CHAPTER ONE: BROKEN, BUT USEABLE

What happened?

Nanami parted the sliding doors to reveal the Senketsu main house's courtyard. The bright morning sun reflected against the deep blue waters of the pond filled with orange and black spotted koi swimming underneath the surface. Her bare feet were warmed against the mahogany wood as she stepped closer to the water's edge. The light whistle of the trees swaying with the wind filled the air with the occasion chirp of the birds' she heard in the distance. Remnants of sandalwood and freshly cut grass lingered with the wind.

Could it have been avoided?

Nanami lowered her body and ran the tips of her fingers over the water's surface. She could see the koi bodies' sway in different directions as they steered themselves under the water. The pond's water was so clear that it could also serve as a mirror. Nanami placed a loose, almost black, green curl behind her small ears as she took a glimpse of her reflection. Her wavy tresses fell past her shoulders and stopped at the crook of her elbows. Her oval face adorned her round brown eyes and full salmon colored lips. Her olive colored skin had a few blemishes like the handful of chocolate tinted freckles across her cheeks and a small cut underneath her chin that she received fighting during the Chunin Exams. A sudden ripple in the water caused her reflection to distort. Tears were rolling up in her eyes and gravity had pulled one into the pond. Nanami wondered how many tears of her's had filled this pond over the course of her twenty-two year existence.

Could I have done something differently?

Nanami knew if she could see the pain in her own eyes that everyone else could, too. They weren't bloodshot like she had imagined them to be; yet her eyes lacked their usual passion and shine. She cursed underneath her breath. She was overwhelmed with painful emotions that left her feeling lifeless. She couldn't shake the suffocating feeling in her lungs that she felt even though she was breathing clearly. Her hands were closed into fists and she wished for the opportunity to punch anything or anyone. She fought that urge because she knew it wouldn't solve her problems. Nanami never learned to conceal her feelings like how she had been taught to, but this would be a good opportunity for her to try.

Could I have stopped him?

" I figured you would be here," A voice called out from behind Nanami. Instead of whipping her head around, she quickly used the sleeve of her kimono to swipe away the leftover tears still rounding up in her eyes. " How are you feeling?" Moko, Nanami's summoned ninja cat, stood on all fours at the threshold of the door.

Moko had been Nanami's favorite summon since she was twelve years and she knew Nanami like the back of her hand. They had their differences, like all the money Nanami spent on boring novels and her obsession with expensive desserts, but Moko loved Nanami to the fullest extent of the word. She watched 'crybaby', the name that Moko oh-so affectionately calls Nanami, turn into an intelligent and cunning kunoichi of the Village Hidden in the Leaves. Moko was proud of the woman Nanami had grown up to be.

Nanami was normally such a happy person that it broke Moko's heart to see her in this state. Nanami usually cried for the smallest of things, especially when she was still a child, and Moko was unfazed by the happy tears that Nanami too often shed, but she could never get use to the sad ones. The pained, distressed crying fits always took a toll on the ninja cat. " I'm fine," Nanami confessed still not turning around to see her beloved companion. Her focus was on easing the unwavering pain in her chest that was constricting her breathing. " I don't need any coddling, Moko."

Moko wasn't convinced. She slunk her way in between the gap where the sliding doors were suppose to meet. She used a paw to close the door completely before she strolled next to Nanami where she made herself comfortable in her master's lap. " It's fine if you're not okay," Moko admitted in attempt to ease Nanami's emotional strife. " You don't have to put up a wall when I'm around. We're friends, aren't we?" Nanami glided her fingers through Moko's grey fur and let out a defeated sigh.

Nanami believed what Moko preached to her, but she still refused to cooperate. Nanami had a week to process today's 'festivities' yet it still came all too soon. She didn't want to be in attendance of his wedding ceremony. If the mere thought of him with another woman made her chest do palpitations, actually seeing it would give her a heart attack. " We are friends, Moko, and I promise that I'm fine. I don't want you to worry about me." She beamed down at her cat friend with a weak smile.

Moko hoped it wouldn't come to this, but she came prepared to console Nanami. " I'll buy you that chocolate that you were harping about."

