"We need to keep moving."
"It won't do us any good, Light. We need to get our rest and look for them later."
"It won't do us any good sitting around, either."
"Sunshine, we both know that you and I are tired as hell. Now stop being stubborn."
Lightning frowned, loathing to admit that the Pulsian was right. The fight with the stray juggernaut had worn them out, and her muscles were begging for mercy. Any leader would have agreed with the Pulsian's more rational plan. A good leader would have.
But she wasn't one. "You rest up then. I'll find you after I find the others."
Fang sighed. "You know that's a stupid idea. Stop pushing yourself so hard; we'll find 'em." Lightning continued to stand there, with her back to the warrior. She groaned. "Do I have to hold you down against your will?"
Under normal circumstances, she would have scoffed and quickly retorted with an 'As if you could.' But now wasn't a normal situation. She was in a hurry to find the others, find them before something nasty did first.
"Will you loosen up? It wasn't your fault."
But it is, she thought to herself, it really is.
They were exploring that hidden stretch of Mah'habara, as Bhakti had suggested, seeing if they could find any useful items for their hapless voyage. The urgency of their deadline and the uncertainty of their fate had put everyone on edge, creating a restlessness no one cared to resist. With a few extra shrouds and handy upgrade materials for Sazh, they'd been pushing through until everyone except Lightning confessed to being too tired to move on. The soldier had insisted they move on until Fang intervened, cracking one of her 'Soldier girl's a cold robot' jokes. The Farron saw that everyone agreed with Fang, as hesitant as they were to admit it to Lightning. Of course they sided with her, they always did. It was like competing against the popular kid in a school president election, the majority always went with the easiest solutions, not the effective, rational ones.
No one stopped to think how Lightning's decisions could save their lives. Fang was always the better; she was always stronger, better with people. Always challenging Lightning's leadership. The fact that everyone had been stressed the past few days didn't help, and she'd lost her temper, telling Fang to just take the lead and be done with it. Then she walked away, muttering something about scouting ahead.
She tried her damned best to pretend that the raven-haired warrior hadn't followed her, that she wasn't calling out for the soldier to stop, that she was alone and there was no one to bother her. She didn't want to deal with the one person who could genuinely infuriate her at the time.
But then she heard Vanille's screams and what sounded like hostile machinery. Fang didn't need Lightning to command her, she just glanced at the soldier and then started running back towards the small platform. Lightning followed, horror searing through any rational thought, she had to just get there as fast as she could.
The two women were too late. When they got there, all they saw was a glimpse of a battle with some bombs- then one exploded, and the tunnel caved in. Fang and Lightning barely got away in time, only to see that they were completely cut off from the other side, where the others had been. Lightning had pounded against the stone wall, calling for them, only getting a faint response that was trailing farther away. No dammit, she had thought, I'm right here, don't walk away…
Hope's scarf was at her feet, half buried in the rubble. She gingerly picked it up, mentally excoriating herself. Fang had to tear her away from the wall and suggest trying to find them before Lightning slipped back into her stoic façade. The soldier always carried the maps, the others would be lost without her. Aimlessly wandering the tunnels, waiting for some berserker to pick them off.
So they'd been searching for hours on end, Fang thankfully holding her tongue throughout the journey. Then they had an unfortunate encounter with a juggernaut, and here they were, in another argument.
Lightning silently wondered why they were constantly at each others' throats. Then she took one look at Fang's lazily casual posture and her condescending gaze, and dispelled the thought. The warrior sighed at the solder's stubbornness and sat down on the rugged piece of fabric on the ground.
"You know Snow and Sazh wouldn't let anythin' happen to 'em."
Goddamn story of my life, she thought to herself. Depending on others to look out for the people I care about. You'd think losing Serah would have taught me a lesson.
"Sit down, Lightning. I'll eat my boots if they ain't in one piece."
Light snorted. God knows how that woman was obsessed with her getup.
Nonetheless, she obliged, finally seeing no better, more rational option. She sat down beside the taller woman on the rough fabric, wondering if it had been a part of a construction rig.
"Get some shut-eye. We've got a hapless idiot, two kids, and an old geezer to look for."
