A/N: Okay, here's the deal. I was listening to Elvis Radio on Satellite Radio, and I heard this song. And it was the PERFECT Tony and Kate song. This isn't really a romance piece (Shocking…I know) it's more of Tony/Kate banter. There really is no romance, so it is safe for non-shippers to read. Thought I would mention that. Anyways, please, leave a review!

Emily

Disclaimer: The plot isn't mine, the characters aren't mine. The story is based on the song "The Lady Loves Me" By Elvis Presley, with Ann-Margret.

NOTE: As of 10.27.05, I have removed the lyrics (which made it funny in the first place). To get the full version, please email me (my email can be found on my profile)

Sorry for the inconvenience, but I cant risk being banned (again)

8/21/09: Edited for grammar. The little English minor in me wouldn't let me go to sleep without ensuring that there was at least some evidence of grammatical knowledge. That's what I get for rereading old stories. Sigh.

"Are you two dating?"

It was the question that started it all. A simple mistake, made by a man at a club, as Tony and Kate were undercover, working a case. Kate had grimaced at the mere suggestion. Tony, on the other hand, had wrapped his arm around her and smiled at the stranger.

"Yup. This lady is head over heels in love with me. Isn't that right baby?"

She snorted in disgust. The man looked at Tony.

"Don't look like she loves you."

Tony winked. "She just acts like that. Even though she turns up her nose at me, she burns for me. Yearns for me. She is so completely taken with me…" The man looked at Kate, who was choking on her drink. He shook his head and left, muttering something about crazy drunks. Kate, finally regaining her voice just looked incredulously at Tony.

"What the hell was that?"

He shrugged. "He asked a question, and I simply told him the truth."

"What? That you're crazy?"

He inched a bit closer to her. "No, that you love me. You just want to cuddle me and hold me. You want me to think you don't want me, but I know you do. Nope, you aren't fooling anyone Katie."

"You're crazy!" Several people nearby looked at Tony, who just flashed a smile.

"That lady loves me, she just doesn't know it yet."

As Kate stormed off, a woman stopped her. "Hey, your boyfriend's really hot," she giggled. Kate rolled her eyes.

"He's not my boyfriend. And he has got about as much class as a elephant, or maybe a bear."

Tony laughed. "Give me a little credit babe. You know you want to spend as much time with me as possible."

Kate started to roll her eyes, but paused mid-roll, a thoughful expression flitting across her face. "You know Tony, you're right. I would love to take you on a trip." His look of triumph was soon wiped off his face as she continued, "Maybe when we get back, I'll take you to the zoo. We can visit your family!" Tony clutched his chest in mock hurt.

"That hurts, Kate. But, Alas. Your petty insults do not fool me. I still know that you love me."

"Tony, you have got about as much appeal as a soggy cigarette."

"Low, real low Kate," he replied. "You still want me."

Kate groaned and looked at the crowd (which had grown since the two agents started their childish fight) "I hate him. He's just too stupid to know that yet," she explained.

"Oh yes, She totally has a crush on me you see," Tony said to the crowd, which now included most of the bar. Kate raised an eyebrow.

"As you can see, this man is crazy." Several people nodded in agreement.

"She's just dying for me to pin her down and kiss her," Tony said smugly. Kate laughed.

"This man desperately needs a psychiatrist. Why, I would rather....I would rather kiss a snake…I HATE snakes. Or play Russian roulette. Anything but kiss him."

Tony shook his head. "She loves me."

"Give it a rest," she sighed.

"Kate, you are falling fast babe. Falling fast for this." He pointed to his body (causing several woman, and a few men to swoon)

"Your heads are completely screwed up DiNozzo," she shot back.

"Tonight, you will be holding me in your arms and you know it." He looked suggestively at her. She shuddered.

"I'd rather hold a hydrogen bomb." She looked pleadingly at the group around them. "Please, would someone tell Romeo over here that I am NOT his Juliet!"

"That lady is head over heals in love with me."

