I remembered black skies
The lightning all around me
I remembered each flash
As time began to blur
Like a startling sign
That fate had finally found me
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve
Detective Elliot Stabler came home to find his wife packing her bags. "Elliot," she said. "I can't do this anymore. I can't live with a man who cares more for his work than his wife. I'm leaving. I'm sorry."
Elliot couldn't find his voice. The world started to spin around him. "I – I – what about the kids?" was all he could manage to choke out.
Kathy sighed. "I'm taking them with me. The kids can't stay with a father who's absent so much."
"I can do better," said Elliot. "I love them so much. I would do anything for my kids! I need them. I can't live without them. They need their father and I need them. Please, Kathy."
"No," she said stoutly. "I'm sorry, Elliot, but I've given you so many chances. It's over."
Elliot was left standing alone in the kitchen, wondering what he'd done wrong.
So give me reason to prove me wrong
To wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross
The distance in your eyes
Give me reason to fill this hole
Connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies
Across this new divide
Elliot didn't know what to do with himself for the next few weeks. Without his family, he had nothing. Without his family, he was nothing. He was barely sleeping, barely eating, throwing himself into his work because he didn't know what else to do.
One morning he stumbled into work, exhausted, his eyes bloodshot. His partner Olivia Benson took him aside. "Elliot, you're not helping anyone by doing this to yourself."
He shook his head. "I'm a good father! I am. I need to show Kathy. I love those kids. I can't live without them. I'm dying, Olivia. I need to see them. And I miss her so much too."
Olivia sighed. "So go see them. Visit them when they're done school."
"Okay," agreed Elliot.
So around 4:00, Elliot was nervously shifting from foot to foot in front of Kathy's new apartment. He rang the doorbell and held his breath.
Kathy opened the door. "Hello, Elliot," she said coolly.
"I want to see my kids," said Elliot. Swallowing hard, he added, "I missed you."
"Me too," whispered Kathy.
But as Elliot stared into her eyes, it was as if a barrier existed between them. There was a hole in Elliot's heart that only his family could fill. He was empty inside.
There was nothing in sight
But memories left abandoned
There was nowhere to hide
The ashes fell like snow
And the ground caved in
Between where we were standing
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve
He got home and looked around his house. Everything there reminded him of the family he'd lost. Pictures of Kathy and the kids, Dickie's basketball, a hairbrush of Maureen's, Elizabeth's favourite Disney Princess pencil. He wanted to erase the pain, but there was nowhere to hide from himself. And as the world spun around him, all he could think was that Kathy had warned him so many times. Now he'd got what he'd deserved.
So give me reason to prove me wrong
To wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Across this new divide
Kathy came by on Saturday to drop the kids off with Elliot. He was going to take them to Coney Island. Elliot composed himself when the doorbell rang. "It's good to see you, Kathy," he said.
"It's nice to see you, too," she replied, but it wasn't the same.
He knew she would never trust him again; in her eyes, he was barely a father. It was true; when they'd been married, work had always come first. How he would love to change that now! But the wall between them was solid stone.
In every loss, in every lie
In every truth that you deny
And each regret and each goodbye
Was a mistake too great to hide
And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve
They were in court. Kathy was making her case for custody for the kids. Elliot knew the system inside out, but there was nothing he was powerless to stop it. Had Kathy forgotten all the good times they'd had as a family?
Her voice repeated over and over in his head: "Elliot, you got what you deserved." The chorus would never fade.
So give me reason to prove me wrong
To wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross
The distance in your eyes
Give me reason to fill this hole
Connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies
Across this new divide
Across this new divide
Across this new divide