out a short laugh, "Proving you know nothing. If there's one thing you should've learned by now, it's not to fight me. You'll lose."

Kuwabara opened his mouth to argue more, but Kurama interrupted.

"Please! For the sake of my furniture!"

Kuwabara blinked, "What? Your furn-"

Yusuke yanked Kuwabara back down on the couch, cutting him off, "Don't ask. Hiei's not a morning person and that's as far as I want to get."

Kuwabara grumbled, managing a disgruntled, "Whatever," and leaving it at that.

Hiei, satisfied that he'd won even though it was indirectly, sat on the recliner across from the couch and snagged a piece of toast.

Kuwabara continued to glare, which only served to lighten Hiei's mood. Knowing the moron was unhappy made him happy.

"So, Yusuke," Kurama started a conversation to keep them away from arguments, "Your wedding with Keiko is in two weeks. Are you nervous?"

The detective chuckled, "Nah. Only that she'll come to her senses and run away."

Kurama and Kuwabara laughed.

Kurama pressed on, "What did you decide on for the honeymoon?"

Yusuke shrugged, "Whatever she wanted to do. I only care about what happens once we get there, if you know what I mean." He gave a sly wink at Kuwabara, who guffawed, and Kurama shook his head with a slight smile.

"I'm just surprised you guys haven't done it, yet," Kuwabara said as he took a bite of eggs.

Yusuke shrugged, "She wouldn't let me. Instead, I was left to suffer from blue balls all the time."

Kuwabara gaped, "You mean you never…" he hesitated, "You know?"

Yusuke laughed, "Are you stupid? Of course, I did! Just when she wasn't around. No more self-servicing for me, though. Thank God."

Hiei narrowed his eyes, "What the hell are you talking about?"

All eyes turned to Hiei in surprise.

Hiei's eyebrows rose at the surrounding silence, "What."

Yusuke's mouth slowly opened into a gape, "Don't tell me… omigawd… Hiei, you've never… Wow."

Kuwabara burst out into laughter, "And he calls himself a man!"

Kurama's cheeks turned a light pink, "Kuwabara, please, I hardly find that it makes him less of a man. He's just… inexperienced." He cleared his throat and turned a concerned eye on Hiei.

Hiei was getting pissed off. What the hell was their problem?

"Someone better start explaining or it won't be just the furniture that will need replacing." He glared at the other men.

Kurama paled and Kuwabara stopped laughing. Yusuke cleared his throat.

"Hiei," Yusuke edged forward on his seat, speaking quietly, "What you're saying is that you've never heard of… or even ever…"

An uncomfortable silence passed over the men and Yusuke cleared his throat again.

"You've never… jerked off?"

Hiei raised an eyebrow.

Yusuke continued, "You've never got your rocks off, done the one-hand shimmy, masturbated!? Come on, Hiei! Gimme a break here!"

Kuwabara gave Yusuke a weird look, "The one-hand shimmy?"

Yusuke shrugged, "I may or may not have made that one up. At least give me points for creativity."

"Masturbate," Yusuke and Kuwabara turned to Hiei with hope that it finally clicked.

Hiei's eyebrow furrowed, "That term seems familiar… You're talking about sex, aren't you?"

Kuwabara slapped his forehead, "I can't take this anymore. This one is all you guys."

Yusuke let out a frustrated groan as he covered his face with his palm, "How do you survive morning wood?"

Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Kurama stared at Hiei, waiting for any kind of hint of recognition.

When his face remained blank, the air in the room became heavy with another awkward silence.

"You live with him, you tell him." Yusuke stated blankly.

"That's exactly why I shouldn't tell him." Kurama argued.

"You know him better."

"You're more blunt and direct."

"You're… shit." Yusuke slumped in defeat, "Fine."

Hiei was becoming irritated as he did not particularly enjoy waiting.

"Would you explain what you're talking about, already?"

Yusuke cleared his throat, "Ah, well, uh… morning wood. That's when… you wake up aroused in, well, the morning…"

"Aroused." Hiei didn't even blink.

Yusuke slapped his face with his palm, "Do I gotta spell it out for you?! Geez! No wonder you're not a morning person."

Hiei sat in his usual tree, deep in the woods and high off the ground. The only surrounding sounds were the occasional breeze through the leaves and the chatter of the creatures that lived there.

It was the perfect place for him to think.

To think about what Yusuke had explained to him.

He would have felt more embarrassed about not knowing anything about morning wood, but he'd never had anyone to talk to him about those kinds of things.

He felt glad that he didn't have some sort of disease and that there was even a way to make it go away.

Yusuke had been forced to give a small demonstration using a banana.

Hiei found himself amused by Yusuke's discomfort at that moment and smirked to himself.

As the sun started to sink below the horizon, Hiei made his way home and thought that perhaps he should try this remedy to his "disease".

A/N:

Is this what you think it's going to be? Yes and no.

It WILL be graphic, so, please, if you don't feel comfortable reading graphic sexual related things, then stop here and spare yourself. c:

Thank you for reading and please leave me a review! :D