Canadian Layover
A/N: This was originally going to be a much longer fic, but then I got bored with it, so I deleted the stuff that didn't make sense and was left with a half-decent one-shot. This is my first foray into the Prince of Tennis universe, and I don't currently have any plans to write any more fics in this universe. So please enjoy this one-shot and I hope you at least get a chuckle or two out of it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Prince of Tennis or Tim Horton's. No offense to any Canadians who read this, I actually love Canada but the conversations the boys have on the plane came from me and one of my friends while we were really hyper and being weird.
After participating in a tennis tournament in the United States, the Seigaku tennis team had arranged to meet at the airport to head back to Japan. Coach Ryuzaki and Sakuno arrived at the airport an hour early. Sakuno had been sure that they would be the first ones there, but Tezuka and Oishi were already waiting. Within minutes, Inui, Fuji, Takashi, and Eiji were there as well.
"Aw man!" Eiji groaned as Kaido lurched up them. "You said the car ride would take longer! I hate waiting like this!"
The three seventh graders came running up with ten minutes to spare. "Wow, we beat Ryoma," Kachiro said, looking surprised.
"And Momo too!" added Katsuo.
"They'll be here, don't worry," Horio said calmly. At that moment, the two boys in question walked in.
"Alright we're here, let's board this plane," said Fuji.
"Let's wait another few minutes," Coach Ryuzaki said, glancing at her watch, then at the people around them.
"But Coach, everyone's here," Oishi said. "Why wait?"
"That's why," she replied, pointing. Everyone looked, and more than a few jaws hit the floor.
"Are you out of your mind?" Momo exclaimed. "Why'd you invite them along?"
"Personal favor for their coach," she replied as four boys in Fudomine jackets made their way over.
"Thank you for inviting us along. I hope we're not too late," said the slim boy leading the way.
"Not at all, you're just in time. Let's board," said Coach Ryuzaki.
"Tezuka, good to see you again," the boy continued, holding out his hand.
"Likewise, Kippei," said Tezuka, shaking his hand. The Seigaku team then filed after their coach. Kippei Tachibana, captain of the Fudomine tennis team, glanced back at his teammates. Shinji Ibu, a longhaired sullen-faced boy, was muttering to himself. Akira Kamio, the assistant captain with a shock of red hair in his face, hummed softly to music that only he could hear. Tetsu Ishida, a giant of a boy, brought up the rear, ignoring the murmurs of people who could not believe his height.
The group boarded the plane and settled down for the long flight. A flight attendant read off the rules and whatnot and they prepared for takeoff. But tragedy struck about an hour into the flight when the pilot announced that they would be diverting to Canada and that any flights to Japan would have to be delayed for several hours, so they could look forward to a nice long layover in Canada.
"We're diverting to Canada? Why Canada?" Momo whined.
"It's the closest to Japan probably," Coach Ryuzaki said.
"But what are we going to do there? What is there to do in Canada?" Momo kept whining.
Inui cleared his throat. "I have finished my analysis," he said.
"Already?" Ryoma muttered.
"Great! So you know what we can do in Canada?" asked Eiji excitedly.
"Not for sure, but I have a short list of possibilities," Inui replied.
"Well, let's hear them," said Tezuka.
"We could join the Mounties, we could start a brawl and be brutally injured and then take advantage of the cheap health care, we could patronize a Tim Horton's, we could learn how to be lumberjacks, we could be kidnapped and forced to work in a donut factory, we could instigate a war between Canada and the United States, we could learn French, or find someone who will teach us a Canadian sport."
"But what about Canadian bacon?" Eiji exclaimed.
"Bacon… I forgot abut bacon…" Inui muttered, scribbling in his notebook.
"Wait a minute…" Oishi said. "Inui, your list doesn't make any sense."
"Yeah, what sports do they play in Canada?" asked Takashi.
"Don't they play baseball?" wondered Ryoma.
"Sure, but they have like two teams and they both suck," said Momo.