The ends of Nanami's mouth began to curve to genuinely form a slight, less painful smile. " That's really nice of you. Too nice, if you ask me..."

" Good thing I didn't ask you."

Nanami smirked at her cat that never failed to give her sass. " Well, I accept the offer. I'll be waiting on my gifts really soon."

" Gifts?"

" Yes, gifts. There were three different varieties of chocolate that I spoke to you about. I am assuming that you'll be purchasing all three of them," Moko stirred in Nanami's lap and scowled at her master. The ninja cat rolled her eyes and settled back into Nanami's lap without scolding her for being greedy. " Thank you, Moko, you're the best cat anyone could ever have." Nanami said with her voice still hoarse from the nervous fits she had been having all morning. She hadn't slept well the night before, or the past week, and it was beginning to take a toll on her body.

" I know, I know. You don't have to tell me that I'm the greatest cat to ever live! Or do you don't have to thank me…" Nanami continued to listen to Moko's usual monologue about her ninja prowess and her overall heroism. She was too engrossed in her own thoughts to truly give Moko the attention she craved.

Did he even love me?

" Nanami," The feline called still sitting in her lap. " You weren't even listening were you?" Nanami stopped petting her beloved friend and her focus returned back to the water's reflection.

" Honestly, no." Nanami admitted. " My mind is all over the place at the moment. I'm sorry, could you repeat it?"

Moko let out a disapproving groan and jumped away from her master's reach. She strolled around the edge of the pond careful not to touch the water. Her true interest was in the koi that Nanami never allowed her to snack on. " What are these things on your mind? You're never this secretive about your thoughts."

" It's nothing."

" That look means that it is something," Nanami involuntarily broke eye contact with Moko and eyed the grass beneath her heeled sandals. The freshly cut grass swayed with the light wind pressing against it. She wasn't prepared to talk to anyone about him. She wanted to come to terms with her bothersome emotions and broken feelings before anything else." So this is about Itachi Uchiha."

The sound of Moko saying that name so casually caused Nanami to wince. Her body stiffened and she clutched the grass so harshly that hundreds of the green shards were in her balled up fists. " No," She said to try not just to convince Moko, but herself as well. " This isn't about him because I'm perfectly fine. Nothing is wrong with me." Nanami released the air trapped in her lungs with a low sigh as she let the shards of grass fly out of her hands.

Moko remembered the day that Itachi had cast Nanami aside as if she was some toy he had outgrown. Nanami had walked into her apartment with the same solemn smile she was wearing now. Normally Nanami had stories of her student's achievements to tell Moko over dinner, but that night she finished her food slowly and locked herself in her room for the rest of the night. Over the week, she did some investigating of her own, and learned of Itachi's engagement through a Uchiha ninja cat. Moko was furious that Nanami had not told her, but she directed all that anger towards Itachi. Nanami's only crime was how she bottled up her feelings instead of seeking a shoulder to lean on. Even though Moko's shoulders were small in the physical sense, she could still hold her master's hardships. Moko went to Nanami immediately after she obtained this knowledge. Nanami used Itachi's place as the Uchiha's next clan leader as to why he left her. She stood up for the asshole time and time again even when Nanami's friends confronted her about it as well.

" You've always been a terrible liar, Nanami," Moko's words bothered Nanami. She didn't want to be so transparent about her feelings. She was going to be amidst a whole congregation of Uchiha and their guests for today's wedding ceremony. If she couldn't contain composure in the comfort of her childhood home, she feared for what was in store for her. " It takes a truly despicable person to do something like this. Not only did he leave you, you have to attend his wedding to another woman to keep up with appearances."

Nanami mulled over Moko's words carefully before she choose to answer. Her eyes flew down to her lap as she hugged her knees to her chest in attempt to keep herself together. She had been trying all week to get a mission that would send her away from the village with no avail. She was an academy teacher; they rarely ever left the village for missions unless it was under dire circumstances. She doubted that the Fourth Hokage, Minato Namikaze, would see her broken heart as dire circumstances. " He's not a bad person, Moko. He has his reasons. It's just that I got the short end of the stick."

