I just wanted to say I dont own Ouran high school host club! GOD I WISH I DID!

I'm finished. I'm done. I give up . Is that what you wanted to hear for long? Is that what you've been just dying to hear from me? That I can't do this anymore? And don't act surprised. Open up your eyes. Anyone could have seen this coming. All you did was hurt me. Every time I did something nice you threw it back in my face. Was I only good for a roll in the hay? That's how you seemed to treat me. I initiated everything in our relationship just shy of sex. That was your domain, and guess what? You can have it. You can have that satisfaction.

Do you realize how I felt? Do you? I never wanted to give up like this, I wanted to work this out. I really wanted to. But no, I would try to talk to you about it, and you were all over me. Maybe if you had given me the time of day, the moment to make my peace, we could have worked something out. We could have made this work. But obviously, you didn't want that as badly as I did. Not even a little bit. I wanted it, so badly, to work. I wanted to maintain a stable relationship, I really, truly did, but you just didn't.

Did you know Kaoru warned me in the beginning? Yeah. He did. Your darling twin brother warned me from day one, to be careful. He knew you were jealous, he knew how you were when you got angry. And I was a fool. I didn't listen. Not for one damn second. I took everything in stride. Every scathing word said to me, every gift considered not good enough, every single thing that made me feel like I wasn't good enough for you. That I was inferior; that I wasn't good enough.

I love you so damn much, Hikaru Hitachiin, and you throw it all back in my face.

I stared at the letter, feeling the color drain my face, my throat burn, my eyes begin to water. I didn t hurt her, I know I didn t. She was such a such a damn attention whore. That was it. This wasn t my fault, I would rationalize it that way. How could she draw such conclusions? I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, climbing gingerly from the bed to make my search through our apartment. Already I noticed things missing: the scarf she had hung over the mirror at the dresser, her laptop, her antique jewelry box.

I crossed the room quietly, the pricking in my eyes and the burn in my throat growing worse with every step. She had moved them, I reasoned. Placed them elsewhere, perhaps in the bathroom. I walked to the bathroom, bypassing her closet and her drawers in the dresser. I stepped into the warmly colored room. It still smelled of us: my cologne, her perfume, my body gel, her hair products. It still smelled of her in all the right ways. I could smell her perfume and hair spray, the scent fading ever so slightly. It was my favorite perfume too. I never did tell her that.

It smelled like green apple candy.

I opened the door to the cabinet above the toilet. Her things were gone. All of them. Her perfumes, ribbons, bows, hair clips, bobby pins, hair sprays, brushes. Everything. I looked under the sink. Her blow dryer and flat iron were gone too. I opened the medicine cabinet; those ridiculous Band-Aids she kept around were gone, Batman and Avatar, I recalled. She had put one on my finger when I sliced it open cutting avocadoes a few months back. My eyes flicked down the pinkish scar on my pointer finger.

I padded near-silently out of the room, stopping and opening one of her drawers. Her shirts were gone, every last one. I walked across again and opened her closet. Everything was gone. My mind s eyes flashed over every last outfit she had worn and settled on one she frequently wore for her internship. Black dress pants, stiletto boots, that tight, kind of shiny purple shirt with the diamond buttons the outfit had been a present from me. I loved it. Something else I never told her.

I love you. How many times had she said that and I never said anything back? How many times did I utter under my breath a Yeah or a Sure, whatever ? Was I that ungrateful? The burn in my throat got worse at that thought. She was right, really. I did throw everything back in her face. Did I really make her feel like she didn t deserve me? She had it wrong. So wrong. This sounds like a damn soap opera. She would be laughing at me right now.

I left the bedroom quietly, still in my pajama pants. It felt strange. I knew when I woke up. Normally she woke me up when she was leaving for school, so I could begin to get ready for my classes. Today, the alarm clock had woken me up. My alarm clock. It hadn t woken me up in almost two years. A grimace swept across my face. I entered the kitchen and looked around. She had made breakfast before leaving. It still smelled like eggs and bacon. My stomach would have normally rumbled in response to this smell but no. She was gone, it remained silent.

I rounded the corner of the bar and frowned, the ferris wheel like picture frame thing she had liked so much was gone, the pictures of us left behind. I picked them up, my finger running gently across her face in one. A candid shot she had always liked. Renge had taken it when we went to the beach. It was black and white. She was leaning over me, smiling and pointing at a baby turtle scuttling towards the water. A genuine smile had lit up my face. She was perfect. I never told her that.