Lightning didn't even smile as she lay down on her side, mimicking the phlegmatic Pulsian.
No matter how much the other woman would protest, Lightning knew that it was all her fault. She was supposed to make the decisions that would keep them safe, not the ones that were irrational and brash, based on emotion rather than logic. It was undeniable that Farron had let her jealousy and petty anger get to her and put them in a difficult, potentially fatal position, that it was her stupidity that got them here, that it was her fault.
That she wasn't the perfect leader she wanted to be, the leader that they needed.
She stiffened as Fang wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled closer, pressing up against the soldier's back.
"What,"She hissed through her teeth, "Are. You. Doing."
Fang snorted. "If you haven't noticed, it's freezin' this far away from the reactor, and I'm trying to conserve body heat. They didn't teach you that in soldier academy?"
Lightning clenched her teeth, fuming, but seeing no way out of the situation. Fang rolled her eyes at the lack of response.
They just stayed like that for a few moments, the soldier too tense to sleep, and the warrior too uncomfortable from the hostile vibes that the former was sending out. Once it became clear that Lightning had no intention of falling asleep, Fang sighed and opened her eyes.
"What've you got against sleeping next to us anyway?"
"Excuse me?"
"You always sleep far away from everyone, or take up guard duty. Why?"
Light inhaled sharply and kept her mouth shut. Fang groaned. Normally, she would drag out the soldier's discomfort for amusement and in an attempt to get her to open up, but right now, she was tired as hell and worried for Vanille; she had no patience for the blonde's obstinacy.
"Look, either you're going to tell me and get it out of the bloody way so we can sleep, or we can stay here, wasting time on staying awake. Your choice, soldier."
Lightning hated how she couldn't think of any witty retort at the moment.
"Fine," Fang huffed in mock indignation, "You want to freeze to death, go ahead, Sunshine, ain't no one stopping ya."
Lightning almost hissed when cold air swept down her back as the warrior pulled away. She didn't dare lift her head to glare at the damn woman, for fear that her expression might betray her childish regret. She clenched her teeth together and played vigilante, not giving in, though a part of her knew that she was being an obstinate child.
A few minutes passed, and Lightning failed to suppress an involuntary shiver. She grimaced and braced herself for Fang's inevitable smug comment.
"Your stubbornness is going to be the death of us all, Lightning. I swear to Etro," She said, her voice adopting a genuinely annoyed edge she only ever used with Sazh or Snow.
The soldier closed her eyes, grimacing. It was freezing in there. All her cadet academy training came crashing at her brain, telling her to just give in for the goddess's sake, or she was going to die of acute hypothermia.
"If you laugh, Oerba," She hissed, having no other choice, "I swear to Eden I will shove my gunblade down your throat."
Fang rolled back to the soldier, frowning. "If I do, then you'll be one heck of a comedian."
Lightning flinched a bit as the Pulsian wrapped her arms around her again, but was grateful for the warmth. She took a deep breath.
"I'm… a clingy sleeper."
Fang blinked. "What?"
"I tend to wrap myself around things nearest to me in my sleep," Lightning said, adding hastily; "The doctor said it was a subconscious craving, a response to the lack of parent figures in my life, a disorder that occurred after I lost them-"
"Wait, wait," Fang said, cutting of the soldier's attempt to justify herself. "You're tellin' me that the almighty Sergeant Lightning Farron is a… cuddler?"
Light frowned. "I don't appreciate how you worded it, but yes."
The Fang burst out into laughter. The soldier snarled and instantaneously reached for her weapon.
"Whoa, whoa, wait, Sunshine!" She held the soldier tightly, effectively constraining her from maiming the Pulsian. Lightning struggled, red in the face from both embarrassment and anger, mumbling profanities furiously under her breath.
"Light, calm down! I wasn't laughing at you!"
The blonde stilled somewhat at this, though still flushed in indignation.
"Well, I kinda was, but it ain't something to get worked up about!" Her voice escalated as Lightning reached for her weapon again.
"Not a word. Not a word to anyone else about this. Are we clear?"
Fang smiled to herself behind the soldier's head, suppressing chuckles. "Crystal."