Around the bar, people were starting to make bets. Some thought that Kate would kill Tony in the next hour. Some thought it would take longer for him to finally make her snap and kill him. Of course, no one knew they were trained agents, and that she was perfectly capable of killing the man. Had they known that, the bets would have been drastically altered. But they didn't, so bets weren't so accurate. Some people even thought that he would wear her down, or that she did love him. Most of these were woman, who couldn't see how anyone could escape the DiNozzo charm. Then again, a lot of the woman had already slept with him, and were counting on Kate to at least castrate him for them, if she didn't kill him first.

"She wants me so bad," stated Tony.

"Yeah, like I need poison Ivy," she retorted.

"You need me, don't deny it. You need my loving."

"Yeah, like I need a damn hole in the head. Then Gibbs can have two morons working for him."

"Come on, look Kate, everyone can see you have it bad for me." Several murmurs went around the crowd.

"You are so egotistical Tony."

He shrugged. "I am not. I just know that I am hard to resist."

"You know Tony, I think I could really learn to hate you even more."

"Kate, okay, I give up. We can give it a chance between us. Dinner at eight?"

"Yeah, right. I'd rather have dinner with Frankenstein. Or even a coffee deprived Gibbs.

"You know you love me Katie."

At the bullpen, bets were also being made. Everyone from their floor and the morgue, including the interns and receptionist, were gathered around Abby's computer, watching the whole thing. Actually, it had just started out Abby, McGee, and Gibbs. Then Ducky and his assistant had come up. Gibbs had then left for a coffee run (which so far, had taken about thirty minutes, when it really should have only taken ten. When asked why he didn't order McGee to get it, Abby had mentioned some new lady working at Starbucks that Gibbs had taken a liking too, which really explained a lot.) They had started getting loud, and yelling bets. Finally, Abby decided that to take bets, they needed more people, so she had invited everyone down. Which was why there was now a very large crowd gathered there.

"I have fifty bucks on Kate killing Tony in ten minutes," shouted Abby.

"I bet you fifty that he wears her down," shouted an intern (who didn't really know the two agents well.)

"What the hell is going on here? Abby…McGee…" There was a moment of silence, then the sound of people clamoring around and climbing over one another to escape the wrath of Gibbs. Abby and McGee turned around, both trying to put on there most innocent faces.

"Its not it looks like Gibbs!" Abby then looked down at the money that she clutched in her raised hands. "Okay, maybe it is. But they started it!" She pointed to the crowd on the screen, which were still watching the fighting pair of agents. Gibbs stared at it for a moment.

"Why are people betting on Kate killing Tony? Didn't I send them in for a case?"

McGee nodded. "Yes, you did. They were working, but then someone asked if Kate and Tony were dating and he said yes and then it kind of snowballed from there and boss?" Gibbs was gone. He looked at Abby. "Where did he go?" She pointed to the screen.

"I would hate to be those two right about now," was all she said.

Meanwhile, back at the bar, Kate and Tony were still trading insults.

"She loves me!" proclaimed Tony.

"Your brain is shrinking by the minute," she returned. He had to strain to hear her over the shouts of the crowd.

"And your love for me grows by the minute."

She sighed. He was hopeless! "You might think that you can have any girl you want, but look right here. This is one girl you will never get Tony DiNozzo!"

"She Looooooooooooooves me." He exaggerated the love part. Kate made a gagging expression.

"Would you like to bet on that?" she said sweetly. Cheers rose up among the crowd.

"THIS LADY LOVES ME!" cried Tony, very loudly.

"The gentleman's all wet," said Kate crossly. Tony was silent for a moment. They looked at each other.

"What the hell does that mean?" She smiled, fidgeting with something at the table near her, and suddenly, he found himself face to face with a cold beverage of some sort.

"Damn it, Kate!"

"Would you have rather I slapped you?"

"But you didn't…"

He was cut off by a loud slap. He grimaced as he rubbed his face.

"What was that fo…OW!" Another loud smack echoed through the bar, this time the blow was directed to the back of his head. He looked at Kate in confusion. Her face had gone almost completely white, a look of horror and fear on it. Slowly, ever so slowly, he turned around, only to come face to face with his boss.

They say neither Tony nor Kate spoke a single word for the entire two hours that Gibbs yelled at them.

A/N: You have no idea how much fun I had writing it. I only hope that you had as much fun reading it. Leave a review! And remember…. LONG LIVE THE KING (Elvis)

Emily