"Oh! What about skiing?" cried Eiji.
"We could ski in Japan. Maybe they consider lumberjacking a sport," Oishi muttered.
"What about curling?" suggested Fuji. Momo cracked up.
"That's not a sport!" he said.
"Yes it is!" Fuji argued.
"No it isn't!"
"Yes it is!"
"No it isn't!"
"Yes it is!"
"No it isn't!"
"Yes it is!"
"No it isn't!"
"Yes it is!"
"No it isn't!"
"Yes it is!"
"That's enough," Tezuka told the two boys firmly.
"There's no point in speculating about it. The plane will land where it lands and we'll just have to make the best of it," Kippei added.
"Bloody stupid though, being stuck on this plane, I didn't want to come on this trip, last thing I want to do is spend any time with these snobs, everything is so easy for them, they think they can just take a bunch of time off from tennis and come back like they've never taken a break, I shoulda just waited with the rest of the team for that other flight…" Shinji was muttering again. Tetsu ducked his head to hide a grin as Kippei glared at Shinji, who stopped muttering at once.
Slowly everyone settled down. Momo started teaching the seventh graders a card game while Ryoma and Sakuno watched. Coach Ryuzaki, Tezuka, and Fuji read while Oishi, Takashi, and Eiji started another card game with Tetsu. Kippei also read and Shinji watched the card game, muttering to himself again. Kaido also tried to read, while Akira pulled out an iPod. Soon everyone on the plane could hear the loud music by the Canadian band Three Days Grace (who by the way totally kick ass!). Akira then started bobbing and moving to the rhythm. Kaido, who had the misfortune to sit next to the boy, glared fiercely, then reached into his pocket and pulled out a stress ball shaped like a small white mouse. He started squeezing it since that is the point of stress balls. Horio glanced up from his cards and saw Kaido, eyes squeezed shut and sweat beading on his brow, concentrating hard as he squeezed the mouse-shaped stress ball.
"Oh my gosh! What is Kaido doing?" Horio cried. Everyone turned to stare. Kaido glared. Sakuno's eyes widened.
"Why is he hurting that poor mouse?" she gasped.
"He's a freak, our Viper…" Momo said. Kaido glowered, letting out an angry hissing noise. At that moment, the pressure became too much for the stress ball and it exploded, covering Kaido, Akira, and the seats in front of them with red gel. Sakuno gasped, Horio screamed like a girl, and Akira jumped out of his seat in surprise.
"What the hell is this stuff?" he cried, trying to brush the gel off his hair, clothes, and skin. Kaido sat perfectly still, specks of red gel clinging to his skin, bandana, hair, and shirt. After sitting like this for several moments while Akira had a seizure, Kaido finally removed his bandana, very deliberately wiped off his face and hands, then shook the bandana sharply in Akira's direction, splattering the boy with more gel.
"Gah! You freak!" Akira screamed. "What the hell is this stuff? It looks like blood! This is so gross!"
"Deal with it, freak," Kaido snapped, retying the bandana on his head. Akira's head snapped towards Kaido.
"Viper, you are the most socially repugnant person I've ever met!" he exclaimed. "Will someone please switch seats with me before I kill this guy?"
"Who's going to kill who?" Shinji muttered. Akira turned and glanced at Kaido and found himself inching away from the crazed eyes of the snake-like eighth grader. He then jumped a mile when he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Kippei.
"Go sit next to Shinji, and stay out of trouble," Kippei said. Akira wisely took the opportunity and fled. Kippei took the vacated seat and opened his book again. "I apologize for him," he said calmly to Kaido.
"Hissssss…. Don't bother," Kaido snarled. Kippei shrugged and continued reading. Akira continued listening to music. Kaido gazed out the window at the clouds passing around them and reached into his pocket, pulling out another mouse-shaped stress ball.
"I wonder how many of those things he has…" Kachiro whispered.
"I'm wondering how long this one will last," Katsuo added.