" If he loved you, he wouldn't have left you." Nanami agreed with Moko, but she would never admit her true feelings. She had to put on a brave face for everyone else. Her mask had many cracks in it, but she still wore it to face the outside world. It was hard to tell people that you weren't 'okay'. Nanami hated seeing her friends and family not know what to do to help. She would end up doing the consoling even though she was the one that needed it the most.

" I knew what I was risking getting involved with him. I knew this was going to happen one day or another. They only marry within in their own clan to keep their kekkei-genkai in their family, anyway." Nanami just hoped that it would come later than sooner. Much later.

Their friendship grew at a very young age and it blossomed into something that the pair never saw coming. However, they welcomed the change of pace and their love flourished over time. Nanami was head over heels in love, and she thought he was as well. " An archaic tradition for an archaic clan that should have died out decades ago." Moko stated bluntly with no remorse. She was never too keen on the idea of her master's involvement with that clan and definitely not their star pupil. Moko knew that Itachi could protect Nanami, he was a prodigy after all, but he was too emotionally reserved. His entire family left Moko with a sinking feeling.

" Be careful what you wish for, Moko," Nanami warned. " The Uchiha clan don't have many enemies for a reason."

" And why is that, you think?"

" They're all dead." Nanami put bluntly. She had read and heard stories of the Uchihas battles during the era of the Warring States. The Senju clan were the only true rivals of the Uchihas and the Senjus numbers have dwindled over time. Although that era was decades ago and peace eventually came during Konoha's development, people of any of the Five Great Shinobi Nations know never to cross a Uchiha.

" Or so you think."

Nanami rolled her eyes and turned her attention away from her ninja cat. The Uchiha had no actual enemies. They may have had people that disagreed with their teachings or envied their power, but not people who sought out their demise. This was a time of moderate peace.

The sound of shuffling feet on the floor by the doors alerted Nanami's attention. The sliding doors glided open and a woman stood in the doorway." Your kimono is filthy," Emiko Senketsu said from the doorframe of the courtyard. " Now, you'll have to change. You're too old to still be doing these kinds of things, Nanami." Emiko, Nanami's mother, approached her only daughter and examined the kimono for more stains other than the damp sleeves. Moko used this opportunity to escape away from the courtyard so she would not have to hear Emiko's inevitable, almost daily, rant.

" I'm sorry, Mother," Nanami choked out with her head dipped with shame. " I-"

" What did I teach you, Nanami?" Emiko lifted her fingers up to Nanami's chin and raised her dipped head. A slight smile rested on her face as she gazed upon her daughter's face. She was the splitting image of her father. He had been gone for over a decade, but Emiko could never forget his face because she had Nanami as a photograph. Nanami facial features were softer than her father's, but they shared the same dark curly hair and freckles stretching from cheek to cheek. They both had the same fighting spirit in their eyes that Emiko found annoying at times, but a God send and a comfort on most days.

Nanami sighed and her eyes didn't meet her Mother's. She was too drained for one of her 'lessons'. " Never to lower my head if I want to be respected and heard." While Nanami was growing up, Emiko trained her daughter to become a woman, but more importantly a wife in her image.

Her late father and former head of the Senketsu clan, Ichirou Senketsu, fought tooth and nail with Emiko about their last born child's future. Emiko believed that their was no need for Nanami to become a shinobi because they already had a son and heir for the next head of the clan. Tamaki Senketsu, Nanami's only other sibling, was already a talented shinobi and the Senketsu didn't need another potential heir. Ichirou still believed that his daughter would one day become one of the greatest kunoichi that the Leaf had ever seen. Emiko reluctantly watched as Ichirou treated their daughter and son as his disciples. He instilled in them his Will of Fire and jutsu up until his death during the Nine Tail's Attack on Konoha.

Emiko pulled Nanami from the academy in fear of losing her in battle just as she lost her husband. Nanami quietly accepted her fate until she grew the courage to rebel against her Mother. She eventually graduated from the academy, passed the Chunin Exams, and became a Jonin Academy teacher to uphold her father's trust in her.

