Episode #1: Books & Boneheads……
~Cast~
Randy – Randyhealon (Aggramar lvl 70 Night elf Warrior)
Jeff – Jeffdraco (Aggramar lvl 76 Human Warlock)
Alex – Ravenusrogue (Aggramar lvl 57 Night elf Rogue)
Nick – Vyserage (Aggramar lvl 80 Human Paladin…he bots)
It was a hot, mid-summer's day when a small group of friends were traveling through Trisfal Glade, their adventures had lead them to believe that a lost artifact was located within the seemingly undead land that was once a lush forested area, that many Azarothians admired for it's beauty. The artifact in question was no more than a simple book but nonetheless it was worth a man's weight in gold. Their group was small indeed, two night elves, and two humans. There was Jeff...who had studied magic most of his life, and though he claimed to be adept, his spells, thought powerful in their own right...never quite seemed to work out. The other human of the group, Nick, was simple, and calm...he often found himself at a stand point for dangerous situations...but, unlike most paladins, his skills were somewhat....lax. Randy the shorter of the two Elves, had trained in the sword since he was still very young, unfortunately unlike most of his ilk, his mind was...somewhat absent...and finally there was Alex, what most in Azeroth considered the most unskilled rogue and thief every...the night elf did however have an unnatural streak of luck, which at most times seemed to even out nicely...
Jeff stopped the group's travel for a moment as he dusted off hid blood red robes, "You know...we need to get a few girls to travel with us...or maybe even a squirrel, anyone smart enough not to step in a pit fall trap." He half shouted looking to the tall, heavily armored elf to his left.
Randy was never very good when it came to watching his step, "Sorry Jeff." He said in the tone of a scolded child.
Jeff rolled his eyes, "I wasn't talking about you...moron. I was referring to the other idiot."
Alex who had attempted to blend into the shadows, was a bit taller than Randy, though his hair was a bit shorter and of a darker shade, "We can still see you, idiot. That only works when you're standing still...and your party can still see you."
"Oh...right." Alex said catching up to the other three, "Well in my defense, Randy did trip me."
Jeff sighed with frustration, "Hole in the ground or no. You should know that Randy's a warrior...i.e...not smart." This got the human a harsh glare from the barbaric elf, "Stronger than hell." He added in defense, "Just as dumb as a %#$'n brick."
"What the %#$ was that? gasp there it is again." Nick shouted. The paladin had recently taken a substantial blow to the back of the head, which resulted in the loss of his memory, "Seriously why the %#$ can't I say %#$?"
"Nick...calm down." Alex said, "That's just the ratings. Thanks to this dumb $$ writer, we're not allowed to say %#$ in this story. You know these teen ratings." At that moment he realized something, "Wait a second does that mean none of us are gonna get lucky in this story?"
Jeff turned to the elf, "That is a distinct possibility. Then again, 'Mr. Holier than thou' over there ain't gotta worry about that anyway. Paladins aren't allowed to do that."
Nick thought for a moment, "Wait! I remembered something...I finally remembered something!" The paladin shouted excitedly.
"What?" Jeff shouted, "Is it where you left my Fel-iron enchanting rod? I could really use that back right about now."
For a moment Nick went silent, before finally he spoke...
"CHEESE IS %#$ING DELICIOUS!!!" He suddenly jumped looking around, "Holy *^&% there's that %#$'n beep again!"
Alex walked by slapping the paladin in the back of his head, "We already know that...."
Randy paused for a moment in mid step, "Wait. Where were we going again?"
"See now you went and confused the warrior again." Jeff shouted, "We are going to the Scarlet, that means red......Mo-na-sta-ry, to find....a book. Small square thing with words inside." He explained slowly.
Randy simple stared at Jeff for a moment before flipping him off...
He replied, "Anyhow, how will we know when we get there?"
As they walked along their current path Jeff pointed with his thumb off to a sign on the side of the road, with a severed hand pointing down the road...
-Scarlet Monastery this way......5 man raid- =
"Well..." Randy said after reading the sign, "That's convenient." He said happily.
It took little time before the four young adventurers were standing in front of the large, castle-like monastery, where Alex was busy wiping blood from his face. He seemed a bit frightened at the least. When Randy had rushed in to attack he'd neglected to notice the theif behind the monk who's unfortunate fate was that of any person standing in the master swordsman's path once his mind was made up. Unfortunately for Alex it was a rather short mind to begin with...which nearly lead to the rogue's decapitation...
"Alex...we've told you a million time." Jeff yelled, "Don't get in the way when he starts swinging those things around."
