Hello Supergirl readers! I've written many stories, but this is my first one for Supergirl. As I am currently obsessed with Jeremy Jordan, this story is all about Winn, though you will see the others. We'll assume that this story happened before the Season 2 finale, so no spoilers for that, but some of the rest of the season. Let's also assume Winn broke up with Lyra after that scene in the bar (as he should have!). But be prepared, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH in the first page! Sorry, it was necessary. Other than that, I'll be quiet and let you read. Enjoy!

"No! Oh no, no, no!" Winn lost track of how many times he said no. Maybe if he denied it enough, it wouldn't be true. That terrible thing that his logical mind knew was true, but his heart could not yet accept.

He tried again. "James! Answer me! Come on, man, answer!"

He kept at it. If he stopped…he couldn't think about that. His voice was raw as he kept trying to get his friend to answer. He heard the door to the van open, but was afraid to look up.

Then he heard the sadness in Kara's voice as she said, "Winn."

"No!" he cried, "No, he's going to answer."

"Winn, he's not. I just found—"

"No! Don't say it! Please." He finally turned to look at her. There were tears pooling in her eyes. She was not surprised to see the same in his.

"Winn, he's gone. The DEO team just took him away."

Winn closed his eyes. Ever since James had donned the Guardian's outfit and had gone to the streets to fight crime, this had been a possibility. But the reality was so much worse.

Kara went to him and put her arm around his shoulder, but he shrugged it off after a few seconds.

"It's my fault." He said tightly.

"No, of course it isn't."

"It is. My job was to let him know what was happening, what to do. If I'd done that, he wouldn't be…" It was still too raw to say that word.

"James knew what he was getting into when he decided to become the Guardian. He knew the danger."

"Yeah, but he figured he had me to help him. And I screwed up."

"No, you did exactly what you were supposed to do. That alien was too powerful for him. I had a hard time, he almost beat me. Even with his armor and your help, James wasn't strong enough."

He wiped at the tear that was trying to run down his face. "I know you're trying to make me feel better, but it's not going to work. I sat comfortably in this van, acting like I was playing some kind of video game, while James was out getting killed. Lots of fun for Winn, pretending to be one of the tough guys when I never had to put my life on the line."

She started to say something, but he interrupted her. "Don't talk about when I got beat up, because James saved my ass."

"I don't know what to tell you." She said quietly.

"You could say 'I told you so'. 'Cause I know that's what you're thinking. You didn't want us doing this. You knew this would happen. That it'd be too dangerous."

She was silent. She couldn't disagree with him on that.

"And you were absolutely right." He continued. "We weren't able to do this. I wasn't able. And now I killed James."

"You didn't kill him! That huge, evil alien killed him. You did everything you could."

"Did I? We won't ever know that for sure, will we?"

"Winn…"

"Kara, you need to fly home. I need to take this van back."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Probably not."

She wanted to say more, but he wasn't in the mood to listen to logic. And she needed to get back to the DEO to question the alien. She kissed the top of his head and gave him a quick hug.

"Try to get some sleep. I'll see you soon." With that, she left the van and flew off.

Sleep. If he'd had the capacity to laugh at that moment, that would have been a good joke.

At home, several drinks later, he still hadn't been able to clear his brain of the evening's events.

But eventually he was clear enough to make some decisions. No one was surprised when he texted J'onn that he was taking a personal day. People tried to call him, but he turned his phone off. He knew he had to move quickly. Kara had called him every hour and there was only so much time she would give him before she arrived at his apartment to check on him. That was the problem with best friends, they thought they had the right to invade your privacy.

By evening, he was ready. He called J'onn to ask if he could come to see him. He arranged to meet him at the DEO very early the next morning.

When Winn arrived, he was glad that there was only a skeleton crew. Seeing J'onn, he asked the DEO leader, "Can we go somewhere private to talk?"

J'onn nodded and led him to a small conference room, then waited while the younger man got his thoughts together.

"Sir, I'm here to give you my resignation." Winn said.

"What? Agent Schott, I understand how upsetting Mr. Olsen's death is to you and that you blame yourself. But that's no reason to give up your job."

"It's not just my job, it's everything. This place, these people. I need to get away from all of it."

"You're acting on impulse, based on grief and guilt. It's not what you really want."

"You're telepathic. Tell me if it's what I really want or not."

J'onn was silent for a moment, then sighed. "What will you do?"

Winn shrugged. "Get an IT job at some big company and live a quiet boring life that doesn't hurt anyone."

"He knew what he was doing. He knew it was dangerous."

Winn nodded. "At the beginning, I told him there was a cost to it. He told me he was willing to pay it and I thought that was good answer. Thing is, I didn't ask myself the same question."

"What can I do for you?'

"Write me a letter of recommendation so I can get a job."

"The DEO can't…"

"Come on, you make it from some reputable company. Tell me which one and I'll get you the letterhead and server address."

J'onn smiled. "We're going to miss you around here. Your skills are hard to match. I'll have that letter for you by the end of the day."

"If you wouldn't mind, could I get it now? I'd like to get on the road as soon as I can."

"You're not going to say goodbye to anyone? You're not going to talk to Supergirl?"

"I can't. I'll breakdown if I have to look her in the face." He pulled an envelope out of his pocket. "Can you give this to her? Please?"

J'onn took the envelope. "She'll want to look for you."

"I know. Please tell her not to. I need to do this. It's not just James. It's her, the feelings I had, shit, still have for her. The other relationships that went to hell. My father. I need a fresh start. I need a new life."

"If you change your mind, anytime, you have a place here, Agent Schott."

"It's Mister Schott now. I appreciate it. And if you ever need me…no, if Kara ever needs me, well, I couldn't say no to her."

J'onn nodded and held out his hand. Winn took it and the two men shook hands.

"Good luck, Winn."

"Thanks."

It was several hours later when J'onn saw Kara and Alex together. Kara was talking animatedly to her sister.

"I'm going to his place, I don't care. He won't answer his phone and he's not at work. I need to know that he's alright."

"I assume you're talking about Winn." J'onn said.

Kara nodded.

"He's not there. He left."

"What do you mean he left? Where did he go?"

"I'm not sure. He told me he needed to start over, to start a new life."

"Are you telling me that my best friend moved away without saying anything to me?'

He pulled the envelope out of his pocket. "He left this for you."

Kara looked at it, but didn't open it. "When did you talk to him?"

"Very early this morning. His car was already packed and he was heading out."

She opened the envelope and took the paper out.

Kara,

I'm sorry I have to say goodbye like this. I know I'm a coward, but I couldn't look at you and say it. This is what I need. A fresh start away from National City. Maybe then I can put everything behind me. You'll be fine, you have Alex and Mon-El and everyone else. You have a place. I need to find one.

It may not seem like it, but I'll always be your friend. If you ever need my help, I'll be there for you.

I hope someday you can forgive me.

Winn

Mon-El had come in while Kara was reading the letter. Alex whispered to him what had happened. He immediately moved to Kara's side and put his arm around her. When she finished, she collapsed into tears against his chest.

"How could he do this to her?" Mon-El asked.

"It was something he had to do." J'onn said.

Alex looked at him. "Do you know where he's going?"

J'onn nodded. "But I won't tell you. It's his decision. I won't betray him. But if we ever need him, I'll be able to find him."

Kara lifted her head, sniffed and wiped the tears from her face. "I can't believe he did this. All I know is on that night, I lost both of my best friends."

If you've never read anything by me before, you need to know that I ALWAYS finish my stories. And this story is finished, except for a few edits, so you will get regular updates. I love to correspond with readers, so feel free to comment, message me, etc.