" Exactly! No one will take you seriously if you dip your head like that." Emiko had spent years molding Nanami into the woman that she is now. The girl would one day have to uphold the Senketsu name and become one lucky man's wife. Nanami could not cook, but she had other great traits and skills that would overshadow her biggest flaw. Emiko had done a great job grooming her only daughter even within the absence of her father and though she insisted on being a kunoichi.

" I'm sorry. I'm just kind of under the weather and it's affecting my mood. I promise I'll be better before we leave." Emiko, like the majority of the village, had not known of Nanami and Itachi's relationship. Only the pair's closest friends knew of the extent of their romance.

" Don't be sorry," Emiko laid her hand on Nanami's shoulder. " You shouldn't be crying in the first place. What's on your mind, child?"

" I'm overcome with an array of emotions for today's w-wedding." Nanami choked on her words to keep composure in front of her mother.

" You've always been such an emotional child!" Emiko wrapped her child in her arms and rubbed her back for comfort. Nanami returned the shelter her mother drapped her in with open arms. " Mikoto and I were just talking about how much Itachi-kun and you have grown up over the years. I remember when you two were merely children playing in this very courtyard. Now, Itachi has been an ANBU captain for almost a decade and he's getting married! Where has the time gone?"

Where did the time go?

" I'm not sure myself, Mother." To Nanami, it felt like just yesterday Itachi was still in her life giving her encouraging words and holding her like this, not her Mother.

" Well, it's fine. This feeling will fade after you see how happy he is with his new bride. Instead of this bittersweet feeling, you'll be overcome with happiness! And when we come back, I'll give you something for that cold. Your voice sounds awful, child." Bittersweet was not the correct word that expressed Nanami's feelings. All she felt was bitter; there was nothing sweet about this situation.

Nanami pulled away from her Mother's embrace. " No thank you, Mother. I think that I'm just tired. I'm going to leave right after the ceremony and not go to the reception. I need to get some sleep before work in the morning at my apartment."

" I'll make sure to send Itachi and the rest of the family your regards," Nanami mentally let out a sigh of relief. She didn't think it would be this easy to fool her Mother into excusing her from the wedding reception. She couldn't bring herself to see Itachi and his new bride being the couple she wished to one day be with him. Seeing the ceremony would push her to her limit and she didn't need any extra blows to the gut. " Let's go get you another dress to put on before we leave." Emiko locked an arm around her daughter and guided her out of the courtyard and into her old room.

XXX

The shuffle of sandals against the cobblestone floor served as background music while Nanami treaded the sea of people walking in the direction of Naka Shrine. Emiko had a tight arm locked in her's in fear that Nanami would see an opportunity to run away from her sight. Nanami's chest felt like the closer she got to the Uchiha shrine that her throat was slowly tightening with every step. She ignored the hollow feeling in her chest and throat and marched on. She inhaled a long breath of the cherry blossom scented air and exhaled to calm herself.

" Senketsu-san and Nanami!" A voice called from the masses of people bearing the red and white flag on their backs. The voice belonged to a particular Uchiha that did not share their characteristically bone straight black hair, but instead curly, short locks. " How are my two favorite Senketsu clan women?" Shisui Uchiha smiled at the pair of women that he had gotten to know through his Uchiha clansmen.

" Hello, Shisui," Emiko spoke up while Nanami waved at the Uchiha's other prodigy. " We're fine. But, I'm actually looking for Mikoto. Have you seen her around?" Emiko wanted to get in a few words to her dear friend before the ceremony started.

Shisui turned on his heels and pointed in the direction of where his Aunt had been tending to last minute preparations. " She's over there." Emiko mouthed thank you and gently pulled Nanami by their interlocked arms to follow her deeper into the crowd of people. Before they could part ways with Shisui, he grabbed Nanami back towards him by her free arm. " Senketsu-san, is it okay if Nanami stays here with me? I haven't seen her in a while and I would like to catch up with her."