"Sorry about that Alex..." Randy said putting away the second of his two massive swords, "I didn't mean to...you know...almost kill you."
Nick was a bit lost in the whole thing, "Do you think these guys have any cheese? I don't know why but, I want cheese."
Jeff shook his head as he headed into the Monestary, "They're all zombie chow...well, maybe not Randy...he tends to attack just about anything that doesn't look friendly enough." He sighed, "What are the odds of finding a mentally handicapped swordsman?"
2 hours later……
Randy found himself in a lone, dark scary hall, barely lit by anything. His clambering footsteps echoed through the halls, but unfortunately that was all he could hear...
"Guys..." He called, "Guys...this isn't funny. It's dark. I'm afraid of the dark......" He paused for a moment lowering his head, "So very lonely."
Elsewhere in the Monastery……
As Jeff, Alex, and Nick rounded a corner down a hollowed corridor, Jeff stopped the group before looking out at several men dressed like the unlucky fellow that was slaughtered at the front gates...
"Okay..." He whispered, "There's only 13 or 'em. Randy you could...." The robe wearing leader turned to the group, "Randy? HOLY HELL OUR MEATSHIELD---" He half shouted before stopping himself, "Umm---I mean, Oh no, we seem to have misplaced Randy."
Some dark place……
It was as the lonely night elf made his way through the halls that he could hear something carrying through the darkness, it was odd sounding something like a small tune, and as he made his way through the darkness he could make out words to a small song...
-Total...Slaughter...-
-Total...Slaughter...-
"Hello?" Randy called, "Is someone there. Unless you're a ghost or something then you can please stay where you are...I don't like ghosts."
-I won't leave a single man alive...- The voice continued.
"You know...that song is slightly disturbing...." Randy added, "Not to knock at your choice in music but, maybe something a little happier?"
-La Dee Da Dee Die...Gen-o-cide...-
"I really don't like this song..." The now frightened night elf shouted.
-La Dee Da Dee Dud...an ocean of blood...-
Randy stopped for a moment, "You know they have pills for those kind of thoughts. I take a pretty purple one."
-Lets begin...the killing time...-
"Sir...or ma'am. If you would I'd like to get out of this dark place. I have friends that may need me..."
Back with Jeff and the others……
Jeff sighed as he dangled with his hands and feet bound to a pole suspended by two other poles several feet off of the ground...
"I miss Randy." He sighed again looking to Alex the rogue and Nick, who mindlessly swung his body back and forth like some sort of swing.
"Hey guys..." He said in the midst of his incessant rocking, "I'm my own hammock."
Alex had enough, "Oh for the love of god. Would someone please just kill him...or kill me first so I don't have to listen anymore."
As Nick rocked back and forth humming some kind of happy tune, Jeff could hear the sound of the pole supporting the idiot beginning to give way to the constantly shifting weight. Suddenly he got an idea...
"Hey Nick. Bet I can swing higher than you."
Nick gasped with an absent minded smile, "You're on!"
Back to the dark place……
Randy found himself near what appeared to be some sort of alter. It was composed of several different layers of steps that led up to a strange looking dais where there was the handle of a lovely looking blade protruding from the stone. It was a rather large weapon, with golden fittings. It's hilt was designed very strangely as it was covered in what appeared to be some kind of soft white fur that blew from a seemingly unexistent wind over what looked like an eye at it's center, a long scarf of cloth hung from the pummel of the weapon, and two slightly curved black, horn-like designs arched over it's handle...
"Wow...pretty sword." Randy said as he approached the altar.
-Oh wow I got a winner this time...- The same voice from earlier huffed.
Randy's rather absent look vanished instantly replaced with the resolve of a honed swordsman, as his weapons seemed to be drawn in what seemed like less than a heartbeat...
"Who's there?!"
-Nice reflexes...- The voice came from behind him this time causing the elf to turn around.
-That's right...right here in front of you-
Randy stopped for a moment, "Holy %#$ a talking alter!"
-No genius...the sword...talking sword- The voice corrected him in an annoyed tone.
The warrior paused and looked about for a moment, "Holy %#$ a talking sword!"
-Bravo...I'd clap for you but I don't have any hands-
Randy cocked his head as he put his weapons away, "Why is there a talking sword down here?"
-These $$holes locked me down here...-
Randy frowned, "Well that's not very nice at all."
-Ye...no, no it wasn't. Say could you pull me out of this altar?-
"Probably...I am pretty strong." Randy replied standing there.
-Well?-
"Well...you didn't say please." Randy replied sheepishly.