Thankfully the rest of the trip was uneventful and they disembarked in Canada early in the afternoon. The first sight that greeted them as they disembarked in the terminal was the Canadian flag with its proud red maple leaf, and no less than three Tim Horton's by the time they were out of the terminal. By the time they'd figured out which terminal their connecting flight would leave from, they had passed six more Tim Horton's.
"Well… this is interesting…" said Oishi.
"Let's go get donuts!" cried Eiji happily, running towards the nearest Tim Horton's. Coach Ryuzaki grabbed him firmly by the collar, halting his progress.
"Oh no you don't, we're going to find our gate first," she said. Eiji pouted, but allowed himself to be dragged onwards. Then he looked around.
"Okay, there it is," he said, pointing at the gate. He pulled himself free and walked into the Tim Horton's directly across from their gate. Coach Ryuzaki sighed in despair as her whole team, including Tezuka and Oishi, also entered Tim Horton's.
When Coach Ryuzaki entered Tim Horton's several minutes later, she froze in shock as she looked around. The Tim Horton's staff had been tied up with duct tape and the members of the tennis teams had raided the shelves of pastries and were happily scarfing.
Tezuka had grabbed a cup of coffee and was looking at a newspaper that someone had left in a booth. Kippei walked over to him.
"Can I read that section?" he asked, pointing to the paper next to Tezuka.
"Certainly," the Seigaku captain replied. Kippei took a drink of his coffee as he scanned the front page.
"You speak French, Tezuka?" he asked.
"No."
"Then how can you read this paper?"
"It's in English."
"What? No it isn't! I know English!"
"That's the French version…" Tezuka pointed out, finally looking up from his paper.
"Oh… oops…"
Eiji walked up to them. "Are there any chocolate donuts over here? Where are the chocolate donuts?" he asked, continuing to wander around.
Ryoma was sitting on the counter eating a strawberry-filled donut. Sakuno was standing next to him, trying to engage him in conversation. Finally her shoulders slumped in defeat as Ryoma chugged a small container of milk. He then selected another succulent-looking donut with white frosting dripping off the sides, but paused as he looked at the gloomy Sakuno.
"Would you like to try this?" he asked, offering the donut to her. Her eyes lit up and a faint blush appeared on her cheeks.
"Thank you," she said, smiling at him.
"Ryoma! Do you have the chocolate donuts?" Eiji demanded. Ryoma looked at him in a confused way as the redhead scurried off to bother someone else.
Takashi had filled a plate with all the muffins in the store and proceeded to stuff three into his mouth at once. He was also rooting through the shelves searching for yet more muffins. Shinji stood impatiently next to him.
"Move," he snapped.
"No way," Takashi replied.
"I said move," Shinji said.
"Why should I?" Takashi demanded.
"Because I want cookies," Shinji replied.
"Why didn't you say so? Here." Takashi pulled all the cookies out and dumped the tray in Shinji's arms. The boy scurried over to a table, glanced around with shifty eyes, then stuffed six cookies into his mouth. Kippei took one look at the boy's chipmunk cheeks and resolved to deny all knowledge of his existence.
"Do you have chocolate donuts?" Eiji asked Shinji.
Shinji threw his arms around the cookies protectively, glaring fiercely at Eiji. "My cookies!" he hissed, snarling like an angry cat. He then started muttering about people trying to steal his cookies. Eiji's eyes widened.
"Okay then," he said, going far away from the crazed muttering person. He looked around and saw Fuji munching happily on a donut. "Fuji! Do you have the chocolate donuts?" he yelled. "Give me one!"
"What?" asked Fuji, but Eiji grabbed a donut and took a huge bite, then fell twitching to the floor.
"Ack… ack… so… gross… what… the… hell…?" he gagged.
"They're lemon donuts. They're really good and there were so many of them just sitting around," Fuji said.