Emiko nodded and let go of her daughter before disappearing into the ocean of faces and fans. Nanami sighed and turned to face her ex-lover's mentor, best friend, and closest relative. Nanami had quite a few run-ins with Shisui Uchiha over the years. She might have considered him a friend at one point, but now she was questioning the sincerity of all of her relationships with all Uchiha men. Maybe she had dreamt up her friendship with Shisui as well.

" How are you holding up?" As soon as Emiko was out of earshot, Shisui wasted no time asking the question that had been worming his way into his thoughts as of late. He sympathised with both parties: his good friend and only rational relative, and the woman that he loved. Although Shisui and Itachi had both agreed that this was the best plan of action to buy them the much needed time and distraction to continue with their mission, Shisui couldn't ignore the pain he saw in Itachi's eyes when he proposed the wedding and any talk of Nanami since. Itachi was very skilled with concealing his emotions, but Shisui knew him for far too long not to notice the small changes in his demeanor and behavior. Shisui felt guilty for tearing the two apart even though it was for everyone's best interest. " You look good, with all things considered." He said with an endearing tone and smile that did not reach his eyes.

Nanami was unsure if she should take what Shisui said as a compliment or an insult. Clearly she didn't wear heartache well. But, she pushed those thoughts out of her head to worry about the problem at hand. This was Nanami's chance to show the world she was capable of containing and suppressing her feelings. This wedding would be a testament of her ninja abilities and compliance of the Ninshu. Her lips were in a tight line and she tried to loosen up her joints by uncrossing her folded arms. " I like to think that, too."

" That's the spirit, Nanami!" Shisui outreached an arm to grab her by the shoulder to offer her the emotional support she needed. Nanami's body stiffened and she shrugged off his hand. He started to comment on her coldness, but he remembered that she had a reason to be upset. " Well, I'll see you around-"

" Shisui, before you go, can I ask you a question?" This request stopped Shisui in his tracks. He wanted to help out Nanami in the best way that he could. He didn't have much to offer her in the information department, but any other request he would fulfil to the best of his abilities. He hadn't decided if it was the guilt taking over, or if it was just out of pity.

" What's on your mind? I'll answer anything."

" Why?" Nanami blurted out without straightening out the resurfacing stabbing feeling in her gut first. Her emotions were raging again and she was having trouble keeping them under control.

" Why what-"

" Why did this happen?" She bit back the tears rounding in her eyes and stood tall even though she felt as her knees shaking underneath her weight. This was the first time she had vocalized the burning questions haunting her mind.

Shisui rubbed the back of his neck with an awkward smile. Of course she had to ask of him the only thing he couldn't do for her even if he wanted to. " I can't discuss that. You know that, Nanami..."

Her eyes were still focused on Shisui's black orbs that all the Uchiha shared. Those same black eyes that held so many secrets. " Shisui, please. He wouldn't tell me the real reason either."

" It's better this way. For everyone."

" Could it have been avoided?" This was the second question that had plagued her thoughts and almost her every waking moment.

" … No."

" Could I have stopped him? Could I have done something differently?"

" His mind was made up."

" Did he love me?"

" Nanami, please-"

" Okay, I'm sorry for badgering you with these questions. I hope you enjoy the ceremony." With her head dipped low in shame, Nanami wrapped her arms around her torso and stormed off into the shrine's entrance. She bumped into shoulders on her way further into the shrine and she couldn't care less.

None of it made any sense to her. She needed an explanation. She wanted this clarity. She deserved an answer. And she promised herself that she would get it. Right now, she needed air; or perhaps a drink to calm herself. The wedding was the best place where she could drink alcohol at noon and no one would bat an eyelash.

Nanami made a beeline for the refreshments table she saw off in the distance. She reached the table where waiters were pouring sake into Sakazuki dishes. Nanami had every intention on drinking the contents while she swirled the clear liquid around in the dish. She swallowed hard on her spit before she brought the cup to her lips. Before she could take a sip, the strong smell of the alcohol rushed into her nostrils and made her cringe. She shuttered and placed the sake back down on the table. Nanami was not a drinker and that wasn't going to change even with the stress that had been tormenting her as of late. She sighed and grabbed a glass of water from the table instead. She was satisfied with the healthier alternative as the cool water slid down her throat relieving some of the dryness from the desert she called a throat.