"And if… in the morning-"
"I know, sunshine."
Lightning exhaled worriedly, unsure if she could trust the whimsically evil Pulsian with this. The tan woman was someone who could effortlessly blackmail Lightning into doing something that would ruin her reputation and not even lose sleep over it. Practical reasons forced her to confide in the mischievous warrior, but she was not very confident in the consequences.
But… somehow, she was sure that Fang would uphold her promise to untangle herself from the awkward situation they would be in the morning and not underhandedly antagonize Lightning. Somehow. Fang wasn't honorable when it came to pranking Lightning by any means, but still….
She trusted the woman. As high the percentage was for that to be the death of her, she trusted the dangerous Pulsian. She just had that quality about her. Dependability. Maybe that was what made Lightning think that the woman was always right to question the soldier's leadership. Maybe she was right.
She thought of what had happened until now, everything with Serah and the fal'Cie. All of the mistakes she had made because she was too busy being Lightning, too busy to see what it was doing to the people around her, what her blind pride and stubbornness had caused. How she didn't think to trust her sister before it was too late. How she gave up on Serah so quickly. How she'd almost left behind a poor, scared, and confused boy behind when all he needed was someone to look to. How she'd so often refused to acknowledge the fact that her teammates weren't as resilient as she was, at least not physically, and how that had gotten them here.
How Lightning had pushed Serah away, miserably failing at being a sister, forgetting the very reason she became Lightning in the first place, how she locked away Claire to wreak havoc on her own life.
And in one moment, all her fears, all her insecurities came crashing down upon her.
"I meant what I said, you know."
"What's that?"
Lightning hugged her own shoulders, defeated. "About you taking the lead. I meant it."
"Now, Sunshine," Fang chuckled, not grasping the weight of the situation, "Why ever would you think that?"
"Because… You didn't lose Vanille."
The warrior's smile literally dropped off her face as she realized how insecure the soldier was feeling at the moment.
"You would have gone to hell and back to save her, and you did. You never lost faith in her or spurned her away. Even when you found out that she'd lied to you, you didn't….. do what I did. You trusted her to the end, and She trusted you too."
"Look Light, that's no reason to-"
"You saw how I was. Cold, harsh, stoic. Mechanical, like you always call me. Never realizing the mistakes I've made until it's too late. You were always the better, always the stronger. You think of how they feel before you think of any strategic bullshit, like me." Lightning laughed bitterly at the irony of her confession to the one woman she was convinced was her only rival. Maybe her time as a l'Cie had turned her into a basket case.
"But that's what's gotten us this far. It's what's been keeping us alive, Lightning. Hell, you're probably the only one around with something useful in your noggin." Fang said, baffled at the soldier's sudden display of vulnerability.
"Look where it's gotten us. Look where it's gotten them," Lightning scoffed at herself, scowling. "I swore I'd take care of him….,"She mumbled, the scarf in her pouch weighing heavily on her conscience.
"They're going to be fine, stop blaming yourself, yeah? We'll find them." Fang couldn't believe that this was the person who had defended her from her eidolon, the headstrong, moral person who had reached her hand out to Fang and asked her person, who had pointed her weapon at them not ten seconds ago, to fight with them, who had called Fang one of her own.
Lightning shook her head, grimacing. "I'm serious, Fang. Take the lead. I'm no good at this."
"I'm serious too. You have no reason to-"
The soldier sighed, exasperated. "Fang, listen to me-"
"No, you listen to me," She snarled, her tone fierce and determined. She tightened her hold around the soldier, embracing her firmly. "You're not cold, Lightning, you just like to keep things to yourself. None of us think of you like that. You're like a mountain, somethin' bigger and taller than us that we can always look to, always depend on, unmovable. We look to you for strength and that's what you give us. You protect us all, and you inspire us to push forward. When we make mistakes, you're always there to correct them. When we're lost, you're always there the show the way."
Lightning bit her trembling lip. "Then why... why do you always…"
"Because," the warrior said, her voice softer now, and her arms falling limp. "You're like a mountain, but you're not. You're just a person, like us. So who'll be there for you when you need someone? Who'll correct your mistakes? Who'll show you the way when you're lost? Who will be there for you to lean on when you're feeling tired? Who will you look to for strength?"