"Lemon… so… nasty… must… find… chocolate…" Eiji groaned, still twitching. "Chocolate…"
Horio, Kachiro, and Katsuo were hiding from the chaos under a table. They had figured that maybe they could avoid being attacked by crazed sugar-high upperclassmen, but this plan failed. Eiji's head appeared in front of them, upside-down. He had apparently laid on the tabletop and was looking under the table at the seventh graders.
"Do you guys have the chocolate donuts?" he demanded.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! NO! We don't! Please don't hurt us, Kikamaru-san!" they screamed, bowing repeatedly.
"Nuts!" Eiji exclaimed, doing a flip off the table and going to look behind the counter.
Momoshiro had discovered the hot chocolate machine. Ignoring such trivial details as cups, he put his mouth right underneath the spigot and gulped hot chocolate straight from the machine. Now, this wasn't particularly smart since hot chocolate fresh from the machine is, well, hot.
"Agh! Ow! Oh God, that's hot!" Momo screamed in agony. "Something cold, something cold, something cold! Ah, whipped cream!" He grabbed the packet of whipped cream and squirted some into his mouth. Some splattered on his face, making him look like a rabid dog. When the pain in his mouth had subsided, Momo turned back to the hot chocolate and drank some more straight from the tap. Again he screamed in agony, and again he squirted whipped cream into his mouth to soothe the burns. This was repeated a couple more times before he started to get creative and add squirts of chocolate and caramel to the whipped cream and hot chocolate. Just as he was starting to perfect this little routine, Eiji showed up.
"Hey Momo! Do you have the chocolate donuts?"
"Huh?" Momo said, turning his head slightly towards Eiji. This slight turn was enough to cause the hot chocolate to dribble down his chin, burning his face. "Agh! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! Ooooowwwwwwww!"
"Aw geeze, Momo, you've done some dumb things before, but this…" Eiji shook his head and wandered off, leaving Momo to nurse his wounds.
Inui and Oishi were standing by the fixings for sandwiches. Oishi was munching on a lightly toasted bagel and Inui was meticulously creating a sandwich.
"Bread is 4.25 inches wide, so I should use exactly four slices of lettuce, three slices of tomato, seven tablespoons of egg salad…"
"You're not really going to use that egg salad, are you?"
"Well, why not?"
"It's got mold in it!"
"It is loaded with spices that Canadian people find tasty, most copiously pepper, I fear…"
"Pepper is black. That stuff is green."
"Nonsense."
"It just moved!"
"That's because I stuck a spoon in it."
"It flinched away from your spoon while the spoon was still several inches above!"
"You're imagining things."
"No I'm not! That stuff is nasty!"
"Please go away so I can eat my sandwich in peace."
"It's probably toxic! Don't eat it!"
"I'm sure it's not toxic."
"Oh, right, I forgot you drink your own disgusting vegetable concoctions, you probably will think it tastes downright delicious."
Inui frowned, but before he could reply, Eiji jumped up behind them, grabbing their shoulders.
"Hey hey! Do you guys have the chocolate donuts?"
"Negative, but you may want to ask Akira, he's acting rather odd," Inui said.
"Cool, thanks!" Eiji said, high-fiving Oishi and bouncing towards the counter.
Akira was indeed acting rather strange. He has somehow snatched one of the headsets that the Tim Horton's employees wore as well as a spare ugly brown shirt and black bow tie that the poor employees are cruelly forced to wear. Seriously, wearing uniforms that ugly should be considered abuse of employees. And Akira had freely chosen to wear it. But whatever. He was standing behind the counter with a happy smile on his face. An old lady walked in, ignoring the crazed Japanese tennis teams and approaching the counter.
"Hi, welcome to Tim Horton's, how may I help you?" said Akira pleasantly.
The old lady glanced around mildly. "Goodness, did a hockey game just get out?" she asked. "Never mind, I'd like a cup of coffee and a strawberry-filled donut.
"Coming right up!" Akira sang out. He danced over to the coffee machine, filled a cup with coffee, and danced back to the woman. "Here's your coffee, ma'am, and… Ryoma! Donut!"