The kunoichi turned on her heels and began to search for Emiko before the ceremony began. She was still not prepared to see Itachi be wed to another woman, but she felt more calm about it than she had moments before. Before Nanami could take a step, her vision was compromised and her forehead bumped into something rather hard. She bumped backwards into the table and used it to stop her fall as she gripped the edge. Nanami opened her eyes to see a person in front of her with a water drenched shirt. She realized that the cup she had was now lying on the floor.

" I'm so sorry about that," Nanami said with her eyes wide and her hand covering her mouth in shock. " I didn't mean to bump into you like that-"

" Nanami, you know that it'll take more than you bumping into me to harm me," An instantly recognizable voice that she had been quite acquainted with had spoke. " I didn't think you thought so low of me." Kakashi Hatake, the great copy-cat ninja, stood in front of Nanami with a darkened stain the size of her opened hand sat on his chest.

The masked man had given Nanami his classic trademarked eye smile while he tried to brush the liquid that was seeping into his clothes onto the floor. " Kakashi, I didn't realize that was you. I'm terribly sorry." She had lowered her head and she was bowing for forgiveness in front of the man who was shocked at her polite gesture. He placed his hands up in surrender while he begged her to stop.

" It's fine don't worry about it. It's only water, right?"

" You have a good nose as usual." Nanami noted while she reached in her purse for her handkerchief and began to dab away at the large water stain on Kakashi's shirt. Kakashi was shocked by her closeness even though he considered her an acquaintance. The blotch had soaked through his skin and the coldness of the water made him shiver, but he could feel the warmth of the tips of Nanami's fingers.

" And you're as polite as usual. I can deal with it from here. Thank you, Nanami." She nodded and reluctantly handed him her handkerchief.

" I still feel responsible. Do you need me to get you anything?"

" I'm fine. I'm just grateful it wasn't sake or wine."

" Me, too. I've never been so grateful that I can't stomach the taste of alcohol before."

" That's the most innocent thing I've heard in awhile," Kakashi felt his lips form a smile underneath the cloth of his mask. He had been on a quite a few missions with the young kunoichi standing in front of him yet, he never bothered to actually get to know her. She was a capable shinobi and he was intrigued by her fighting spirit, but this was the first piece of information he knew about her besides the casual things like her clan and ninja rank. " Thank you for that reminder of how young you actually are since you rarely act your age."

Nanami tilted her head to analyze the Jonin. Age had nothing to do with her intolerance for alcohol. " I'm not that young, Kakashi. I believe we're roughly less than five years apart."

" Touche." Kakashi had dried the water from his shirt to the best of his abilities and stuffed the damp handkerchief in his back pocket. He made a mental note to wash it and return it to Nanami before the week was up. " Well, I'll see you around, Nanami. Enjoy the ceremony."

Nanami had forgotten the situation at hand. Her shoulder dropped involuntarily as she twisted the ring bearing her family's crest on her finger. She could feel another wave of helplessness washing over her facial features and her heart. " The same to you, Kakashi." She choked out as she grabbed the cup she dropped from the ground and noticed the long crack down the middle of the base. The cup could probably still hold liquids, but she wondered who would want such a damaged glass. She sighed and tossed the broken dish into the trash, anyway.

[A/N: Hey everyone! So, this is the new (and hopefully improved!) version of Gasoline! I apologize for the long gap between this new update. I don't have much of an excuse lol but, I hope you guys like this version better than the last! I think it's significantly better than the other… Let me know how you feel! I have so many ideas that I want to implement into the story and I cannot wait for it! Anyway, I have a friend who I let read this and she told me that (in a physical sense) Nanami and Hanare are very similar in appearance. I didn't notice it, but I'm going to roll with that. If you all need a mental picture of what Nanami looks like, imagine Hanare (the spy from the Land of Keys who kissed Kakashi) with freckles and wavy hair. It works it really does. Welp, anyway, I hope you guys like this, and no she won't be actively sad forever. No one likes a moppy heroine/hero. It fades after this chapter. I wanted to portray her sadness realistically... ]