Lightning held her breath, eyes wide open.
"Look, sunshine, I know what it's like. Feeling like it's just you against the world… Dead scary, I've been there before. Not knowing if you're making the right decisions. Not having anyone there to tell you if you're wrong, having to carry everything by yourself to god knows where. It's hell, and I…."
It wasn't like Oerba Yun Fang to fumble with words, yet there she was, sighing against Lightning's hair, trying to think of how to say what she meant to say.
"Didn't mean to make you feel uncertain, Light. It's just, I see you looking out for everyone, looking like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders, never a moment for yourself. Just thought that maybe if you didn't have to look out for me, it'd be easier on you. One less pack of luggage. Hell, someone to help you lug it forward, if you'd only let me. Wanted you to have at least one person you could turn to when you're not feeling so great. 'Cause everyone needs at least one person like that, yeah?"
Someone she could rely on for strength. Someone strong enough to let her care about herself for a little while.
Lightning let her breath out in one gush, placing her hands over Fang's arms, holding them tighter to herself. The Pulsian's response was to hold the soldier's faintly trembling hands in hers, hugging her firmly. Because it wasn't an embrace out of practicality anymore, it was a real hug, one meant to be comforting, one that Lightning had needed for close to a decade now.
"Thank you," Claire whispered, closing her eyes.
"Don't mention it, Sunshine…."
Lightning stirred and groaned softly, trying to orient herself. Her vision was marred by some soft brown material that smelled familiar, like a forest after rain….
"You know, Light," a mirth-filled and accented voice chuckled, "You weren't kiddin' when you said 'clingy.'"
The soldier's eyes jerked open as she realized what kind of position she was in. She had a leg slung over the warrior's legs, her arms circling her tan midsection, her face nestled against Fang's collarbone. And to top it off, the lower part of her face was buried in the valley of the Pulsian's…
She jumped away, disentangling herself while blushing profusely. Fang laughed, in tears from seeing the expression on the Farron's expression. It was the very definition of priceless.
"Shut. Up," Lightning hissed, crouched defensively a good meter away from the older woman's guffawing form.
"Oh, Etro!" Fang choked out, still in her hysterics, "You should'a seen your face!"
The soldier stood up, indignant and, dare she say, embarrassed. "How long are you going to just lie there?"
The sari-clad woman took a few deep breaths, attempting to calm herself, then propped herself up on her hands and gave the younger woman one of her smirks. "Can't help it if you're damned adorable when you're flustered, Sunshine."
Lightning frowned. The Pulsian was arrogant, to say the least, but not condescending in any way. Not like other people who had witnessed the soldier's moments of weakness, Fang didn't act all haughty about it or try to be overly friendly or comforting. Like she truly didn't think anything of it, like she genuinely wanted to do nothing more than help.
Fang had always been the headstrong rival that was impossibly annoying, the one person made her feel weaker. But now, that would take on a new meaning. The annoying protest to Lightning's ideas wouldn't be to antagonize her, but to help her be sure, and the strength that the soldier often felt compelled to match and transcend wouldn't just be a threat to her or belittlement; it would be reassurance that someone was there if she ever needed her.
Lightning scrutinized the warrior as she stood up and dusted herself; the regal way she held herself, the predatory challenge that was always present in her harlequin eyes, the flamboyant grace of her motions that somehow conveyed a feral brashness too. Her wild mane of raven hair that was an apt reflection of her personality.
Hope was her ward, Snow was a kindred spirit in their love for Serah, Sazh and Vanille were her companions. And Fang was… her rival? Her friend?
She hadn't had one in years. But even so, as the cat-like woman smirked and jerked her head in the general direction they were heading, Lightning felt at ease with the revelation. She had a friend. Hopefully not her last. Perhaps this was her first step to becoming the person she ought to be. To becoming Claire again.
"Come on, let's go find 'em before they do something stupid."
Despite everything, the blonde found herself smiling back, even if it was just a small ghost of the ones she had sported before Lightning ever existed.
"Yeah."