Ryoma tossed a strawberry-filled donut over his shoulder. "Heads up!"
Akira caught it easily and handed it to the old lady. "And here's your donut."
"Thank you very much," she said, handing him the money and walking out. Eiji appeared in front of Akira.
"Hi, welcome to Tim Horton's, how may I help you?" Akira said.
"CHOCOLATE DONUTS!" Eiji yelled.
"So sorry, we're all out of chocolate donuts, please come back tomorrow," Akira said. Eiji fell to his knees.
"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed, arms outstretched, appealing to the heavens. Akira peered down at him.
"I'd get off the floor if I were you, it hasn't been mopped lately."
Eiji leapt up. "Ack! Ew! Nasty!" he yelled, running away.
Kaido was leaning against a wall sipping an iced coffee with whipped cream. He exhaled softly, enjoying the cool taste on his tongue. His peaceful repose was rudely interrupted by, who else, Eiji.
"Hey Kaido! I know this is a long shot, but do you have the chocolate donuts?"
"Hissss…"
"Uh, okay, whatever… wait a second! Kaido, are you drinking an iced coffee?"
"Hiss?"
"You are! You're drinking a girly drink! Hey everyone, Kaido's drinking a girly drink!"
Kaido's eye twitched. Then he flinched as Eiji slapped him heartily on the shoulder.
"Congratulations Kaido, you're in touch with your feminine side! Now if you get a girlfriend, the two of you can share drinks, since you already like girly drinks and everything." Eiji was blatantly ignoring the danger signals. Kaido had developed a nasty tic and he looked like he was about to throttle the life out of poor Eiji. Eiji was oblivious and he simply walked away to continue his quest for chocolate donuts. Kaido felt pissed off for several more seconds, then he took another sip of his iced coffee and felt better.
"Girly drink my ass…" he muttered to himself.
Eiji was ready to give up. No one seemed to know anything about the chocolate donuts. He was about to give up in despair and find some other way to get his sugar fix when he spotted Tetsu sitting at a table in the very center of the restaurant stuffing his face with chocolate donuts. Eiji's eyes nearly bugged out of his head, but he managed to collect himself. Then he raced over to Tetsu.
"You!" he screamed. Tetsu stuffed three more chocolate donuts into his mouth before looked up.
"Hm?"
"You're the one who had the chocolate donuts the whole time!" Eiji screamed. "I can't believe you didn't share!"
Tetsu sweatdropped as he stared at the angry redhead. "Well, if it's that important, you can have… oh…" He trailed off as he realized that he'd eaten every single one of those donuts.
Eiji looked like he was ready to scream, but before a single sound could leave his mouth, he felt a hand clap down on his shoulder. He turned to see a VERY angry Coach Ryuzaki standing over him. When she spoke, her voice was low and dangerous.
"You all will clean this store up and put things back to normal… NOW!" The last word was yelled in her more fearsome coaching voice. Instantly every tennis player was on their feet, putting tables and chairs back in order, wiping down counters, mopping up spills, and putting everything back in order before freeing the beleaguered employees. Coach Ryuzaki stood over them with a scowl on her face, Sakuno next to her (being the granddaughter of the coach has its advantages!). Then she marched them all to their gate, where their flight was thankfully boarding.
Everyone settled into their seats, including Eiji, who was sulking because he'd never gotten his chocolate donut. Then to his surprise, a white paper bag was plunked into his lap. He turned to see that his seatmate, Oishi, had a mischievous grin on his face to rival Eiji's own. Eiji opened the bag to see several still-warm chocolate donuts. With a squeal of joy, Eiji threw his arms around his doubles partner.
"Oishi-kun, you're the best!" he yelped.
"I know," Oishi replied. "Just don't let Ryuzaki see them." Eiji nodded and winked conspiratorially before happily stuffing his face.
Tezuka glanced at the pair from across the aisle and he shook his head. He would be very glad to get back to Japan where he might actually have a break from his teammates for a while.