I flicked through the photos and smiled at each one in turn. I stopped. There was one I hadn t seen before. It was at the party. I smiled wryly at the happy picture. She was crying big, happy tears. I was there, sliding a white gold and diamond ring on her finger. She had wanted to go traditional American, so I did, for her. Probably the only nice thing I d ever done for her. I snorted and set down the picture. I wonder if this was a test? We were engaged. There was no way she would just leave like that.

The living room was the worst part. The pictures of her family and friends were gone, her personal touch was absent. Her personal touch was absent throughout the entire condo. My heart broke when I walked in. I felt the tears fall, and I made no noise. There was a folded up wad of money with her ring and cell phone on top of it. I fell onto the couch and my head fell between my knees. She had really left me. I had done it, exactly what everyone had always warned me about. That my callous behavior would push her away. Possibly forever. It seemed that had happened.

Her cell phone buzzed quietly, her ring tone starting up quietly. I listened to the song and smiled sadly. I should have known it would pertain to me. You took my heart, deceived me right from the start-- I glanced at the caller ID. Kaoru why is he calling her now? I flipped open the phone and hit the green button. Hello, kaoru why are you calling her at this time ?

So she actually left? My eyes narrowed. How did Kaoru Knew?

You knew? I heard him snort on the other end. I didn't think she would actually do it. I didn't think for a half of a second she would leave. I hit end and shut the phone. She had been telling Kaoru she was leaving?

I missed her so much.

I flung open the door to Kaoru's apartment and stormed into his living room. He looked up at me calmly and shut his book, standing to face me. What happened to knocking?

I've never knocked. He shrugged and stared at me on the other side of his living room. So, what did you come here for Hikaru? He knew damn good and well.

You told her to leave me didn't you? He laughed. He actually laughed at what I said. You think I had that kind of influence over her? You knew her even less than I had thought. He snorted and smiled miserably at me. She told me the other day she was leaving. I didn't think she would. As much as you hurt her, and pissed her off, she loved you. She probably loved you more than anyone has ever loved someone. And you hurt her so bad.

Do you know how low Haruhi's self-esteem was? Hearing her name hurt. It killed me, ripping my heart into shreds and stomping on it. You put her down so much and she still came back to you. She came to me crying a lot. She went to Uta and Tamaki, too. She cried so damn much. Haruhi was hurt so much because of you. Because all she ever did was try to make you happy. And what do you do? He shook his head in disgust and turned away from me, disappearing into his kitchen. I watched Kaoru leave for a moment and then turned, exiting Kaoru's home. I picked up my cell phone from my pocket and climbed into my car.

Tamaki answered on the third ring. Where is she?

Who?

Haruhi, you idiot. He sucked in a breath at my words.

I'm not telling you. You'll hurt her more.

please Tamaki, I need to no where she is, I can't live without her Tamaki sighed down the phone.

I would if I could Hikaru but I promised Haruhi, beacuse there is another reason why... I have to go. Uta's here. "wait what do you mean another reason what is it?He hung up on me. I frowned and hit another number on the speed dial. Kyoya answered halfway through the first ring. Where is she, Kyoya?

I would tell you if it wouldn't hurt her. He hung up after that. My hand gripped the steering wheel tighter. I hit one more number. Hunny answered shortly after I called. I stopped counting rings. I'm not telling you. I don't know where she is.

He stayed on the line. Hunny what have I done?

He was quiet for all of a minute. I don't know. But whatever you did, it was the wrong thing. He said a quick goodbye and then hung up. I slowed to a stop and climbed out of the car, walking to the front door of the condo we had shared. I couldn't think her name. My phone buzzed and I looked at the ID on the front. Renge was calling me. I hit a button on the side and the call was ignored. My phone buzzed once to let me know I had a missed call. It buzzed again a minute later, as I was taking off my shoes, to say that she had left a voicemail.

I sat down in the living room and bent forward again, my head between my knees. The tears started back up. I watched them hit the dark wood floor. Is this how she had felt so many times? Is this the pain she had so often felt? Is the pain she felt because of me? God, I was a horrible person.

so what do you think? I hope you liked it! The second chapter will be coming out soon, but I would like to have my friends opinions first through! hehe love you my darlings this is for you guys and you know who you are! xx