Pleasing the Audience 3
Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to DC or Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana.
One Shot
Hawkgirl entered, roaring,
"PERSIANA13!"
You bellowed?
Hawkgirl shouted,
"What the hell is your problem?"
Define problem.
Aquaman entered, glaring,
"You know what."
No, I don't.
Hawkgirl said darkly,
"Catnip Conundrum."
Oh, yeah. That actually got rave reviews.
Aquaman shouted,
"Only two people reviewed it!"
More people will.
Hawkgirl groaned,
"Why did you have to torture us when you wrote it?"
Oh, come on. Everyone got the short end on that one, especially Persiana.
Aquaman: She nearly stabbed me!
Don't worry. I gave her a fake knife.
The author paused,
At least, I think it was the fake knife.
Hawkgirl snapped,
"What about when she tried to put me in the sandwich? Do you know how hard it is to get mustard and mayonnaise out of hair? Persiana made me look like a chicken sandwich."
How is that any different than what you already look, Shayera?
Hawkgirl clenched her mace tightly,
"Do you want to die?"
Careful. If you kill me, you'll be out of a job.
Aquaman said,
"He's got a point, Shayera."
Yeah, and if Hawkgirl doesn't want to end up in being paired with Flash, she'll keep that mace down.
Hawkgirl's eyes widened,
"FLASH? Are you out of your mind?"
She paused,
"Don't answer that."
Well, nice to see things are getting in order around here. Now, you two go rehearse.
Aquaman left.
Hawkgirl pointed mace,
"We are not done here."
So, anyway, Hawkgirl has a hot crush on Flash and-
Thesounds of Shayera frantically flying away began to sound.
Sucker.
Catman entered on his hands and knees, panting,
"We…have…to…talk…."
What happened to you? You're covered in mud.
Catman was frantic,
"Several of your readers just tried to bury me alive! They're nuts!"
Coming from the guy that's been stalking Farrah for months, that's a compliment.
Catman was exasperated,
"You practically tortured me in the last one! She did things with a soup ladle that I still have nightmares!"
Yeah, I heard that restaurant is going to be featured on Kitchen Nightmares in a couple of weeks. I'm looking forward to watching it.
Catman shook his head,
"You are evil."
Sure, pal, sure. Now, go get ready for your next scene.
Tigra entered,
"Uh, is this Persiana13's studio?"
That it is, Tigra.
Catman drooled,
"Darling goddess!
He turned to the author,
"You never said we were having her in the script."
Catman, you have been hit in the head too many times. I'm writing a DC/Marvel Crossover. Tigra plays an integral part of the story. Now, quit drooling on the set. The janitor came by and just cleaned.
Catman seductively said,
"I hope we'll be working together soon. Meow."
Catman left.
Tigra asked,
"Is he always going to be like this?
He has a thing for fuzzy chicks.
Catman shouted off camera,
"How did you find me? No, you're not burying me again! No! NO! NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!
A door slammed shut and tires screeched out of the parking lot.
The author sighed,
Well, I might as well cancel his dental plan for a while.
Tigra asked,
"Uh, could we talk about something?"
Shoot.
Tigra said nervously,
"It's about me and Wonder Girl."
What about it?
Tigra answered,
"I get the feeling she hates me."
How so?
Tigra explained,
"Well, she spray-painted my car neon blue and purple when I came in."
I was wondering where all that paint went.
Tigra continued,
"Then she messed up my dressing room…"
No wonder the janitor was late getting here.
Tigra then continued,
"She also said she and Farrah were together."
She is kind of over-protective of Farrah. Which isn't surprising, considering she's an Amazon princess.
Tigra nodded in understanding,
"I get it, but isn't she sleeping with that guy Speedy?"
Speedy entered,
"Donna likes girls?
Roy, she's an Amazon.
Speedy said,
"I get that, but since when is Donna attracted to Farrah?"
Since Chapter 7 of JLP.
Speedy blinked,
"And I'm finding this out NOW?"
If it helps, they made out in Catastrophe 2.
Speedy's eyes widened,
"Seriously? And I missed it!"
Catman didn't. He got a front row seat.
Speedy nodded,
"Yeah, I saw a whole bunch of guys in masks drag him to an unmarked car. He was kicking and screaming."
I wouldn't worry. They say cats have nine lives. I think he's down to about three now.
Tigra began counting on her fingers and nodded,
"Yeah, you're right."
Speedy shook his head,
"I still can't believe Donna's into another woman. I mean, she and I had sex in like two chapters!"
Diana shouted off camera,
"You did WHAT?"
Wonder Woman ran on stage with a battle axe, chasing Speedy.
Speedy frantically screamed,
"Diana, get away from me!"
Tigra blinked,
"Is it always so insane around here?"
You get used to it. I'll see what I can do with Wonder Girl. In the meantime, go rehearse. You've got a fight scene coming up.
Tigra exited the set.
Roy, off camera, screamed,
"DONNA, HELP ME! YOU'RE SISTER IS GONNA KILL ME!"
Diana, off camera, roared,
"COME BACK AND GET CASTRATED, ROY! IF MY SISTER BECOMES PREGNANT, YOU DIE!"
Yep, you definitely get used to this insanity around here.
End of One Shot.