-Ooookay. Would you PLEASE pull me out of this altar?-
Back with Jeff's group……
-Snap- -Thud-
"Ow!" Nick shouted, "My face hurts." He said from his face down position on the stone floor.
"Congratulations, your head actually has feeling in it." Alex replied.
Jeff noticed the sound of footsteps in the hall outside the room, "Look Nick. I don't know what they have in mind for us...but, you need to get me and Nick down before they come back. Or they might kill us."
Nick slowly made his way over to Jeff and began to pull at the knots holding his hands and feet in place, "What about me?" Alex asked.
Nick turned to Alex, "You're a #*$%..." He said, "there's that %#$'n beep again."
Luckily the rest of their trip spared no sort of problems, that was until they reached the a rather large, open room where a man stood trying to read through the pages of an odd book. It was as they stood there that the man's head jolted toward the group. He thrust his palm toward them and a massive bolt of fire burst against the wall behind them. As they stood there being bombarded by fireballs, Jeff looked to Nick...
"You're a paladin get your $$ in there." He said pushing him toward the room.
Nick kept resisting, "But why do I have to go? He's scary."
"Cuz someone has to be the %#$'n meatshield."
"I MISS RANDY!!!" The poor moron shouted as Jeff finally shoved him into the room.
As Nick rose his shield and walked inside, Jeff turned to Alex, "Okay and now while he distracts the fire. You sneak up on him and kill him."
"And what the hell are you gonna do?" Alex replied defensively.
"I'm the supervisor."
After a short while, Alex finally seemed to vanish as he disappeared into the room. Jeff couldn't help himself but to watch and see what was going to happen. As he suspected Nick simply stood there like a moron, holding his shield in front of his face, trying to protect himself from the strange mage's fiery onslaught, while Alex, who was hard enough to see in his current state, made his way around behind the man. Unfortunately, as the rogue made his way around to the man's back his foot caught on an fold in the rug beneath his feet causing him to fall to the ground with a thud. The mage's attention instantly turned from the 'moronic meatsheild' to the would be assassin. Who froze in fear as the man's hand began to charge another bolt of fire...
"I MISS RANDY!!!" The assassin yelled as the fireball impacted the ground beside him sending his body flying against a nearby book shelf which collapsed on top of the mage.
Jeff stood there stunned as the magic user crawled from under the pile of books, "How the %#$ did you miss?! He was 2 feet in front of you!" He thought for a moment, "I mean....yay. Alex isn't dead."
The man stood up with a look of rage in his eyes as his palm began to glow red with charging magic causing Alex to cower in fear of being burned to a crisp. Fortunately the pain never came, Alex opened his eyes instead to find the point of a large sword protruding from the man's chest. As the mage fell to the ground in a lake of his own blood a familiar night elf ran down the hall toward them...
"See..." He said to the sword in his left hand, "Told you I could hit him from the other hall."
Jeff paused while lifting an eyebrow, "Is he talking to that sword?"
Randy finally made it to the room, "Hey guys look what I found." He said holding up a rather well decorated claymore.
"WHERE THE %#$ WERE YOU!?!" Jeff shouted.
Randy looked at the ground, "I was in a dark place. It was lonely. Then I found Bob here..." He said lifting the sword, "He showed me the way out."
-My name is not Bob!!!-
Alex looked confusedly at the night elf manchild, "He named his new sword Bob?"
-You insufferable %#$piles! I am not Bob!!!-
Randy looked to the weapon, "Bob. That was not nice." He seemed to scold the sword before sliding it into his beltline.
Jeff rolled his eyes as he walked into the room to retrieve the strange book the mage was carrying. He found that it's leatherbound cover was designed in the figure of a grimacing face, it's eyes and mouth risen off of the face of the book, strange runes decorated the outside boarder of the book, and it was strapped shut across two points over the front of the small object, "Here Randy. I feel safer with you hanging onto this." He said tossing it to the warrior, only to have the book halt just inches from his hand and glide back to Jeff's, "Or I'll hang onto it. That's good too."
"That was cool Jeff." Randy shouted in amazement, "Do it again."
As they left the building Jeff held up the book, "Either way Maniacal Laughter Inc. Recovery Service gets paid today."
"Yes. Paid..." Nick shouted, "Then we can all have cheese."
Alex aptly slapped the paladin in the back of the head, "Ow...Jeff, Alex hit me."
"Well hit him back..." Jeff replied, "Don't make me send Randy back there."
To be continued......
AN: I found a few discrepancies on the original chapter 1 as I was going over things. Also decided that all characters that make an appearance will be shown ahead of time...thanks all...