Really, I can't believe I started this in the first place.
Why didn't I hold out for something better? I really should have. Not that I'm any prize but oh, I am going to kill him for this. Someone like Riku, faithful Riku would have been a lot better for me. So much less potential for blood. But no, I had to accept Axel's offer. Insane pyromaniac, serial cheater. I told him what would happen if he cheated on me. I can remember the scene.
"Get your hand off my ass." It was in the bathroom of all places. Of course, he'd been following me around and annoying me for days. I looked up with a glare into those feverish green eyes, that wide and empty grin.
"Oh please. You know you want it." He squeezes and the worst part is he's right. I grab his shirt and yank him down so I can whisper in his ear.
"You don't want to start this. Because if you do and I ever catch you cheating, you're dead." And he cheats cheats cheats. It's what he does. Axel laughed and I could hear the edge of madness in it. Damn, so sexy.
"I know and I don't care." He dragged me into a bathroom stall and we did it right there. Hottest sex I've ever had in my life.
And now it's over. Well, it's not like I didn't warn him.
"Did you think I was joking?" I look up from sharpening a knife. Axel's tied to a chair and gagged but damn it, he doesn't look scared. Is the fucker laughing at me? Sora's tied to another chair and looks ready to cry. Poor little Sora. I'm not going to hurt him although I want to. But he's going to watch and remember. "Are you laughing Axel? You think this is funny?" I stalk over to him. "Scream and I'll cut out your tongue." I will too see if I won't. I cut away the gag so he can talk. I want to know what's going through that nutty mind of his. It's always interesting hearing his insane thought processes at work.
"I knew you weren't joking." He sounds a little hoarse and fuck, amused! "Took you long enough to catch me." I stare at him, surprised by the gleam in his eyes. Damn it, he wants me to kill him!
Well that's a kick in the nuts. It never occurred to me that Axel was suicidal. Kind of takes the fun out of all of this. Unless, is this some kind of reverse psychology thing? Pretend he wants to die so I won't kill him? No, that's way too clever for Axel. He's getting bored with my silence and starts talking again.
"Have you ever felt like you didn't belong here Roxy?" Then he grins and those acid green eyes are just shining. "Hahaha… I know you feel that way. You're like me. You haven't got a heart."
"What do you mean? Of course I have a heart." I can hear my pulse beating in my ears. How can he do this to me? Axel just laughs.
"Not that. Not the piece of meat in your chest. I mean a real heart. Because you don't care about people, do you? You don't care about your family at all. Oh, you pretend to care because you're supposed to but you don't really care. Not even about Sora." Axel jerked his head at my brother. He's watching us both with wide eyes. Poor Sora. Even if he did sleep with my boyfriend.
"That's not right. I do care about Sora." That's true but… Axel is right about the rest. I don't care about my mom and dad and they don't really care about me. It's like I could never bond with them, I was always pushing them away and they naturally went to Sora. Sora's cuddly and sweet, nothing like me. The weird part though is that it never bothered me. You'd think that should piss me off, right, that my parents play favorites? But I was always glad they had Sora and would leave me alone. "He's the only one who makes me feel like…" I stopped and Axel filled in the blank.
"Like you have a heart?" Axel smiled then and there was an edge of bittersweet sadness to it. "I feel that way about Lea." Axel's twin. He's a good guy, he really is, always trying to rein in his nutty brother. I'd always wondered why he hovered around Axel so much. I guess I know now. "We're not supposed to be here, the two of us. We shouldn't have even been born."
I want to tell him he's nuts, he's suicidal and I don't feel that way at all. But it would be a lie because he's right. I've always felt out of place, like I didn't belong. Like my life was just an exercise in killing time until something happened. Death? Is that what I've been waiting for?
"But if we die what then? What if we just come back again like this?" I ask and Axel shrugs as much as the ropes will allow.
"I guess we get to try, try again until we come back like normal people rather then sociopaths or whatever the hell it is we are." I blink and Axel grins. "Lea bought books, trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I told him how I felt, ya see." Oh. Shit, poor Lea. I bet the guy's been desperate to fix Axel, he loves his brother to pieces. "We're not really sociopaths though. I mean, a real sociopath thinks he's normal and we don't, do we?" No. No, I don't think I'm normal. I've never liked the way I am.
"Fuck." I mutter to myself and suddenly start cutting Axel free. He's right and I'm tired of waiting for something to happen. "What about Lea and Sora?" Axel's arms are around me and I've cut his arm a bit but he doesn't care at all. He kisses me and I trail the knife over his shoulder, leaving a thin line of blood. Damn, he likes it. Masochist.
"What about them? They'll get on fine without us." But there's a bit of doubt in Axel's eyes and he turns a bit to look at Sora. "Hey Sora, look after Lea. And hey, give me that knife." I frown but hand it over and he goes over to Sora. Sora's trying to say something, probably wants to beg me to stop. He's not worried about what Axel's doing and for good reason… he's just carefully cutting through one of the ropes. He stops when it's almost cut through but not completely. "There. An hour or two of squirming and he'll be out. Don't want him to stay here all day waiting to be found." Good thinking. Sora must be thirsty by now. Axel walks back over to me, grinning. "Now how do we want to do this?"
"I was going to cut your throat." That was the plan. I'd pictured in my head how Axel would look while he died but that picture has changed a lot over the last few minutes. In my first dreams he was all betrayed and stuff but now I can see him grinning. God he's crazy.
"Hmm. Doesn't take long to bleed out from that, but I bet I could do you too." His eyes are so bright. Are we really going to do this? He hands me back the knife. "Go for it Roxy." Sora's really trying to say something now. Probably wants to talk us out of it. Nah, piss on that.
So I do it. I cut his neck wide open and he grabs the knife, still grinning and ow! OK that hurt. But it doesn't hurt for long and everything's going a bit dim and we're on the floor now, not sure how we got here. I can feel Axel beside me, his arm is around me and everything's just fading away…
Maybe we'll get it right next time around.