Thunder-pantsless: a hilarious and explosive account of Patrick Smash and Alan A. Allen's first time.
Prologue:
Hello, My name is Patrick Smash. As a child I was chastised and isolated for my flatulence problem originating from having two guts, like a cow, instead of just one. My best friend, Alan A. Allen, created many gadgets in order for me to hide my problem. Not one of them was a success. Eventually in my 11th year, I went on an adventure to find Alan who had gone missing and turned my problem into a gift. After powering a rocket into space with my farts to rescue the lost spacemen, I returned to earth as a hero. That is where my movie ended; however, Alan's story and mine was just starting.
Chapter one:
I finished making supper, a plethora of fart-reducing food. Unlike my family, Alan eats the nuts and seeds with me as if we were real lovebirds in our lurrve-nest. I heard the door open and my heart skipped a beat as my ginger-haired hubby walked into the kitchen. He looked at the bird food lining the table and smiled at me, showing deep dimples in the nooks of his cheeks. I let out a little toot of pleasure. We sat down at the table together and Alan reached across and held my hand. "It looks delicious," he said without a hint of maliciousness. I swooned at his touch and tenderness. An extra strong fart launched me out of my seat and into Alan's soft lips, they were so sweet… Too sweet for someone eating this earthy bird food. But I forgave him immediately because tonight was supposed to be perfect. Tonight would be Alan A. Allen's and mine's first time making love.
After dinner was cleaned up, I returned to the bedroom and put on my sexy sweater, green stripes with see through mesh in between, and my black hot pants. I laid across the bed in a sultry pose and beaconed my sweet little carrot inside. He quietly took off his thick glasses and placed them on the nightstand and crawled into bed on top of me. I wrapped my hand through his curly red hair and pulled his face closer to mine. My finger became stuck in a curl so I pulled Alan's head down to take a closer look. Alan must have gotten the wrong idea because the next thing I knew his face was buried in the rolls of my stomach and he was easing my hot pants down my thighs. I freed my finger from his curls and arched my back into the tiny burning kisses racing down my stomach into my nether regions. In a moment of ecstasy I let out a little fart and hopped up off the bed a bit. I bit my lip, I was getting so good at controlling my "gift" but sometimes I still slipped. Gift or not, I did not want my flatulence ruining my first time. So I looked up towards the heavens and saw my Frozen poster on the ceiling with Elsa and Anya staring down at me. I immediately knew what to do.
As Alan turned me over to place his manhood inside my soul-hole I began humming let it go to myself. 'Don't let them in, don't let them see, be the good girl you always have to be.' Alan entered me and I simultaneously gasped and let out a toot of pure satisfaction. Unfortunately, he was immediately expelled from my body with the force of the blow. One of the things I love about Alan is his tenacity, because as soon as he was pushed out he went straight back in. Seeing Alan battle against my gift gave me new courage and determination. I began humming the second line 'conceal, don't feel, don't let them know,' and kept the pressure inside of me. Unfortunately the pressure expelled Alan quickly every time he entered. I made a mental note to reward him as the quickest plunger in the west in the morning. The ecstasy was building inside me with the pleasure. As my humming neared the chorus of the song, I thought I was going to explode from pleasure. When the chorus came, so did I. I screamed, "Let it go!" at the top of my lungs and my ass exploded. Alan was thrown from the bed in an arc of glory against the wall. I lay on the bed panting in a fit of pure ecstasy. I gasped, "It was the best day of my life… ever." Alan didn't respond, I called him softly and then crept out of bed to check on him. He was lying against the wall with his manhood at a strange angle. The night ended with us at the hospital to get a cast for Alan's broken manhood. As I signed his cast, Alan pulled me close into a hug and said, "Maybe next time, you try being on top".